Chapter 9

Matilda's eyes blinked open a tad and then all the way. She rubbed them with the pads of her palms and then stretched her arms straight into the air with a big, lion-like yawn. Her arms dropped to her sides with a thud and slight bounce on the mattress. Clasping her hands behind her head, she stared up at the ceiling with a huge smile as she kicked the bedcover off. Memories of the previous night filled her mind.

She looked right and left and then pushed herself up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She hesitated, confused for a moment. She still wore the clothes from the day before. Seeing the skirt bunched at her waist and no panties, she smiled again.

Matilda listened for sounds that Leon was in the apartment. There were none. Thinking back to Leon confessing his love for her, she immediately missed him and loneliness overwhelmed her. She wanted to be with Leon.

She set a record for washing up and gulping down a small breakfast. Rushing from the apartment, taking two steps at a time as she fled down the stairs, she stormed onto the street. She almost ran the eight blocks to Big Tony's.

Pausing for a moment to catch her breath in front of the restaurant, Matilda pulled the handle to the front door. It rattled but did not open. She pulled again, harder. Stomping her foot and kicking the door, she then pressed her forehead and nose to the glass with her hands cupped on both sides of her face. She saw Big Tony at the cash register. She knocked. He looked up with a scowl, but his face softened when he recognized her. He walked to the door and unlocked it.

As soon as Big Tony opened the door, Matilda cried out, "Is Leon here?"

"Haven't seen him. Why?"

"He wasn't in the apartment when I woke up and I thought he'd be here."

"Nope. Not here." His eyes roamed up and down her body. "Want to come in?"

Matilda stepped back. "No, um, I better go."

She turned and headed back towards her apartment, kicking anything in her path.

"Hey, cutie."

Matilda's head shot up and she jumped away from the voice. But a smile appeared on her face. Crash was sitting on the stoop in front of an apartment building wearing blue jeans and a tight, white polo shirt. The short sleeves were rolled up over his shoulders displaying his prominent muscles. A lit cigarette dangled from his lips and one eye squinted from the smoke. Matilda walked up to him and snatched the cigarette, dropping it to the floor and crushing it with a twist of her sneaker.

"Those things will kill you," she scolded him, but her voice was playful.

"Well, gotta do something to pass the time. Anyway, who needs to live long? What would I be giving up, all this?" He spread his arms.

Matilda slapped his arm. "I like you. I want us to be friends. You're the only one my age I know. If you got cancer then I wouldn't have any friends."

Crash's smile got bigger. "I'd like to be your friend, too. Okay, I'll try to quit. But only because we're friends."

"What are you doing here?" Matilda asked.

"I live here." He thrust his thumb over his shoulder without turning.

"With your family?"

"Naw, ain't got no family. Been on my own for a long time."

"I don't have a family either."

"What about that French guy?"

"I just live with him. He took me in when my family..."

One of Crash's eyebrows rose but he did not say anything. Everyone he knew had secrets.

Matilda sat down on the stoop. She asked Crash about his job. When he shrugged, she asked him what he liked. He responded with, "Fast cars and smoking cigarettes." Matilda chuckled and then blushed when he added, "And you." They chatted for a while but she didn't tell him much about herself. It was fun to talk to someone her age, though.

"Hey, would you like to, you know, go to a movie?" Crash asked.

Matilda jumped up and said, "Gotta go." She began walking away.

"Hey, Matilda," Crash called out. She stopped and looked over her shoulder. "I like being your friend."

She returned his smile and started skipping before falling into a normal walk.

Matilda was heading to her apartment at the end of the hall when she stopped in front of her old one. She stared at the door. It was no longer crisscrossed with yellow police tape but she knew it was still vacant. It brought back memories; most bad but some good -- the ones with Bobby were good. Taking a step towards Leon's apartment, she hesitated before taking the second step. Still leaning forward with one foot in front of her, she looked to the side -- at the door to her old apartment.

Digging into her pocket, Matilda pulled out her keys. Her eyes almost bored through the door as she rubbed her old key between her thumb and forefinger. Bringing her feet together and standing upright, she looked over her shoulder. The hall was empty. She hesitantly stepped up to the door. After looking down the hall again, she inserted the key into the lock. She held her breath. Checking the hall one last time, she turned the key and doorknob and opened the door. She quickly ducked inside and slammed the door behind her. Leaning against the door, she let the air out of her lungs and took a few deep breaths. Her heart pounded.

Matilda strolled through the apartment, looking at everything. Each room -- each item -- brought back memories. She tried to ignore the outlines of the bodies and the dried blood, even Detective Grafton's. She eventually found herself standing in the threshold of her old room -- and Bobby's -- staring at his empty bed. She placed a hand over her heart as her breathing became shallow. She wiped her watery eyes.

"Bobby, I miss you so much," she whispered.

Matilda scanned the room, but her eyes kept returning to Bobby's bed. She could almost see his little form sleeping, clutching his bear in the crook of his arm. Then her eyes rose to the shelf over the bed. A half smile appeared on her face when she visualized Bobby's upside down bear. But the smile vanished as she continued to stare. Her eyes shifted to the upper right, but she no longer saw the room. Memories flashed through her mind. She fast forwarded through some, but others appeared in slow motion, some actually freezing.

She delved into the past. Her eyes squinted as she chewed her lower lip, remembering. She remembered Bobby being alive. She remembered seeing her father's dead body sprawled on the floor when she returned from the supermarket. She remembered how scared she was and how Leon had saved her. She remembered walking through her old apartment right after the slaughter. She remembered going back for her belongings and Bobby's bear. She focused on that for a while, seeing herself reaching for the bear in slow motion. She remembered killing Detective Grafton. Much of that was in slow motion as well. She remembered what happened at the Russian's apartment. She remembered every little detail.

Matilda gasped, slapping a hand over her mouth.

She spun around and ran to the front door, flinging it open and barreling into the hall, not slowing down until she was inside Leon's apartment. There she staggered towards the bedroom as if she were drunk, stopping at the threshold. She stared into the room, dazed, lightheaded. The room blurred and whirled. She felt like she was on a merry-go-round. Her legs buckled. Everything went dark.

Matilda heard her name called as if from far away. She thought it was Bobby, but it did not sound like him. She tried to focus, to make it louder, and soon it was. Her eyes fluttered open. She stared up at Leon's concerned face.

"What happened?" Leon asked, still shaking her shoulder.

"Huh? Where am I?"

Leon scooped her up and laid her on the bed. He brushed the hair off the bruise on her forehead.

"I found you on the floor ... unconscious. Are you sick?"

"Sick? No, I ... I got dizzy and ... I guess I fainted."

"How do you feel now?"

Leon touched her shoulder but Matilda winced so he pulled his hand back.

"Um, I'm okay," she said. "Where were you?"

"I went to the store."

Leon leaned over to kiss Matilda but she turned her head. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"How come you knew the weasel?" she asked.

"Who?"

"That guy Freddie."

Leon's face tensed and his eyes darted away from Matilda but instantly returned. "I said we were not going to talk about that."

"But how did you know him?"

Leon hesitated. Matilda saw the calculating in his eyes. "I did not know him. I knew the Russian."

"But you called him Freddie."

"Yes, but the Russian told me his name."

He's lying. Leon said Freddie told him about my mother. Matilda studied Leon's face. For the first time, she saw perspiration on his forehead. The corner of his mouth twitched.

"Okay," she said. "I was just curious."

"Is that why you fainted? Were you still fretting over what happened there?"

"No, I, um, just felt dizzy. Maybe I was hungry."

"Shall I make you something? Do you want to eat?"

"Yes. Thanks. I am really hungry. Can I rest here in the meantime?"

"Of course. You rest and I'll make you something. What do you want?"

"Tacos!" she said excitedly.

Leon chuckled and leaned forward kissing her on the forehead. She pulled his head lower, bringing his mouth to hers. She pushed her tongue into his mouth and held his head with both hands. Leon moaned and returned the passionate kiss.