Dear Moms and Dads:

Spring Break season has come to an end here in Florida, and I wanted to send you this little note. On behalf of the Governor of The Great State of Florida, Charlie Crist, and myself, thank you ... I mean, really THANK YOU! ... for sending your high school seniors and college age daughters to the beaches of sunny Florida for Spring Break.

You know that for the last 6 to 8 months we've been putting up with your parents. Your whiny, lard-assed, always complaining parents that you are overjoyed to see head off to Florida every winter. Otherwise you would have to listen to them complain, right? That's OK. We tolerate them. They're good for the economy. Even though they drive 40 in the outside lane of a four lane Interstate highway. And even though they put on their left turn signal then drift right across three lanes of traffic. And even when the New Yorkers complain that the bagels aren't as good here, and the New Jerseyites complain that the subs aren't as good. And all of them complain that everything costs so much, even though they don't buy anything unless they have a coupon for it.

No, we put up with all that. Because we know that for four weeks every spring, you send us your daughters. The luscious, ripe, juicy fruit of your loins, teeming with unquenchable sexual desire. And for that, we thank you.

Oh, I know you think your precious little snowflake isn't like those girls you read about in the news who go off with some guys, get drunk, fuck the entire lifeguard staff and end up floating in the Gulf. You're right. Your daughters lived to party another year. But let me assure you, you've raised a hot little pistol there, Mom and Dad.

I want to thank the parents of the daughters of the Midwest. The meat and potato fed girls of North and South Dakota. The corn fed darlings of Minnesota, Nebraska and Iowa. The lusty sisters of Notre Dame. The milk maids of Wisconsin. The Hoosiers of Indiana. And although Ann Arbor is a whore, thank you for the girls Michigan — future assembly line workers all of them. And the Buckeyes of Ohio. My good heavens how those girls can drink. Although I think the girls of Miami at Ohio suck better dick. But thank you for all of them.

I want to thank the parents of the daughters of the Carolinas. Duke really does suck, and quite well too. I know there are a North Carolina and a South Carolina, but where the hell is Eastern Carolina? Doesn't matter. Nothing could be finer than a BJ from Carolina in the morning, as the song says. Not only are these Southern Belles beautiful and eager to please in the sack, they know their place is in the kitchen.

Thank you for raising girls who are totally focused on themselves. Girls that couldn't give a flying fuck for anything except their own wants and desires. Girls who think that every sentence should begin with an "I". Girls that are so easily manipulated because all they want to hear is how wonderful they are. They wouldn't be that way except you raised them to be like that. And it makes them so easy to get into the sack.

Thank you for shelling out thousands of dollars for braces and dental work so that your little darlings have perfectly straight, pearly white teeth. When I look down at them while my dick slides in and out of their plump, juicy lips, it's good to know they've had some of the best dental care in the world. And not one of them scraped my dick with those expensive teeth. Great investment, Dad!

And thanks for the weekly manicures and pedicures that you trained them to think were as necessary to sustain life as air and water. The hand jobs I got from your daughters reflected the excellent technical skills of their Chinese immigrant manicurists. I hate it when chicks have chipped nails or hanging cuticles, but I'll deal with the girls of Pennsylvania and New York later.

And thanks for letting getting them involved in sports at a young age. It's toned their long gorgeous legs, giving them taut calves and thighs, and firms round butts like half a soccer ball. Watching them jog, prance and shake their tight little asses across the beach bring joy to the hearts of the entire male population. It wouldn't be possible if you hadn't spent years driving them to their games. Thank you.

And did I mention their bikinis? They never showed you what they bought for this trip, did they? Holy Mother of All That is Sacred, I've seen more fabric on a pole dancer than your daughters wore on the beach. Don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining. In fact, I love the sight of your daughter's tits barely restrained by a piece of fabric the size of a Band-Aid. I love the piece of floss that crawls up the crack of her ass. And I love that tiny little patch that covers her pussy. But I have to think that if you saw this outfit, you wouldn't let your daughter wear it in public. So thanks for not checking it out.

Speaking of pussies, and we are going to talk about pussy, thanks for shelling out for the Brazilian wax job just before she came down here. Some of your daughters went the completely bare route. They were as hairless as the day they were born. I have to admit I prefer a little fur, but I've met very few pussies I didn't like. I love burying my face into the bare ones. Their clits stand out so plainly and just beg to be sucked. Your daughters loved it when I flicked my tongue over their clit and sucked it into my mouth. Some of you have raised some real screamers! Maybe they get that from their Mommas, do they?

All of them had the hair down there partly removed. I know the North Dakota, Minnesota and Wisconsin girls like to keep a nice pelt on their pussies for the winter, but they all cleaned up for this trip. Those that weren't completely bare at least kept it neat and tidy and I didn't get one stray hair stuck in my teeth. That's a sure sign of a good upbringing, and you Moms and Dads deserve to give yourselves a big round of applause.