Chapter 2

"What exactly are you telling me, Simone?" Monica asked her friend.

"I'm just telling you what happened with Kevin the other day," Simone replied, trying to sound nonchalant. "It was really no big deal. I wouldn't have told you if I thought it was going to upset you."

"Honey, I don't know if I'm upset yet. I'm still not quite sure I understand what it was that happened."

"I told you ... Kevin came over like he often does, right after school, to help me out with the baby."

"Right. I got that part."

"And like I said, I know he has a little crush on me. I think sometimes he's more interested in seeing me than the baby."

"That's not any shocker. What interest does a thirteen year-old boy really have in a baby?"

"You're right. Anyway, I said he has a crush on me, not on the baby."

"I'm sure he does. I think he sees you as more than Big Sister, Simone."

"I know that, I guess. But that's why I was trying to treat him as more of an adult. He seemed to be getting more comfortable about things with the baby, and like I said, with me breastfeeding."

"Right ... tell me that part again, Simone."

"O.K. Well, Kevin came over after school the other day. We were hanging out and joking around, I was feeding the baby, and he seemed more comfortable with it than he had in the past."

"So you let him watch," Monica said.

"Not watch, exactly!" Simone exclaimed. "I ... sort of, let him look for a minute. That's not the same as watching. Besides, he was curious."

"He was curious about breastfeeding ... so you showed him your boobs ... right? Am I understanding correctly?"

"Well, sort of. But it was no big deal."

"It WAS a big deal, Simone. That's a big deal. But anyway, what happened then?"

"Well, the baby was done feeding, so I went upstairs to put her down for her nap. And I realized she really hadn't nursed as much as she could have. I felt a little swollen, so I decided to pump."

"Yea? And then what?"

"Well, I didn't tell Kevin what I was doing, so I guess he wondered where I had gotten off to. He came upstairs to look for me ... and I was sitting on my bed."

"Pumping your breasts."

"Right. Well, one of them, yea. Only one side of the station is working."

"And you were exposed, in full view."

"Pretty much, yea."

"And you didn't cover up when your little brother came in?"

"Not really, no."

"And why not, Simone?"

"I don't know, Monica! It just seemed like it was so natural. He had already seen me downstairs. It wasn't like this was now just the first time he had seen my breasts."

"Do you hear yourself? It wasn't the first time your thirteen year-old brother saw your tits. That's not normal, Honey. Anyway, when did he see them before that?"

"When I was nursing the baby downstairs. When I switched her from one breast to the other, I wasn't too careful. I'm sure he was watching. I don't know why you're making so much out of this, Monica. It was totally innocent."

"O.K. Innocent, huh? So, you haven't finished telling me what happened then. Your little brother came upstairs to your bedroom, and you were pumping your breast milk. And... ?"

"And ... he came to the door. He was just coming to check on what I was doing."

"I get that. But what happened then? By the way ... how were you dressed at this point? How exposed were you?"

"I always take my top off when I pump."

"So, you were sitting there without a top at all, when Kevin came to the door? Nursing bra?"

"No nursing bra. It was off. I had a pad held against the other breast in case it leaked."

"You're something else," Monica said, clearly voicing disapproval. "O.K., go on, Simone."

"So, he asked what I was doing. He didn't really know I pumped my breast milk to save for later. So, I explained it to him. And he was really curious about it. And I was glad that he was getting to see how natural a thing breastfeeding is."

"Uh-huh. Then what?"

"Well, he was watching me pump one breast. And then it was time to do the other breast. And he asked if he could help."

"Excuse me?" Monica asked with mouth agape. "He wanted to HELP?"

"Yea. He loves to help out with anything I need." Monica shook her head and rolled her eyes slightly. "So, I let him help."

"And how exactly did he help, Simone?"

"He helped me get my breast seated in the cup, he started up the machine again, you know..."

"Are you saying that he touched your boob? Are you kidding me? Simone!"

"Look, Monica," Simone suddenly snapped, "I'm alone a lot of the time ... a LOT of the time, with a little baby. My husband is away for a month at a time. Sometimes he's away longer than that. And the baby's only three months-old! Greg's not there to share any of this with me, O.K.? Is it so wrong that I want a little attention ... that I want someone with me once in a while while I do these things?"

Monica was surprised at Simone's outburst. She tried to reply, but Simone wasn't finished venting.

"Your husband was around when you were nursing both your kids, wasn't he, Monica?" Monica nodded. "What was that like? I seem to remember you saying it was a really special time. Am I right?"

"Yes, Simone. You're right. He helped a lot. Sometimes in the middle of the night he would get whichever baby was nursing and wanting to be fed, and he would bring it into bed with us so I could nurse it, then he would put the baby back in the crib."

"Exactly! I don't have that, Monica ... O.K.? So Kevin wanted to know about what I was doing. And he wanted to help. Is it so wrong that I don't want to do this alone all the time? That I have someone showing an interest? Is it so wrong that I actually liked the touch of his hands on me?"