Chapter 46: Gary

I could tell that Moira had come up with this trip just as a distraction, to keep our minds off the call that might come from Seattle, but a distraction for Saralinda was pretty much a necessity now. Shopping was a good enough distraction, if boring for me. I trailed around, carried what needed to be carried, tried not to have to express opinions, and tried to stay out of the way.

The little boy was maybe two, and snot was dripping from one nostril. Every once in a while, he'd wipe the back of his hand across his face, but mostly he was interested in the ants on the side of the building, and the lizard that kept popping around the edge of the brick wall. The boy would point excitedly at the lizard, and announce "baamaa" or something that sounded like that to me. But whenever the boy would notice me watching him, he'd shuffle off around the corner to hug his mother's sari-covered leg, then peer back at me and giggle shyly. I'd have to pretend disinterest for him to let go of his mother and return to the ants and the lizards. He didn't seem to pay attention to the other people milling around or passing by.

The boy's mother was working in an open market stall selling gaudy fabrics. Moira and Saralinda were inside the shop, haggling with the boy's mother over the price of something colorful. There were bales of cloth everywhere, including hanging from the ceiling, which made the interior uncomfortably short for me to be walking around in. So I was leaning up against a lamp post across the small alley that separated the fabric stall from one selling shoes.

My Paul had never had a chance to get as big as this boy, but their grins seemed similar. Maybe it was just the 'baby boy' grin, and they all looked like that, or maybe my memories of Paul were fading. The pain was fading; having told Moira had helped a lot. Somehow, telling her about him made Paul more real, more present in my mind, and made me ache more for him. But it also meant I had a son again. My baby was gone and I missed him, but he was no longer just grief and agony swaddled in a blanket in my mind. He was the little baby who would pull himself to an uncertain standing position in his crib and giggle at Lisa and me in his pride of accomplishment. He was the little boy who would reach out to me when I came home. I almost was no longer afraid to remember him.

Three women came down the other side of the alley and stopped at the edge of the stall near the boy. One called out loudly to the boy's mother, and a moment later, she pushed her way between some fabrics to talk with them. The boy clutched his mother's leg for a moment, and then when she didn't look down at him but merely patted his head, he let go of her and went back to point at the wall. The noise of a scooter in a hurry drew my attention. It was approaching fast, weaving among the people in the alley. I heard Moira chatting with Saralinda as they left the shop. The lizard appeared again and ran down the wall, darting across the alley towards me. The boy said "baamaa" again, then started to climb down the curb. The women talking with the boy's mother were gesticulating about something, and the mother was arguing back. The noise of the scooter got louder. I heard Saralinda say "Oh, Gary's over there." I willed the boy's mother to notice that her son was climbing down the curb. Surely one of the ladies would reach for him, or Saralinda would run over to help. The scooter accelerated after passing an old man. The boy started to stumble across the road, while the lizard turned u-turns trying to figure out the best way to safety. I glanced at Moira and Saralinda, then at the four women, then at the scooter, then at the boy, and suddenly my feet were moving. After two steps my hands reached down for the boy, and I was rolling across the other half of the alley as the scooter became a blur near my head. My arms cradled him as I rolled, my elbows knocking against the pavement, but protecting his body as my hands protected his head. I came to rest on my back at the far side of the alley, the boy against my chest. The little boy looked up at me, startled.

For a moment I felt a kind of wonder and peace. The world had stopped. The sky was blue overhead. The lizard was scurrying back up its wall. The boy was safe in my arms. Alive!

A heartbeat or two later, the little boy took a deep breath, and burst out into terrified crying. "It's okay," I assured him, rocking gently. "You're alright."

And then the moment was gone; the boy's mother rushed over and snatched the boy out of my arms. She was shouting — at me, or at him, or the scooter, I couldn't tell — and cooing the the boy at the same time, somehow. Then Saralinda was kneeling next to me, helping me to my feet, and I was wrapped in her embrace. I started shaking in her arms while I looked around, feeling at sea. Moira was talking with the women, all of whom were shouting now. And then the mother, clutching the boy, disappeared into the stall without a backwards glance. I hadn't done it for thanks, but I was kind of in shock, and couldn't figure out the mother's reaction. After a moment more, two of the women followed the mother into the stall, while Moira and the third woman came over. Saralinda let me go as they neared, and then Moira embraced me for a second, before turning me towards the third woman.

"Sorry," the woman said to me in heavily accented English, grasping my arms with her hands. "Assak didn't see what happened. She thought you just grabbed her boy. But I saw what you did, and I try to explain to her how you save him. She's just upset because she's worried about her baby. But I thank you for her." And she gave me a big smile and almost a bow, then turned and fled into the fabric stall leaving me alone with Moira and Saralinda.

"I kept expecting someone else to stop him," I muttered in confusion. "And then I realized that it needed to be me; that nobody else was going to do it. And even then, it seemed like forever before my legs were moving. But I did it! I got there in time. I wasn't too late..."

I trailed off, as the adrenaline really got me shaking. Moira cradled me in her arms. I clung to Moira, and she was saying "It's okay. You saved him. He's okay." And suddenly I was crying. What I mostly felt was the loss ... the boy yanked from my arms, that moment gone.

Moira reached up and wiped at my tears. Her beautiful face, the care and love in her eyes, the memory of holding the boy. Something shifted then. Something broke. Something else healed. I buried my face in her gorgeous glowing auburn hair and felt ... serenity. Even so, I cried and cried.

I would have liked a chance to savor that feeling, and to figure out the depths of the change in me, and what it might mean in terms of our future. But we were in a crowded market, which isn't an ideal spot for emotional breakthroughs. And then...

And then my cell rang. Saralinda froze, and I watched her face pale. Moira put an arm around the girl, even as she kept her other arm looped around mine. I fished the phone out of my pocket, confirming that it was Jake who was calling. My mouth went dry, but I answered anyway.

"Hey, Jake."

"Hey, Boss..." There was a long silence before he continued, after clearing his throat. "Ahh, the Medical Examiner's office just called. They've, um, confirmed the identification."

I swallowed, and looked up at Saralinda. She was watching my face, which must have conveyed the news, as tears were suddenly streaming down her cheeks. She startled me by reaching for the phone. Reluctantly, I handed it to her.

"Hi, Jake," she said into it. "It's her, isn't it?"

Jake must have answered in the affirmative. She closed her eyes, but her voice was steady except for a small quaver. "Did they, um, say anything about when we'd be able to, um, get her? Like, when they'd, um, release her ... body? I think I'd like to have ... her... , to have her cremated, Jake."