Chapter 25

"'Clueless' Cahlewis? Malcolm Cedric Cahlewis? Shirley, tell me you are pulling my leg. Please?" Clare Gillard demanded.

"Lieutenant (junior grade) Malcolm C. Cahlewis is my replacement; I don't know about the 'clueless' bit but Gorgipest Ground Base has just sent up the signal."

Gillard put her head in her hands and moaned,

"And things have been going so well."

And from her point of view, they had been. Between Bhute and Wolton's, the Bosun had to remonstrate with Clare for public displays of affection because she had developed the un-captainly habit of throwing her arms about Morg's and TJ's necks and hugging them for the anti grav pads — no tight chest band, no dragging weight on the shoulders — FREEDOM — it was glorious. Then the back dated promotion to Lieutenant Commander when she thought she had been passed over, yet again. The glow from the 'Dining Out' for Shirley and the pleasure of handing Shirley a mess dress gown and a collection of linen, yak wool and biologic fabric garments at the 'Dining Out'.

(Accepting that crew members would be transferred out of "Tulip" and lose access to the couturier benefits, a 'puter had been obtained at Wolton's Star for the sole purpose of handling the amenities fund and including the statistics of the crew, male and female, and those of customers such as Lucy. Ex-crew could still have garments made for cost. Thus was born "The Tip Toe Association".)

"I suppose that he's still a jg could be looked on as a blessing but we'll have to put Dulcie and Orville on more watches to cover him. Diety!"

The 'Tulips' manned the side for Shirley Wood as she departed to take up a posting on Admiral Higgin's staff — it was time in her career for an administrative job.

She was barely clear when Gillard called a meeting of what she referred to as 'her executive' and the subject was 'Clueless' and the ramifications of having a totally useless junior officer.

His past history was legendary throughout the Fleet; in the top ten of the then smaller Academy years and then a series of damning efficiency reports which were so bad that, initially, they were not believed. Now they were. Somehow he had mediocre reports in his first two years out and had made it to jg. He had been shunted to every course known to the Second Space Lord and he completed them brilliantly; but put him in a ship and captains were driven to distraction and then pestered Second to 'get him out of my ship'. He could be 'carried' in a ship of the line with its larger officer complement but Murphy must have twisted the arm of the evil djinn in Second to have him posted to a courier and worse to a short handed one at that.

Gillard told the group the legend of 'Clueless' and then Dulcie Watts objected to the bad name given Cahlewis

"Its all a furphy. He just hasn't been handled well."

"You are going to give us the reason you say that, aren't you?" Gillard challenged, "he's been run off every ship he's posted to."

"I was on "Monterey" as a killick some twenty five years ago and Vic Carlton, and there's another legend in his own life time, was on his seventh or eighth 'bust' to killick. We were on the bridge and the XO totally lost it with Cahlewis who was on his first cruise as an Ensign; the XO really ran him round the gasworks and then ordered him off the bridge. I saw Vic shaking his head and wondered why, so I got him in the mess that end of watch. Vic said that Cahlewis was a living testimonial to officer stupidity and Les Toll agreed saying Cahlewis should never have been let out of the Academy. Vic just waved Les away saying he was making the same mistake the officers were — now Vic has a generally poor opinion of officers anyway and to hear him sticking up for one, and particularly Cahlewis was a bit of a surprise. 'The lad was tenth in his class and last time I looked some of the Academy staff were half way acceptable so what does that tell you for a start' Vic says —'he ain't stupid and he can handle both theory and practical and that means the guys on the upper deck aren't looking for what is in him — he doesn't fit in their boxes so he's useless'. Vic said you had to study the lad and see where he was at. The long and the short of it was Cahlewis thinks about what he is told to do — Vic thinks he is 'dreamy' and has to be slapped on the side of the head from time to time but if you are careful what you tell him to do, you get a good result. And that is why he got his jg instead of being booted out. Vic looked after him and guided him about."

"Dulcie, even with our set up here we don't have a guide dog to spare — the 'seats' have not taken the strain off the watch officers" Gillard objected.

"Boss, I can see what Dulcie is trying to say" TJ bought in to the discussion, "give Cahlewis precise instructions and he does the job. Tell him to do something and he starts examining the job to see the best way to do it and he gets lost somewhere deep in his mind."

"Yeh, that's him, and he has never been given an opportunity because no one wants to take a chance and Vic says there is no risk at all — he knows what to do" Dulcie added.

"Suits" said TJ, "Boss, give Cahlewis to Morg and I and we'll run him through the systems and then test him on them. If he measures up we'll use him. If he doesn't we'll beach him on Sol and face the flak when we get back here. Suit?"

"Suits, TJ, but don't risk the boat; at least, not until I hand command to my successor."

Mr Cahlewis had joined and Mech Mate 1st 'Nita James (of the overhead pointing boobs) showed him to Shirley's vacated cabin which was luxurious by courier standards as it was the XO's, but the other officers saw no point rearranging themselves. Cahlewis was a painfully lean streak, beret askew, vacant expression on his face replete with spectacles fitted with lenses of legendary milk bottle bottom thickness. He had no problem manhandling his kit by hand down the companionway. 'Nita left him to start sorting his gear and reported to Morg, who had the watch,

"He's in his cabin. Morg, there's something strange about him. He looks weird but I don't think he is — he is just too coordinated in all his movements, he looks once and then moves. It doesn't fit if he's a droop."

"Thanks, 'Nita. TJ and I will sort him out as soon as we space. Off you get to your proper place, woman, in the kitchen."

That earned him a loud raspberry as he reached for the tannoy.

"D'ye hear there, all hands man stations for departure, all hands man stations for departure."

Crew began moving. Through the open door of his cabin, Mr Cahlewis was quizzed by the commander who introduced herself,

"Mr Cahlewis, I'm Lieutenant Commander Clare Gillard. I command this boat. You aren't going to your departure station?"

"Ma'am, I don't have a departure station so I'm staying where I am until someone sends for me."

Gillard nodded slightly as her com buzzed,

"Gillard."

"Ma'am, Lieutenant Hobson, all lines are singled up, ship manned for departure, all crew are accounted for, Mr Cahlewis is aboard but has not reported his present location, start clearance is in hand. Ready in all respects for departure, Ma'am."

"Mr Cahlewis is with me. I'll be up directly. Gillard clear," pocketing her com and addressing the jg, "With me."

And turned for the bridge.

"Captain on the bridge"

"Thank you, Mr Hobson. James initiate the start."

"Start, aye aye Ma'am." 'Nita said from the right hand seat. She pressed the warning button and distantly a siren could be heard. A slight shudder was felt and the glaring red lights on the screen in front of 'Nita flicked through amber to green. 'Nita checked her list with Cissie Cooper in the left seat and reported,

"Power plant and engine on line and all green, Ma'am.

"Thank you James; Cooper, take us out when you're ready."

Cissie spoke into her boom mike and each of the bridge stations acknowledged and threw a holo of a segment of the outside views and when the 270 view was complete, activated her screen for the rear view,

"Engines and rear monitored, P O." 'Nita acknowledged to Cissie.

Cissie moved he 'stick' in a circle and monitored the gauges as she did so announcing

"Thrusters answer helm movements; letting go" and leant forward to throw a toggle which was accompanied by thuds fore and aft. Cissie nodded as the last two reds turned green, checked her screens,

"Navy Inner, "Tulip", taxi and space clearance for the hyper with November."

""Tulip" clear to taxi via alpha three to beta seven, hold at beta seven until cleared for departure, your space clearance is from beta seven direct to gamma two and to the hyper."

"Inner, alpha three to beta seven, Tulip"

Cissie eased the throttles forward and slid "Tulip" onto alpha three. Nearing beta seven

""Tulip" approaching beta seven and ready."

"Tulip" call Harbour control for clearance beyond beta seven. Clear."

'Nita reached over and flicked the com selector to com 2 and pointed at Cissie,

"Harbour control, "Tulip" approaching beta seven for gamma two and the hyper."

""Tulip" you are clear for max from the beta seven to the hyper."

"Control, for the hyper via gamma two. See you when we get back."

""Tulip" Behave yourself meantime. Clear."

Cissie threw the selector from thrusters to impellors and said

"Impellors to cruise" and pushed the throttles to cruise power. The acceleration was gently felt but Cahlewis who was not ready for it, had to balance himself.

"Mr Hobson, leave the crew at their stations until I reach the engine rooms. I'll com" Gillard instructed.

"Aye aye, Ma'am. Captain off the bridge."

Clare had flicked her head at Cahlewis to accompany her aft, explaining as they passed,

"Common room and galley, those are Mr Hobson's and Mr Windsor's cabins, thse are the crews quarters and that cubby is the Bosun's; Chief ERA has the same on port side. Air lock to the tunnel which we clip open unless there is an emergency. Those hatches on the starboard side are to the food stores — refridged space, and those on the port side are to the fabric store. After air lock, clipped open. Just aft is the Men's Lounge and through this hatch is the engine room station."

Cahlewis observed the two males and the three females. Gillard lifted the intercom off the bulkhead,

"Mr Hobson, stand down from departure."

The tannoy responded

"D'ye hear there, stand down from departure; man cruising stations."

Cahlewis watched as the four juniors at the engine station shut down their screens and heard the conversation between a Machinist 1st and the Chief ERA as the others departed,

"First, Orville?" the female Mech 1st asked.

"I'll scribe you in, Peggy" replied the Chief.

"Chisel, Orville, chisel."

"Suit! Chisel." The Chief laughed.

Cahlewis noted the slight smile on his commander's lips as she surveyed the deserted engine room.

"No questions, Mr Cahlewis?"

"No, Ma'am."

Another flick of the head and the pair retraced their path forward up the tunnel. This time, Gillard opened the port side hatches and inspected the cavernous compartment and the several sleeved cylinders before nodding at the cases on the deck,

"Looks like Morg will have to concentrate on 'broidery for the run down to Sol."

She closed the hatch and led a speculating jg back to the bridge,

"TJ, Morg, this is Malcolm Cedric Cahlewis; Mr Cahlewis, TJ Hobson, the XO, and Morg Windsor."

The men shook hands.

"Brief him on his duties TJ; I've got reports to compile and I might as well start."

"Cissie, we are going to be in the men's lounge if you need Morg."

"Right you are" Cissie replied.

"Make sure you leave some for me" was 'Nita's impertinent comment as the three men headed for the after lounge.

Once there, a conveniently brewing urn was depleted and the men settled down.

"Lose the glasses" commanded Morg.

"But I can't see without them" Cahlewis whiningly protested.

"Horse dung" Morg responded and indicated with his flicked thumb the fate of the spectacles.

"Clever; you are good; and you are going to explain that façade I just saw. A very nicely put together performance" was the cool reply.

TJ looked speculatively at the jg and then began

"We know your 'rep' but surprisingly our Bosun, Dulcie Watts put us onto the right track; she was on "Monterey" when Vic Carlton wet-nursed you through your ensign tour and that was the best confidential you got from any ship; but you aced every course. We smelt a very dead rodent. We examined your files — one day we might tell you how we did that. One of our ERAs was dirtside yesterday and spotted you with the glasses but your med docs don't mention glasses and your vision is 6/5. 'Nita said you were 'not right' — said you were too co-ordinated for a droop.

The façade ain't. That is the way this boat works; oh, I admit we did ham it up just a bit..."

TJ and Morg then explained the need for the seats and how the crew had been trained and cross trained and the manning of departure and arrivals was really only to have practice in fleet evolutions. The emergency drills were run far more often and they went better than fleet evolutions because of deeper instruction and more practice because afternoon watch and first dog are basically no sleep times. The explanation of the fabric purchases and the evolution of "Tulip's" couturier and embroidery talents was given by Morg who was asked by Cahlewis to further explain his reaction to the spectacles.

"'Nita said you were too coordinated, the med reports on your visual acuity, and those lenses are double corrected — your pupils look normal sized from this side and that means no magnification and you ain't crosseyed so why wear them?"