Chapter 16

November Twenty-third

Balathu woke up with a groan. He rolled stiffly onto his back and tried to get his bearings. His immediate surroundings were dimly lit by an electric lantern on nightlight mode. Although the light faded well before it reached the walls or ceiling of the chamber, there was still a cramped, claustrophobic feel to the place. The air was moist and warm. Glancing around, he saw a kerosene heater; its element glowing a dull red.

On the other side of the small furnace, he could make out Iltana's still form. Like him, she was laid out on top of a sleeping bag and air mattress. Taking hold of the lantern, he fumbled with the controls until both of the long, fluorescent tubes lit up with a low hum. He was stunned when it illuminated a rough stone room, its uneven sides, floor and ceiling indicating that it was a natural cave. Checking the date and time on his battered Timex, he saw that it was a little after six - he was unsure whether it was morning or night - and that he had been unconscious for roughly two days.

He suddenly realized that his mouth was dry; his tongue swollen with thirst. He peered about and saw quite a few gallon jugs of water sitting next to several cardboard boxes. He rapidly crawled until he could reach one. He drank greedily for a moment until he realized that he had no idea how long the supply would have to last. After a last, long pull, he regretfully resealed the bottle and carried it to Iltana's side.

"Iltana, wake up," he said. When she did not respond, he gave her shoulder a shake and repeated the words more loudly.

"Wha ... What's going on? Where am I?" she croaked as she blinked up at him in confusion.

"I'm not sure where we are, but we're in no immediate danger," he replied as he passed her the water.

After she had drank her fill, she complained, "Damn my head hurts, and I've never been so thirsty. How long were we out?"

"About two days, I think," he answered.

Her body tensed as memory returned. Fearfully, she asked, "Is ... is HE here?"

"I don't think so, but I just woke up, too."

Walking bent over to avoid bashing their heads on the low ceiling, they explored the tight confines of the cave. Two tunnels led out of the small chamber in which they had awakened. One, initially barely high enough to allow them to crawl on all fours, enlarged significantly before coming to a dead end at a small underground stream. The water was cold and clear, and, although it had a slightly metallic taste, Balathu figured that they could at least use it for washing. The downstream end bubbled down through a narrow fissure; perfect for other hygienic needs. At this thought, his bladder suddenly made its urgent need known.

"Um, could you excuse me for a moment?" he asked.

"What?" Iltana asked, confused, before realizing his intent. "Oh. Sure. I'm next."

When he was finished, he walked to the edge of the light and Iltana took her turn at the fissure. She seemed to take an inordinately long time.

"Everything alright?" he asked without turning around.

"Yeah, I just don't have a change of clothes or tp, and it takes a while to completely drip dry."

After she rejoined him, they explored the other tunnel. They had gone no more than five feet before it ended in a barricade of rocks and dirt. They dug at it for a moment, but many of the rocks were too large for them to move.

"We're entombed," Iltana said frantically, her voice filled with growing panic.

"Merely imprisoned," Balathu replied calmly. "We have air, and the fact that the fumes from the kerosene heater haven't built up shows that there is plenty of ventilation. We have light. We have heat. We have water. He wouldn't have left us those things if he wanted us to die here."

"But what does he want with us?" Iltana asked. The panic in her voice had not receded.

"I don't know," Balathu admitted. "But do we really want to speculate?"

"One thing was missing from your list. Do we have food?"

Turning back toward the main chamber, he replied, "Let's take a look."

The boxes contained a variety of canned fruits and vegetables, cans of spam, and tins of tuna. It also held a can opener and a box of plastic sporks. Balathu dined on cold green beans and tuna, while Iltana supped on spam and fruit cocktail. When their simple meal was complete, she moved over to sit close to him.

"I guess that as long as we're not too picky this will last us for a while," she commented.

Now that their immediate needs were met, her thoughts turned to defense. "Do you still have your gun?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the snub nosed revolver, placing it on the ground near their feet.

"Yes," he replied, "But even if it could harm the thing that imprisoned us, it would do us no good."

"Why?"

"It was never loaded. Taking a life, even that of a traitor, would violate everything I believe in. I couldn't risk harming him, even by accident."

"I'm really scared, Sam," she said in a small voice.

"I am, too."

She leaned against him, seeking comfort. He awkwardly placed an arm around her shoulders, allowing her to settle more firmly against his side. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a long moment.

"The asshole didn't even leave us a deck of cards," Iltana observed in a voice that was a little too innocent. "What are we going to do to pass the time?"

"Place your hands behind your head," Balathu instructed, his voice tight and slightly higher pitched than usual.

"Huh?"

"Trust me."

"Oookaay."

Once she had done so, Balathu continued, "Now, quickly sweep your hands over the top of your head. Imagine that your hands are gathering up all your thoughts as they move across the top of your skull. When your hands reach just below your forehead, use a flicking motion to throw your hands away from your face. Feel as if all of your thoughts are being swept out of your head and thrown out into empty space."

"Excuse me?"

"This is the most basic meditation exercise. It helps to clear the mind for more advanced techniques."

"We've been trapped underground by a vampire for heaven knows what purpose, and you want to teach me how to meditate?" Iltana asked dubiously.

"It will pass the time, and being able to maintain your center may help a great deal in the days to come."

Iltana pulled herself away from him with a disappointed sigh. "Alright," she grumbled. "What do I do again?"

For the remainder of the day, or night, whichever the case might have been, Balathu patiently guided her through the basics of meditation. Despite their circumstances, she showed an affinity for the subject, and before they broke off he had started to teach her the 1000 petaled lotus.

As Iltana staggered, mentally exhausted, to her sleeping bag, Balathu asked, "Would you mind if I left you for an hour or so?"

"Leave me?" Iltana asked. "How are you going to manage that?"

"Not physically. I was thinking that I could gather information if I projected. The more we know, the better off we'll be when we get out of here."

"Well, aren't you just the optimist," Iltana remarked caustically. "But no, I don't mind. All I'm going to be doing for the next few hours is snoring."

The lack of incense and the stress of their predicament made it far more difficult than usual for Balathu to release his mind from the flesh, but he finally looked down upon his body and Iltana from the roof of the cave. He passed effortlessly through the blockage, discovering that it extended for more than ten meters.

The cave emptied out onto a night shrouded, wooded hillside overlooking a winding river. He sped upwards and examined the area from the viewpoint of a hawk. The forest was vast with only a few dwellings or clearings. Seeing the lights of a large town in the distance, he traveled there with a thought.

He hovered motionless over the small city. He had worked hard to suppress his emotions throughout the day; Iltana had enough to concern her without having to deal with his panic as well. Now that he was alone, though, he let it all out: terror at being the prisoner of an ancient abomination; fear that the cave would turn out to be their tomb, no matter what he had told Iltana; frustration that he had failed to kill McNelly and Mia; shame and guilt that he had lost his Order's most sacred artifact and powerful weapon; and, most of all, deep, numbing grief that he had gotten Iltana involved in the debacle that his life had become, and, by doing so, may well have cost her her own. He was a failure. A complete incompetent, and everything he held dear was paying the price for his blunders.

In his current form, he could not weep. He could not gnash his teeth or rend his hair. He could not scream his rage to the heavens. Nevertheless, the emotions that coursed through his insubstantial form were rendered no less powerful by the lack. Finally, mentally numb, the raging emotions faded to black depression, he floated through the town that the storefronts and courthouse named as Clarion. Passing through the locked doors of the courthouse, he found a map pinned to a cork board in the foyer. Moments later he was speeding to the west. His progress slowed well before he reached his destination as he approached the limit of the distance that his mind could exist apart from his body.

The cedar home outside Spartansburg blazed with light. The only physical change to the place was that the windows in the front door had been replaced with pieces of insulation, plastic trash bags and duct tape. He found the residents in the living room where he had come so close to slaying two of them. They were huddled on the couch with Mia, covered with an electric blanket, in the middle. Dana and Tom gazed at her with concern as they each held tightly to one of her hands. A fourth person, a young Asian woman of such beauty that she made his heart ache with longing, was perched on the back of a recliner like a bird, watching the trio intently.

Tearing his sight from the woman, he flitted about the room, looking for signs of the ancient or clues as to where Sun's Anger might be hidden.

"Were you responsible for this?" the Asian woman asked sadly.

It took a while before he realized that the question had been addressed to him. Shaken, he nevertheless turned to face her.

"You can see me?" he asked.

"Of course," she replied. She extended her legs through the chair and walked towards him.

"You're projecting," he exclaimed. "Why do you look..."

"Like a person instead of a cloud of glowing gas?" she finished for him. "You can look like anything you like in this state, although there is seldom anyone capable of seeing the product of your efforts. I choose to be myself. Try it. Fix the image in your mind and think, with all of your being, that the image is you."

Curious, he did as she instructed.

A moment later she let out a musical laugh, "Not bad for a first effort, but try it again with an image of you instead of me."

Embarrassed, he repeated the exercise.

"Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all," she said in an entirely different tone. "What is your name, boy?"

"Bal ... Sam," he stammered.

"A pleasure to meet you, Balsam," she said with a chuckle. Her voice suddenly turned crisp as she continued, "But we have strayed far from my initial question which was: did you do this?"

"Yes," he said proudly.

"Why?"

"They are abominations," he replied in the tone of one explaining the obvious to an imbecile.

"Abominations? Ahhh. That explains much. I take it that you are from the ancient and glorious cult of Utu, whose members have hidden themselves away for thousands of years in dirty rabbit warrens beneath what is now Abu Habbah."

"There is nothing dirty about New Sippar," he said defensively. "What would you know about it, anyway?"

With a little snort, she said, "Not exactly the brightest of your illustrious order are you? I would have expected you to have figured it out by now. I am the one you've been hiding from, although I've always known exactly where you are. If memory serves me correctly, your order refers to me as The First, The Devourer, The Great Enemy, or, when they're feeling particularly verbose, She Who Sundered The Veil And Brought Forth The Abomination." After a short pause, she added sweetly, "You, however, can call me Lei."

An icy chill passed down the spine he didn't currently have. He tried to flee. At first the terrain flashed past him in a blur as he sped back towards his body, but then he began to slow with a sensation like a rubber band drawing taut and stretching ever closer to its limits. He came to a halt and then snapped back the way he had come until he was again facing The Great Enemy.

He stayed only long enough to see her grin at him with amusement before he redoubled his efforts to return to his flesh. For the next few minutes, he snapped back and forth between the abominations' living room and the cave like a supersonic yo-yo. In the end, the ties to the former proved the stronger.

When he finally came to a stop, Lei arched an eyebrow. "Done?" she asked.

"Yes," he said, grudgingly.

"Good. Now, I don't expect to overcome decades of mental conditioning and propaganda in an instant, but I want you to look at these people. Truly look at them. Do they seem like the evil monsters of which you were taught?"

Reluctantly, he glanced at the trio on the couch. Since the time he had started his escape attempts, a pile of dead rabbits had appeared on the coffee table. Dana and McNelly were embracing Mia from either side, offering comfort and solace. The blanket had fallen to the floor and he could see that Mia's leg was wrapped thickly with gauze bandages. Thick yellow pus had soaked through along the length of the injury he had inflicted.

"However they might seem in their own lair, they regularly commit murder and devour the souls of their victims. They, and you, are evil incarnate with no hope of redemption," Balathu said stubbornly.

With a dry chuckle, Lei replied, "Unspeakably evil creatures who devour souls, eh? The propaganda has stepped up to a whole new level, I see. Utter nonsense, of course."

"We have studied and hunted your kind for thousands of years. Do you expect me to believe that all that we are taught is founded on lies?"

"Not all that you are taught, just the parts that relate to the character of those you are sworn to destroy. Come, child, even you must admit that painting us as vile monsters is more than a little self serving. After all, it is far easier to kill something without mercy or remorse if, in your mind at least, it is inhuman, than it would be if you knew that your victim was just like you except that he has to kill, not because he wants to, but because he must in order to survive. Once an adversary has been dehumanized, it is easy to heap ever greater atrocities at their feet, even ones that you should know are not based in fact.

"Take the devouring of souls allegation for example. Unless things have changed significantly in the few centuries since I last poked around in your glorified caves, I'm guessing that belief isn't held by all of your Order. It is, however, most likely a view that has been gaining popularity over time. You believe it because it makes the idea of killing us more palatable, even though you should know it for the foolishness that it is. Isn't the first of your tenets something to the effect of the zi flows through all living things and unites them as one?"

Shocked that The First would know the doctrines of his Order, Balathu could only nod his ethereal head.

"Haven't you ever thought about what that means?" she then asked.

"That all living things are brothers, because all contain the zi. A family that excludes abominations like yourself who are empty inside."

"Pffft," Lei answered contemptuously. "How the mighty have fallen. The Temple of Utu in the twin cities called Sippar once produced some of my most powerful and learned Masters of the zi. Also several of my most rebellious, but that is neither here nor there. It saddens me to learn that their descendants have become so ignorant."

As Balathu sputtered with indignation, she continued, "By your own tenet, the zi flows through all living things. It is not constrained to a single vessel. That which contains your consciousness at this moment could well have been inside a hundred different people this morning, or a herd of deer, or a forest of trees, or millions of flesh eating bacteria. When a body is drained completely of zi, such as occurs when my children feed, it is true that death occurs, as the presence of the zi is essential to the vessel's existence. However, what we take is not an intrinsic part of that specific individual. I do not know if we possess souls, but, if we do, the zi is not it."

"So where does the zi come from?"

"There are two answers to that question. First, it is generated by everything that lives, each living thing adding its own drop of essence to the vast ocean of life. Second, it has always existed. It is a fundamental building block of the universe that permeates all of space. Because they cannot see it, modern physicists refer to it as dark energy when they use it to balance their equations, but there is nothing dark about it."

"If all that you have told me is true, then why must you feed on people? Why won't any life do?"

Gesturing toward the pile of rabbits, Lei replied, "As a point of fact, we can survive on animals for a time. However, the zi is not inert. While inside a vessel, it takes on distinct characteristics unique to both that type of vessel and the specific individual. Because it was I, a human, who fused with the Outsider, we require a certain measure of zi with a, shall we say, human flavor, to sustain us."

"There!" he said condemningly. "By your own admission you must commit murder in order to survive. How is that not evil?"

"Do you call it murder when a lion slays and eats a gazelle? Is a cat evil for devouring a mouse? No. They are acting according to their nature, as do we. Besides, everything that lives must eventually die. Hundreds if not thousands of people are murdered by their own kind for far less reason every single day. And, in the end, what does it really, truly matter?