Chapter 2: Fear of Living

- Death is Not the End (Bob Dylan)

When I woke up it was already past noon. I had a terrible headache and I instantly felt that something was odd. I realised that I was fully dressed and when I looked around I realised that I was not in my own apartment. I sat up and the sudden movement made me feel dizzy.

"You're finally awake. I was beginning to think you had died on me," A female voice said.

The voice sounded familiar but I could not place it. I started to remember what had happened last night and got a bit embarrassed and curios. I tried to look at her but without my glasses I couldn't see her face clearly. She walked up to me and pushed a glass into my hands as she said, "Drink this. You will feel better."

I did not ask what was in the glass since I did not want to know. I'd drink it even if it was horse piss, as long as it helped to get rid of the headache. I took the glass and emptied it quickly. It tasted like vomit and raw eggs but then I figured that was probably my breath. I put the glass down and somehow I already felt better.

"I really appreciate this but I have to ask some questions. Where am I?" I asked.

"Martin, you're in my apartment. I carried you up here after you got smashed last night," she answered.

"I'm sorry to have to ask but who are you?"

"You don't recognise me?" she asked surprised.

"I kind of lost my glasses yesterday," I said a bit embarrassed.

"Oh, sorry. I just thought you wore contacts. I'm Rebecca Blair, we went to high school together, " she answered.

I had been rescued by Rebecca Blair. My heart started to beat faster. I knew very well who Rebecca Blair was. She had been the most popular girl in school and head cheerleader. I did not have too look at her to remember her appearance. In high school I had dreamed of her regularly, which was probably true for most guys in my school. She was 5'7'' and had sea-blue eyes that one could drown in and beautiful shoulder-length brown hair. I knew she had a terrific well trained body but I had always been afraid to even steal a good glance at her.

This was really surreal. Rebecca had been the prom queen while I had been social pariah. I was the big geek, so geeky that even the other geeks would not have anything to do with me. Now I had spent the night in her apartment and smelled like vomit. I started to get really embarrassed and stunned that she had actually helped such loser as me.

"Why are you so nice and helping me out? It's not like we know each other," I asked while looking at the floor.

"I have been there myself a couple of times. Being so drunk that you can't make it home. I always wished that someone would help me so when I saw you I decided to give you a helping hand," she answered.

"I really appreciate the help you have given me but I should be heading home," I said.

"You are not fit to leave yet. Besides I am about to make us some food," she said.

I was about to object when she interrupted me.

"I know you don't feel like eating but you will feel better when you do. Besides I feel really lonely with my roommate not here yet and boyfriend out camping with the football team this week. So I would take it as an personal insult if you left without keeping me company for a while."

"In that case I would love to stay," I answered politely.

Usually when I spoke to women I was scared to death but I found that I was not that afraid around Rebecca. I don't know why, perhaps it was the alcohol, the fact I already had embarrassed myself greatly by being drunk or the fact that I already had one foot in my grave. I actually did not care, I felt better than I had in years, even with a hangover from hell. Funny how a death sentence can make you feel that way.

Rebecca headed out to the kitchen and suggested that I take a shower. I knew I reeked so I followed her suggestion. Never in my life could I have imagined that taking a shower could feel so nice. As I was standing in the shower I heard the bathroom door open. I lived alone so I didn't have a habit of locking it. Rebecca walked in totally unembarrassed and said, "I found some clothes that may fit you, so you won't have to wear yours again."

I didn't answer and she quickly left the bathroom and closed the door behind her. A while later I left the shower and saw the pile of clothes on the floor. They were men's clothing and probably a couple of sizes too big which led me to believe they belonged to her boyfriend. I put them on and as expected they were a bit big, I looked like some kind of hip-hopper.

I didn't complain though, I didn't need to wear my vomit-smelling clothes.

I left the bathroom and I could smell something delicious from the kitchen. I headed over there and could see that Rebecca had prepared some kind of pasta dish.

"Perfect timing. The food was just finished," Rebecca said.

I sat down and started to fill my plate with pasta and the sauce. Even though I was not so hungry I took a big bite and it tasted even better than it smelled.