Chapter 34

Edward did much the same as Steven had. He gazed at the ashen shadow of the girl he loved and was filled with grief. He had been, earlier on, when Steven told him what had happened. At a distance and at work he had largely been able to cope with it. Now, seeing her lying there all but dead it hit him: hard. The coming weekend had been going to bring everything to fruition but that was gone. She must not die without knowing he loved her. He checked himself. The surgeon had told Steven that he was not unduly worried. He should shrug off such morbidity. He tried to but seeing Becca lying there inert: she might die.

"Becca," he whispered. "Becca, my darling, please don't die. I love you and need you to live. Please wake up soon. Please, my love."

He sat back and looked at her. Despair filled his mind. He fought it. He had to give Becca the will to live, to live together in love and to have children.

"Becca, darling," he said, "you've so much to live for: my love for you, our children to bring up in our love. You've got to wake up, my darling. There's so much for you to live for."

He looked around and saw the book Steven had been reading to her. He picked it up.

"I wonder how far he got," he said to Becca. "I don't want to spoil it for him so I'll start at the beginning again. Tell me if you're bored."

He read the first chapter again. There was no response from Becca. He put the book down.

"When are you going to speak to me, Becca darling? I've told you I love you. So the cat's out of the bag. What do you feel about me? Come on, darling. Talk to me."

He read her the second chapter and sat back again.

There was no response. Edward looked at the electrocardiograph. There was no change. He sighed. How long was this going to go on? He thought about the way Steven was handling the problem: distraught but patient. The surgeon, reportedly, was hopeful of eventual recovery. So he had to be patient. He stood up in frustration. Becca's hand was jerked as he did so but there was no reaction from her.

He sat down again. "Sorry to jerk your hand, darling," he said. "I'm over impatient for you to wake up again."

He sat there for half an hour in silence and then started to tell her about his time at university. Nothing stirred her. He still had six hours to go. He leant back in the chair still holding Becca's hand and fell asleep.

He was woken almost immediately by Mr Lovering coming in.

"Ah!" he said quietly. "I can see a man who's done a hard day's work."

The two surgeons looked at the instruments, nodded in agreement with each other and left again with a wave to Edward. He was asleep again in seconds.

At ten o'clock Nurse Richards came in with her relief, Nurse Metcalfe. Edward was still asleep and they checked Becca without waking him.

An hour later Edward woke with a start and looked round him. He remembered with a twinge of sorrow where he was and then was guilt-stricken that he had not been doing what he should and talking to Becca. He took her hand again and kissed her cheek.

"I'm sorry, my darling. I fell asleep." He looked at his watch. "Golly! That was three hours ago. I really am sorry. I shall have to do a lot of talking to make up for it. I'm hungry too. Do you mind if I eat my sandwich while I do?"

He rattled on inconsequentially for a while and then ran out of things to say. This was a pretty tedious occupation but, he checked himself, a vital one. He started telling her why he loved her. He told her of his physical longing for her but that did him no good at all and he dropped the subject. He looked at his watch again: still two hours to go. How did Steven fill the time? The poor devil was coming back for another stint. At least his first one had been shorter. He might find his next one dragged though.

He started telling her stories about his time at school. He quite enjoyed recalling half forgotten memories. He got up, letting go of her hand, and paced round the room still talking. He sat down once more and took her hand again. He realised that it was much easier to talk with her than to her.

At last, shortly before two, Steven came in. He looked questioningly at Edward who shook his head. Edward kissed Becca good bye and left.

"Good morning, little one," said Steven cheerfully as he took her hand. "How are you this morning? Any nearer waking up?" He chattered on for half an hour and then read to her for the next half hour. After that he sat silently and contemplated her.

He tried to persuade himself that there was more colour in her cheeks but realised that there was not. He wondered how long the coma would last. There was a limit to how long the three of them could keep up the bedside vigil. Both he and Edward had to work and they would be too exhausted to do so competently. It was fortunate that they had the whole of the Easter weekend before that problem became a reality. He wondered whether she would be well enough by the following weekend to move out as she planned. He hated the thought of that. He was going to miss her terribly. The anticipatory pain was almost physical. He felt her hand twitch and realised that he was squeezing it in his anguish.

"Sorry, my darling," he said and kissed her. He realised with a jolt what he had called her. "I do love her," he thought. "I love her with all my heart but I must not be selfish: for her sake."

He covered the back of her hand with little kisses. He could almost have sworn that she gave the ghost of a smile. He started talking to her again recalling things they had done together and laughed about together. That helped to cheer him up too. He kept up talking and reading to her with short breaks until Isobel arrived.

"I'm going to leave you now, my darling," he said. "Isobel will be with you in a couple of minutes." He stood up, bent over and kissed her forehead.

He went outside with Isobel and briefed her.

"You be a good boy," she said. "Eat properly and go to bed early." She gave him a peck on the lips.

So it went on. Isobel had the easiest shift with the most breaks with things like doctor's rounds. On Monday Becca was given another X-Ray and Mr Lovering pronounced himself pleased. Edward and Steven plodded on, the former becoming more bored and impatient and the latter more and more miserable that as soon as she recovered Becca would be leaving him.

That night there was some extra cardiac activity while Edward was on watch. Nurse Metcalfe materialised. Edward looked round in surprise.

"There was increased cardiac activity," she whispered. "Did you notice anything?"