Chapter 69

In Gina's mindscape, Stephanie let out a contented sigh and closed her eyes, suffused with the warmth of Debby's hug. She smiled, and her eyes threatened tears again. "God, it's been so long since I felt just simple affection like this. I feel so guilty now for all the times I shied away from my mother when all she wanted to do was hug me."

"I wish we could go back to her," Gina said. "She still thinks your dead."

"I am, in a way. My body -- my old body -- is just a shell now. And you still love your mother. I guess that makes her our mother now."

"Oh, goodness, I didn't think of that!" Cassie said. "Your mother is still Victor's slave!"

"I think it will be all right, Cassie," said Gina. "She really doesn't have very much of Victor's power. It was my upbringing that made me what I was."

"We'll be eighteen in two years," Stephanie said. "That's still the legal age of adulthood, right?"

Cassie nodded. "Are you sure you won't have trouble with her?"

Stephanie smiled. "That depends. Can we call on you and your friends if we do?"

Cassie smiled and hugged her, then Gina. "Of course you can! Please, don't hesitate to come to us if you need help for anything."

"Is everything going to be okay with your friends?" Gina asked.

"I think so. They're being let go. Thank goodness all this fighting is over."

"For now, anyway," Stephanie said. "Something bigger is going on. When I projected myself through the energy lines, I sensed something at that node in the center of town, something dark and cold. I tried to stay away from it."

"Stephanie, if there's any way I can give back some of the powers you--"

Stephanie shook her head. "I wouldn't know how to do it even if I wanted to. No, you have them for good. You can use them better than I ever could."

"I'm not sure I understand," Gina said. "But I guess I will in time."

"I really hope I can learn to use them properly," Cassie said. "I wish you could give me more instruction on them."

"You already know more than I do," said Stephanie.

Gina turned her gaze to the side. "Cassie, you have to go now, don't you?"

Cassie had felt a tug at the back of her mind for the past few minutes, and now she noticed Gina's gaze and followed it. A door had appeared in the middle of the leaf-strewn meadow. It clicked and swung open, revealing the pastel lights of the Dreamverse beyond.

Stephanie took Cassie's hands and squeezed. "Cassie, please come visit me now and then."

"Yes, you're always welcome here!" Gina piped.

"You know you can just talk to me in person at school, too," said Cassie.

Stephanie smirked. "I know, but this way we can gossip without anyone else hearing us."

All three girls giggled. The tug in Cassie's mind became a pull. She squeezed Stephanie's hands in return as she took a step backwards towards the door. Gina rushed up to Cassie and gave her one last quick hug. "Thank you for everything. I couldn't have done this without you."

Cassie smiled at them one last time before she plunged through the doorway. As the door closed behind her, she gasped at the sight she beheld.

The door to Lydia's mind lay open to an empty black nothing, a literal ending of reality at the plane of the door frame. She stepped forward and gazed into it, looking for anything that might be left. She saw and felt only an emptiness that wanted to subsume her into its nonexistence.

Her hand caught the edge of the door and pushed it closed. The door sealed with a click, then faded away until nothing remained.

Cassie shed a single tear for the old Stephanie. She looked back at the door to the new Gina and the new Stephanie. She slid her hand over it, as if to reassure her of its solidity, before finally turning back towards the door to her own mind.

"Heh, perfect timin', she's comin' outta it now," said Ned.

Cassie blinked rapidly. She tried to sit up and winced as her stiffened muscles protested. She looked up at Ned and threw her arms around his neck with a gushing sigh in his ear. She embraced him as much as the awkward angle would allow.

"Ya did it, babe," Ned said. "I'm real proud of ya."

"Oh, Ned, I have so much to tell you about it, but I'm just so drained right now."

Ned pulled back and grinned. "It can keep, babe."

Cassie smiled and nodded. "Is Gina here?"

Ned stepped back. Gina appeared, wrapped in a blanket Debby had retrieved from her emergency kit in the back of the van. Gina had refused to put her costume back on; she had wanted nothing that had been touched by Victor.

Gina leaned in and hugged Cassie. "This is so weird, I feel like I've known you for so long even though this is the first time we've met," Gina said in a tremulous voice. "I-I'm not sure I understand all of it, my head is still sort of spinning."

Cassie squeezed her arm. "It's okay, Gina, you'll understand eventually."

"That's what something keeps telling me." She smiled faintly. "I used to think I had demons in my head. That was never it, was it?"

Debby stepped into view as Gina drew back. "I'm going to help her as much as I can," Debby said. "She has two spirits residing inside her now. It's going to be a little confusing for her at first."

"The other one is Stephanie, isn't it?" Gina asked, looking from Cassie to Debby. "She was the one talking to Victor when I was still on the altar. I have all these memories now that are sort of mine but not quite."

Debby squeezed Gina's shoulder. "It's all right, honey, I'll help you understand."

Cassie's eyes sought Ned again. "Ned, where are the rest of the Harbingers?"

"Richie's just hangin' out," said Ned. "Jason and Melinda are sorta havin' a private moment. Ditto fer Heather and Diane."

Cassie sighed and shivered. "Victor really messed things up between some of us. I'm not sure any of us will be the same again."

"Babe, I think we stopped bein' the same since we started this lark," Ned drawled. He took Cassie's hand. "'sides, I kinda like some of the changes that happened in the relationship department, ya know?"

Cassie smiled, her eyes blurring. She pulled Ned to her again and kissed him.

Diane had wandered away from the others, standing by the edge of the road looking towards the trees on the other side of Old Fairview. She saw little more than dark outlines against hard, cold points of light scattered against a moonless sky. A Halloween at new moon made little sense to her now. At least a bright full moon would have been something she could grasp and would have dispelled some of the darkness, if only in a figurative sense in her mind.

Gravel crunched behind her, and she jerked her head towards the sound. She repressed the urge to snap at whoever had disturbed her, and instead let out a quick, exasperated sigh. "I'll be back in a little while. I just need another minute."

"It's me, Diane," said Heather.

Diane drew in her breath as if she were about to say something, but released it as a sigh and abandoned the words in her head. She returned to staring at the trees.

Heather came alongside her. She lifted an arm, thought better of it, and let it fall to her side again. "Diane, I'm sorry."

Diane again tried to speak, but the words she had before no longer seemed adequate. She snapped at Heather after all. "Sorry for what? Just what the hell is there to be sorry for?"

To Diane's surprise, Heather replied, "I'm not sure."

Diane turned to face her, but she appeared as little more than a vague form in the dark. A light snapped on in Heather's hand, and she guided the flashlight beam between them.

"So what are you going to tell me now?" Diane said. "That this isn't my fault? That I'm not to blame? That I didn't do this to myself?!"

Heather had no idea how to respond; she had never seen Diane this angry.

"Okay, fine, yeah, he screwed with my head. But he had something to work with."

"He took it too far," Heather said.

Diane blinked. "What?"

"You've always been submissive, but he pushed it too far."

Diane stared. "That's what you think this is about? My fucking submissive streak?"

Heather fell silent, her lips parting in confusion.

"I don't think you really understand why I'm submissive, Heather! Or if you ever wanted to find out."

Heather flinched as if struck, her eyes shimmering.

Diane sighed and dropped her face into her hands for a few seconds. "All right, I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. It's not your job to know what goes on in my head. I wasn't helping, either. I went along with being your little slave whenever you wanted."

"But I thought that was what you wanted," Heather said. "I mean, no, not like Victor did to you, but--"

"But that would be the end result, right? That's what it would lead to."

"It doesn't have to! The only reason I almost did it to you permanently that one time was because of Melissa."

"You're still not getting it!"

"Then explain it to me!" Heather cried. "You're getting mad as fucking hell at me and I think I deserve to know why!"

Diane was forced to pause to prevent herself from exploding again. She wanted to feel the anger. It was easier to understand. She felt more in control. Someone who was angry could not be so easily deterred from it. Others were forced to give her a wide berth. "It's not you," she finally said, her voice taut. "But I'm letting you enable it."

"Enable what?"

"My problems with self esteem. My feelings of worthlessness."

"I've told you over and over that you're not--"

"And you think that fixes it? It runs deeper than that, Heather. I don't expect you to understand. You've always had it better. If you weren't popular, you always had your head on straight and knew what you wanted to do."

"Not when Melinda was threatened!" Heather cried. "When she was trapped in Victor's cult, I had no fucking clue what to do!"

"I'm sorry," Diane said in a more contrite voice. "But you don't feel it all the time like I do."

Heather remained silent. She was still grasping for understanding, and anything she could say would not be helpful.

"I realized all this when I could see the Auras," Diane said in a low voice. "It made me understand what I was really feeling. I'm not submissive because I want to be submissive, but because I feel like I can't do anything else. And now that I was forced to be totally submissive all the time, when I had no choice but to watch myself do it..." She paused and wrapped her arms around herself. "I-I don't want to do it anymore."

Heather bit her lip. "Shit, if Ned hadn't--"

Diane shook her head. "No, don't blame him. Don't you dare, or you'll make me do it too just to follow along with you."

"I'm not controlling you, Diane."

"It's not control! Dammit, listen to what I'm saying! I follow along because I think everyone else is wiser than me. That's why I can't do this anymore."

Heather looked stricken.

Diane looked at Heather, her eyes wet. "I thought I loved you. Maybe I do. But maybe I latched on to you because I thought it would be so much easier to just follow along and let you make the decisions."

Heather nodded, her throat too tight for words.

Diane swallowed. "Heather, I-I do care for you, but ... I just don't know how much of my feelings are real anymore and how much is just some need for comfort."

"D-Diane, please don't say you want to br ... break..." Heather's words dissolved into a choked sob. She sniffled and wiped her eyes with her free hand.

"Break up? We can't anyway," Diane said, her voice soft. "The link, remember? Have to have sex to keep that up."

"Sex is not the same as love."

Diane's eyes shimmered. "I know. But if I broke it off, I would have to do it completely, and that's impossible. I'm not sure I would want to."

Heather tentatively took Diane's hand, and wondered if Diane could hear her heart hammering at the fear of Diane rejecting the touch. To her relief, Diane wrapped her slender fingers around Heather's hand and squeezed.

"No, I don't want to break it off," Diane said. "But our relationship has to be more on my terms, Heather, and you're going to have to be patient with me because I don't know what those terms are yet. All I know is I can't be your slave anymore. Ever. Not even pretend. Just don't."

Heather nodded. "Yes, Diane, I understand."

"Please, Heather, make sure you do. Please. Because if you do anything to me, I won't stop you. I can't stop you, not until I understand how to tell you 'no.'"

Heather's eyes teared. "I p-promise."

Diane hugged Heather, squeezing her eyes shut against the tears. Heather shuddered and let out a single sob.

Diane pulled out of the embrace first. A smile ghosted her lips. "I have other reasons I don't want to break up. Even when you were treating me like a slave, you still worried about my pleasure. You still made it feel good."

Heather's lips trembled into a smile. "Maybe that was part of the problem. I made it too enjoyable."

Diane managed a weak chuckle. She tilted her head when Heather's face took on an unexpected look. "What is it?"

Heather's eyes widened, like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "Maybe ... maybe what you need ... maybe you need to be in charge instead."

"But that's what ... wait, you don't mean--?"

"Maybe you should be the Mistress, and I'll be the slave."

Diane shook her head. "God, Heather, I can't do that to you!"

"Why not? It would only be fair."

"It doesn't work that way. It won't magically fix my problems."

"I know, but it should help, right? And it avoids me messing with you even by accident."

"But, Heather, you're going to have Ms. Bendon keeping you every other week! You really want me to do this to you on top of that?"

Heather smiled. "I have a feeling you'd be a kinder Mistress to me than she ever would."

Diane slowly smiled. "Well ... maybe."

Heather stared. "Maybe?"

Diane grinned. "I'm just kidding. Let me think about it, okay? Tonight's probably not the night to decide something like this."

Heather nodded. They looked into each other's eyes for a moment, then drew together in a short, soft kiss. "Let's get back to the others," Diane said.

Melinda never thought she would be happy to be in the fairy costume again, but it was better than standing naked in the cold. She still shivered, lacking a coat to wear over it. She clung to Jason more for warmth than anything else. At least that was what she insisted on telling herself.

They stood not too far from the van, where its interior light gave them just enough illumination to convince Melinda she was not standing in a void. Jason felt her trembling. He wrapped her arms around her, thinking she was simply cold. Instead, her trembling became worse, and her fingers dug into his shirt.

"Are you all right?" Jason asked.

Melinda wanted to both laugh and rage at him. He still asked the stupidest questions of her! He had not learned a single thing about dealing with girls. She had no idea why she even bothered trying to teach him.

She responded in the only way she knew. "What do you think?" She lay her head against his chest and heard the outtake of breath of his sigh. Guilt flooded her eyes, and she closed them for a moment. "Sorry," she said in a tiny voice.

"It's okay."

Melinda's fingers curled into a fist, and she thumped it lightly against his chest. "No it isn't! I treat you like shit! Why do you still like me?"

Jason stared, confused. "I just--"

"And then I get mad when you can't respond right away after I say something stupid like that." She pushed him away. "Forget it, just leave me alone."

"Melinda, what is it?" Jason said. "Why are you being so hard on yourself?"

"B-Because it's better than being scared."

"Victor's gone. After what Heather told us about her last vision--"

"It's not him, and it's not Kelly."

Jason remained silent. Contrary to Melinda's opinion, he had learned something: that it was best to wait out pauses like this rather than guess at what she meant and make her more upset.

"Before Cassie ... before she went under to do whatever she did ... I heard her say something to Ned." She swallowed hard, her eyes liquid. "S-Something I wanted to say to you."

Jason had not heard a word of what had passed between Ned and Cassie, but from their reactions he could have guessed. His heart pounded, but he managed not to panic.

"I'm scared something will happen to me -- or to you -- before I can say it."

"Why can't you say it?"

"What about you? Can you say it?"

Jason realized how dumb his question was as soon as he had said it, but he had not expected her to throw it back at him. Nor did he have an answer.

Melinda sighed. "We're both hopeless."

"No, we're not."

"Then why can't I say it? Why can't you?"

"You really want me to try and answer that?" Jason said. "For me, I mean?"

Melinda shook her head. "Well, yeah, I do, actually, but that's not fair. Not until I can tell you why I can't."

Jason noticed the change. She was thinking of someone else's feelings first. That alone almost prompted him to say it. "I over-analyze everything," Jason said instead.

"Huh?"

"It's why I can't say it. I think too hard about it. I can't stop looking for more evidence about how I feel."

Melinda's eyes narrowed. "Evidence? That's not how it works!"

"I know. That's my problem."

Melinda was quiet for a moment, then let out a relieved sigh. "Well that's better than what I thought it might be."

Jason slipped an arm around her waist. "Melinda, I do care for you. Were you afraid I was going to tell you I didn't?"

Melinda placed her hands against his shoulders as if intending to push him back, though she applied nothing more than gentle pressure. He ignored it and pulled her closer. Her skin flushed hot. "I-I don't know," she said in a low voice.

"I think of you differently than the other girls in the Harbingers," Jason said. "I mean, I care about everyone in the group, but you're special."

Melinda's eyes widened. Now her cheeks felt hot.

Jason shuddered as he let out his next breath. She felt him trembling as well. "Please don't ask me to explain it any further than that, I just--"

Melinda's fingers curled into his shirt and yanked him forward, mashing her lips to his. She had no idea how long she kissed him; by the time it was over, her cheeks burned, and she was panting. His arms had wrapped around her. Something hard pressed against her body, and she squirmed.

I'm blushing like a stupid, bubbleheaded schoolgirl, Melinda thought.

And, suddenly, she had her answer. "Dammit."

"What is it?" Jason said.

Melinda looked up at him. She could not bring herself to tell him that the only reason she couldn't say it was because it felt too girly to her. It sounded stupid even to her when she thought about it, but she was not going to get over it that night.

"Nothing." She hugged him again, trying to ignore his arousal. "Okay, maybe we're not hopeless. And that's about as romantic as I can get right now, okay?"