Chapter 2: Irma's Confession

Audra had decided to make Irma and I breakfast and had let both of us know quite clearly that our help was not needed. As I sat down across from Irma shaking my head, Irma asked, "What are we going to do with her?"

The question surprised me. Irma looked over at me and said, "I suppose you think I like being waited on."

I shrugged, not knowing what to say.

Irma responded, "I love Audra. I suppose I was much closer to her than her parents but I cared for them as well. I never wanted to have servants, you know; that was Chad's idea."

When I didn't say anything, she continued, "Women didn't work back then, at least those with successful husbands didn't. Chad was successful and I suppose we were both a bit caught up in that success. Soon after his first real promotion we started entertaining; small dinner parties, you know. Everyone made such a fuss about me doing all of the preparation myself, as if that was unheard of. Chad thought that meant I needed help. I didn't really, but once he got something in his mind ... I ended up with a cook. It was a disaster. I don't even remember what her name was anymore. I had to constantly remind her to start supper and if we had a party I still had to do all of the shopping or she would forget things. She was a competent enough cook I suppose, but cooking is more than standing over a stove. I think it took us three cooks before we came across Audra's parents. They were newly married and without any experience or references. I think Chad liked the idea of having another man to do the heavy lifting and yard work."

Irma suddenly stopped and said, "I just rattle on sometimes. I'm sure you're not interested in my past. It's just that I hated giving up control of my kitchen. Audra's mother became a very good cook over time, but there were times I just wanted to push her aside and cook myself. You can't do that of course."

Irma seemed to run out of steam then. I absently nodded my agreement and looked over towards Audra who was humming as she prepared our breakfast. Irma said, "She's happy here. I always wished she were my own daughter. I couldn't have children. We found that out for sure shortly after we hired Audra's parents. I was devastated with the news. I wanted children so badly. Chad had his job and never said anything but he wanted them too. He buried himself in his work and I didn't know what to do. With the servants doing everything I was at loose ends. It was the only time in my life that I thought about ending it all. Then Audra's mom became pregnant and that saved me. At first I was jealous and bitter but soon I had my kitchen back as she had a horrible pregnancy. It was just enough to get me past those darkest times."

Audra had left her frying pan by the stove and come to stand behind Irma. She said, "I never knew all of that."

Audra bent down and hugged Irma as she bent down and said, "I always felt like it was like I had two mothers."

Irma patted Audra's hand and added, "I know, you even called me mom once or twice. You used to use me to get your way. You would come and ask me for something after your mother had said 'no'. It took me a while to catch on. Saying 'no' to you and sticking to it was the hardest thing I ever did."

Audra moved back to the stove to check on the bacon. Irma spoke as she moved off. "You know you really do need to invite your parents to your wedding. No matter what they did, they are your parents."

I winced as Irma said this, knowing how vehemently Audra had reacted when I made the same suggestion.

Audra turned back to us as if she was pondering a response. Then she turned back to her bacon, saying nothing. I stared at her as I rose to get a cup of coffee. It was almost as if she was cooking the breakfast with her mind somewhere else. Finally, saying nothing, she brought the breakfast to the table and sat down across from us.

As we began to eat in silence, Audra noisily and forcefully sat her fork down on her plate. With the same set to her jaw that I had first witnessed moments before Irma's arrival she said, "They stole from Mr. Anderson. They stole from our own family and expected me to see no wrong in that. Father wasn't grateful that Mr. Anderson didn't prosecute; he felt what he took was his due. Mom took his part when we would fight about it. She told me I had to accept what father had done. When I couldn't, they kicked me out. I didn't run away from home you know, they kicked me out the door, like I was the one who was wrong."

Looking from Irma to me and then fixing her eyes on Irma she asked, "How could you ask me to forgive that?"

I thought that the silence in the room after that question would give her the answer that she wanted. I was surprised when Irma said, "Honey, things are sometimes not always black and white. Your father may have had some reasons for feeling the way he did."

Irma looked over to me as if for help and asked, "Oh dear, how can I explain all of this?"

After a moment she continued, "It's hard to talk about this with his passing being such a short time ago but I must. Audra, Chad had many wonderful qualities but generosity was not one of them. When your mother and father answered our advertisement for a cook it was a bit of a surprise to us both. Chad let them know right from the start that he had only advertised for a cook, an experienced cook. Your mother seemed to be too young to have much experience and she as much as admitted that to us. Chad was about to terminate the interview when your father spoke up and offered both of their services for room and board and one small salary. Chad agreed to take them both on that condition.

"I suppose it would have been alright for a start but Chad could never bring himself to pay them what they deserved. Your mother became a wonderful cook and kept the place spotless. Your father took care of the landscaping, the cars, and all the repairs that we would normally have had to pay someone to do. About the time when it seemed that Chad would be forced to pay your parents what they were worth your mother became pregnant with you. They never had any health insurance or savings and I'm ashamed to say Chad took advantage of that."

Irma was nervously twisting her napkin in her hands. I thought she had said all that she was going to say when she looked up at Audra and continued, "When your mother became pregnant with you she required expensive medical care and then couldn't work. I was delighted to have a chance to do the cooking. Chad took advantage of the situation by taking back a note against their salary to pay medical expenses. He told your father that he was being generous by continuing their salary as if they were both working. In the end he used that note as leverage when your father came to him asking for an increased salary after you were born.

"Chad did end up giving your parents more money, but we never paid them what they were worth. I argued with Chad and many times he promised to raise their salaries, and he did, but I'm afraid they never were paid what they were worth. Guilt about that was the main reason your father was never prosecuted. I had set aside money in my own private accounts to give to your father and mother when they retired, but Chad was so mad about his precious books that he wouldn't allow me to give it to them."

Audra sat in her seat tightly gripping the edge of the table on each side of her plate; her mind obviously still processing Irma's remarks. Irma sat staring at the twisted napkin she held in her hands as her confession seemed to have taken all of her energy. I was trying to think of something appropriate to say but had no idea what that would be. Finally, looking down at the eggs on my plate, I began to quietly to eat again.

After a few bites I noticed that neither Irma nor Audra had followed my lead. I spoke up and announced, "Eat up; you both need to eat this wonderful breakfast before it gets cold."

That seemed to break whatever spell they were under. Both smiled weak smiles and actually began to eat. My cell phone loudly rang at that moment, almost as if to signal that all of us eating were an affront to the proper order of the universe. I tried to ignore it but the ring was loud and insistent.

Audra smiled at me and asked, "Why don't you just answer it, dear?"

I looked at the phone to discover the call was from Lenora Wells, the president of the town's historical society. I hoped that Lenora had something to report on the contents of the journal that I had loaned her several weeks back.

"Hi, Lenora, how are things going? Have you learned anything from the book?"

Lenora sounded excited as she hardly waited for me to finish my question before she began talking. "You wouldn't believe the time we've had with the information in this book. I've been working on completing a transcript almost full time with two of our society's oldest and dearest members. None of us had any idea that there had ever been a way post on the Underground Railroad anywhere near here. We've hardly been able to sleep since you loaned us the book. We've been busy researching names and locations and so far have been able to authenticate a little over ten percent of the names with various genealogical groups. I hope that we can borrow the book for a little longer; we've also made detailed copies that I hope you will allow us to keep. I wanted to stop over later today if you have time and share the story that one of those slaves wrote in the back of the book. I also hope that you might give me the tour of the passageways and tunnels in the house that you promised several weeks ago."