Chapter 17

I wanted pain. I wanted my mask and the handcuffs and something sharp and electrical. I thought about finding some place I could get into a fight. Then I thought about explaining to Coach Whisenhunt how I got arrested. Again. Instead, I decided to take the Line Coach's advice and hit the gym.

I went to the training center. My pass card let me in. I changed into sweats and went to the weight room. For working out I had an MP3 player I kept in my locker loaded with old school Go-Go. Old School. Chuck Brown, EU, Rare Essence, Trouble Funk, Curtis Blow. Stuff that was loud and got me pumped. I may look like a white boy, but my musical tastes are all black.

I started with some easy light-weight things to warm up — leg presses, arm curls. I worked through all the new and improved weight machines we had 'til I finally reached the bench press. It had all kinds of gauges and tracking measures. I didn't set any of them. I started with twenty pounds, practically the lowest weight the machine could be set on. I did ten slow reps. Then I added five pounds. Ten slow reps. Five pounds. Ten reps. Repeat. Repeat. I concentrated on the music and the reps and not the three children I just had sex with.

The reps started getting considerably harder during "Doin' the Butt". I added five more pounds and the ten reps were even harder. I added five more. I noticed that my arms were shaking. I added five more. I lifted the load for the first of ten and my arm failed. The weight landed on my chest and I couldn't lift it. I exhaled and couldn't inhale again. Ok, this is a fucked up way ta die, I thought. I kept pushing but I was doing my best to keep the weight from cracking my ribs. I couldn't breath. I didn't know how long I could hold out. I couldn't hear the music over my blood pounding in my ears.

Fucked up but well deserved. There's a ring in Hell all set up for me. One for abusive assholes who fuck children. I can think of a few excruciating things they could do to me that I definitely would not like. I'll bet Satan can think of a few I can't. I'm going to thank him for every one; I don't deserve the life I have. I'm shit. I'm not even shit. I could feel my arms getting cold. It took me right back to high school and one afternoon on the Wicomico River bank. Peter had fished me out of the water that day because he said I deserved a second chance. Probably the only thing he was ever wrong about.

I should have died then.

The weight was lifted suddenly. I would have thanked whomever moved it but I was too busy coughing and breathing again. Someone was asking me if I was ok. I nodded.

I spent the rest of my morning in the medical office. They checked and re-checked. They ex-rayed my chest and taped my ribs. They wanted to pull me from the first pre-season game but I begged. I pleaded. They let me play.

I got myself into a routine. I worked out a lot, made sure I was exhausted by the time I got home. I asked that my community service be for the elementary schools only and when they wouldn't do that, I talked Billy and Dre into going with me to the middles and highs. I stopped dating all together.

I took all my frustration and tension and stress and let it out on the field. My tackles and sacks both went up. As did my penalties. I averaged better than an interception a game and set a franchise record. I got six interceptions during the pre-season. I took two hits that aggravated my ribs but I refused to stop playing. They taped me up and sent me out again. I made the starting line up for the Season Opener.

It all lasted until the third week of the season. Then I was called back to court to testify against Leroy. Christy went with me. The prosecutor asked me to describe my attack. I tried to be as brief as possible. Then the defense attorney asked one question, "Did you consent to this alleged attack, Mr. McElroy?"

I nearly fell out of the chair. "What?" I was too stunned to get anything else out.

"Did you consent? Were you a willing participant in the incident on this tape?"

I looked at Leroy. He was pissed. He looked like he wanted to cross the room and beat me into a fine paste. I felt a shiver pass through my body. I wanted to let him. How weak am I, I wondered. Finally, I looked at the Defense. "I wasn't ever asked ta consent." I said. "Ain't had uh choice one way or t'other."

"I'm sorry? I don't think the jury heard your answer."

"I said, Leroy ain't ever ask whether o' not I wanna do nothin'. So, no, I ain't consent."

"Would you have?"

"Objection!" Christy and the prosecutor shouted at the same time. The question was withdrawn. I had a hard time not calling the defense a dick as I walked by him. A couple other guys testified that Leroy had done horrible things to them that they did not and would not have consented to. When we adjourned for lunch, Christy and I left.

I still had nightmares. I did not follow up on the case.

I did, however, follow up on Maria. Two of my teammates announced that their wives were pregnant. Then one of the girls in the front office began showing. Suddenly, I couldn't get the girl out of my head. I also couldn't remember the name of the club where I met her.

Then on a Tuesday night, me, Dre, Elton and Levi were over at a Spanish place that Vallejo had recommended. The food was pretty good — real Spanish not that Tex-Mex crap they serve everywhere — and we walked around the neighborhood to let the food and drinks settle down before heading home. I heard the music and made the guys stop. We were in line for maybe ten minutes before we discovered that the place was closed for a private party. We were about to walk away when one of the doormen recognized us.

"Eh, wait a minute! You guys play for the Cardinals, right?" He and the other guy fussed at each other in Spanish while flipping through the guest list. "See? ¡Idiota estúpido! Sorry, man. I mean, Maria put you on the list but nobody believed her. Big Mac, right? Yeah, go on in."

"God damn!" Dre snickered. "Another Big Mac Woman!"

"Relax, it ain't like that. She uh kid; we just friends." They all snickered at that. I tried to ignore them and turned back to the guys at the desk. "Thanks. Any idea where she at, in there?"

"She was dancing last I saw her."

"If not, try with her Padre."

We went in. The music was pumped up latin-funk fusion and the crowd was packed in. It was actually less crowded the night the club was open to the public. We moved to the bar first where several rows of Tequila shots were being handed to any one walking by. If they were checking ID, well, since none of the girls could have been hiding ID in the variety of whore-wear on display, I doubted that they were checking ID.

"Hey, Dre!" Levi shook his head in wonder. "Now I know why you hang with the white boy."

"Big Mac know where the pussy at."

"Dudes, seriously! I'm tellin' you do not touch up in here. This fuckin' jail bait city." It was too late, of course; Elton was already deep in conversation with a girl that was somewhere between 15 and 25. I sighed. "Ya'll on your own."

I finally saw Maria — looking seriously fucking hot — leaning on the arm of an older guy dressed like a flower. He headed for the band stand to join a bunch of other guys in bright colored ruffles. As soon as the DJ stopped playing, these old guys wore the place out. They were one of the best Flamenco ever and their guitarist was awesome. After two numbers, Maria re-appeared and did a Zapateado and then straight into a Flamenco number. It looked both amazing and exausting.

"So which one your girl?" Elton asked me.

"The one dancing."

"Figures." Dre laughed. "The hot one."

"Big Mac like 'em young."

I let them have a little fun at my expense until Maria finished and picked up the mic. "I don't suppose I could find a partner to dance with me?" Half the guys in the room put up their hands — many old guys to a lot of laughter.

I yelled out, "How 'bout uh Samba?"

Maria looked in my direction and her eyes went wide. "¡Mi Dios! Lex!" She pushed through the crowd to me and I met her about halfway. She wrapped herself around me. "I knew you would come back! I knew it!"

"Hey, dance now." I whisper in her ear. "We'll talk after. 'K?"

"'K." She pulled me to the dance floor and we samba'd for a while.

I love the Samba; it's like fucking in public. Maria took advantage of a couple movements to make sure I was rock hard for her. I wasn't sure if I was feeling her nipples or one of the beads on the dress but judging by the way she was looking at me, I guessed it was her. I'd be lying if I said that I was upset about it. All I could think about while dancing was how hot fucking her was.

Eventually the song ended and the band took a break. Maria led me over to a table and introduced me to her father and her four brothers. Today was her Father's birthday. "You missed mine last week." She said coyly.

"Did I?" How the fuck old was she — 16? 17? "Happy belated birthday. How many candles you blow out?"

She smiled sweetly. "18." One of her brothers coughed and we turned our attention back to her Father.

"I'm sorry sir, I didn't realize what day it was. Are you by any chance a football fan?" I knew he was, the whole town was rabid. "Just uh minute." I looked around and finally saw Dre on the dance floor. I called his cell and then Levi and Elton. A quick run back to Levi's car and we all gathered in front of the table again. "Sir, I'd like to introduce my teammates. Andre Green, Levi Brown and Elton Brown. We sorta uhprepared but we thought you might like this. It's one uh my Home jerseys — clean — an' we all signed it."

"Also," Levi handed him a business card, "if you call that number tomorrow, they'll arrange two tickets in the Owner's box for this Sunday's game."

He thanked us profusely and insisted that we join him for a couple more shots. And then there was more dancing and it was close to midnight before I could get a minute alone with Maria.

She kissed me before I could even start. "I knew you'd come back. I knew it."

"Whoa! Ease up! I ain't 'come back'." It was weird; girls didn't usually get hung up on me. Most of them realized that I was not Mr. Right. "I just wanna make sure you ok. Y'know, you ain't in the family way."

Her face fell. "No, I'm not." Then she brightened. "But we could try again."

"No!"

"But I'm over 18 now."

"I thought I told you I'm seein' somebody else."

"I thought you were just saying that."

I rolled my eyes. "Jesus! Maria, look, you wanna fool around it's cool but if you lookin' for uh husband, look again. Ain't me."

"So now my sister is a puta for you?" Said an unfriendly voice behind us. I turned to see three of her brothers watching us. "You come as our guest and then disrespect my sister?"

"Dude! Listen, I ain't tryin' ta..."

"To what? She already told us how she knows you."

I looked at her. "You told them?"

"I knew you would come back to me."

"Would you stop sayin' that!" I turned back to the guys. I could probably move through the little one but I'd just as soon not have to try and fight my way out of this. "Look, we danced once, it got uh little outta control an' I promised I'd check back an' make sure she ok. That's all."

"You don't worry about Maria; we take care of our own."

"Hey! I just wanna make sure all she got from me memories. Anything more, Ima take care of."

Two of them took a step closer but the biggest held them back. He looked at Maria and they had a breif conversation. "Eh, my friend, I think it is time to say good night."

I wasn't about to argue. "Yeah. Tell your Dad I said bye. Great party." I edged past the group of them without even a glance at Maria. I found Levi and we round up Dre and Elton and got the fuck.

We got halfway to the cars before they let me have it. Not about the girl. Not even about nearly getting beat up by her brothers.

"Aw man!" Dre stopped suddenly. "I knew I forgot something!"

"What?"

"My camera! We had our very own Dancing with the Stars!" The guys cracked up and an ongoing onslaught of dancer jokes insued.

This time my locker collected announcements about local talent shows, an open call for a ballet dancer (must have own tights) and an application to appear on Dancing with the Stars — which I actually considered for a minute.

The fifth week of the season we played Washington and then had our by week. I asked and got some time off. Whisenhunt told me to stay out of trouble. Then he grinned and told me to get laid. Sunday after the game, my teammates loaded the bus and headed for National Airport.

I caught a cab to an apartment in Van Ness.

Ms. Helen greeted me at her door in a see-thru robe and with the best kiss I'd had in a year. Helen was my Great Aunt Rachael's best friend. I had suspected for years that she was doing my Great Uncle Julius but neither of them would confirm or deny anything. Helen fit neatly between them in age — older than Rachael but younger than Julius — which meant she must have been about 50 but I absolutely did not care. Helen was hot. And spicy. My twenty-first birthday gift from her was a weekend at a sex club. I kept up with her for partners but only just barely. She was the sexiest woman I'd ever met. She was in great shape and loved sex and had no illusions why I was staying with her for a couple days.

"My oh my how you've grown." She cooed.

"Yeah, I guess I ain't little Alex anymore."

"Well, come in, come in. My neighbors are afraid I'll seduce their shi shu. Now if they had a great dane, I'd think about it."

I had to laugh largely because I wasn't sure she wasn't serious.

She poured a pair of scotches and sat on the couch. "Come. Sit. Relax. Tell me all about what's eating you. I mean apart from me later this evening."

"We could cut ta that right now you want." I said sitting next to her.

She laughed. "You know, I am really flattered that you think my old ass is still worth screwing..."

"Any fuckin' day uh the week." I took her hand and started kissing up her arm.

" ... but I know you have no trouble finding meaningless sex. So. If you're here, you need something."

"You got what I need."

"Oh, well, then fine." She put her drink down and pulled me on top of her. The pointless gauze thing she was wearing was on the floor in seconds and my clothing fell one piece at a time on top of it.

Helen's couch was wide and plush, much like Helen's chest, and we explored each other in depth. She was incredible responsive to even the slightest touches and came easily and frequently. She was fun. She was easy. Finally, I lay back and she crawled on top of me. She slowly lowered her still pulsing pussy around my dick and we both sighed.

"Oh, Alex. That feels so good."

"Who you tellin'?" I gasped. "God made women just so he could have you."

"Oooh. You say the sweetest things." She lifted her hips and slid down again. We both sighed again. She kept the slow deliberate pace until I grabbed her and pulled her down to me. I kissed her hard, held her tight and rolled us onto the floor. She yelped in surprise as we landed, me on top.

I grinned at her as I spread her legs wider. I was tired of the long-slow. I wanted fast. I held her down and picked up the pace. Soon I was slamming into her with no control. She came loudly. I keep going. And going. And going. And realized that I was not getting any closer to getting off. I was rock hard; it just wasn't going anywhere. I fell forward and stopped just short of dropping my full weight on Helen. I was exhausted and dripping with sweat. "Oh God." I groaned.