Chapter 45: Saralinda

I could do this, I reassured myself. No crying.

We were all in Gary's room — me, and Jake, and Moira, and Gary. We'd had to wait until morning to call, because of the time difference, but Gary had called ahead and arranged for this. Nine a.m. our time was 1 p.m. in Seattle, or at least that's what Jake had told me. And I was going to talk with a Detective Winchester and report my mother missing. We'd talk over Skype, and it would be a video call, so we'd be able to see each other.

Gary was sitting at the desk with his laptop, and was already talking to the detective, I guessed. I was sitting on the bed nearby, with Moira next to me, holding my hand. Jake was pacing. I looked up at the computer screen, which I could barely see because of the angle, and was surprised to see that the detective was a woman.

"Yes, yes, she's right here. Just a second... ," Gary was saying. Then he was looking back at me, and was asking me if I was ready. My eyes went from Gary's face to the face of the woman on the screen. I nodded and stood, and Gary stood also so that I could take his place on his chair. He gave me a quick hug as we passed, and then I was sitting down.

"Hello, Miss Zorn. I'm Detective Winchester, with the Seattle Police Department, and I've been in contact with Gary and with Mr. Contini about your mother. I understand that she went missing several years ago, and I'd like to ask you a few questions so that we can create a Missing Person file for her. Would that be alright?"

I swallowed, and tried to find my voice. "Um, yeah. I mean — yes, my mother went missing, and, um, go ahead with your questions. It's okay."

I felt Jake's hand squeeze my shoulder.

"Good. I know this may be difficult for you, and that's quite understandable. But I'll need to ask you several questions, and I'll need to ask you to verify information that I've received from Mr. Contini. First, can I get your full name."

"Saralinda Zorn", I told her, and then spelled out 'Saralinda' for her when she asked. It took me a while to remember things like Mamma's maiden name, and I couldn't remember her date of birth, but the detective said that Mr. Contini had given her that information. When she told me the date, it sounded right to me.

We went over a lot of things, and I struggled to, like, remember everything that happened back then, but the detective was patient with me.

The hardest part was when she asked me about the last time I'd seen my mother...

I tried not to think about our last talk together, but instead tried to remember her as she left for work that last night. What had she been wearing?

"It was a Friday, and it was, like, seven at night. That's when she usually left. She was wearing a ... a skirt, I think. And a t-shirt, a ... a ... an N*Sync t-shirt. I, um, I remember that because it was the only concert I ever went to, and she'd gone with me. And she wore the shirt that Friday because ... because she'd told me we'd run away from my dad in the morning when she got back from work. I remember feeling really special because she wore that shirt. It was just her and me at the concert, and it was going to be just her and me after that." The detective looked at me for a long time after I said that, and it looked as if she, like, wanted to hug me.

But then there were some more questions, until finally the detective asked the last one.

"Saralinda, there's one more question that I'm afraid I'm required to ask. Why did you wait so long to report your mother missing?"

Oh my god. I didn't want to go through all that again — the wondering whether she was dead or had ... left. I looked at Jake, silently pleading for help, but he just squeezed my hand. I closed my eyes and leaned a little into Moira. I could feel my throat tighten up, and I was sure I was about to cry again, even though I'd promised myself I wouldn't, not while I talked with the police. I tried to figure out what to say, and the question started to make me a little bit angry. How could she have expected me to report it back then? "I was only thirteen..." I blurted out, just beginning the answer.

"I understand," the detective said, interrupting me. "Young Age at Time of Incident", she intoned, as she apparently filled in that last response of mine into the computer. Then she thanked me for my time and my care in answering the questions.

It sounded like she was about to end the call, so I quickly said "Wait — what's going to happen now?" I wanted to know. I, like, needed to know.

The detective looked down before answering. Finally, she looked back up at me and answered. "Saralinda, we'll begin an investigation. Often, with Missing Persons reports there is little we can do. That may be the case here too, but there are some leads that we will be investigating."

"You'll try to figure out if that Jane Doe is Mamma?" I pressed.

"Um, yes. But I can't really comment on the investigation yet. I'm sorry."

"But," I insisted, "But if that is my mother, then what?"

There was a long silence before she said, "Then the case would be turned over to the Homicide department."

"But aren't you, like, a homicide detective?"

"Uh, yes, that is correct."

"So —"

But she cut me off. "Saralinda, we'll just have to see. I'm sorry, I can't say more now. We'll be investigating, and what happens will be determined by what we find out."

I guess that would have to do for now. Mamma. Mamma, I'm trying. I'm trying to help...

I kind of kicked Moira and Gary and Jake out of the room then, even though it was Gary's room. And then I Skyped Dr. Anna. I guess she wasn't in her office when I called, but somebody must have heard her computer chirping, or whatever it does, because suddenly a voice answered. I was expecting Dr. Anna, and I was expecting a video call, but the voice was a man's and there was no picture. I kind of awkwardly explained who I was, and asked if I could talk with Dr. Anna. He said to hold on, and for, like, five minutes I was just staring at Gary's computer. Then suddenly, there was Dr. Anna's face, and her calming voice.

"Saralinda, my itoshigo. Let me look at you."

I smiled, as best as I could, while she checked me over.

"Well, you look as if things have been hard, but you look like you haven't given up. How are you feeling, dear?"

"Oh, Dr. Anna... I don't know. That's why I wanted to call you — because I don't know how I'm feeling, and everybody keeps asking, and I don't know what to say."

"Mmmm. That can be tough. I felt that way when I got pregnant the first time. Everything was changing and new, and I was confused and scared, and everybody expected me to be excited. But, Honey, if it's just what to say that's bothering you, that's easy. You are doing okay, aren't you? I mean, once you got over the shock and everything, well, I can see that you're not freaked out, you're not in deep despair. You still are tense, impatient for news, anxious about the situation, probably feeling uncertain about what's going to happen. But, Saralinda, you're coping. You're doing okay. Am I wrong?"

That wasn't what I thought she was going to say. I thought she'd, like, be all concerned over me, especially after my 'episode', but here she was, just telling me I was doing 'okay'. Okay??? I didn't know whether to burst into tears, or get really angry. It must have shown on my face, because suddenly Dr. Anna was filling the screen, and she was being very firm with me.

"Itoshigo, you are dealing with really difficult things. You had better be confused, stressed, worried, upset, crying sometimes, angry sometimes. That's NORMAL." I cringed at her shouting, but then she got quiet. "Saralinda, my lovely Saralinda, you're not crazy. You're doing at least as well as I could hope for anyone under the circumstances. Okay?"

I swallowed hard, and she smiled at me. "Okay..." I said softly.

Good. Now that's what you tell people when they ask you how you're doing. You say, 'I'm okay, thanks, ' and you mean it. You remember it. You're coping, my love."

"Okay," I repeated, a bit stronger. She smiled at me.

Alright, now, I'm sure there are things you want to talk about. So talk.