Chapter 2

Hank did more than think. The problem invaded his mind whenever it was not otherwise actively engaged. His initial feelings were of embarrassment and guilt. He searched his memory for some occasion when he might unwittingly have encouraged Anthea. He could recall none. That allayed his guilt but not his embarrassment. He was not worried about being teased or laughed at himself but he was concerned that shy and vulnerable Anthea might be the butt of such behaviour. He needed to make sure that did not happen.

At last, he started to think constructively. He needed to get her on her own but not in a place where the meeting might be misconstrued. It also needed to be such that any emotional outburst or breakdown would not be seen. Neither of them needed the embarrassment of that. He decided that the best thing to do would be to take her on a walk round the school grounds while everyone else was in class. He studied her teaching programme and saw that she had the two periods off after morning break every Thursday.

The real problem was what he was going to say to her and how. The what was simple. He was flattered but, much as he liked her, she was not his sort as far as marriage was concerned. Why not? Age, background, interests and most importantly no attraction. What if she flung herself at him in weeping hysteria? Disengage gently. The other what ifs were endless and he realised that he would just have to react swiftly, firmly and gently to anything that came up. He smiled ruefully to himself. Easier said than done but he could not cover every eventuality. So much depended on her reactions.

The next Thursday Hank went to Common Room for morning break. It was not something he did often and purposely he arrived late so that he could still reasonably be left drinking his coffee when everyone else but Anthea left for classes.

"Aren't you teaching?" he asked innocently.

"No, I've got the next two periods free. It gives me time to catch up on correcting written work."

"Have you got a big backlog?"

"Not really."

"I'm off to walk the grounds and see if anything needs doing. Like to come with me? It should only take half an hour or so."

Anthea blushed with pleasure. "I'd love to."

"Oh dear," thought Hank. "I'm about to destroy her happiness."

They set off. Neither said a word for the first few minutes and then Hank steeled himself.

"Anthea," he said, "we're all delighted to see the new, pretty you but I've been told that you've done it for me."

"Who said that?" she demanded.

"I'm not going to say but if it's true, my dear, I'm very touched but I'm afraid you're wasting your time."

"Oh?" she paused. "So have you made up your mind never to marry again?"

"No but I'm certainly not contemplating it at the moment."

"I can understand that but there's nothing to stop me waiting in hope, is there?"

"So what I've been told is true."

There was a long pause and he could barely hear the 'yes'. That was much more in keeping with the Anthea he knew. Her assertiveness had taken him by surprise.

"Please don't, Anthea. I don't want to hurt you but it's not going to happen."

"How do you know?" she asked plaintively.

"For a number of reasons, the first being the age difference."

"There are plenty of married couples twenty years apart in age."

"I don't deny that but they got married a lot younger. When they married they could look forward to forty odd years together. Marriage to me would mean about twenty at the outside and there's every chance that the last few of those would be with me being decrepit."

"Do you think I haven't thought about that?"

Hank sighed. "I'd be underestimating you if I did."

"Go on then."

"Different backgrounds?"

"Retired army officer most of whose friends are the same. Not a problem that I can see. Country born and bred whereas I'm a townie. I love the country and all that it offers. I never want to go back to being a city dweller. You've got children and I haven't. So what?" She had regained her assertiveness.

"They're not a lot younger than you, at least Robin isn't."

"Still so what? They're grown up now and don't need mothering. If Robin wanted advice he'd ask you, not me. If your daughter ever asked me I'd gladly give it and it would probably be more in tune with her way of thinking than if I was twenty years older."

Positive again but not aggressive. She was prepared to argue with him but not push him. He had not anticipated this response at all.

"Our interests are different. I'm not a great reader. I was made to read various things at school but apart from Wuthering Heights and Tess of the D'Urbevilles the classics left me cold. Jane Austen and Dickens: never want to read them again. My parents gave me membership of the Book Society. Waste of time. I read the odd thriller but not often. I'd never be able to discuss literature with you.

"Nor would I expect you to."

The quick riposte threw him momentarily but he ploughed on.

"I don't like visiting art galleries, stately homes or any of those sort of things."

"Nor do I but what about concerts and the theatre?"

"Well yes, now and again."

"Same here and I'm not into modern."

"OK but I've reached a stage when I like to just muddle along: golf, a bit of shooting, walking the dog and the odd meal out."

"That would suit me. I'd learn to play golf if you wanted me to. I'd be happy to be a beater. I love walking dogs and watching the seasons and I'd thoroughly enjoy the odd meal out."

He smiled ruefully. "You've got it all worked out, haven't you?"

She nodded but said nothing.

"So now we come to the crunch point. I like you, Anthea and, particularly now, recognise you as a pretty woman but, my dear, there's no attraction. I enjoy you as a friend but, I'm afraid, it goes no further than that."

She sighed and was silent for a few moments. "That's what I was afraid of," she murmured, "and I've no comeback on that."

Hank was silent too. He was not drawn to her other than as a friend and yet his heart went out to this lonely girl who had taken his rejection so bravely. He resisted the urge to put a comforting arm round her shoulder because he feared that would loose the emotional restraint she had imposed upon herself.

She stopped and turned to him. "Hank, may I ask that we can remain friends? I promise not to push you or embarrass you even though I may still live in hope."

"Of course, Anthea. I'd love you to go on being a friend but please don't get any false hopes. I'm not going to change my mind. What would give me the greatest pleasure is to see you fall in love with someone nearer your own age whose interests and goals coincided with yours and with whom you would share a long and happy marriage."

Anthea smiled forlornly at him. "Easier said than done," she said softly. "There are things like trust and gentleness and understanding."

"But those are all part of falling in love by my book."

"And by mine, Hank. One day I may tell you why they are so important to me. It's just ... Sorry, I'm starting to get emotional. Do you mind if I leave you now?"