The return address on the letter transported me back in time. It read Gloria Sterling, St. Louis, Mo. I hadn't heard from the bitch for four years. What could she want? Why was she writing me? Hadn't she screwed with me enough back then? Four years ago Gloria and I had a "thing" for a few months.

I was working in the college town where she was going to school and met her through a mutual friend. I had used this elaborate plan to get close to her but she knew exactly what I was doing and called me on it. That was how our relationship started. It ended after eight months, when Gloria's fiancée came to our apartment.

I am Jason Raymond Russell and I'm now 28. At the time that Gloria and I met, I was 24. I had been a player with the ladies until I met her. Once I met her, no other woman could get or hold my interest.

Gloria was heiress to the largest stock and pet food company in the country. Her father and uncle owned the company and she was the only heir to the fortune. That wasn't why I loved her. I didn't know about the money until near the end of our relationship.

I thought we were in love and would be together for a long time. That idea was flushed down the tube when her fiancée showed up at our apartment. His name was John Sterling and he told me she had these little affairs all the time.

When Gloria left me she told me that she did care for me, maybe even loved me. But she had to go home and do her duty and marry this Sterling guy. Now using hindsight, I think she just wanted a boy toy for as long as she could have one. I was that boy toy, at least one of them anyway.

Her fiancé told me I was only one of three or four such guys. She had given me some going away presents. I had five or six expensive suits, a great watch, a year's lease on her luxury apartment and a year old Corvette. Pretty good pay for the time I spent with her. I would have rather had Gloria.

Two years after we parted I saw the story and pictures of her marriage in the society page. Even after two years it had still bothered me. I hadn't quite gotten over her at that time. When Gloria left, I pulled into a shell. I ate, slept, went to work, and then went home to start the cycle all over. I wasn't a player anymore; I didn't have the heart for it. I wasn't having a lot of fun. The only time I went out was to a coffee bar once or twice a week.

About three months after Gloria left me and went back home, I ran into a very pretty young lady, Donna Mason, at the coffee bar. I already knew her, Jim one of my co-workers, had introduced me to her and she had in turn introduced me to Gloria. Donna knew all about Gloria and I and that Gloria had dumped me. I hadn't really planned to do more than just nod at Donna. In a way I had used her to get close to Gloria and I wasn't proud of myself for doing so.

"Hey Jason, how are you?" Donna surprised me with her greeting. "I haven't seen you around lately. Don't you like us anymore?"

"Hello Donna, I guess I don't travel in the same circles anymore," I replied.

"You know just because Gloria is gone, doesn't mean you can't come to the parties anymore. Jim and I, among others, miss you."

"To be honest, I haven't felt like joining you guys. I'm still a little groggy over Gloria's leaving and I'm a little ashamed about the way I used you Donna." I have heard that confession is good for the soul, but I felt like crap telling her that.

Donna smiled at me and said, "Don't worry about it, I don't. I knew why you wanted Jim to introduce us. Your eyes kept glancing at Gloria and I realized then that she was who you were after." When she finished, she laughed at the look on my face. "Come on you can buy the coffee and tell me all about what happened."

After we got our coffee, Donna took my arm and sort of led me to a booth in the back. We spent more than an hour talking about Gloria and me. Somewhere during that discussion I started to come back to life. I begun to think I was going to "live" after all.

As Donna was getting ready to go back to her dorm said to me, "I think Gloria made a big mistake in leaving you Jason. I also think you need to get your head out and go on with your life. Give me a call sometime." With that parting shot she left.

She was right; I was acting like a little boy that lost his favorite toy and was pouting. It was time to grow up, straighten up, and get on with my life. I called Donna a few days later and we went for pizza and beer. It was a very enjoyable time. We began to see each other, more as friends than anything else. I can't pin point when the relationship changed from friends to something more, I just knew that it did.

I was still living in Gloria's apartment as the lease had another 3 months before expiring. If I was ever going to get over her and get my head out, I needed to get a place of my own. Donna had invited me to her dorm several times, but refused to set foot in my place. I finally got it through my thick skull, why.

I rented an apartment over the garage at an elderly lady's home. Maintenance around the house, such as painting and taking care of the yard was part of my rent. Donna helped to get my place comfortable and livable. In addition I sold the Corvette and got a Mustang. Out with all the baggage I had been carrying.

Donna and I dated right up to her graduation, a period of nine months or so. We didn't run wild nor did we rip each other's clothes off and have wild monkey sex all the time. The intimacies we shared were special. The relationship grew and was not just about the sex.

Our time together was more quality than quantity. But I was having a hard time fully committing to Donna and our relationship. Guess I was still hung up on Gloria. The night after her graduation, Donna brought it all to a head.

"Jason I have been waiting for you to get over Gloria. I had hoped you would, but I can see that you are still thinking about her." I started to interrupt but she put up her hand. "No don't deny it. You are holding back and we both know why." She hesitated and then said,"I have accepted a good job in San Antonio and I'm moving there next week."

"I thought you were going to work and live in St. Louis," I questioned her. "Then we could see each other on weekends and such."

"I was going to do that, but I can't anymore. We can't and I won't continue like this. You are still thinking of Gloria half the time and I'm getting short changed in our relationship. I won't go on. If you ever get over Gloria come and see me." Donna left the next week and I didn't even get to see her to say good bye.

There is an adage that says, "You don't know what you've lost until it's gone". I guess it's true, maybe that's why it's an adage. It didn't take long before I realized how much I cared for Donna. I didn't know if I was ready to love her, but I did know I missed her a lot.

Three weeks after Donna moved I wrote a letter to her. In it I told her how much I missed her and hoped she was doing okay. Nothing much, just letting her know I was thinking of her. Instead of a return letter, I got a phone call. That was better than a letter. After that call we would talk on the phone two or three times a month and maybe write every month or so.

I asked Donna a few times about coming to see her. Her answer was always the same, "Have you got your head back in the game yet? Until you can truthfully say yes, there is no need to see each other."

Our calls continued for about two months and something new begun to happen. I would get her voice mail more frequently and have to leave a message. When and if she returned my call, I didn't mention her being out at night more. I didn't feel I had the right to question her. This continued for a month.

Then I called Donna a little late on a Friday night, about 11:30. To be honest, I thought if I called at a later time I would get her and not the answering machine. I got the machine. The next morning I called her again at 7:00, I was becoming somewhat of a stalker I guess. A man answered the phone.

"Oh, er er is Donna there?" I was a little shocked and wondered why a man answered her phone. Who is this guy?

"Yeah, but she's still sleeping. If it's important I can wake her up or I can take a message." He was trying to be helpful, which just pissed me off even more.

"No, no real message, just tell her Jason called and I won't bother her again."

"You sure Jason? I can wake her up if you want me to. She needs to get up anyway. We have to shower and get dressed, because I have a plane to catch." He actually sounded like a nice guy.