Chapter 8

She looked like she was trying hard not to smile. I smiled at her and said, "I have one wall left. Shall I finish?"

She nodded and sat in a chair nearby to wait.

She didn't say a word until I worked my way down the last baseboard and got to my feet. She smiled then and said, "You've been busy. I'm impressed."

I shrugged and said, "It's my job. It's what I can do."

Her expression changed slightly and she said, "That's what you believe, isn't it? You think that this is the only thing you can do?"

I sighed and said, "Would like something, a drink?"

Then I noticed the time. It was almost noon! I offered to make lunch.

"Yes. How about a light lunch and a cold ginger ale."

I put away the cleaning supplies and we went back downstairs. On the way she said, "I was looking around. You've done an excellent job. I really am impressed."

I shrugged again and said, "I have discovered something. Much to my surprise I enjoy cleaning a nice house for a nice man that I owe so much to."

"To whom you owe so much."

I grinned at her and said, "Whatever. I hate stupid rules. That's one of them."

She chuckled and said, "I agree."

I put together a nice salad and poured us each a ginger ale. We sat at the table and ate in silence for a few minutes before she said, "Do you really believe that you couldn't be anything that you wanted if you tried? Do you think you're stupid?"

I already knew the answer to that question. I had to think about how to explain it to her.

"There isn't an easy answer to that question. We both know that I'm lazy. I really needed the jumpstart that Tyler gave me. I hope it didn't come too late for Erin. I was too lazy to overcome the same sort of upbringing that I was giving to my daughter. I was too lazy to make something of myself and take advantage of the opportunities I've had over the years.

"And yes. I do think I'm stupid. My parents went to great lengths to point that out to me from a very early age. I'm not so stupid that I couldn't have functioned if I made the effort. But I'm not as smart as pretty much anyone else I know. I've always known it and I've always been embarrassed about it. But I've had trouble learning things that the other kids picked up on instantly from a very early age. The truth is I'm not as smart as most other people."

Karen looked at me for a moment. Then, deadly serious she said, "I should kick your ass. You really believe that crap?! I'll give you lazy. There's no question that you were one lazy bitch. That's something that you could have done something about.

"But I can see where a person who thinks they are never going to be able to get ahead would decide it made no sense to put in the effort. You were raised to think you were stupid. When people tell you something like that enough times you start to believe it. When it's your parents telling you that you almost have to believe it.

"You have no idea how intelligent you are. You never tried. You believed what your abusive parents told you and from then on every time you had a little trouble understanding something it just confirmed to you that they were right. When I finish kicking your ass I should look them up and kick theirs."

I smiled at her and said, "I appreciate your concern, Karen. I like you and I care about what you think of me. But I think you'll find that I'm really one of the dullest knives in the drawer once you get to know me a little better.

"I actually seem to have been able to get over being so lazy. Much to my surprise I had fun this morning. I worked my ass off and while I was doing it I thought about how pleased you and Tyler were going to be and for the first time in about as long as I can remember I felt pretty damned good about myself. I like the feeling.

"I'm a bit scared because in the back of my mind there is that nagging doubt that it is impossible for someone like me to change so quickly and I don't want to go back to being the worthless woman that I have been all of my life. But I'm reasonably certain that you and Tyler will see to it that doesn't happen."

She sighed and said, "I don't know whether to hug you or kick your ass. You really never had a chance growing up the way you did. I want to scream!"

I washed our dishes and put them away. I wiped off the counters. And all the while I felt good about myself. Not just because I was taking pride in what I was doing for the first time in my life. But because it was obvious that Karen seemed to genuinely like me. She is someone that I have developed a huge amount of respect for in a very short time and her opinion of me was very important. I just hope she never gives up her mistaken belief that I'm actually smart enough to walk and chew snuff at the same time.

After I cleaned up the kitchen I said, "I haven't cleaned downstairs yet. I need to get back to work."

"No. Sit down. You can do the downstairs tomorrow. If you do everything today you'll be forced to watch soap operas tomorrow. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

I laughed and said, "You'll be happy to know that's one bad habit I never developed. I can't stand them."

We took a couple glasses of ice water out onto the back deck and sat under the awning. It was a nice day and the reflection of the sunlight off the pool on the awning over our heads was pleasant, almost hypnotic.

Before she sat down, Karen undressed and stretched her legs out in the sun. We relaxed and talked like two real friends for more than an hour. Karen had a thousand questions about me and my background. I answered them all as honestly as I could.

I had just as many questions about her and Tyler. But I was afraid that if I said anything I'd get Lyle in trouble so I bit my tongue. I did ask one question, though. I thought that I knew the answer already. But I had to ask. I brought up her comments from Tuesday morning about how much she enjoyed breaking in new girls and making them do things against their will.

She laughed and said, "That scared the hell out of you didn't it? We had a whole long script planned out to terrify you and Erin. We only ended up using about half of it."

Karen's phone rang at about two-thirty. She must have been expecting a call. Her phone was on the table in front of her. She answered and after identifying herself she just listened in silence for several minutes, nodding occasionally but only listening intently. Then she said thank you and hung up.

She looked at her watch and said, "It's a little early. But I need a drink. How do you feel about bourbon?"

I shrugged and said, "All I could ever afford was rotgut. I always had to add enough mixer to mask the taste of whatever I drank."

She grinned and said, "You might like this. Tyler only buys the good stuff."

I asked her what she wanted and started to get up. She waved me back into my seat and said, "Sit. I'll get it."

She came back with a bottle and two glasses. She sat down and poured a couple of fingers in both glasses. She passed me one and said, "This is my favorite. You can buy more expensive bourbons. There are some pretty rare bottles of it out there that are outrageously expensive. Tyler has a bottle of bourbon in his bar that sold for three hundred dollars. I've tried it. I didn't think it was as smooth as this and this only cost about thirty dollars a bottle."

She held up her glass and we clinked them together. She smiled and said, "Here's to Erin."

I didn't understand why she would toast to my daughter. But I certainly didn't have a problem with it.

I took a small sip of the Woodford Reserve. I was very impressed. It seemed to melt on my tongue. I smiled and said, "You have excellent taste."

She nodded and said, "This can really take the knots out of your belly after a hard day at work."

Then she sat back and said, "That was the school calling."

"Is everything alright?!"

The school only called me when Erin was in trouble or missing.

Karen smiled and nodded.

"I asked Mrs. Chapman how I could go about having Erin's IQ tested. We once helped her get her daughter back. I guess you heard that. She was thrilled at the chance to finally do something for us. She had Erin tested by the school's guidance counselor today when she was supposed to be in study hall. I was right. Erin's IQ is in the genius range."

I can't even begin to tell you what went through my mind when she said that. I was ecstatic, I was incredibly proud. But more than anything else I was overwhelmingly ashamed. I should have been nurturing her and encouraging her. Most of the time I never even looked at her report card! When she skipped school I didn't care unless it affected me. How much damage have I done to her?!

I finally took a big gulp of bourbon with shaking hands and looked across the table at Karen. She was watching me closely and I didn't even have to ask what she was thinking. I knew she could read my mind right then. We had to both be thinking the same thing about what kind of mother I had been.

She waited until I calmed down a little and said, "You have every right to feel all those things. No one is going to deny that you could use a good, long spanking. But the important thing is Erin. You can't say anything to her. Not yet. Let the professionals handle it. All you need to do is love her and support her. Do you understand?"

Damn it! The fucking tears were streaming down my cheeks again. I wiped my eyes and took another sip of my drink. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. I was still trying to catch up to my thoughts.

Karen was still watching me closely. She wants to know if I understand. Hell no I don't understand! I tried. I tried to think of some reason that made sense. Why couldn't I talk to my daughter about this?

Karen was still reading my mind. She saw my confusion. She reached across the table and took my hands in hers. She squeezed them affectionately and said, "They need to work up to it. Sometimes kids have strange reactions to being told that they are exceptional. She must know that she is smart. But sometimes a kid finds out something like this and it freaks them out. They feel a lot of pressure to suddenly act differently. Or they rebel and try to hide their gift. Let the experts bring her along. When they say it's alright we'll sit down with her and decide what the next steps are. Mrs. Chapman and the guidance counselor are going to be working with her."

I was still crying quietly. I leaned down and rested my forehead on our joined hands and said, "I really screwed up, didn't I Karen? See! I told you I was stupid!"

Karen laughed quietly and exclaimed, "You dumb broad! It's more likely that you have an IQ that's as high as hers! Things like that tend to run in families."

"So what you're saying is that I was raised thinking I was stupid and it became a self fulfilling prophesy. And I passed it on to her."

Karen sat there, calmly holding my hand and watching me figure things out.

I sighed and said, "I was too warped to feel remorse for most of the terrible things I've done in my life. I think that until I met you and Tyler my conscience was dormant. I felt bad for what I did to him, especially after I got to know him a little better. He's a remarkable man. And you are a remarkable woman. I'm so glad I met you. But how can I ever forgive myself for the damage I've done to my daughter?"

Karen stood up and pulled me to my feet. "Come on. Let's talk in the pool. It's getting hot out here."

We went into the pool and it did feel nice to be up to my neck in cool water. Karen put her arms around me and said, "It's unlikely that you have damaged your daughter. I was impressed enough to request that she be tested. And in most cases, from what I've read about gifted kids, I believe that it's better to keep them with their peers.

"Not always. There are exceptions to every rule. She needs to be challenged more than she has been. But keeping her with her peer group gives her a chance to socialize, to interact with her peers, if those kids can be called her peers. I think you will find that beyond encouraging her in her studies you won't be doing anything different now that we know."

I hugged Karen and thanked her for trying to make me feel better. Then another thought occurred to me. I gasped and exclaimed, "College! Oh god. I can't even afford a new box of tampons! How in the hell am I going to send her to college?!"

I felt her laughing. She leaned back and asked, "Do you need tampons?"

I smiled despite myself and said, "Not for a few more days."

Karen said, "I'll see to it. And her college expenses won't be a problem."

I know my heart came to a stop then.

"People don't do nice things for me, Karen. I'm lazy and I'm a thief. I don't understand. Why are you doing these things?"

She grinned and said, "Tyler's a sucker. And I like to watch him make himself feel good."

"I never meant to take advantage of him. I like him. I like him probably too much. I don't want to use him. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"You could stop crying for one thing. I understand that this a lot all at once and you are feeling all sorts of emotions right now. But all those tears are warming up the water."

I'm pretty slow sometimes. But I caught that softball. I was tempted to say something sarcastic. Instead I pulled her close again and said, "I love you, Karen. I love you and I love Tyler and I know that's impossible. Jesus I'm screwed up!!"

She kissed my cheek and said, "I love you, too. But at least I understand why."

She touched her lips to mine and suddenly our hug was no longer platonic. In seconds we were kissing passionately and exploring each other's bodies with our hands. We stayed like that for several long minutes with the passion growing by the second. I finally drew back and said, "I put clean sheets on my bed this morning. Would you like to inspect them?"

She smiled and replied, "Very, very much. But it must be almost time for young Einstein to come home. Let's take a nice shower instead. Then we can sit around in the house, stay cool and wait to hear about her day at school. I bet she can't wait to tell us how her new friends reacted to her Corvette."

We got out of the pool and checked the time. We had enough time to air dry and finish our drink before taking a shower. Karen asked me a lot more question about my early childhood. It was never something that I spent a lot of time thinking about and a lot of the questions made me uncomfortable.

Karen has a knack for asking the right questions. She drew out a lot of things that I have forgotten all about. She drew a picture of a childhood just about like the one that I've provided for Erin.

The main exception was that from an early age I could remember everyone telling me how stupid I was. They didn't just ignore my studies or my study habits. They went out of their way to drill into my head that I was stupid. It wasn't just my parents, either. Some of my teachers joined in the chorus as did many of the other kids, even my few friends. When that many people are convinced of it you have to believe they are right.

Truthfully, though, I'm reasonably certain that I'm not all that intelligent. Maybe Karen is right and I'm not as stupid as I have always thought that I was. But I definitely don't have an unusually high IQ! And even if I did I have always been totally lacking in ambition. Even if I was smarter than a few other people out there I never had any inclination to do anything but vegetate.

One of the problems with finding out that I'm not as stupid as I always thought I was is that it just adds to the guilt. My upbringing may or may not be partly responsible for who I became. But I can't blame how I turned out on anyone but myself. I always had free will. I was always able to turn my life around and make an honest living if I had put in the effort.

We talked until we were dry enough to go inside. Karen grabbed her clothing and I grabbed the bottle and our glasses and we went back into the house. The cool air felt great.

Erin and I had a small, very old window air conditioner in our old house. It made a lot of noise but seldom produced much cool air. Being able to actually keep cool, especially at night when trying to sleep was something that Erin and I probably appreciated more than most people.

We went upstairs to shower. I expected Karen to use Tyler's shower but she followed me to the guest bath that Erin and I were using. I saw her look around but she was already satisfied that I did more than a good job cleaning house today.

We dawdled a little bit in the shower. We teased each other and spent a lot of time rubbing our soapy bodies together. We finally had to rinse and towel off. I dried her sexy body while continuing to kiss some of the more interesting body parts as I encountered them.

I very much wanted to continue this. Karen did, too. But she dried me off with a towel and said, "Later. I want this, too. But it's time for Erin to come home and I want to be there to see how she did in school today. I'm not going to replace you as her mother. But I'm going to be hanging over her like a possessive aunt as much as you will let me."

I hugged her and said, "I owe my new life to you and Tyler. I owe my daughter's suddenly bright future to you. I'm touched that you are so interested in her welfare. You will always be welcome to step in where I have so obviously let her down."