Chapter 37: Saralinda

"Okay, now, honey – A three and a four and a –"

A-minor, C-and G-and E...
A-minor, E-minor, A minor, E-minor
A-minor, C-and G-and E...
A-minor, E-minor, A minor, E-minor

"Great, keep going," she encouraged me.

I was doing it. Well, kinda sorta. We were playing really slowly. Moira had her gorgeous guitar, and I had a cheap one I'd borrowed from Jake. And then she began to sing, while we both played along.

Red Pomegranate, where power is born
The Potion, for True Love
White is the powder from unicorn's horn
For True Love, the Magic

Ian McShane had the beast in his sights
Oh cruel plan, poor white stag
His arrow was nocked, his breath was held tight
For Eimear, Sweet Eimear

The unicorn calm in an emerald glade
Great beast of Creation
But Ian was awed, his soul was afraid
A good man, A true man

He laid down his bow, and from shame did he weep
Oh, hot tears, Oh true fears
Then a voice from behind stabbed him into the deep
Oh Eimear, It's Eimear

"You sought to compel me to love you through art?"
A plan shamed, his heart maimed
"Then you gave up that guile, risked losing my heart?"
His soul yearns, The truth burns

"I've known that you love me for many a moon"
His cheeks red from blushing
"And I've carried your ribbon since Bealtaine as boon"
Hope wells, and heart swells

"You needed no potion to capture my heart"
Oh foolish, Oh churlish
"For this Mercy, I'll love you 'til death do us part"
Oh Eimear, My Eimear

I only stumbled a couple of times, which was pretty cool. We were making music. Moira and me. Together. I felt like crying, even as my face was stretched tight by a smile, and my body must have glowed with pleasure from my nose to my toes.

My guitar strings were still ringing when I noticed Jake at the door. His fingers were steepled over his nose and mouth, and my heart sank. He was, like, staring at me. And I could tell from his expression that he wasn't bringing happiness.

"What's up, Jake?" asked Moira, for me.

He sighed into his hands before dropping them.

"Saralina – I really hate to interrupt. But Kate practically threw me out of the office, with orders to fetch you immediately. Sorry..."

I frowned, sighed, then stood up, handed him his guitar, went back to give Moira a kiss, (and, on impulse, I gave Jake one too) then headed back to the stairs and down. Down, down, like into the dungeon, down.

The office door was closed, of course. I stopped, took a deep breath to calm myself, then knocked. "Come," came muffled through the door. I opened it and went in.

"Close the door," Kate said, without any greeting. I shut the door behind me.

She stared at me for a long time, while I stood there, glancing around the office – anywhere but into her eyes.

"Who put you up to this, anyway? Gary?"

I blinked. What?

"Or Jake? Did he ask you to help? Gary probably told him to recruit you. Need to find a replacement for Kate, after all, and who better than Sarlinda..."

I could feel tears welling in my eyes, but I couldn't let them out. I wouldn't. I'd had a lot of practice at holding back tears, back when I was with The Bitch and my father.

"I was just trying to be helpful," I said tightly, trying hard not to let my anger show. "I wanted to help you, even though..." Even though you'd been a bitch to Malia. "And I wanted to be useful around here, to contribute something. Jake was so lost; he was desperate. And he's, like, my friend, and I - I try to help my friends. " Especially ones who have helped me as much as Jake has. "I think I got things a bit more organized in here. I really hope I didn't screw something up, or anything..."

She stared at me hard. I stared back harder. She looked down first, and bit her lip.

"I'm sorry. That was unfair of me."

Kate was then silent for a long time. I didn't interrupt her. And then I noticed that she wasn't doing as well as me at holding back the tears. I didn't know if I should, like, go to her. It's not like we were friends, or anything. Not really. We'd hardly ever spoken, and she was always sort of glaring at me. When she wasn't glaring at Gary.

But ... Moira would comfort her. Joanne would too. Jake would try. And Gary ... I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Then I walked over to her and laid a hand on her shoulder, giving it a little rub. I knew she couldn't be more than ten years older than Moira, but I could see she looked much older. Her hair needed to be re-dyed, and her skin was brown and wrinkled from the sun. She'd never been as gorgeous as Moira, or even Joanne. But I suddenly remembered the scene where she and the captain had been fucking at the back rail. Kate could still look sexy. If only she would smile more...

"I think I'm going crazy," she said, though whether she was saying that to me or to herself, I didn't know.

I swallowed. "You say that like it's a bad thing," I said, quietly.

She looked up at me with an angry flash, but then, maybe, saw that it was me – Crazy Saralinda – who she was talking to, and she looked away.

"Kate, don't take this, like, the wrong way or anything. But if you really are feeling like you're going crazy, you should talk to Dr. Anna. She really helped me. She won't just, like, drug you up. And she won't just tell you to get over it. She'll figure out how to help. I owe her everything." As I owe Gary. And Moira. And Jake.

"Of course," I went on, rambling now. "I saw the bills from the clinic. I can't believe how much I've cost Gary – it's been, like, thousands of dollars. I know he's rich, and he says the money doesn't matter at all. But that's what made me think about learning JazzBooks and stuff. So I could do something useful around here. And I knew you were stressed out even before you left, and so I thought you'd like the help..."

Kate kind of shook her head slowly. I lifted my hand away from her shoulder and took a half step back.

"Everything's just so simple with you, isn't it?" she said, freezing me in place.

I didn't know what she meant, but I felt myself react to the words.

"Oh no, Kate. You're wrong. Nothing is simple for me. I'm completely lost, here. I don't know what I'm doing in this world. I don't know how to be an adult. Everything is new to me – money, travel, relationships. I don't even know what clothes to wear, or what foods Michelle is serving us. I feel so stupid, so often, and..." My mouth clamped shut, as I tried to hold tears back again.