Chapter 27: Love Lines

We drove the first part of the distance in silence, about half a song's worth. Amy broke it with a blurting statement that just about drove me off the road.

"I bought sexy panties!" she said.

My hand slipped off the wheel and I swerved a bit, just about driving over the dividing line. Amy giggled.

"I did! They're black and frilly and pretty. I look kinda hot in them. My butt looks kinda big, but Janine says that's a good thing. Guys like nice butts."

She giggled again.

"I like Janine," she continued. "We're gonna go shopping again next week. And see a movie. She's so cool."

"I like Janine too," I said. "She's the Best."

Amy didn't get the joke. Apparently she didn't know Janine's last name.

"She is the best! Except she kept kissing Mick every eighteen seconds and telling me how yummy he tastes and how sexy his tongue feels in her mouth and all that. It was sooooo-"

"Gross?"

"Yeah!"

"This from a girl who bought sexy panties and couldn't wait to tell me all about it."

She blushed cutely. For a moment I trailed off in my thoughts, imagining Charlotte kissing Vincenzo, but Amy, god bless her, snapped me out of it almost immediately.

"Is your school big? How many people will be at the dance?"

"Our school is big. It's grades nine to twelve. There's always like a thousand kids there when there's a dance. They get security guards and everything. Someone's always getting a blow job under the bleachers, or passing a bottle around, or getting in a fight, or smoking, or some shit like that. It's nutty. But fun."

"The dances at my school are baby stuff. There's like more teachers and parents than kids, and they won't even play the sexy songs. It's still kinda fun though. Big booming music and everyone screaming when their favorite songs come on. Everyone asking someone they like to dance, and everyone whispering about who likes who and running to the bathroom to get someone to find out if so n' so likes her more than a friend. It's awesome."

"It's still like that, 'cept in high school it's more about who's gonna go all the way after the dance is over, and which guy felt up a girl's pussy right on the dance floor. Stuff like that."

"Ew. Right on the dance floor?"

"Sometimes."

"Nasty!"

"Not when it's happening to you."

That shut her up. I assume she was picturing it.

"So anyway, I'll keep a close eye on you tonight," I said. "I won't let anyone feel up your pussy on the dance floor or anything."

"As if!"

"Just teasing."

But she squirmed a bit in her seat.

"So who's over at Charlotte's place anyway?" Amy asked, breaking another short silence as her mind raced a mile-a-minute.

"She's got an old friend over there who she hasn't seen in a long time. She wanted to spend time with her."

"But she's coming to the dance later?"

"I'm sure she'll be there," I said, though I dreaded the thought of having to face her, especially in front of everyone.

"Cool! I wanna show her my new clothes. I got some stuff with color in it and everything."

"I'm sure she'll like the panties too."

"I'm sure you'll like them too."

I laughed, shocked at her sudden bluntness. She'd apparently blurted it out without meaning to. She blushed six shades of scarlet and covered her face in her hands with a double slap on her cheeks.

"I'm sure I will, Aims," I said. "I'm sure you look awesome in them."

Then there was more silence. Then she broke it again, still blushing, speaking in a hesitant tone.

"Anthony?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"What something would that be?"

"I want the first guy I'm with to be just like you."

"Thanks, babe. That's more of a compliment than you realize."

And I told her about the documentary I'd seen where the woman's blood spills across the man's penis in a sacred contract.

"Wow! That's deep!" she said.

"Yes it is. You only get one chance to choose your first lover. Choose carefully."

"My friend Pam lost her cherry to some guy she just met. She was really stupid about it. He was all smooth and shit and he got her in a bedroom and the next thing you know, she's calling for me to get her some Kleenex cause there's blood everywhere. I was like, 'what the hell!? Are you okay!?' and she was like, 'I just lost my cherry!' and I was like, 'Oh my god!' But then this guy just gets up and leaves. She didn't even get his number. She hasn't even seen him since. Stupid, huh?"

"More sad really."

"Yeah. I'm only thirteen and I know it's supposed to be something special. Not something you just throw away to some guy because he's wearing the same kind of jacket and hairstyle your favorite movie star wears. She's so stupid!"

"There's a difference between stupid and just not knowing."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, maybe she just didn't know that it was supposed to be special. If you know what you're supposed to do, and don't do it, that's stupid, but if you didn't know, if you were never told, if you had no idea, it's just sad."

(I guess that makes Charlotte stupid then, a voice said inside my head. The voice sounded a lot like Sheila's.)

"I guess so," Amy replied.

"We're home."

"This is your place?"

"Yup. It's no mansion, but I like it."

"I like it too. I'd rather stay here than in a mansion."

We got out of the truck, I grabbed Amy's bags and we went into the house. Mom was home now. I introduced the two of them and we went to my room. Amy was enthralled. She wandered around my room, looking at all my posters, looking at my books, looking at the stickers on my dresser, looking at the trophies high up on my shelf.

I remembered the first time Charlotte was in my room, how she'd wandered around the exact same way, looking at all my posters, looking at the girl with the tattoo on her hip, and then showing me hers. It seems so long ago now, in another universe even, a universe where the future still held promise and excitement. I got a little choked up again. But then Amy sat down beside me on the bed, much too close, and just stared up at the corner of the ceiling. Then she looked at me with a nervous little smile, as though waiting for something. Her face was less than a foot away.

"You want me to leave you alone so you can get changed?" I said, getting up off the bed.

"I wanna try on some new things. Let me know what you think."

"I'll be right back," I said.

I closed the door behind me and went to talk to my mom.

"Did Charlotte call?"

"I don't think so. Not since I've been home."

"She'll probably call soon enough. Her sister's here."

"You guys fighting again?" Mom asked.

"No, not really. Why?"

"You look like you've been crying."

"I'm just stressed out. I'll be alright."

"Does your friend want something to eat?"

Moms are awesome. I gave her a hug just for thinking like a mom.

"I'll go find out."

I went back to the room and peeked in the door.

"You all decent?" I asked.

"Come in. Quick. Shut the door!" she whispered. She was hiding behind my closet door.

I did as she instructed and turned back around.

"My mom wants to know if you want anything to..."

My brain turned to mush as Amy stepped from behind my door wearing only her sexy panties. She was blushing red as a cherry and her hands were shaking, but she stepped out, fidgeting nervously. Her chest peeked out at me, two small pink nipples on mini-handfuls of bulging breasts. She turned sideways and wiggled her bum at me. Her panties were black, frilly, and very revealing. There was only a thin, inch-wide strip covering her rear crevice and spreading into a whale tail up by her tailbone. She turned again, and fidgeted some more, waiting for me to say something.

What could I say though? She was too young for me. She was my girlfriend's sister, well soon-to-be ex-girlfriend anyway, but still Charlotte's sister nevertheless. She was also dealing with the death of her mother during one of the most hormonally unbalanced times in a human being's life. And here she was naked in front of me, sharing something sacred with me, something intimate. She was incredibly pretty, intoxicatingly cute, but I couldn't quite get the idea out of my head that a big part of her was still just a girl.

What could I say though? Whatever I said in the next ten seconds, or didn't say, could have a profound and lasting effect on her, her ego, her self-esteem, her very sexuality, for the rest of her life. If I said too much, and then pulled away later because she's too young, she'd be crushed. If I didn't say enough, she'd be crushed immediately. Damn!

So I just stood there staring for a moment, scrambling for the right words.

"Do you like them?" she asked me. Her eyes pleaded with me for assurance, for validation.

In the end, I didn't say anything at all. I just walked up, took her in my arms and kissed her. I kissed her deeply and passionately, opening her lips with my tongue and finding hers, touching hers with mine, tasting her, sharing my taste with her in return. She trembled in my arms but didn't pull away. I was her entire universe for that minute or so. Then I pulled away. She stood, completely and totally awestruck. Everything was tumbling and crackling and burning and rushing around inside her. I could see it on her face. She swallowed hard. And then she went in and grabbed some more of me, kissing me back this time. I let her. She grabbed the back of my neck and held onto me, not wanting me to pull away, not letting me when I tried to. She kissed me like she was starving and I was her food. She didn't pull away, but she shook like a leaf with the struggle over it. Finally I forced myself from her grip. She was panting like she'd just run around the block a few times. Maybe she had, inside her mind.

"Amy, you're the prettiest girl I've seen in a very long time," I said. "And you kiss beautifully. And any guy would be lucky to be your first. And I wish it could be me..."

"But?"

"But..."

But what, Anthony!? Think, man! Her heart is on the verge of shattering here!

"But I'm Charlotte's boyfriend."

"But if you weren't?" she asked, pleading with her eyes again, shaking like she was in her own private earthquake.

"Then I'd do this..."

I kissed her again, and this time I slid my hands down all over her nearly naked body, caressing her everywhere as our tongues danced. Apparently she'd never been touched like that before. She went weak on her legs. She sagged against me, her arms tightened around my neck. She broke the kiss and buried her face in my neck, panting fast and shallow, like she was drowning now, rather than running around the block.

"L- let's don't ... go to the ... dance ... Anthony. Let's just ... go ... somewhere ... and you can ... be my first ... okay? Make a ... contract ... with my blood ... okay? You ... I want you."

"I can't do that, Aims," I answered, now shaking a bit myself from the excitement of the offer.

"Why?" she said, looking up into my eyes like I'd pulled a knife on her or something, and was threatening to stab her in the heart.

I kept on caressing her, though I should have stopped.

"Because you're too small, and I'm too big, first of all. It would hurt you more than you realize. You have no idea."

"How could anything that feels this good..."

"Second of all," I said, cutting her off. "You're in a very emotional time right now, and I don't want to be the cause of any pain at all to you, in any way."

"I don't care if it hurts me! It's supposed to hurt, right?"

"I'm not talking about that kind of pain, Amy. I'm talking about your heart. Because you like me. I know you do. Too much I think. I know you do because you'd never let just anyone do this to you. You're not like that. And I'm so honored by you letting me do this, but I don't think you know what you're getting into by liking me like this."

"I don't care," she said. "You're the only person I feel safe with. You're the only person who talks to me like I'm a human being, and not some stupid little kid."

"But that doesn't mean you love me, though. What if you give this to me, and then later find a guy you really do love and have nothing to give him?"

"If I give it to you, I'll love you forever. That's what the contract's for, isn't it?"

"Forever isn't always forever, though. Especially when you haven't even figured out who it is you're giving away to someone forever."

"Don't stop, Anthony. Please. That feels so good."

I'd stopped caressing her and was withdrawing my hands. We kissed some more. Finally after a couple more minutes she spoke.

"This isn't gross at all."

I smiled again.

"I get it now," she said. "I finally know what the big deal is."

"Nice, isn't it?"

"You're made of magic or something. I never felt like this ... ever!"

"Well, the trouble is, Aims, it's not always gonna be this good. Most guys just wanna take you and stick it in. They don't care about how you feel or what you want. All they wanna do is come. It's very sad."

"I'll just stick with a guy like you, who knows what to do."

"Good plan, if you can find one."

"This is more beautiful than you said it would be. I was expecting something nice, but this... !"

"It feels even better when you're in love, and you know you're in love and everything's safe and secure."

"Like you and Charlotte?"

Ouch ... I didn't answer.

"All I'm saying is, save yourself for a guy who really, really loves you, and wouldn't leave you for anything, and you'll always feel this way, even when he doesn't even touch you."

"I'd go insane if I always felt this way."

"It's a feeling in your heart, Aims. It's different, but just as powerful. I hope you feel it one day, that feeling where you'll just do anything and everything for a guy just because he's so awesome to you."