Thanks to a couple of advance readers that looked things over for me, but any editing (or non-editing) mistakes are very definitely my own
Originally, this story was intended as a very silly spoof on the "Damsels in Distress" Universe, but somewhere along the line it failed to make that left turn at Albuquerque. I'm still not quite sure exactly what this story did turn into instead. I had planned to post this under my normal Author account, but perhaps this weird story is better off here under my alternate name.
For this story I have shamelessly borrowed a few quotes from numerous sources, most obviously "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" by Hunter S. Thompson and the movie "Full Metal Jacket". The discerning reader will discover even some obscure Gilbert & Sullivan quotes mixed in here and there.
This story was written as therapy recently during two of the worst months that I can remember in a great many years. The stress release probably prevented me from shaving my head and taking a rifle up into some tall tower and blasting away. There is a lot of gun porn and a rather nasty sex scene in a middle chapter that might not be to everyone's taste. If that part of the story bothers you, just skip to the next chapter.