Chapter 30

Lunch with Frank and Isobel was fun. Becca managed to hide her worries helped by Isobel's infectious good humour. Afterwards the two of them went to do the washing up leaving the two men alone.

"I've talked to Frank," said Isobel without more ado, "and both of us agree with you that you've got to move out otherwise your life will never move on and you will become more and more enmeshed with Steven with nothing to show for it, especially motherhood if that's what you want."

"I do. More than anything I want to raise children enjoying the love and happiness that I never had."

"Well then, you need to be free to choose yourself a mate and, if you are free, you will be able to sample a wider field without feeling rushed into a relationship."

Becca nodded. "I hadn't looked at it that way," she said, "but you're right. Apart from one or two horrors, who I've dropped like hot potatoes, I've always compared boys to Uncle Steven but if I'm away from him I'll do so less."

"So now it's a question of where you live. We'd very much like you to come and live with us. Apart from the pleasure it would give us there are other advantages. First of all, we'd only ask for a nominal rent to cover our extra expenses. Secondly, you'd have a secure base in case one of your many suitors became a bit overheated and, thirdly, for what it's worth you'd have me as an immediately available confidante and shoulder to cry on."

"Oh, Isobel!" Becca had a lump in her throat. "Are you really sure?"

"Absolutely!"

"What about your friendship with Uncle Steven?"

"That's up to him."

Becca tried to think of disadvantages but came up with none.

"Yes, please," she said and then smiled. "I'll wait to hug you until we're both dry."

Isobel laughed. "Right, when's this going to happen?"

"Well, we've got a major job with a very tight schedule starting tomorrow. We're due to finish the Friday after Easter. I'm away with Edward for Easter weekend. I'd rather not do it next weekend because I've got to pluck up the courage to tell Uncle Steven and then I don't want it to appear that I'm in a rush to get away from him. So how about the weekend after Easter?"

"Fine. It's entirely up to you. Let's plan on that. If you change your mind so be it."

"OK. I'm going to hate doing this to him though because I love him so much."

"I know, darling. You know it might even force him to stop being such a mule."

"I wish I could believe you. Oh well!"

Becca found it hard to maintain a façade of cheerfulness and Steven, being quick to notice, did not prolong their stay but left after coffee. Becca was silent and preoccupied on the way home.

"Just scrambled eggs this evening," she said when they got there.

"That's fine," replied Steven. "Do you want to tell me what's on your mind?"

"Not now. Later perhaps."

She went to her room and flopped on her bed. She hated what she was going to do to the man she loved. She rehearsed the reasons once more and reached the same conclusion. She had to do it and she had to do it soon; this evening. She could not go on bottling it up. She thought about how she was going to do it but realised that much would depend on Steven's reactions and indeed her own emotions. She was getting nowhere.

She went to the bathroom and washed her face. She returned to her room and brushed her hair until it shone. She felt a bit better and, taking a deep breath, headed downstairs. Steven was in the sitting room reading the Sunday papers. He looked up and smiled as she came in. She did not return it but sat down in the chair opposite him.

"I need to talk to you," she said abruptly.

Steven put down his paper. "What about?"

"Us. You know how I feel about you."

He nodded.

"And I know you love me but you won't do anything about it because of the age gap. After over two years you still won't change your mind."

"No."

"You were sweet to Edward last weekend but I knew you were not happy because you're jealous."

"No, I'm not."

"Possibly that's the wrong word but it's a similar sort of thing. You see yourself losing me."

"I suppose so. Yes"

"You know so, my darling. I hate seeing you unhappy so it makes us both unhappy. The other thing is that I judge all young men against you and so far they've all been wanting, even Edward. He is quite the best I've met and we get on really well but I can't let myself fall in love with him because of you. One day I want to get married and have children and while I live with you that's never going to happen even though the one thing in all the world I really want is your children."

"So you're going to move out." It was a statement rather than a question.

She nodded miserably.

"I knew it would happen one day. I just hoped it wouldn't be so soon."

They sat in silence both looking at the floor.

"When are you going?"

"The weekend after Easter."

"Three weeks."

"Yes."

"Where?

"To Isobel and Frank."

"So you won't be far away."

"No, I don't want to be. I just need not to be in your shadow."

"I shall miss you."

"And I you, particularly to start with. You're my life but that's why I've got to go."

"I understand, little one. I really do. Always remember that I love you and will do anything in my power to help you when you need me to."

Becca stood up. "I ... I'm going ... for a short walk," she managed to get out and fled from the room.

She did not bother with a coat. She just had to get out of the house for a while. He had taken it so well. She had expected there would be a heated argument. Instead he had accepted what she had told him and promised in his usual generous and loving way to help her in any way he could. How she loved him! She slipped down an alley way where no one would see her, put her head against the wall and cried her heart out.