Chapter 5: Searching for dreams...

Diana had gained a little notoriety of her own over the past year because of the nightclub. She had quite a following and offers from several other clubs around town to perform for them. A couple of them were from clubs that only catered to the biggest stars. She turned all the other offers down because she felt loyal to Vinny for giving her this break, and he, in turn, rewarded her with very generous pay. She wasn't interested in concentrating on a career that would put her in the spotlight; the little bit of attention she was getting was plenty to make her feel appreciated.

She'd tried to keep tabs on the big man by finding out what movie projects he was involved with. She heard that he'd been finding some different roles. Ward had delivered her message and she said a prayer that he'd find something that would show what he was really capable of.

At the beginning of March 1956, she received an invitation to a premiere of one of his new movies with a personal message from him:

My dearest Diana, I have struggled over the last couple years to do what you suggested; to find roles that would make me work harder as an actor than I've ever had to. I've made an ass of myself with one of them—I hope I'll survive the ridicule. But this one I want you to see. I secretly dedicated my performance in this role to you and as a tribute to another good friend of mine who is long gone, and I want you to let me know what you think after you see it. Please come to the premiere and give me your honest opinion. I believe in you ... Varlabenga, little girl. Love always, Capt. Hard Ass

She had to chuckle at how he signed the note. She also realized she didn't feel a stabbing pain as she thought about him any more—it was more like a dull, bittersweet ache in the pit of her stomach. She missed him and still dreamed about him almost every night. But instead of making her feel sad and lonely as she did in the months after he married, it now made her feel warm. She cherished the knowledge that someone she so admired and loved felt the same about her. She just wished he hadn't felt the need to lie to her about Pilar ... Why did he do that?

"Hey, boss ... Captain Hard Ass has sent me an invitation to his upcoming premiere. Can I go with you?" She already knew he was going.

"That's fine with me, Diana. My wife has other plans for that evening so she won't be going." He chuckled and said, "Besides ... I'd rather show up with a beautiful young woman on my arm rather than an old battle axe like my wife!"

Diana knew he loved his wife but she kept a tight rein on him. She looked at her boss and said, "Ooooh, you better hope I don't tell her you said that!" They both laughed.

Diana and her boss arrived at the theatre the evening of the premiere and she was surprised when several reporters knew her by name and were snapping pictures of her as she exited her boss' car and walked up the carpet. They were also firing questions at her.

"Miss Maitland, do you have any plans to perform at any other clubs around town?"

"Have you been offered any movie or recording deals?

She just smiled and commented, "I have no plans for anything at the moment, gentlemen. Please excuse me, now. My escort is waiting for me." She took her boss' arm and headed inside.

John Wayne had been watching from just inside the main entrance. He saw the reporters taking her picture like she was another big star and they knew her name and were asking questions about her. She looked a little surprised but remained poised as she headed toward the theatre.

She was dressed conservatively in a simple black gown that had a V-cut to the front and back. It had long, straight sleeves and an empire waist that fitted just below her breasts and angled around to her back at her waist. It showed just a hint of her cleavage and was very flattering to her figure. Her hair was a little longer than he remembered. She seemed even more beautiful than when he last saw her...

He didn't immediately approach her when she came in as that would attract attention. He mingled around the theatre lobby, occasionally checking in with his children who had come to the premiere. Pilar had been unable to come; she was only a couple weeks away from giving birth to their first child and she was feeling uncomfortable, so she stayed home to rest. He had tried to persuade her to come. If she was there, he'd have to be attentive to her and it would keep his mind off the fact that Diana was there and negate any sort of temptation for him to try to be alone with her...

He loved Pilar as deeply as he loved Diana, but he still craved Diana physically. He still dreamed of making love to her almost every night. He feared that some night he might say something in his sleep that Pilar would hear and he didn't want to hurt her. She was such a gentle soul and she deservesd his complete devotion ... No matter how badly he wanted Diana, he could never hurt Pilar that way ... and Diana would never let him do that, either. He finally worked up the courage to approach her.

Diana was chatting with a group of different studio executives and their wives when she heard his voice behind her as he walked up to the group. "Good evening, ladies and ... the rest of you greedy vermin!" This prompted a laugh from the group, and she chuckled herself as she turned to look up at him when he walked up beside her.

His eyes held a hint of embers as he looked down at her and rumbled deeply, "It's very nice to see you again, Miss Maitland. I'm glad that you've finally come to one of my premieres. I had been told after we met a couple years ago that you were one of my biggest fans, but I don't recall seeing you at any of the premieres before."

I still love you, big man ... but I'm mad at you too! "Well, Mr. Wayne," she purred, "I thought since your last movie was so ... How shall I put this delicately? Let's just say 'different' than what we're used to seeing from you, that I figured this one was bound to be an improvement. So I had to come in hopes that you would redeem yourself."

Anger and embarrassment came into his eyes. Everyone in the group around them snickered softly as she made that barbed remark about the release of his previous movie, "The Conqueror." She knew it was the one he had referenced in his note that he'd made an ass of himself.

He took a deep breath and coughed slightly. Then he said sarcastically, "Well, Miss Maitland, I appreciate you putting your opinion of that piece of garbage so delicately! And since you think this one's bound to be an improvement, then I'd be honored if you'd sit next to me while you watch it so I can see your opinion first-hand, and you can let me know if I've redeemed myself."

She raised her eyebrows and looked around the group to see the other people's reactions. They all looked curiously amused—except for her boss, who was frowning slightly. She had dared to insult John Wayne—however delicately she had put it—and they all wanted to see if she would dare to accept his invitation.

"All right, Mr. Wayne. I'll sit next to you. But I have to warn you ... it had better be good! I'm not very good at hiding my feelings about most things and I wouldn't want to offend you if it's bad!" This prompted another round of soft laughter from the group.

He scowled at her, but offered her his arm and gestured toward the doors into the theatre. He seemed to have aged a little more than she would have expected in less than two years. He also seemed to have gained a few pounds. Pilar must be a good cook ... despite her young age. She still remembered the shock she felt when she learned that he had lied to her about Pilar's age.

She felt slight stirrings of jealousy and she commented cattily, "I notice your VERY lovely, VERY YOUNG, and very PREGNANT wife is not here this evening. What a shame ... I would so like to have met her. I hope she's well."

He glanced down at her with a warning look in his eyes. The subject of my wife is off limits for discussion! But you emphasized certain words in reference to my wife. You know I lied to you when I told you about Pilar's age...

Pilar was 10 years younger than Diana and younger than one of his daughters. But what she lacked in years, she more than made up for in maturity. He looked at her sheepishly and shook his head. "Yeah, I know. I lied to you about her age. I didn't want you to think me foolish because I had tried to back away from you by claiming YOU were too young for me. I was scared at how much I wanted you and it was the only excuse I could come up with at that moment. Now, will you please just let it drop, OK?"

She looked at him sarcastically as she shook her head. He waved to his son Patrick, who also had a small part in this movie. She looked up at him and said smugly, "Your son is a very nice looking young man—even more handsome than you. He must take after his mother."

He looked down at her with a frown. "You're certainly digging your spurs into me this evening! Is there something else wrong?"

She smiled bitterly as she said, "Other than the fact that I can't find another man like you to love? No ... there's nothing wrong."

Then he dug into her. "Well, it sure hasn't been for lack of looking! Just how many men have you gone through over the last year ... about twenty or so? And you're telling me there's not one man among them that would be worthy of you? Maybe you've set your standards a little too high, little girl. You shouldn't be comparing other men to me. I'm not perfect, you know."

He was stopped just before they got to the door by some well-wishers. She stood back as he greeted them and thanked them for coming. They got stuck there and had to wait as he continued to acknowledge well wishes as a stream of people were entering the theatre doors.

She was glad for the break because she had no idea how she was going to respond to what he said. Until he said that, she hadn't realized it was what she'd been doing all along. She'd never find another man just like him ... he was one of a kind! And she knew he wasn't perfect ... But he stirred her heart and soul—and that was what she needed, even if only slightly—from any man. Then she frowned and laughed quietly. He'd still been keeping tabs on her somehow ... he knew how many men she'd seen in the last year!

They finally made their way into the theatre. She was embarrassed because everyone was clapping for him and probably also wondering who she was ... she was obviously not his wife! He moved to one of the rows that had been reserved for the cast and crew and he sat her next to Ward and then sat on the other side of her on the end.

Ward introduced her to his wife sitting on the other side of him. She could tell from the look on the woman's face that Ward had told his wife about her and the big man. Ward's wife, Mary Lou, smiled at her sympathetically. She said it was very nice to finally meet her. Diana looked at Ward and said quietly, "I ought to punch you again! You promised you wouldn't tell!"

Ward jokingly put his hand on his upper arm as if to shield her from punching him and whispered, "I didn't mean to! I told her that I was checking up on you for 'a friend!' After we were married, she figured out who that friend was because Capt. Hard Ass kept bugging me to keep checking up on you! So, if anyone deserves to be punched, it's him!"

Several people around them turned to look as all four of them—Wayne, Diana, Ward and his wife, started laughing softly. They calmed themselves down as the lights were dimming. The movie was about to start.

The premiere that night was for "The Searchers." She'd heard the basic premise of the movie, so she dedicated herself to watching every subtlety of his performance rather than just the movie as a whole. She paid special attention to Ward's performance as well. She noticed many things about the big man's character right from the start.

Right away, in the opening scenes, she noticed how his character, Ethan Edwards, and his brother Aaron's wife, Martha, related to one another. She leaned toward him and whispered, "What's with Ethan and Martha?"

He looked down at her with his eyebrows raised and whispered back, "You noticed! That's me and you," he stated with longing in his eyes. She blinked her eyes a few times, smiled softly and looked back at the screen.

Ward's character, the Rev. Captain Samuel Johnston Clayton of the Texas Rangers, arrived to deputize some men to go after cattle rustlers, including Ethan. She watched with interest as the Rev. Clayton stood sipping some coffee and saw Martha lovingly pulling Ethan's uniform coat and hat out of a chest to bring to him. Rev. Clayton tried not to pay attention as Ethan gently kissed her goodbye on her forehead. She glanced over at Ward and they both grinned knowingly. Then she looked up at Wayne and they smiled softly at each other.

She picked up on hints early on that Ethan was a very dark, twisted man with an intense hatred for Indians. He was possibly also a wanted man. He had disappeared for three years after the end of the Civil War before returning to his brother's ranch with a lot of newly minted gold coins and Ward's character even had a line that said something about Ethan resembling descriptions of some wanted criminals.

At this point in the movie, it seemed Ethan's only redeeming qualities were his secret love for Martha and his affection for his nephew Ben and nieces Lucy and, especially, Debbie. Might she have been his daughter rather than his niece? She asked the big man.

He frowned and looked at her as he whispered, "As far as I know, she was just his niece!" But then he raised his eyebrows. Hmm ... if Ethan and Martha did have an affair...

She had trouble with the relationship between Ethan and the young Martin Pawley. According to the story, Ethan had rescued Martin as a baby after his parents had been killed in an Indian massacre. He brought Martin to be raised by his brother and Martha and now that Martin had grown up, his features reflected the fact that he was part Indian himself and Ethan treated him with disdain because of that. It was obvious that Ethan hated Indians. Where had that intense hatred come from? And he seemed to know quite a bit about Comanches and their ways...

The men took off to go find the stolen cattle and Ethan made his brother stay home. There was a shot of Ethan as he rode away in which Martha and Debbie were shown watching him lovingly. She nudged the big man's arm and whispered, "See?"

It turned out that it wasn't cattle rustlers they were after. It was a trap set by a band of Comanches to lure most of the men away from their homes so the Indians could attack—as Ethan had suspected. Most of the men headed back to the Jorgensen ranch since it was the closest. Ethan had a very scared look on his face as he tended to his horse before trying to head back to his brother's ranch. Young Martin took off back to the Edwards' ranch right away despite Ethan's warning that the horses needed rest and food.

It was Ethan's brother's ranch that the Indians attacked. In an attempt to save the youngest girl, Debbie, they sent her out to hide in the family cemetery plot. The little girl was crouching on her grandmother's grave—Ethan's mother—when the Comanche chief Scar found her. They killed Ethan's brother Aaron, nephew Ben, and Martha—the woman he loved. They took his nieces ... or daughters ... she kept wondering about that. Ethan had even more cause to hate Indians.

When he got to the ranch to find it burning, the only person he called for was Martha. He picked up a piece of clothing that looked like a blue dress that Martha had been wearing and he looked inside the building he found it in front of. As the scene was shot, his body was in silhouette, and his face couldn't be see at all—only his body language could portray what he felt and it was obvious to her that he'd found Martha.

As soon as his brother, his nephew and Martha were buried, Ethan took off to chase down the Comanche tribe that had killed them and taken Lucy and Debbie. He walked away before the burial service was over, barking painfully at Rev. Clayton to "put an Amen to it!"

Through most of the rest of the movie, Wayne portrayed Ethan with increasing anger and pain, but he also had a twisted sense of humor. It showed in his interactions with a crazy old character named Mose Harper, his amusement over Martin's accidental acquisition of an Indian wife and some of the insulting, but humorous, remarks he made to different characters.

He showed some real sparks of genius in some of the more painful scenes. He left Martin and Lucy's boyfriend, Brad Jorgensen, to chase a group of Indians whose trail had split up. He followed the trail of a group of them into a narrow canyon. When he met up with Martin and Brad again, he rode up on his horse, dismounted quickly and stumbled slightly as if in shock. He sat down heavily, took out his knife and was digging it into the dirt ... and he looked slightly dazed. When he saw Brad and Martin looking at him, he made a remark about the trail leading off somewhere, and he continued to look distracted as they asked him questions.

Then Martin asked him if he'd lost his "Johnny Reb" coat and Ethan mumbled and said he must've but he wasn't going back for it.

Diana glanced at Wayne and leaned over to whisper, "Something bad supposedly happened in that canyon, didn't it?"

He glanced at her with his eyebrows raised. My God, little girl ... you're picking up on everything I did! Then he frowned and whispered back, "You'll see."

It was revealed in the next scene that Ethan had found Lucy's body when they'd split up and that he had wrapped her in his coat and buried her. Brad asked for details about what had happened to her. Ethan's agonizing reply and the look of torture on his face brought tears to her eyes and she couldn't stop herself from grabbing Wayne's hand tightly and looking at him.

He looked at her, frowning slightly and then he smiled sadly. He appreciated her acknowledgment of his ability to move her ... She held onto his hand through the rest of the movie.

Then Ethan turned around and did something that shocked her. Brad was so upset at hearing Lucy was dead that he grabbed his gun and got on his horse to ride down into an Indian camp he had discovered to kill them. Martin tried to stop Brad and then go with him, but Ethan tripped Martin to stop him from getting to Brad. He let Brad head down into the camp by himself—and to certain death.