Chapter 16: Anything You Can Do...

Ruby slipped her arm around Jimmy's waist as they went out front to see her new car. "Oh Jimmy, I seem to get stronger just leaning on you."

He hugged her tighter against him. "Darlin', we give each other strength and I wouldn't have it any other way."

They stopped beside the new canary yellow Olds eighty-eight convertible with all the bells and whistles. "Jimmy, what took you so long to get around to getting me my own car?"

"Well in the first place you don't need a car, you got me. In the second place I didn't get it for you, that dealer gave it to you as a pot sweetener."

In an off handed manner, he added, "My mother never drove a car in her life and she got on okay."

"Jimmy, for such a smart man you sure can think some dumb thoughts." Before she could add anything to the tirade she felt building up inside her, a Dodge sedan pulled up behind the new Oldsmobile.

Ruby paid it no attention until she heard the raucous sounds of a banjo start up. "Anything you can do I can do better. I can do anything better than you..."

"Oh lordy, Reba!" Ruby shouted and turned. There stood Little Sis leaning hipshot against the side of the Dodge, her old banjo in her left hand.

"Big Sis, I ain't goin' to ask how you're doing. We listened to you sing on our way her from Watonga. I still got the better voice."

Reba hurried to hug her Big Sis. When she got within arms length, she stopped and turned. "Hold this," she told Stanley and handed him her banjo.

Jimmy blinked and stared at this younger version of Ruby who seemed to appear from nowhere. Reba hugged Ruby and stepped back to look at her older sister. "Damn, you're sure knocked up, that's for sure."

Martha came up and stopped five feet away. "Hello, Honey." She stood quiet and waited to see what her welcome would be.

"Oh, Mama," Ruby told her and rushed to hug her mother. "I did not realize how much I missed you until just now."

Martha flinched as Ruby hugged her too tightly. "Mama, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"Pa kicked her in the side and almost killed her," Reba spoke up. She changed the subject. "How are you, Big Sis?"

Ruby looked at her and frowned, "I'm pregnant. I'll get over my problem in about three more months."

A voice came from the front door of the station. "Ruby get in here! The feed is down from the city and you will have to fill in until we get it back up. Air time in three minutes."

Ruby took her sister's hand. This is my husband Jimmy," She told the others. "Let's go inside and you can come in and watch us work."

She led the way to the large studio. Wally was already seated behind a small folding table, waiting for her. Ruby pointed to the chairs along one wall. Next, she pointed at the unlit bulb over the door they entered through, "When that light goes on you must not say anything. That especially goes for you, Jimmy. I..."

The light went on. Greta grabbed the typed sheet off the table in front of her. "Hello to all our friends in Radio Land. We give a special big hello from Ruby to Alton Oldsmobile, the friendliest Oldsmobile dealership in friendly Oklahoma.

"Mister Alton is so friendly he even gave Ruby a brand new canary yellow Oldsmobile convertible. Every time you see Ruby whipping around town in that beautiful car, think of your friendly Mister Alton. Better yet, drop in and see what he can do for you."

Ruby looked down at the sheet of paper in front of her. "Who wrote this? I have a death threat in front of me."

"Let me see that!" Jimmy yelled.

"Jimmy, you go sit down and hush up. No sense in you getting all riled up right now. Let's wait and see who wrote this and then you get to bash heads."

Ruby frowned. "Here, let me read this to you folks. It says, 'Red heads die as easy as anybody.' Now if that isn't a threat I don't know what a threat is."

Wally spoke up. "This was supposed to be a three way discussion between Ruby, Greta and me."

Stanley came into the studio and held his hand out to Ruby. "Give me that note."

"Good grief, Stanley. You are the big boss here, but that little red light is not a welcome light. It means shut up and don't talk." The studio engineer sat in his booth and tried to think what to do. The whole thing may be a setup and was supposed to go out live. Besides, you don't cut your boss off and keep your job...

Stanley had no such worries. "If someone threatens you or my wife, I'll be as noisy as I want. Someone is going to pay for this."

"It's time for the Olds commercial and it is not here. Someone is in trouble. If my Jimmy catches whoever did this first he will hurt them bad. Stanley will send that person to jail and I'll just shoot the cotton picker." Ruby worked hard kept all sounds of fear out of her voice.

Greta tried to get them back with the program. She asked Wally, "Have you been able to find the identity of our mysterious Mister X?"

"No, Greta, maybe because I did not try too hard. After all the man has broken no laws. He has merely informed us of the improper actions of certain members of congress and the senate. So far the man has been right on the money each and every time."

Ruby noticed there were no phone calls coming in. "Hey you two, we're dying on the vine. Nobody is calling in. That means they are turning their dials away from us. I'm going to ask my almost talented sister to sing a duet with me."

"Get your ugly little banjo over here, Reba. What are we going to sing, as if I didn't already know?"

Reba strummed a harsh sounding chord while Ruby removed her guitar from its case. "Anything you can do I can do better..."

Ruby strummed a chord and sang, "Oh no you can't..." Everyone in the studio listened to the sisters sing together.

"You up to a fight, Little Sis?" Ruby asked.

"What you got in mind, Big Sis?" Reba answered right back. "You really are my big sis now, especially around the middle."

"I recently heard a recording from Spain of two dueling guitars. It was performed by a pair of seven string Spanish guitars. Now you have that cheap old banjo and I have a Spanish guitar. Wanna fight?"

Reba grinned, "You lead and I'll counter." Ruby began with a Flamenco tune. Reba played the side sounds and added counter riffs of her own. After five minutes, they slowly wound down by mutual consent. "Well, you got some better since I saw you last, Big Sis."

An announcer rushed in and read two commercials. Then the on air light was turned off. Red faced and almost incoherent, Stanley opened the door to the studio and forced the receptionist inside. He shoved her over to Ruby. "You tell her where the death threat came from."

"I don't know anything about any death threat and you can't make me tell." The woman looked around as if seeking support from someone, anyone. She only saw hostile eyes staring back at her.

Reba spoke up, "Big Sis, I bet I can make her spill the beans. She threatened my Big Sis. I bet I can make her talk if anyone has a knife I can borrow. I'll just start a little below one eye and peel the skin off of her, inch at a time and hold a mirror up in front of her so she can see what she looks like with her raw flesh bleeding. You remember the time I skinned that little cat and got all its fur off of her without her dyin'. She surely sounded pitiful."

In spite of the seriousness of the situation, Ruby almost grinned. Reba was playing the game of "Disgusting." They and their friends met at someone's house and competed on whom could tell the most "disgusting" story. The game always ended with giggling young girls laughing at each other's tales.

"Here," Jimmy said as he handed her his pocketknife. He had never heard of the game and was serious. All he cared about was that someone threatened Ruby.

"Robert, Robert Seton. He said he would marry me if I did it." The woman's eyes rolled around in her head. She slumped to the floor.

Reba leaned her banjo against the wall nearest her chair, stood and walked over to the demoralized receptionist. She drew back her foot and swung once. She grinned at Stanley, Mister, you need to hire a better quality of help."

"Let her go," Ruby ordered.

"Why should we? She was part of a plan to kill you."

Ruby looked down at the sobbing woman curled up on the floor. "Jimmy, I know what it is like to be under the spell of a bad man. I been there. She needs our pity, not our hate."

"Honey, you are harder to keep up with than a pack of greyhounds" Jimmy shook his head in wonder.

"You," Reba spoke in a flat, hard monotone, as she nudged the woman with a toe of her shoe. "Big Sis says get out. So get to gettin' while you can."

Greta kissed Ruby on the cheek. "Well, I have tomorrow's column. You have your own ride now. So I'll meet you here for tomorrow's show." Stanley followed Greta out the door.

Ruby looked up and saw the red light was again shining bright. "We are back on the air and our listeners are probably wondering what all has been going on." She did a five-minute recap and asked for a commercial.

The station manager brought a sheaf of papers in. "Thank you, Mister Potts," she said and read the first one.

"Come here, Little Sis, you read the next one for me."

"Swede's Vegetable Market has plenty of fresh grown full flavored produce with that just picked taste."

The engineer in the control booth waved at Ruby and made motions of playing an imaginary guitar. "You did good, Little Sis, you feel up to playing a solo on your banjo?"

"Why shore," Reba answered in a cocky voice, hit a chord and began to sing "Buttons And Bows." She finished with a double riff and shouted, "Am I good or what?"

"You're so modest too," Ruby told her.

"No I'm not, I'm just good." Her cockiness made the others in the studio laugh.

Martha and Jake sat quiet, side-by-side holding hands. Jimmy grinned his pride while his beautiful wife and Reba made faces at each other. Jake shook his head in wonder as he watched the antics of the two sisters. He thought wistfully of how things might have been if he and Martha had wed all those years ago.

Finally, the red light went out and The Green Hornet began his latest adventure with his faithful sidekick Kato.

"Mister West, you follow Jimmy. Little Sister, you ride with me in my new car. Henry, I will see you in Church Sunday. Ma, you can ride with me if you like."

Martha smiled and blushed. "I'd better ride with Jakey."

Jakey? Ruby looked at her mother and then at Jake West. She nodded. "Let's go before they put us all back to work."

As soon as Ruby drove away in her new car she asked, "Reba, what in hell is going on there? Jakey? I know Pa was a no count from the get go, but he's not even cold yet and Ma is acting like a..." She grasped for the words to express what she felt.

"Ma acts like she is in heat," Reba told her. "Ruby, you don't know the half of it. They act like they are in puppy love or worse. I had to watch them carry on all the way from back home."

"What about Pa? Where did he figure in on all this? I can't see him just sitting around. Pa never let anybody take anything away from him."