Chapter 9

She walked to his house, instead of driving. Part of that was because the neighbors might wonder what was going on if she parked her car there. And if things didn't work out, the neighbors didn't need to know anything about it. On the way she admitted that she also walked because it delayed what she was afraid would turn into a confrontation. What if Molly Fisher accused her of lying, to try to trap an innocent young man? What if she judged Angela as an unacceptable match for her son? Angela even imagined an enraged Molly slapping her and calling her a tramp, or worse.

Then she was on his street. The yards were large, and there were only three houses on the entire block, all of them well past their prime. Still, she knew that neighbors could see her walk up to the house and go through the gate. The porch steps creaked as she climbed them. There was no doorbell. She knocked.

She thought it was Lula Mae who answered the door, until the girl said "Oh! You're the doctor lady, ain't you." She realized it must be the twin and struggled to remember her name. "I'm Darcy," said the girl, smiling. "Glad to meecha." She turned. "Mamma, the doctor lady is here!" she yelled. A male voice sounded with one word. "What?" Darcy turned back to Angela. "Are you here to see Dub?" she asked hopefully.

"I guess so," said Angela.

The girl turned and bellowed "Never mind, Mamma, she's here to see Dub."

She saw Dub first. He looked around a corner and saw her at the door with his sister. His chest was bare, but he was wearing jeans. His mother glided past him, slapping him on one shoulder lightly, and said "Put on a shirt, Dub, you ain't decent."

Angela's heart sank. If going bare-chested wasn't decent, Dub's mother would be horrified at what else he and the devil woman had done.

"Darcy, invite the woman in!" she snapped. "You don't keep visitors on the porch!"

"Oh!" yipped Darcy and stepped back. "Please come in."

Molly was straightforward, assuming the visit was in Angela's professional capacity.

"Is anything the matter?" she asked. "Lula Mae said she didn't have to go back until tomorrow."

"It's not about her," said Angela, plucking up her courage.

"We'll pay," said Molly. "Just might have to wait until the end of the week, when Dub gets paid."

"I'm not here about that either," said Angela. In a rush, she got it out. "It's about Dub ... and me."

Molly's eyes narrowed. She turned and said "Darcy, go make sure Lula Mae is in the bedroom. Stay in there with her until I come get you. Close the door and don't spy."

"Yes, Mamma," said the girl with meekness that was completely atypical for a sixteen year old girl, from Angela's point of view. She hustled off, looking over her shoulder at Angela briefly.

Dub reappeared, buttoning a shirt. He looked wary. "Hi," he said to Angela.

Molly just stood there. Obviously she didn't plan on going anywhere.

"I need to talk to you," Angela said, trying to ignore his mother for the moment.

"Okay," he said. He glanced at his mother. "Here?"

"She's not happy, Dub," said Molly. "Maybe I should just hear this too."

"It's not that I'm not happy," said Angela. "I'm scared, actually."

"Of him?" Molly looked incredulous.

"Of course not," said Angela.

The woman's eyes narrowed again. "Then it mus be me you're nervous about."

"I don't know," said Angela. "Maybe a little."

Molly cocked her head and examined Angela. Then her eyes widened and she took a deep breath.

"You took it a bit farther than I asked you to ... didn't you," she said.

"I guess that's a fair thing to say," said Angela softly.

Both women looked at Dub, who was standing there. He wasn't tense, exactly, but he looked very alert.

"You been courtin' this woman?" asked his mother.

His answer surprised both of them. "I'm not for sure about that, Mamma."

Molly folded her arms. "Well, then, let's just all go sit on the porch, where it's a bit cooler. I 'spect we all got some talkin' to do, and some understandin' to git to."

It wasn't hit or miss, exactly, but things jerked around a bit, conversationally speaking. Neither young lover wanted to admit to the older woman any details about what had happened. Dub seemed particularly worried that he had broken some sacrosanct rule, and finally Angela just took over.

"It started out innocently enough," she said. "I haven't had much experience with men. All my attention went toward getting through college and into medical school. And when I began his ... um ... treatments ... well ... I got interested, I guess."

"He's hung like a horse," said Molly calmly. "Known that for a long time."

"That's what they said too!" said Dub, and then subsided as if he was afraid he wasn't allowed to just talk whenever he felt like it.

"They?"

"Holly was advising me during the early stages," explained Angela.

"Go on," said Molly.

"Well, he got the idea, but it wasn't working well and I ... well I guess I helped a little."

"Lordy, Lordy," sighed Molly. "That's why when he got home, he let the girls help."

"He told me about that," said Angela. "And I agreed to help him some more, and we spent some time together and I didn't realize it but ... I like your son, Mrs. Fisher. I like him a lot."

"I knew you was carrying on some," said Molly. "I weren't sure what it meant, you bein' a doctor and all, and Dub was doin' good, but I never imagined it might get to the courtin' stage of things."

"I didn't either," said Angela. "I didn't intend for it to get that far." She looked at Dub. "I said some really terrible things to you, Dub. I'm sorry about that. I wasn't looking at you with my new eyes."

"New eyes?" he asked, clearly confused.

"It's something Bob ... Doctor Kimble taught me," she said. That didn't seem like enough to explain it so she went on. "He took me up into the mountains and taught me how to look at them and really see all the different parts. And I saw you, but I wasn't looking at all the different parts of you."

Molly snorted and covered her mouth. Her shoulders shook for a full fifteen seconds before Angela realized she was trying to stifle a giggling fit.

Angela realized why she was giggling, but couldn't feel the humor herself. Instead, she just blurted it all out to get it over with.

"I fell in love with him, and I didn't know it, and things went too far, and now I'm pregnant."

That cured Molly's giggles rather abruptly. To Angela's amazement, she looked confused.

"When could that have happened?" she asked.

"When he went hunting," said Angela. "I went with him."

Molly's eyes got round, and then returned to normal. She seemed to think for a few seconds and then suddenly said "I knew somebody besides Dub cleaned those fish."

"You're pregnant?" Dub's voice sounded faint, like it was coming from far away.

She nodded. "I don't blame you, Dub." She looked at Molly. "I'm not here to blame him. It was my fault. I knew better, but I let things get all out of hand."

"Takes two to tango," said Molly flashing a look at her son.

"Honestly, he tried NOT to," said Angela urgently. "He was a perfect gentleman. He tried to talk me out of it in fact. That's part of what made me fall in love with him."

Molly looked at her askance. "Honey, I done what you done a number of times, and I just cain't imagine how that could happen without the man bein' on board the train when it left the station, sos to speak."

Trying to defend Dub's honor let Angela say more than she would have otherwise.

"I didn't know enough to bring a sleeping bag or tent, so he shared his with me," she said. "But it was so small ... and I got on top of him ... and things got sort of accidentally arranged for it, and he couldn't do anything about it. He was telling me to stop but I just couldn't."

"On top of him?" Molly fanned her face. "Lordy, Lordy, what will they think of next?"

"It really wasn't his fault."

The woman turned to her son. "Why didn't you just push her off?"

"It happened kind of fast, Mamma," he said, frowning. "An then my brain got all jangly and I suppose I didn't WANT to push her off."

Molly nodded, looked at Angela, and then back at her son. She stood.

"Well then," she said, looking suddenly tired. "I'll leave you young'uns to work it all out."

"Mamma?" Dub was obviously unhappy his mother was leaving, which caused conflicting feelings in Angela. On one hand, she was scared to death, and could imagine Dub feeling the same way. On the other, his apparent lack of eagerness to claim the woman he'd made pregnant made her feel alone and unwanted.

"I'm not making any claim on you, Dub," she said, trying to be calm.

He looked away from his mother's retreating back and at her face. "What does that mean?"

"It means I'm not asking you to marry me," she said. She prepared herself for him to relax, and for the pain she could feel waiting in the wings until he formally abandoned her.

"You better not!" he said, suddenly indignant.

What little preparation she had made for this kept her from crying immediately, but she knew if she stayed she would bawl, and then get mad, and then shout and make a scene. She did not want to make a scene. So she stood, ready to flee the house.

"It's bad enough you got yourself pregnant," he said harshly.

The threat of tears vanished. "What?" she gasped, unable to believe he'd try to blame all this on her.

"An its even worse that I got nothing to call my own 'ceptin' the clothes I wear, and that we didn't do no proper courtin', but I'll be DAMNED -" He looked stricken for an instant, said "Sorry for cussin'," and then went right back into his rage. "if the WOMAN is gonna ask the MAN to get hitched!"

Angela closed her mouth as what she desperately hoped was understanding flooded into her.

"You're mad because you thought I was going to ask you to marry me?" she asked.

"It ain't proper!" he insisted. "That's the man's job."

"Are you going to ask me, then?" she asked.

He looked confused. "You'd prob'ly say no," he said. He frowned. "But you cain't say no ... cause you got with child."

"And that's my fault," she said, her voice even, but filled with tension again.

"It's not anybody's fault," he said immediately.

"I thought you said I got myself pregnant," she said.

"I mean you got on top of me and did that an you weren't s'posed to, cause you said you didn't want to and I agreed not to an all that." He frowned. "I mean I was there. I remember that real clear and all." He stopped and his head tilted to one side as he looked at her. "You're sad about this ... right?"

She felt the urge to scream at him, but her mind, recognizing that she had already misunderstood some things, told her to keep her cool. "About what, exactly?" she asked.

"You wish you wasn't pregnant," he said.

She took a breath to affirm his suspicion, but then realized that, if she said "Yes," it would only be partially true. That fact astonished her and left her reeling. She sensed he was about to say something and automatically reached to press one of her fingers on his lips while she grappled with the myriad of thoughts going through her mind. Her conversation with Bob had illuminated the fact that she loved this man. That scared her because she'd never really been in love before, and it was hard to trust that it was real, or the right thing to do. She looked at him.

"Do you love me?" she asked suddenly. She took her finger away from his lips.

"What?" His eyebrows rose.

"Do you love me?" she asked again.

His face twisted. "I don't know. What's that s'posed to feel like?"

Taking a page from Bob's book, she asked: "What are the things about me that you really don't like, or that make you mad?"

"I didn't like it when you stopped coming to see me," he said instantly. "When I figured out you wasn't going to come no more, I felt all sick and miserable."

Angela felt something other than fear, discomfort, and anger for the first time since she'd walked into the house.

"I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have done that. I should have at least talked to you, but I was confused and scared."

"What were you scared of?" he asked.

"You," she said softly.

"But I'd never hurt you!" he objected.

"I know that. What I mean was that I was afraid I was in love with you."

"And you didn't want to be in love with me," he said, his voice sad.

"I DECIDED I didn't want to be in love with you," she said. "But I don't think that's how it works, Dub. I don't think you can just decide who you're going to fall in love with and who you're not. It happens, and there's nothing you can do about it. I was fighting it, and I was miserable too."

"I'm confused," he said.

"You asked me if I'm sorry I got pregnant," she said. "The answer is that I'm not sure. I didn't plan on getting pregnant, and I didn't plan on falling in love either. But both happened. The real question is do you love ME?"

"You love me?" His voice sounded eight years old suddenly. It was the tone of a little boy who sees a huge present under the tree Christmas morning, and asks, hopefully "Is that really for me?"

She shook off the fear that reached for her. "Yes, Dub. I love you."

"Wow," he said. "I cain't believe that!"

A new voice pierced the air in the room. "Can we come out yet?" complained Lula Mae. "We're fit to die of boredom in here."

Angela looked through the open front door ans saw the girl's head sticking out of the bedroom door. She saw that Molly Fisher was sitting in a rocking chair, knitting. The woman showed no outward signs of having heard anything, but it would have been impossible for her not to hear the conversation. Angela flushed, feeling juvenile and foolish for her inexperience with men and relationships.

"No!" barked Molly, still not looking up from her needles.

Dub must have also realized his mother was listening, because he said "It's all right, Mamma. They can come out. Angela and me are gonna go for a walk."

"That's fine," said Molly, and kept rocking.

The break in their talk seemed to make it hard to start up again. They walked in silence for a few minutes, side by side, until Dub, looking sideways at her, reached for her hand. She let him take it. They walked on until he broke the silence.

"You said you could never marry me."

"I know," she said. "I was being a bitch."

"Angela!" he scolded her.

"Well I was," she said. "Do you remember one time when you said you had nothing to offer a woman?"

"Yeah," he said.

"And I said you were wrong."

"Yeah."

"Would you have said the same thing to a neighbor girl you liked?"

"There ain't no girls amongst our neighbors," he said.

"Work with me here, Dub," she groaned. "Suppose there was a girl you kind of liked, and suppose she lived next door. Would you have told her you had nothing to offer?"

"I s'pose not," he said. "She could come live with us and I'd work and all that."

"So why am I different?" she asked.

He laughed. "You're smart. You're a doctor. You ain't gonna come live with some hillbilly in his mamma's house."

"You were stereotyping me," she said. "You assumed some things about me that might not be true, because I'm not from around here."

"WOULD you come live with us?" he asked.

"No," she said. "But not for the reasons you think."

"Why, then."

"We'll get to that later," she said. "What's important right now is that I let some stereotypes affect my decisions too. That's why I said I could never marry you. I didn't see myself as the kind of woman who could fall in love with a hillbilly."

"But you did," he said.

"I did," she agreed.

"An now you want to know if I love you."

"I do."

He was silent for a long while, but she felt his grip on her hand tighten slowly, until it verged on being painful.

"Dub," she finally said, pulling at the hand. "You're starting to hurt my hand."

He stopped, let go of her hand, and turned to face her.

"Sorry," he said. He stared into her face. "I never been in love before," he said. "So I don't know what it's like. Can I ask some questions?"

"I guess so," she said, feeling a little lost.

"I thought about you goin' away again, and never comin' back," He frowned. "I don't like that. That makes me want to break somethin'. An then I thought about bein' hitched to you, an you having the baby and all that, an that makes me want to sing like we do in church. Is that like love?"

"I think so," said Angela, feeling a wave of relief.

"But I can't see no place where we could do that, 'cause you said you won't move in with Mamma, and I cain't afford a house of our own, like you said there's s'posed to be, an that makes me feel sad again."

Angela smiled. "I can afford it, Dub."

He blinked. "Huh?"

She corrected herself. "What I should have said is that WE can afford it. With me working and you working, I think we can afford our own house." she corrected. "I was going to find my own place, but living with Bob was so easy I sort of never got around to it."

"But you're gonna have a baby," he said.

"That doesn't mean I have to stop working," she said.

"Oh," he said. He smiled, but it fell off his face. "I forgot about Mamma. She cain't do for the girls without me." A look of anguish twisted his features. "But you got my baby inside you. I don't know what to do!"

Angela shoved aside her initial thoughts. She was trying to think with the new brain that went with her new eyes.

"Dub, I think we can afford a house big enough that there will be a room in it for your mamma."

"Really?" Dub looked happy, but only marginally so. "What about the twins?"

"I believe Lula Mae told me they both want to get married, but your mamma won't let them."

"So we need to talk to mamma," he said.

"Not yet."

He looked at her. "Why not?"

"Because you haven't asked me to marry you yet," she said softly.

Molly had moved to the porch swing, but was still knitting. She knew she'd have to take all the stitches out, because she could already see five mistakes, but it was the only thing she could do to keep from pacing. The girls, once out of their room, peppered her with anxious questions that she couldn't answer, so she told them to start getting supper ready and went out on the porch.

She looked up for possibly the thousandth time and finally saw them walking toward her. Her eyes narrowed as she realized they were holding hands. She wasn't sure just how to feel about that. Not that she could do much. She had been uncomfortable about what she required of Dub for several years now, but her choices had been severely limited. They still were, for that matter.

She watched them come toward her and centered her attention on the woman. All she had ever known her as was a doctor. That was hard enough to swallow - a woman being a doctor - but in spite of the fact that she was walking with Dub, and holding his hand, she just couldn't see the two of them together as a mated pair. It was like putting a fine, papered Arabian horse with a Clydesdale and asking them to pull a plow. It just didn't seem like it could work. Surely no doctor would ever consent to such a pairing. And doctors knew all about making a baby problem go away.

Maybe that's what they had decided. She didn't know quite how to feel about that idea either, though. The idea that her first grandbaby might not be allowed into the world made her chest feel like she'd been kicked by a mule. Her heart skipped a beat as the two walked up the porch steps and she looked at her son's face.

He had a dazed look ... like HE had been kicked by a mule too.

"Well?" Molly's voice cracked and she swallowed.

Angela was the one who spoke.

"Mrs. Fisher ... Molly ... Dub has asked me to marry him. I said yes, but we won't go forward with it unless you agree."

"You don't need my agreement," said Molly softly. "He's a grown man."

Angela was calm. "I'm not going to ask Dub to leave you in the lurch with two teenage girls and no real income."

"An I don't see you movin' in with us," said Molly, just as calmly. That calm was only on the outside, though.

"Dub and I have talked about that. If we get married we're going to want our own house ... big enough to raise a family in. But we won't need all that room right away. And I'm going to keep working, which means we'll need someone to look after the children ... the baby ... in the daytime ... someone we trust."

Molly might not have had a formal education, but she wasn't stupid. She also didn't consider babysitting a grandchild as being taken advantage of.

"Well I'll be damned," she said softly.

That was enough to shock Dub out of the barely suppressed elation that was gripping him like a bear.

"Mamma!" he said, his voice shocked.

"Would you consider that?" asked Angela. "To be honest, I don't want to wait a long time to get married."

"I can imagine," said Molly, looking at Angela's still flat stomach.

"I'm not talking about that," said Angela. "Even if I have to wait, I'll be proud of Dub's baby. I love it already, no matter what. I just don't want to keep living the single life."

The corner of the older woman's mouth curved upwards slightly. "I can imagine that too," she said.

Angela felt a blush heat up her cheeks. "We'd like to start looking for a house right away."

Molly's anxiety over Dub leaving eased significantly. Still, she didn't know this woman yet. That would come in time, but two women in one house was always a dicey arrangement.