Chapter 13

Eventually Izzy called home and spent about ten minutes reassuring Lilly and Peggy that we were okay, saying that she'd explain everything in greater detail when we got home. Then she spent three times as long drafting her resignation letter. We agreed that claiming 'on recommendation of family physician' wouldn't really be a lie.

Two printed and signed letters in hand, one for the Assistant Dean and one for the Board of Governors; we left the building just before three o'clock and drove south east towards the Academy.

By four thirty we were on our way home and Izzy was crying her eyes out.

I'd just shut the front door behind us when Peggy and Lilly came tearing down the hall, feelings of concern and sympathy charging ahead of them like an armed escort. They book-ended Izzy and moved her quickly upstairs, ignoring me and the bemused expression on my face.

I removed my overcoat and hung it in the hall closet then headed to my study. Shutting the door, I removed my suit jacket and the shoulder holsters, unbuttoned and slipped out of my ruined shirt, dumping it into the wastebasket next to the desk. Unfastening the Kevlar vest's straps I pulled it over my head and hung it over the back of the desk chair and began twisting and stretching.

In the center of my chest was a dark purple blotch about the size of my fist, the outer edges of which were already beginning to turn a brownish tan color.

I felt a sudden gut-wrenching knot of distress hit me just below the bruise, followed quickly by several electric jolts of fear, anger, confusion, relief and ... irritation.

'Won't be long now.' I thought to myself.

I was correct, it wasn't long at all. I heard the pounding of feet on the floor, not terribly heavy sounding, so it wasn't Izzy, and the length of time between footfalls was fairly short and quick.

The study door flew open. Peggy burst in and came to a screeching halt as I turned to face her. She took a long look at my chest. The expression on her face mirrored the flash of sorrow I felt lancing between us.

"Hey half-pint. How was your day?" I asked, stepping away from the desk. I walked to my favorite reading chair and eased myself into it, putting my feet up on the matching ottoman.

Peggy pulled herself together, swung the door closed without looking and approached me.

"From what I hear, nowhere near as exciting as yours." she said.

I smiled. "It wasn't that exciting."

"Izzy tells it differently."

"Well ... it didn't seem all that exciting to me."

"You don't think getting shot qualifies as exciting?"

"Didn't do a thing for me. Although ... Izzy was pretty turned on there for a few minutes, once she calmed down."

"You're a real asshole sometimes Ike."

I smiled wider. "Yeah, I know."

She shook her head, refusing to smile, even though I could feel that she wanted to.

"Does it hurt much?"

"Can't you tell?" I asked.

She came closer, turned sideways and hopped up onto my lap. I put one arm around her shoulders and pulled her back against me. Peggy put her hand over the bruise and spread her fingers wide, the tips just reaching beyond the edges of color.

"Not really. There's a lot of pain in you right now. I can't separate one from the others."

"It's not that bad. Hurts less now, and it's fading, just like the pain in my nose. By tomorrow I doubt I'll notice it at all."

"Were you really going to let her shoot you?"

"She told you about that, huh?"

"We don't keep things from each other."

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "Do tell..." I said mockingly.

Peggy flushed, anger and disappointment flared in her.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up."

She turned her face away from me, refusing to meet my eyes.

"At first I was so angry with her. But after I had a chance to cool down and think about it ... I believe her when she says she doesn't remember. I don't think she cheated on us with that man."

"On us?"

"Yes, us." Her head snapped back around and she glared up at me. "You know how much I love Izzy. Maybe it didn't hurt me the way it did you, but it still hurt!"

"I know, and I'm sorry if I got overly wrapped up in my own pain and ignored yours."

She waved one small hand, brushing away my words.

"It's not a contest to see who got hurt the most." She chuckled mirthlessly. "If it were, you'd win, hands down."

Her head thumped into the center of my chest as she sagged against me.

"You know I love you."

"I know."

She was silent for several seconds.

"You and Lilly have been like parents to me, kind of. I know what you did for me, Ike. I didn't forget nearly as much as I let on."

" ... never thought you did."

"I owe you everything, and you never asked me for a thing in return."

"If I thought you owed me something, I'd have collected by now. You needed help, so I helped. End of story."

Her tiny fist hammered against my left nipple.

"Stop being so goddamned noble, will you!"

"I'm not being noble. Look, why don't you stop dancing around whatever it is you're trying to say and just say it?"

"Because I'm afraid."

I waited and held her, waited as patiently as I knew how, knowing that she'd speak when she was good and ready.

Three minutes passed before she finally said anything.

"I'm in love with your sister."

The corner of my mouth twitched slightly, but I held my tongue.

Neither of us spoke for close to a minute.

"I said..."

"I heard you the first time." I interrupted gently.

"And... ?" she raised her head off my chest, tilting her head back to look up at me.

"And what? You're in love with Izzy. So am I. We have something in common besides our talent. What's the problem?"

"You knew?" she accused angrily.

I sighed dramatically. "You girls really must think I'm stupid. Of course I knew. Kinda hard to miss. When I get out of bed in the morning, who's the first one you try to cuddle up with? Izzy. The first words out of your mouth when you saw her the first time were about how beautiful she was. You're the first one to take her side in any discussion or argument. Peggy, everyone knows you're in love with Izzy ... except maybe Izzy. You should tell her."

"I didn't want you, or her, to think I was trying to come between you."

"Tell her, if you haven't already."

"You don't mind?"

"Sweetie, I love Izzy with all my heart. All I ever wanted was to make her happy, because making her happy made me happy. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. Nothing."

"Even marrying me and Lilly?"

I should have known that one day the question would be asked. In my nightmares, it was always Lilly who asked ... and I never had the right answer to give her.

"The three of you decided that between yourselves. All I did was buy the rings."

"So you don't really love us." she accused.

I gave her a scathing look that would have had the heavyweight champion pissing himself. She just glared back.

"I'm not in the mood to be manipulated, Peggy."

"You don't love me! You only married me because it's what Izzy wanted!"

"Did you agree to marry me just so you could be with Izzy?" I countered.

Her face paled and she looked as hurt as I'd ever seen her.

"You're the only man I've ever wanted." she said with utter conviction.

I smiled, ducked my head and brushed my lips against hers.

"Peggy, I married the three of you because it's what all of you said you wanted. Because I love each one of you and I wanted you to be happy."

"That's it? That's the only reason?" she hammered her fist even harder against my chest, reviving the pain beneath the bruise.

I caught her clenched fingers in my hand, wrapped my fingers tightly around her knuckles and squeezed very gently.

"No ... not the only reason. I did it because I like the way loving the three of you makes me feel. And I love the way it feels when the three of you love me back. I need that feeling very badly."

Her eyes got very wide. "You're like I was."

"In my own way I'm much worse."

Her head dropped back against my chest and I released her fist from the confinement of my fingers.

"Just because I'm in love with Izzy, doesn't mean I don't love you too. Or Lilly."

"I know that."

"Sex with women just feels right somehow. Sex with you is ... different. When I'm with Lilly or Izzy or ... I get a happy, satisfied, warm feeling, you know? With you, it's wilder, more like the difference between roller skating and riding a roller coaster. Kinky and forbidden, but exciting and exhilarating at the same time."

"You like fucking Daddy?"

"Oh yeah." she purred in her little girl voice. "Almost as much as I like getting fucked by Daddy."

I had to laugh.

"Sweetie, sex with you girls is one of my favorite things in the whole world; one at a time, in threes or all together. But sex isn't love; it only works for me because I love each of you. Peggy, it's like I told the kids; love isn't a contest. No prizes for the one who loves the most, no penalty for the one who loves the least. As long as you love me, as much as you can, and don't hurt me ... that'll be enough. How I feel about each of you is different, but what I feel is exactly the same."

"What do you feel?"

I smiled down into her upturned face, linked and doused my sweet little pixie with passion, protectiveness, admiration, desire and love.

Peggy squeaked once then shuddered violently. "Oh, god I love you!" she gasped, clawed her fingers down the center of the bruise on my chest and fainted.

I wondered, as I sat there holding her in my arms, how many other surprises lay in store for me that night.

After dinner the family scattered. Izzy and Belle were in the kitchen cleaning up and doing the dishes, Peggy and Lilly took AJ and Tink into the family room while Rosie grabbed a couple of pencils from my open briefcase and vanished.

I wandered around the house for a few minutes, lost in thought, before ending up at the door to my study. I went in, thinking I'd spend a little time catching up on my reading. I'd just pulled out a copy of The Prince when a scratching sound reached my ears.

In the far corner of the room, sitting at my desk with only a small lamp for light, was Rosie.

"Hey sweetie, whatcha doin'?"

"Drawing."

"Oh. I'm just gonna sit here and read for a bit. I'm not bothering you, am I?"

"Nope."

I eased myself down into my favorite reading chair, opened the book to the first page and started reading. I'd gotten half-way thru the first chapter before the sound of her pencil stopped and she spoke again.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah honey?"

"Am I pretty?"

"Very pretty."

The answer seemed to satisfy her, and the scratching of her pencil resumed.

I waited, not looking at the book in my hands. Eight years of living with three women had taught me a thing or two, and I recognized an opening conversational gambit when I heard one. Her pencil stopped moving.

"Is mommy pretty?"

"Yes she is."

"As pretty as Aunt Izzy?"

Snap! And the trap closes tightly, ensnaring another unwary animal within its iron jaws.

"Pretty means different things to different people, Rosie. Do you think a sunset is pretty?"

"Yeah."

"How 'bout the trees around our house when they're covered with snow ... are they pretty?"

"Yeah."

"Are they the same kind of pretty?"

She was quietly thoughtful. "No. Different."

"But still pretty, right?"

"Yeah."

"It's the same with just about everything. Not everyone likes the same things, and not everyone thinks the same things are pretty. Depends on the person. Do you think your mommy is pretty?"

"Not as pretty as Aunt Izzy or Peggy."

I'd had similar discussions with young girls at the clinic, and had a fairly good idea where this was coming from and where it was heading.

"Do you think Belle and Tink are prettier than you?"

"Yeah."

"What makes you think so?"

"I dunno. They just are."

I set my book aside on the table next to my chair, got up and went to the largest of the four bookcases. Scanning the titles I removed the one I was looking for and returned to my chair.

"Why don't you come over here and sit with me, sweetie." I suggested gently.

Rosie pushed away from the desk and hopped down, walked over and stood in front of me. I tucked the new book between my thigh and the side of the chair, reached out, picked my little girl up and sat her on my lap. She snuggled back against me and relaxed.

I retrieved the book and opened it so we could both look at its pages. "Have you ever looked in this book before?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "No."

"These are pictures of some very famous paintings. Some of the paintings are hundreds of years old."

I slowly turned the pages, giving her time to examine the various images. I stopped at a double page image of the Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli.

"Do you think she's pretty?" I asked, pointing to the figure standing in the large clamshell.

Rosie leaned forward and stared at the picture closely.

"She's naked! And she's almost as white as you." my daughter observed.

"Yes she is, but do you think she's pretty?"

"No. She's kinda fat and her hair is stringy."

I laughed softly and turned the page. "How 'bout these girls? Are they pretty?" The two of us looked at a rather hefty pair of young blonds being hoisted up into the arms of a man on horseback ... The Rape of the Daughters of Leucippus by Peter Paul Reubens, the inscription below the picture proclaimed.

"They're really fat!" Rosie giggled.

"Believe it or not, there was a time when girls who looked like that were considered very beautiful."

"Really?"

"Really. There are people even now who think women like this are very beautiful. Different people like different things."

"What kind girls do you like Daddy?"

"I like smart, pretty, feisty girls. You think Aunt Izzy is beautiful ... well, so do I. She's very beautiful. She could be a movie star or a super model. Your Aunt Peggy is beautiful in a different kind of way. I think she's cute the way a puppy is cute ... all happy and full of curiosity, energy and life."

"And mommy?"

I sighed very softly. "Your mommy isn't easy to describe. She's not as outwardly beautiful as Izzy, or cute the way Peggy is. She's pretty on the outside ... but when your mommy smiles at me I think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever known; more beautiful than the sunrise or a forest blanked in snow; more full of life and promise than springtime and warmer than summer."

I looked down at my little girl. "Have you ever looked up at the night sky and seen all those stars?"

She nodded. "When your mommy smiles at me, I can see every single one of those stars in her eyes. And when she sits on my lap, like you are now, and I put my arms around her ... remember when I showed you how much I love you?"

"Yeah, it was warm." She said the last word with real feeling.