Chapter 40

The next week was a flurry of activity. Nicole and Simone spent most of their days at their old house packing their things. Some things they moved in now, some things were staying there and some would move to the new house. Nicole had taken Sally over to her house and asked her what would be OK to take where. As far as I could tell the new relationship was working out. I kept everything crossed that I could cross in the faint hope that it would continue and thrive.

Sally met with Marion and got carte blanche to do whatever she wanted to the family house. I had this nagging feeling once again that I should be worried about the apparent nonchalance with which my normally stuffy sister was treating this unusual family structure I was building. More than that, I was going to be moving it into the same house she was living in. I asked Sally what she had told Marion about us and our living arrangements, and Sally said 'pretty much everything.' Including Nicole and Simone living there, too. I checked.

Sally had already called in contractors and actually had construction work being done by the end of the week. Marion invited her to come down and stay with her while I was gone for the week to Washington so she could be close to the action and they could talk. Again, I kept having that pesky nagging feeling that I should be worried about something.

Later that week I managed to slip out for one of the lunches Mac and I liked to grab whenever we could. These lunches, which used to be weekly occurrences, had now gone to catch as catch can because of his game and travel schedule during the baseball season. He was getting ready to go south for Spring Training soon, so we would meet whenever we could.

We had a good lunch. I could tell he was dying to ask about everything that was going on but I held him off. I explained I would tell him everything I could later but that he would have to be patient. There were some things I needed to work out and so on. I did give him a little gift from Simone, kind of a 'Thank You' from her for all the time he had spent with her at the hospital. It was a gold chain necklace.

It was funny to watch his reactions to the gift. It was obvious he dearly loved the chain. Not only was it a gift from Simone, it was tasteful and of high quality. Mac, however, had this aversion to what he referred to as the 'Mr. T' syndrome. He didn't wear jewelry, other than our championship ring and, now, his wedding band. He looked up at me.

"How do I explain this to CeCe?"

I don't think he knew he'd already decided to wear it.

I just sat there, shaking from laughter. I couldn't answer him. I almost wished we'd gone to a bar for lunch instead of the trendy restaurant we were in. That way I could have let it out. As it was, I nearly hurt myself keeping relatively quiet so the management would let us back in next time we wanted to eat there. I did get several glares from the head waiter and one offer for the Heimlich Maneuver from a neighboring patron.

As we were leaving, Mac pulled a briefcase from the trunk of his car and handed it to me.

"Here," he said.

"Why, thanks, Mac. You didn't have to get me a gift," I half joked.

"I didn't," he said puzzled. "I think you left this in my entryway that night you brought Simone. CeCe tripped over it when she came back from her trip and asked me to put it away. I had thought it was hers, when I saw it there, so I hadn't touched it. It's not hers, and not mine. You were the only other people there. So, here."

He held it out to me again.

I took it from him but I was puzzled as to what it was. Not wanting to make a major point of it, I put it in my trunk. We shook hands and went our separate ways. He would be at training camp for three to four weeks before he got a break. I had told him to keep a particular weekend free, if he could. We were planning a small get together at the house. He grinned like a high school kid when he realized he was going to get to see Simone again. He paled when I said the invitation was for CeCe, too. I was still laughing at him as I drove back to the house.

Janey's Spring Break came the following week and she went to Bala's for a visit. She wasn't dreading it, but I could tell she wasn't thrilled, either. I asked her about it.

"I dunno, Dad. I like her and all and I want to go. Her country and culture are so neat. Not neat, like cool, but like, tidy, you know. It's so old, too. Everything and everyone has a place and reason but at the same time it's an exciting time of change there. I, I really want to learn more about it and, if I can, help them. I guess I'd maybe even want to be a part of it somehow. But, it scares me that I want to be a part of it so much. I hope she's not mad at me for the way I talked to her, and all, too. I was pretty strict."

I reassured her that Bala wasn't angry with her, that she just wanted to spend some time with her. She was probably lonely, all by herself in that house when Amud was at work. I knew she didn't go out without him. Yet. Maybe that was why she had asked Janey to visit. I hoped Janey wouldn't teach her to drive.

Simone asked if it would be OK if she stayed at Aunt Marion's with Sally. Gertie had said she would pick her up there for her first visit and they would spend the day together. Sally agreed and so did I before I realized with a sudden sinking feeling that there was a good chance that Gertie, Sally and Marion would all be together at once. I had expended entirely too much effort keeping all the compartments of my life neatly separated and, in one fucking coincidental fell swoop, the three women who knew more of my life history than I did would be in the same place at the same time. If I had been so inclined, I would have had a panic attack. I kept a firm grip on my emotions, though, and just shit myself instead.

Nicole and I left for Washington after everyone else had gone off on their own separate ways. I wasn't looking forward to being in Gertie's lab anymore than usual, but getting to spend some time alone with Nicole certainly was a definite plus. She was kind of quiet on the drive down. At one point I looked over and saw her wiping away a tear. I pulled into to the next rest area.

"We don't have to go, you know," I told her.

"Oh, no! I wish to go."

I kept silent. She would tell me when she was ready. That much I had already sensed.

"I am terrified, Lawrence. I have never been so terrified in my life."

"I will be there with you, Nicole. You don't need to be terrified."

"It is that which terrifies me, Lawrence."

Again I stay silent. It seemed to be what she needed.

"I wish so much to please you, to be perfect for you. This is so important to me. I need you to want me. I know it cannot be like with her, with Sally. You and Sally are so comfortable with each other. I can see you love her, as she does you. It is hard to enter this, this family and not be envious of that love."

I knew there was more. I was right.

"And you haven't touched me. Not once. Not when Sally made me stay naked all the time in front of you, not when I lay at the foot of your bed like a dog. I saw you look at me and become aroused but you would take Sally. Not me. Am I not good enough for you, Lawrence?"