Halloween Humor

by DG Hear

Copyright© 2009 by DG Hear

Humor Story: Roy's wife wants to attend a Halloween party. Has a hard time deciding what to wear. Non-erotic but hopefully funny.

Tags: Ma/Fa   Humor  

I often read jokes that make me laugh. Then I think about what a good and humorous story they could make. So I decided to write about a few of them. I hope you get a chuckle out of it, or at least a smile. A big thank you goes to Mistress Lynn for taking of her time to edit this story.

Roy and Martha Simmons had been married for over forty years. Even though they were still in love, Martha always considered Roy a cantankerous old fool. Of course, Roy always felt Martha was an airhead, even though her blonde hair had turned gray several years before.

People who knew the couple considered them a perfect match. Roy was set in his ways, and Martha was the only person who could ever get him to change. He would often joke to and about Martha. Either they went over her head, or she just accepted Roy and all his faults.

No matter how you looked at this couple, you had to love them. It was so easy to see they belonged together.

One day Martha made him his favorite dinner, and after he was well fed, she turned to him with a smile.

"Roy, we don't get out much anymore. The senior center is holding a Halloween party, and I think we should go," she said.

"Don't you think we're a little old to be going to a Halloween party? Aren't they for kids?"

"Come on Roy, all our friends are going. It will be fun. It's a covered dish dinner, so you'll get a lot to eat. They're even having a keg of beer for those who want it. Please Roy, let's go."

"Okay, I guess I can take you to the dumb old party. Besides, some of them women sure can cook. Of course none of them cook as well as you do," replied Roy.

"Thank you. I know we'll have a lot of fun. What kind of costume would you like to wear.

"Costume? You never said anything about wearing a costume," he grumbled.

"Honey, it's not that bad. We can wear whatever you want. I think we'll feel out of place if everyone else has a costume on and we don't. So, any suggestions?" Martha looked at her husband and tried to decide what he was going to say.

"Stupid costumes! We're in our sixties and you want to dress up like kids."

"It's not that bad and you know it Roy. So what do you think?" she asked.

"Well, you can be naked and wear those black boots you bought last year. I'll go naked and put a pot on my head," he replied.

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"You can be Puss-N-Boots and I'll be Peter Pan," he said while he laughed.

"That's not very funny, Roy. I'm going to go see what we have to wear."

Roy watched his programs on TV while Martha went looking for costumes for them. After about an hour, she walked into the room naked.

"Roy, I thought I'd wear my birthday suit," she said Martha, figuring she would play a joke on him.

He looked over at her and said, "It's okay with me, but you better iron it first."

Pretending she hadn't heard him, she gave him a pensive look. "When you first saw my naked body in front of you forty years ago, what was going through your mind?"

"All I wanted to do was suck your tits dry and then fuck your brains out."

"So, sweetheart, what are you thinking now?"

Tipping her head to the side, hands on her hips, she winked.

"It looks as if I did a pretty damn good job."

Martha ignored him, instead going back into the bedroom to find a costume for the Halloween party. Roy just shook his head and wondered why he agreed to go in the first place. The truth was he would do anything for Martha and she would do anything for him.

A short time later, she walked out of the bedroom.

"I figured out my costume," she said and grinned.

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise. You'll have to wait until the party to find out. But you only have two days to figure out what you're going to wear, Roy."

"All right, I find something," he replied, sighing before turning back to his TV show.

On Saturday, Martha spent most of the day getting her costume ready. She also made a dish to take with them.

"Roy, do you have your costume ready?" asked an excited Martha.

"Yeah, I only need a few minutes to put it on."

A few hours later, they both put on their costumes. Roy wore a red flannel shirt and a pair of bib overalls. He had a straw hat on his head.

"What kind of costume is that?" she asked.

"I'm a farmer, can't ya tell?"

She knew better than to argue with him. She was happy that he put something on and was taking her to the party.

"What do you think of my costume?" asked Martha.

Roy stared at her. When he saw his wife's costume, he just shook his head.

She had what he considered Goth clothing on. She was dressed totally in black. Several chains hung around her neck, and she wore black lipstick and nail polish. Her beautiful silver hair had streaks of red, green, yellow, black and blue in it. He couldn't believe what he was looking at.

At the same time, she was smiling. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, so he tried to find the right thing to say.

"Martha, you look like a million bucks."

Smiling at her husband, she said, "You've never seen a million bucks."

Roy couldn't help it. He had to say it. "That's right Martha; you look like something I've never seen."

They both laughed, and then left for the party.

The next day Roy went for a walk in the park. He was glad he agreed to take Martha to the party. They both had a great time. Laughing when Martha won a prize for most unique costume, he still couldn't get over the way she looked.

Sitting on a park bench to rest, he saw a young man dressed all in black. A long chain dangled from his belt with what looked like a purse hanging from it.

When Roy looked at the lad's face, he couldn't believe what he saw. The guy had earrings in both ears, one in his nose and yet another in his eyebrow. What looked even weirder to Roy was that his hair, was every color of the rainbow just like his wife had done to hers for the party, only his was sticking straight up.

"What are you looking at, old man?" asked the lad.

"Are you going to a Halloween party?"

"No, this is the real me. This is how I feel on the inside. I want to project it to the whole world."

Roy couldn't help but stare. He couldn't believe anyone would do that to themselves.

"Why do you keep staring at me, old man?" asked the lad.

"To be quite honest with you, I was pretty wild in my younger days. One day I got drunk and fucked a peacock. I was just wondering if you might be my grandson," replied Roy.

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