Chapter 9

Simone went back to her house to speak with Greg. She hoped that by now that he might be awake. She was in luck. She found him at the kitchen table in his robe, with a cup of coffee and the morning paper. Simone was glad to see that he had showered and actually seemed alert.

"Good morning," Simone said non-commitally.

"Hey," Greg replied. "Where you been?"

"I took Kevin home and stopped by Monica's to chat. Have you been up long?"

"A little bit. Sorry if I passed out last night."

Simone suppressed her disbelief that his "passing out" was the only thing Greg apologized for. But her intention had been to come and talk honestly (and as objectively as possible) to him, with the goal of determining whether or not she had energy to put into healing their relationship. To that end, she held her tongue.

"Greg, I want to talk to you about last night. Um ... would you put down the paper, please?"

"Mm-hm," Greg mumbled.

"Really, Honey," Simone choked out the word, "I want to talk to you."

"Oh, O.K.," Greg replied as he folded the paper and set it on the table.

"Greg, I was really disappointed last night."

"What are you talking about, Simone?"

Simone fought the urge to snap at her husband with something like, "What the fuck do you mean, what am I talking about?" But she maintained her composure and continued.

"I mean, I had really missed you, Greg. You've been away so long and so often. And it's been worse since I got pregnant." She made a mental note that Greg still had not seen their daughter, nor did he seem to be interested in where she was at the moment. "I had been really looking forward to you being home. But since I picked you up, it seems like you don't even want to be here."

She paused and waited for a response.

"I don't know ... I ... everything is fine, Simone. I'm glad to be home ... of course I am. I know I've been gone a lot. But that's just how it is. You knew my work kept me away a lot when you married me."

"But it wasn't anything like this, Greg. Before I was pregnant, you were away for a week at a time; occasionally two weeks. Now it's a month or more. And there's less and less time between trips."

"Well, you like the money, don't you?"

Simone felt her temperature rising.

"Fuck the money, Greg. We don't need any more money, for crying out loud. Between what I invested when I was working and the little bit of consulting I'm able to do, what we had saved and what you've been making, we don't have anything to worry about. And that's not to mention what my grandparents left me. We don't need money. We need a marriage."

The last comment seemed to get Greg's attention.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me, Greg. Finally, I think you heard me. I don't think I've been vocal enough lately, but I've been increasingly lonely for the last year. And it's been worse than ever since the baby was born."

The fact that Greg still had not asked where she was did not go unnoticed.

"But, your family's here. You have friends. And now you're brother's been hanging around more. He's really grown up, too. I bet he's a lot of help."

"You're my husband! Damn it, Greg! We have a child! Why doesn't that seem to matter to you? This is not a marriage. I thought you heard me, but maybe you didn't. I feel like the single mother of a newborn! Do you even care? Do you want to be at home with us?"

"Of course I do, Simone. I'm sorry I've been gone so much. I'll make some changes. I promise. I just didn't know you felt this way. It'll be better. O.K.?"

"Greg, this isn't something you can just apologize away. I'm seriously asking you if you still want to be married. I'm willing to work on our relationship, but I can't do it by myself. If you don't want to be here, it will make me really sad. But I'll survive and our daughter will be just fine. I'm not kidding. Do you want to work on our marriage or not?"

Simone stared intently at her husband as she awaited an answer. As the seconds ticked by, it seemed obvious to her what the answer would be. More seconds that seemed like eons passed. Simone felt her temperature rise even further. She expected that in five more seconds she would either explode in anger, or in tears. Five ... four ... three...

"Yes," Greg said.

Simone's intent stare turned to a puzzled look.

"Yes, what?" she asked.

"Yes, I think I want to work on our marriage." Greg was aware enough to read Simone's expression and he could see that the words, "You think?" were about to burst from her lips. "I mean, I think WE, SHOULD work on our marriage. That's what I meant. WE should work on our marriage. O.K.?"

"I want to believe you, Greg. But something doesn't feel right."

"What do you mean, Simone? What do you want from me? I said I thought we should work on our marriage. What's the problem?"

"I can't put a finger on it," Simone said warily. "But it just feels like you don't get it, or you're just saying what you think I want to hear."

"Well, I can't help what you think about what I say, Simone. You asked if I wanted to work on it. I said, 'yes.'"

Simone wanted to say, "It took you long enough to answer me!" But again, she held her tongue, against her better judgment. She became aware that she was wrestling inside again. Simone knew that trying to save her marriage was the right thing to do. And she wanted to do the right thing. But did she still want to be married to Greg? He certainly seemed like a complete stranger, like a man selling vinyl siding had come to the door and she let him in to give her a quote.

And then she thought of Kevin. He cared for her so, and she for him. He would be crushed if they had to stop the relationship they had begun. Simone would be too. But there was no way she could continue on with him in that way if she were going to work on her marriage. Even if Greg did make changes to his travel schedule, which Simone was skeptical about, he would still be gone some. Simone would want Kevin to come over, and to stay over, the way he had been. But that could never happen again if she turned back to her husband. She knew Kevin would grow up and find plenty of other girls who were ten times more appropriate for him than she was. Their relationship could never really be anyway, just like Monica said. But the thought of letting it go was very painful.