Adam and Eve's First Time

by JackassTales

Copyright© 2010 by JackassTales

Humor Sex Story: This is an interpretation of the events which transpired when the earth’s first man and woman are suddenly thrown together and told to “Go forth and multiply!” Without any direction, this confused couple clumsily stumbles through the awkward mechanics of copulation

Caution: This Humor Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa   Consensual   Historical   First   Exhibitionism   .

Biblical and historical accounts of Adam and Eve's early relationship are very sketchy. This imprecise information leaves much for the imagination to fill in. This tale is my interpretation of the events which transpired when the earth's first man and woman are suddenly thrown together and told to "Go forth and multiply!" Without any direction or even an instruction manual, this confused couple clumsily stumbles through the awkward mechanics of carnal copulation. At times it might seem like the human race is doomed before it even has a chance to get off the ground. Following orders from the Almighty himself, Adam and Eve have to figure out a way to 'get it up and get it in'. To paraphrase an old Simon & Garfunkel song; 'You'll hear words you never heard in the bible'. Hopefully, my story won't be considered blasphemous babbling by any of our bible-toting brethren who might read it.

Alone was I, walking aimlessly through the green pastures and meadows, when upon a forested glen I did come. Seeing no harm in it, I entered the shadowy realm for a little exploratory expedition.

Soon I realized I must be careful of the myriad array of briars and brambles which could rip and tear uncovered skin. I began thinking about how lucky animals were to have fur or hair for skin protection. The only furry hair covering I had on my body was on the top of my head and between my legs.

I made up a word for my unclothed predicament. I called it 'nudity'. Yep, I was as nude as the day the Creator made me! This is what I did for a living. I gave a name to 'things' which had no name before.

Truth be told, one of the first things I named was the long, dangly appendage hanging down between my legs. The word 'cock' came to my mind and I decided to stay with it. I believe I came up with the name when I'd named the 'rooster'. Those horny cacklers wake up early in the morning and crow like hell! The cock between my legs was the same way. Early in the morning it did rise and the only way I'd discover to tame its demanding crowing was to pump it vigorously with my hand until it shot out a load of milky cream. A side benefit to this exercise was that it felt pretty damn good doing it!

As I continued walking along, the trees, bushes, and briars thinned out and soon I found myself on the edge of a beautiful garden. I was awestruck by its magnificence and bounty. Right then and there, I decided to name the place 'Eden'.

So amazed was I by the wonders of Eden, I didn't immediately hear the soothing, angelic singing coming from behind a tree. Finally, I heard the melodious tones. With my curiosity aroused, I crept forward to investigate.

Talking about being aroused! Why, as soon as my eyes beheld the sight of the wondrous creature standing there, the cock between my legs became swollen and fully erect!

Nude like me, the enchanting vision had shapes and curves which were stimulating my loins in a way I'd never known before. For some curious reason I had an irresistible urge to mate with the exotic being.

Where in the world this fascinating life form had come from, I couldn't say. Since the being was standing up on legs like mine, I decided this must be a female version of me. I had been calling myself a 'man', so I would call this creature a 'woman'. Woe is me as a man because I've fallen head-over-heels in love with her seductively erotic body.

Touching a tender place in my side where a rib had been removed, I recalled something the Almighty had said about making me a companion and playmate for life. Perhaps this feminine apparition was it.

The woman bent over to pick some berries from a bush. Posed as she was, I realized her body was so picture-perfect a visual image of the word 'playmate' was stuck in my mind and in my eyes.

Stepping out from behind the tree, I walked towards the woman. I had a hypnotic urge to touch her, but I kept my hands to myself. Speaking softly, I said, "Hi there, woman. How are you? Do you have a name? If not, I can give you one. It's my job, if you care to know."

Startled, the woman turned, smiled, and answered, "Hi yourself, Mister. I'm fine. I've been wondering when you'd be coming along. Yes, I have a name. God told me to call myself 'Eve'. You must be the famous 'Adam' he's told me about?"

"Yes ma'am, Adam is my name," I responded. "I'm very happy to meet you, Eve. God has only told me a few things about you. Hell, he didn't mention anything about how beautifully sexy you would be!"

Eve looked at me disapprovingly and sternly admonished, "Adam, we're not supposed to use the word 'Hell' because we come from a place called 'Heaven'!"

"Now woman!" I said firmly. "Don't you start pestering me about my language! Next thing I know, you'll be telling me I can't drink or smoke!"

Looking at me with a frown on her face, Eve asked, "Do you really drink and smoke, Adam? God told me you were a 'good' man with no vices!"

"Miss Eve, don't you fret," I said. "I was just kidding. I don't drink. I don't smoke and I don't chew and I don't go with girls that do!"

Eve giggled at my feeble attempt at humor. Taking my hand, she led me over to a grassy nook near a quiet-running stream. We talked a little while and had a snack made from nuts, berries, and fruit.

Unashamedly, I was giving Eve's body a good hard look. This woman had a head full of long, curly hair. She had a thin bush of curly hair between her legs. Below her bush, long, well-tapered legs ran all the way down to barefooted feet. Upon her chest sat two magnificent mammary orbs.

The melon-shaped ornaments decorating Eve's chest had an alluring, inviting attraction for both my hands and my mouth. My hands wanted to play with them and my mouth wanted to suckle the feminine fruit. There at the tip of each perfect sphere was a protruding, pink nub.

Without asking for Eve's permission or consent, I began playing with the feminine objects I so desired. She didn't seem to mind, so I played to my heart's content. My mind began to think up names I could give to these mesmerizing mounds. I had a couple of words in particular in mind.

Eve beat me to the punch. Smiling contently, she said, "Adam, do you like my girls? I'm not exactly sure about what to call them, but I've come up with two names to choose from. I like the word 'breasts' and the word 'tits'. I can't decide between them. Which one of them do you like better, Adam?"

"Damn, Eve!" I answered with mischievously teasing distress. "I'm having trouble choosing myself because I like your right one just as much as the left one! They're both beautiful girls!"

Shaking her head with annoyance, Eve retorted impatiently, "Silly man, I didn't mean which 'girl' you liked the best! I want to know which name you preferred. Do you like 'tits' or do you like 'breasts'?"

"What's in a name, Eve?" I replied. "A rose by any other name would look and feel as beautifully sweet! How about we keep both names? We'll use 'breasts' on formal occasions like when we are talking to God. I'll say something like, 'God, that's some mighty fine breasts you've given my woman Eve!' And, when we are alone, we'll use 'tits' as a more intimate endearment. I'll say something like, 'Hot damn Eve, your tits are beautiful!' What do you think about that?"

Eve giggled merrily and then proved she too could play the game of mischievousness merriment. "Sounds fine to me," she said. "Mister, you can call them 'breasts' or 'tits' or 'jugs' or 'knockers' or 'boobs' or anything you want just as long as you love them and play with them! You do love them, don't you, Adam? If you do, then you'd better kiss them!"

"Hell yes, I love them!" I answered adamantly. And, kiss those beautiful girls I did. First, one melon-shaped boob felt the oral assault of my tit-hungry roving mouth. The other tit became a victim of a similar attack. Nubile nipples popped to attention against my teeth as my tongue traced kissing circles round and round them.

So violent was my mouth's breast battering, Eve was knocked to her back in the soft grass. A nipple was pulled out of my suckling mouth so violently it caused an audible 'pop'.

Having tasted feminine fruit, I had no intention of stopping now. My flesh-hungry lips explored my woman's silky, soft flesh from head to toe. Her supple lips provided sweet nectar which inflamed the twin fires of passion and love. Eve's abdomen and its bellybutton indentation became playgrounds for my kissing touch.

I flipped Eve over onto her belly and kissed her back, her legs, and the well-endowed fullness of her pretty derriere. 'Derriere'... ? Now where in the world did my mind get this name? This name is too fancy and formal for everyday use. So, I needed a short, intimate name which would convey the stimulating horniness I felt while playing with and kissing this sweet, soft feminine flesh.

When I bent over again to kiss the fullness of this exotic beauty's behind, my erect cock was tickled by the grass beneath her. I liked the feeling of grass under my feet as a walked to and fro barefooted. Yeah, I liked grass and I liked ass. 'Ass'... ? Why this word popped into my head, I couldn't say, but it sounded like a keeper to me.

"Hey, Eve," I said. "Lady, you've got a really nice ass! I like it very much, but I believe the Old Man upstairs gave you a defective one. Why honey, your ass has a crack down the middle splitting it apart!"

Eve giggled with melodious merriment. Flipping over onto her back, she looked at me just as if she were staring at a half-witted man. "Adam," she lectured. "God's ways are mysterious and we're not supposed to question them. Besides, I don't believe my 'ass' is defective because I have a cracked mound on the front side of me, too!"

"You do?" I asked with skepticism. "Well, Miss Prissy, I believe I'd have to get a look at that place before I'd go to giving God the benefit of my doubts. I come from a 'show-me' land, so M'lady, show me!"

Playing along eagerly, Eve spread her legs wide and pointed to the hair-covered opening between her legs. During my visual and oral exploration of this wondrous woman's body, I had bypassed this bush-covered place. My thinking was if God had covered it then perhaps it was a female 'thing' with little a man would find appealing.

Man-o-man was I mistaken! Right there, where Eve was pointing, was a glorious mound of erotically stimulating feminine flesh the likes of which I couldn't believe existed! Appealing... ? Why, bless my soul, the mounded perfection of Eve's womanhood was the most wondrously fascinating sight I'd ever been privileged to see!

"Believe me now?" Eve seductively teased. "See the cracked place? Mister 'doubter', you just watch this! I'm going to open my spilt place and let you see what I have hidden inside it."

With mesmerized eyes, I saw the woman spread the swollen outer lips of her fabulous mound. Out popped a tantalizing treasure which made my cock swell to its bursting point. Below the dangling jewel, small, butterfly wings of inner flesh gave hint of a moisturized opening.

"God Almighty, Eve!" I exclaimed. "What do you call this marvelous thing? Do you already have a name picked out? I hope so because I'm so stunned I couldn't come up with a name even if God threatened to fire me from my name-calling job."

The woman beneath my eyes smiled and happily answered, "Why, yes Sir I just happened to have picked out names myself! One day I was playing with some baby pussycats. The cute little felines were cuddly, warm, and furry. I decided to name the warm, furry place between my legs a 'pussy'. 'Vagina' is a formal name I picked. The part that's sticking out in between my pussy lips, I call a 'clitoris' or 'clit' for short. Adam, dear, do you like my names?"

"Lordy me, I surely do!" I boldly pronounced. "Damn Eve, I love your names and I love looking at your pretty pussy and clit! But, lady of mine, I'm afraid I'm going to have to do the same thing to your vaginal feminine delights I did with your tits. Babe, I just have to have my hands and lips on them."

Pushing Eve's fingers aside, my own fingers dug into the mound of her feminine flesh. My hands attacked and roughly caressed my woman's pussy. Having tasted the fruit of her breasts, I had every intention of tasting every inch of this delectable female treasure Eve was giving me.

My flesh-hungry lips explored my woman's silky, soft pussy. My mouth felt racing blood running through seductively swollen outer lips. My fingers pulled curly hairs aside so my lips could kiss the silky skin close to her thighs.

Ravenous pussy-hunger seized control of my senses. Spreading the puffy lips, my mouth and lips assaulted the tempting clit. This warm, juicy protrusion of exotic femininity stiffened to erectness as I greedily licked and sucked it.

My licking, exploring tongue found entrance in through the inner-pussy butterfly wings and found this woman's mysterious vaginal hole. The sticky wetness of feminine moisture assailed my probing tongue. Licking and lapping at the slippery stickiness, my stiffened oral cock continued its exploratory quest. Deeper and deeper into the bottomless depths did I plunge.

"Ouch!" Eve exclaimed. "Adam that hurt! You're sticking your tongue in too deep and you're hurting my hymen. And, quit biting my clit so hard! How would you like it if I chewed on your manhood so hard I made it sore?"

Sensing an opening for another avenue of sexual stimulation, I winked and answered, "Well Eve, I suppose I wouldn't mind if you sucked and chewed on my cock for a while. A little lady like you can't hurt my big, hard fella!"

I was wrong, at least I was halfway wrong. Eve tackled me, shoved me to my back in the grass, and grabbed my elongated shaft. Without any planned forethought the woman popped the head of my cock into her mouth.

Just like me, today was Eve's first time experiencing sex. She didn't know any more about what she was doing than I did. Yet, with a cock stuck inside it, her mouth knew what to do. Releasing saliva as a lubricant, this woman's mouth began to hungrily bob up and down on the rigid rod.

While she was sucking on my throbbing erection, Eve's tongue was doing magical tricks all along my swollen manhood. Twisting and twirling the woman's serpentine tongue was teasing my tender flesh and driving me crazy.

"Oh Babe," I gasped. "That feels incredibly good! But, I believe you were told you couldn't hurt my big fella, so you just go right on sucking and I'll lie here and enjoy your feeble attempts to try. Lady, you've got to learn to listen to your man when he tells you what's what!"

I wish God had warned me about a woman's temper sometimes being short. Hell, I had no idea I was teasing Eve too much! I learned my mistake the hard way.

"Adam, tell me how this feels!" Eve impishly said. Her teeth bit into the tender flesh of my swollen cock. She scraped her sharpened chewers all along the length of my shaft. She nipped at my skin and stubbornly chewed on my meaty erection.

Adding insult to injury, Eve mockingly said, "Feels good, doesn't it, Adam? You just lie back and enjoy my feeble attempts. Are you still having a good time, my dear?"

Grabbing the mischievous woman by her long, curly hair, I smacked her ass with a stinging whack and pulled her greedy, cock-biting teeth away from my loins. Pulling her atop me, I settled her on my chest with her tits pushing against my hot skin.

"Shut up and kiss me, Eve!" I ordered. "If you keep on teasing me, I'll turn you over my knees and give your pretty little ass a good and proper spanking! Now, what would you think about that?"

Despite her efforts to prevent it, Eve grinned. "Promises, promises," She irresistibly teased. "That's all a man can do. Why Adam, if you really wanted to spank my ass then you would stop talking about it and just do so!"

Springing up into a sitting position, I twisted the wickedly wanton woman's body into a lying position across my lap. Her sticky, wet pussy was pressed so tightly against my hardened erection our pubic hairs became intertwined. My cock was enclosed within the confines of her warm thighs.

Raising my hand, I slapped a seductive, lily-white ass cheek with a quick smack. Ass smack after ass smack followed until both cheeks glowed with a reddening tint. Eve whimpered, but she didn't cry out or protest my manhandling mauling.

Emboldened, I spanked her again. This time, my stinging slaps must have caused too much discomfort. "God, Adam!" Eve wailed with tears streaming from her eyes. "Mister, if you start getting too rough, I'll kick your ass all over this beautiful garden!"

"Sorry, Eve," I said with genuine remorse. "Honey, I was just so caught up in the excitement of ass spanking I couldn't control myself. How about you lie down and let me kiss it and make it 'all better'?"

Eve turned over onto her belly in the grass and I rained a torrent of soothing kisses all over the reddish skin of her ass. My kissy-licky lips warmed to their task of providing nurturing comfort to inflamed flesh. My licking tongue traced tickling lines all around each beautiful cheek.

When at last the reddened skin turned back to white, I stopped kissing my woman's ass. Picking her lithe body up off the grass, I sat her astride my lap with her legs going behind my back. Her breasts were pressed against my chest and our naked loins were touching.

Drippy moisture was leaking from Eve's pussy and running along the length of my stimulated cock. I had been wondering about all the wetness she had between her legs. Was she supposed to be so wet and was it natural?

"Eve?" I asked inquisitively. "Are you certain God didn't give you a 'defective' female body? Your pussy has sprung a leak and is dripping all over us!"

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