Chapter 38: Moira

"You ready?"

I was in Joanne's room, though it hardly looked like the room I knew. Instead, it seemed like a rather barren guest room. All of her carefully gathered trinkets were gone, packed away and already sent to San Diego. Gone also were the wall hangings and the framed paintings and prints that had covered her walls. Gone, even, was her quilt, a gorgeous blue-toned handmade heirloom that had been her grandmother's. The suitcases, sitting ajar on the floor, made me sure that if I looked in the closet, I would find only a few empty hangers, instead of the brilliant, eccentric, and perfect clothing that had hung there before.

"I'm packed, ' she said, shrugging, as if that small accomplishment might count as an answer.

"I meant for the party."

She sighed. "There's no being ready for that." She stood, and crossed the empty space that had stretched between us. She took me in her arms, but held me away far enough that she could look earnestly into my face. "I don't want to leave, Moira. It's just that there's no other way..."

I knew that. She needed Burt. And for that, she had to leave Furthurmore. I wondered if there was a Burt in my future. I could not imagine going to someone other than Gary. But I could understand the rest. All the rest. I could feel it. Lord, I knew the yearning that was driving Joanne away from Gary.

We hugged then; sisters about to part. I'd never had a sister, but I knew that Joanne was my sister in all but blood. Even if we were apart for years, I knew we'd never grow distant.

My eyes caught sight of the clock on the bedside table.

"Jo, we can go out now, and you can be there as people arrive. Or we can wait fifteen minutes and you can make a grand entrance. Which one?"

"Yikes," she said, looking at the clock, as if to be sure I'd read it right. "Let's go. I'm not up for a grand entrance, nor a grand exit. I'd prefer to just be there until I sneak away."

She let go of me, and went to her suitcases and closed them. Then she straightened, and her eyes searched around the room, checking for anything she might have forgotten. Finally, her eyes found mine again, she gave me a smile, and we headed out to the dining room. Michelle and Jake were fussing with food. Sid was drawing himself a Fiji Baby from the tap, and offered to do the same for us, but Joanne and I both declined his offer.

And then Joanne started the process of saying her goodbyes, even as people arrived. I stood against the bulkhead, watching her easy way with people. She slipped her arm around Michelle's waist just as the chef was placing a platter of delicacies upon the table. Joanne had already snatched one, and tasted it, and I heard her say, "I'm going to miss your cooking almost more than anything else, Michelle." And then there were quiet words I couldn't catch. I saw Joanne's free hand reach for Michelle's hand and give it a squeeze. And then the two were hugging, until Michelle broke the embrace, saying that she needed to get more food from the galley.

I watched as Joanne took a few of those treats off the platter onto a tiny plate and carried it over to Tony, telling the captain that he "had to taste one" before feeding him a tidbit with her fingers. She moved in close as they talked, and I saw her brush a crumb from his lip – an intimate gesture. She gave him a tender kiss on the lips before pressing the plate, with the remaining goodies, into his hand, and she moved on to where Carol and Lin were standing.

Gary came over and stood beside me then. He didn't say anything, but he let me take his hand in mine. Together, we watched as she flirted with the women. Soon, even the dour Carol was laughing. Joanne gave each a kiss on the cheek, and let their hands linger in hers as she pulled away. I could see the pang of longing in the eyes of the two women as they watched Joanne move away.

"This is killing me," said Gary to me, softly. "She has so much grace. Everybody loves her." It was true. We all did love Joanne. She was with Sid, now, and they were laughing and goofing. Sid had his hand at the small of her back. "You aren't going to miss me, you're just going to miss my butt," I heard her jest, as she grabbed his wrist and moved his hand down to her bum. I could see his fingers give her a squeeze there. He pulled her in tight for a kiss, but she turned her face a bit, so that their kiss only met at the corners of their mouths. He looked disappointed, but she teased him again. "Don't you go starting anything now, Sid. I have a plane to catch."

And then Joanne flowed across the room and joined with Simone and Tori. I turned my eyes to Gary. He was slumped against the wall, with his eyes closed. He looked defeated. I was about to move closer, to comfort him, when I saw Saralinda and Kate just outside the door, lingering on the deck, talking quietly. I watched with curiosity as Saralinda pulled Kate into a quick hug, and then rubbed her hand down Kate's back as they parted and finally entered the room.

Kate stopped just inside the door, and her eyes searched the room before they found Gary next to me. She bit her lip when she saw him. Her eyes moved and the two of us stared at each other for a few seconds. I watched her swallow and look away, and then Kate moved towards Joanne.

Saralinda had also stopped at the door, but by the time my focus had shifted to her, she was almost rushing over to Gary and me. She scooted up right next to me, taking my hand. She looked a bit nervous as she glanced around the room for a moment.

I wrapped my arm loosely around her, hugging her from behind, and whispered into her ears, "Something wrong, Honey?" She didn't say anything, and she didn't relax. She did turn her head and tilt it back so that we could kiss for a moment. Then she lowered her head and stared at Gary, who was still slumped against the wall, and still had his eyes closed.

Saralinda twisted out of my grasp and went over to Gary. She maneuvered her arms around him and gave him a long, long hug, but he didn't seem to react. She pressed her face up into the hollow of his neck. His arms wrapped around her a little bit. "No matter what, we love you, Gary. No matter what. I promise," I heard her whisper to him. Then she tightened her hug again, and slowly Gary returned the embrace. After a few seconds, he seemed to straighten and relax, and then Saralinda drew back. Gary was standing now, and his shoulders lost their rigid set, at least a little.

I watched all of this with confusion. I knew Joanne's departure was hard on Gary, but this seemed different. It felt like something else was going on. Something to do with Kate, maybe. My eyes flicked around the room to find her, but she was gone already. She must have nipped in only long enough to say goodbye to Joanne.

I felt Saralinda's hand pulling me, and I turned with it. She basically pushed me at Gary, who was still looking a bit shaky. I took Gary's hands in mine and stared into his face. He couldn't seem to meet my eyes, which made my heart tighten.

My mind whirled through all of the possible explanations for his funk, so that I could try and counter it.

"You okay, Gary? ... Hey, what's wrong?..."

I reached up with my hand and pretty much made him look at me.

"Gary, you're not losing all of us. I won't leave you. I won't, okay? Relax. We'll get through this..." I didn't even know if that was what was bothering him, but he didn't say otherwise.

I was about to give him a kiss, when I noticed that Jake was standing next to us. Jake stayed silent until Gary looked over at him as well.

"Sorry to interrupt, boss. You ready to do the champagne toast? Joanne's cab is due here in fifteen minutes."

Joanne had insisted that she simply take a cab to the airport. She refused all offers to have Gary or Jake drive her there. She wouldn't even let me come along with her. "It's just too hard, Moira," she'd told me. "I hate goodbyes."

I looked up into Gary's face. He breathed out heavily through his nose, but then he nodded to Jake.

Gary walked over to stand at the head of the table, and tapped a knife against a glass while Jake quickly took the tray of champagne glasses around so that everyone had one. Jake looked surprised to have one left over at the end, and his eyes flicked around the room, searching to see who he'd missed. I went over to him.

"Kate was here, but she seems to have left already," I said to him quietly.

He grimaced, and put the tray down, taking his own glass and leaving the one for Kate abandoned. The chatting stopped, and everyone looked up to Gary.

"Okay, everybody. Joanne has to leave us in just a minute, but I wanted to say a few words." And then he had eyes only for Jo.

"Joanne, you are like a cool drink on a hot day, and like hot mulled wine in winter. You are always exactly what is needed. When you come into a room, everyone feels better. You are gorgeous and sweet and we're all in love with you. We've been blessed to have you with us, even if the time has been too short. Eternity would be too short. But we do not begrudge your departure.

"This is not goodbye, but farewell. We will miss you. But knowing that you will be with Burt, your true love who adores you – that takes away the sting.

"Joanne, we wish you a wonderful homecoming with Burt, and we look forward to seeing the two of you get married on Valentine's Day, if we don't see you again before then."

Gary's eyes then swung around the room, taking us all in.

"So, let us all drink to our dear friend, Joanne. May she bring happiness wherever she goes, as she has brought us happiness. And may it be returned fourfold to her and to Burt."

And at that, Gary raised his glass to Joanne, and we all did the same with ours.

"To Joanne," and "Hear hear", and other such things were said, and we drank. And then Joanne was in Gary's arms, with tears streaming down her face. The rocked each other back and forth, holding tight. Gosh, I wanted to rush to them, to share in that embrace, but I held back. Gary needed that private moment with her – a moment cut even shorter by the impatient honk of the cabbie on the dock outside.

Joanne broke away, and a quick glance at Jake sent him and Sid scurrying to carry her luggage. Gary walked her out of the room and around the deck to the gangway, while the rest of us trailed behind. I pushed my way to stand beside Gary at the top of the gangway. Joanne insisted that we come no further with her. She gave Gary one last hug and a quick kiss, and then gave me a quick hug too, and a kiss on the nose. She looked happy, and excited, and that made me smile in spite of sadness. She waved to the others on the deck, then turned and practically skipped down to the dock and across to the cab.

Sid held a door open for her, as Jake shut the trunk and came over to take her hand. Jake brought her fingers to his lips, like he was paying respects to a princess. She giggled and tossled his hair, and then Sid's. Then she waved at us once more, then disappeared into the cab. Sid shut the door, and she was off.