Chapter 2: High School Friends

By now you must be wondering how it was that I found myself in that situation in the first place. In order for you to understand, I have to explain the events leading up to that night.

I met Gwendolyn thirty-three years ago. We went to high school together; and, like the young school boy I was, I fell hopelessly in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her.

Both our parents were Catholics and sent us to "Saint Augustine's School for The Chaste and Pious Youth". In case you couldn't tell by the name, it's a parochial school. We were sent there for entirely different reasons. My parents sent me there to keep me out of trouble; Gwen's sent her there because they wanted her to keep the virginity and have the benefits of a 'morally sound education'.

We only dated a few times and, because of the circumstance, I never had a chance to kiss her. I guess that's to be expected when your date is being chaperoned by a member of the girl's family. It was Gwen's misfortune that she was forced to have her older brother Jimmy accompany her on dates.

I remember to this day arriving at her house for our first date. We were all standing there in the living room, Gwen, her bother Jimmy, and her parents. Jimmy was laughingly hysterically like a hyena while under the watchful eye of their parents; Gwen was forced to say to me very formally... "Joel Johnson, I want you to know that I'm a good catholic girl and I'm saving myself for my husband. Don't try anything fresh with me or God will strike you down." Then Jimmy added, "And after that I'll break your arm!"

God it must have been humiliating for her!

Jimmy wasn't really bad at all. He even was kind enough to remain a discrete distance from us. Still, I know it was embarrassingly uncomfortable for Gwen every time we dated. After the humiliation of our first day, I wondered if she'd ever see me again. To my elation, she did.

Things didn't work out the way I expected them to though because before I had a chance to tell her how I felt about her, Gwen's parents arranged for her to meet Patrick 'Patty' Doherty. Patty, in case you haven't already guessed from his name, was the descendant of Irish emigrants. He too was devoutly Catholic. As strange as it seems now, even though it was an arranged courtship, Gwen fell for him like a ton of bricks and thus ended my dreams of ever being with her.

Anyway, after high school, Patty and Gwen were married. Also about the same time, Patty and I both went on to college. He went on to the local college and majored in education; and, Gwen assumed her new role of housewife. My parents wanted me to go to Norte Dame; but, after four years of parochial school, I was in no hurry to go to another one. So, I decided to stay in the south and work on a B.B.A. at the University of Georgia.

A little over three years later, and about the same time, Patty and I both graduated from college. Patty took a job as a high school teacher; and then, he and Gwen moved out of town and into the county. Except for church, I didn't see her much after that.

Similar to Patty, I also got a job after college. The difference was I went to work as an entry level manager for one of the local banks.

One year after I graduated college, I got married. My first wife, Jenny, became pregnant. After which, she promptly ran off with the baby's father.

A divorce and five years later, I married my second wife Mona. Ten years into that relationship, out of the blue, Mona started harping on me about how unfulfilled she felt as a woman. At the time, I thought it had something to do with the fact that she wanted to have a baby.

I tried for the next two years to give her one. As things went, after more failed attempts than I can count, Mona began accusing me of having an affair.

I wasn't and told her so; she called me a liar; I told her she was behaving like a paranoid bitch; and, before I knew what had happened I was divorced again.

Personally, in retrospect, from the way she'd had been acting at the time I think Mona was going through 'The Change of Life' and wouldn't have been happy even if I had managed to give her what she wanted. Then again, maybe she'd just tired of me? I don't know. One thing I do know, when her lawyer hit me up for alimony, I wished I had been sleeping around on her. At least then she would have deserved the monthly payments I was stuck giving her!

But that's enough about my failed marriages.

Meanwhile, about the same time my second divorce became final, I decided to take an early retirement. It was mid July.

That was also when Gwen quite unexpectedly, and no less tragically I might add, regained her freedom. Patty, from all accounts, went out of his way to electrocute himself. I'm not sure if he was suicide or just plain stupidity. But, I can tell you this ... if there was a game show called "Dumbass Ways To Die", hands down, he'd have to be the winning contestant ... posthumously of course!

Now, before you start telling me how insensitive you think I'm being, let's play a little game of our own. If you know any adults that are stupid enough to try and pry bread out of a toaster with butter knife while said toaster is still plugged into the wall, move to the other side of the room. If you don't, stay where with me on this side of the room. Where are you standing? See my point?