Chapter 5

The morning after Paula had called with the terrible news, I was hung over, sleep deprived and deeply depressed. The flight to Seattle and then to Eugene had to be the worst I ever experienced. Sandy stayed up with me the night before sharing drinks, listening to Vy's and other punk rock music and listening to my reminiscences until she passed out. At the time between steady girlfriends, even if I had one, it would have been Sandy I would choose to comfort me or share the burden of my pain. Not that she would be described as passionate or emotional. Sandy may be one of the toughest women I ever met, but she was and is my best friend, and she understands me better than anyone. Also her toughness tenderizes with compassion, and the interplay of those character traits suited her as company for my all night mourning. And she had met Vy a few times and suffered the loss, though of course not nearly to the extent I did.

I passed out as soon as the aircraft took off. I awoke with the uncomfortable and embarrassing need to puke. Not liking the idea of carrying my vomit in a barf bag, I quickly unlatched my seatbelt and rushed to the nearest toilet, thankfully unoccupied, and vomited up the bitter coffee and the buttered toast which had been my quick breakfast before rushing to the airport. Once everything threatening to come out of me came out, I washed my face in the tiny space of the toilet and walked back to my seat. It would have been easier to crawl, but that would have been just as embarrassing as using the barf bag if not more.

The stranger next to me, a pleasant if plain brunette woman in her early forties, asked if I was alright. Sweating the poisonous alcohol out of my pores must have been an unpleasant experience for anyone inches away from me to experience, so I felt sorry for her and apologized for my state. She told me not to worry. I explained my reason for flying and reeking of alcohol. A very pleasant lady and as compassionate as she could be, she listened to a stranger mourn the loss of another stranger. After our conversation, I drifted back to sleep.

I woke with a start. Luckily my neighbor had nodded off. A shooting pain cause the awakening, but not a physical pain. The thought struck me like a flash of light burning the inside of my eyes: guilt. Not unlike the pangs I felt from time to time when I thought of my childhood friend Micah and the haunted life I helped to create for him, and for George as well, though her strength pushed her through it, introducing Charlie into their lives, this guilt felt like all those pangs wrapped up in one giant burn.

Was it possible that bringing Mila to Eugene, Oregon had caused Vy's horrible fate? I decided to call Kenneth as soon as I stepped off the plane in Seattle to ask him if the untraceable phone he had created for Mila's computer could be traced. Could someone find a way through? No one knew of Mila's whereabouts except Sandy and me in Hawaii.

There had been few calls and a couple faxes, information provided by Mila against Kaoli that had been useful in setting him and his compatriots up for capture and prosecution. What she gave us turned out to be hearsay evidence and not viable in court, so thankfully she never needed to appear.

How could those bumbling thugs have had the wits to twist through the trail to find its source? Of course they had the money to buy an expert, but would they have the brains to hire such a person to do it? The doubt eased my mind, but I would end up calling Kenneth later anyway to reassure myself.

Then I thought about Mila and her loneliness. She had been estranged from her family for many years. Would she put herself in danger by trying to reestablish contact? Would she at least let her parents know she was alive? And if so, had she communicated through the safety of Kenneth's convoluted trail, or more directly via an unsafe phone or a letter with a return address?

She enclosed letters with Vy's occasionally, letting me know her improved state of mind, her new job, that she'd met a couple guys for brief relationships, that she missed me and other assorted things, but never included her phone number or address. I loved finding the two letters in one envelope, Vy's well written and clever; Mila's blunt and ragged but oddly disarming. If she wrote to me, which even surprised her because she thought she would be embarrassed by her dyslexic spelling even though before losing herself to Kaoli she had been a good student, why not write to her family? I didn't even know where Mila lived to ask her. It wouldn't be difficult to track her, but it would take time. The guilt became softened a bit by frustration, like pricking a finger tip to forget a sore back.

Kenneth tempted me to stay in Seattle for a night of carousing when I called. Perhaps it would distract me from my mourning for a few hours. But I politely declined. During the four hour wait for the puddle jumper to Eugene, Kenneth decided to join me.

Though completely different characters, I had come to enjoy Kenneth's company. His humor was as convoluted as his calling system, and it kept me on edge intellectually to get the joke, and at least half the time, even when he condescended to explain it, it remained over my head. When I asked him once why he enjoyed my company, at first he told me it was for the girls, but more seriously he said he liked the unique way I observed, piercing through obstacles to get at the truth. The less serious reason was as valid as the other, perhaps more, because along with Sandy, I had helped hook him up with a couple other friends at a couple parties. And then there was Mila.

They met when he came down to Eugene to set up the computer and the phone system. There were no sparks, but after a cold first encounter (Surprising for Kenneth the eternal horn dog because Mila was very pretty and her body was sexy, maybe not as obviously as Vy's, but more than Sandy's), the relationship thawed and warmed and became pretty hot. Unfortunately it was a goodbye kiss as Kenneth was heading out the door and back to Seattle that they realized the sexual connection. Breaking through the biases, the nerdy intellectual for Mila and the Pidgin spouting Teeta from the wrong side of the tracks for Kenneth took too long.

The reason for his joining me may have had some basis in our friendship, but the conversation being almost exclusively about Mila clued me in to what the main reason was. Whatever the reason, I was happy he had joined me. I figured he would be useful, and of course he was.

Why the two never made further contact after the surprisingly libidinous goodbye kiss I can only philosophize as being in the nature of man not to put effort into something that would make things better for themselves, especially when the effort has a shadow of uncertainty that darkens the longer it is put off until the purpose of that effort becomes as unclear as a distant object on a foggy night. My sudden appearance in Kenneth's life, landing in his town and heading to Mila's, blew away the mist and made his hope for another chance with her as clear as a full moon night; still dark, but the vision was tantalizing.

When we arrived in Eugene, I wasn't surprised by Paula's absence meeting us at the airport. Even though I'd given her my flight time, I knew she was busy and that she hated me. One of the reasons I had rejected Kenneth's offer to go carousing was the faint possibility of being greeted at the gate, but it was only one of a few. We grabbed a taxi into town and had the driver drop us off in front of an old hotel near Vy's apartment. We were able to get a couple of adjoining rooms, sharing a bathroom with the rest of the floor. It was clean and well kept and had a bed. As if drawn like a fly to flypaper, as soon as I had my bags in the room, I left the hotel and walked to Vy's, Kenneth following behind my rapid pace. My heart was in my throat during the three block journey and nearly popped out of my mouth when her lights were on. It had been over a month since she was killed, so it was likely there were new tenants. But I pressed the buzzer.

"Who is it?" asked a woman's voice crackling through the intercom.

"I was friends with the previous occupant," I said nervously.

"Joe?" crackled loudly through the metal, sounding familiar. We were buzzed in. As soon as we stepped onto the second floor landing, Vy's door flew open and Mila flew through it and into my quickly opened arms. She was wearing Vy's long black t-shirt and nothing else. I could tell because I was gripping her ass cheeks as she wrapped her legs around me and gave me a couple short and one long kiss. "Oh my god, I can't believe you're here." She said after the kiss, and slid from her perch to her bare feet. She noticed Kenneth. "Hi," she said shyly to him.

"Hi," said Kenneth shyly back.

"Come in," she said taking my hand and leading me inside. As soon as Kenneth had the door closed and locked, Mila lost her smile. She looked up at me and asked, "Why didn't you come to the funeral?"

"I didn't know," I said. "I just found out yesterday."

"I thought Paula would have called you."

"You don't know Paula then."

"I don't understand."

"She hates me."

"Paula?"

"She has a thing against men."

"Not that I've seen. She's pretty businesslike, but she's sweet."

"Vy's men."

"Vy didn't have any men in her life except you."

"I know. That's why you didn't know how Paula could be."

"When you didn't show, I thought about calling, but I guess I'm still a little paranoid."

"You still have Kenneth's computer phone?"

"I do. I use the computer for my stories and drawings, but the phone; I guess it makes me paranoid just picking it up, like I realize I'm in hiding."

"So you haven't been in contact with anyone in Honolulu?"

"Not since the depositions, except I called my parents, but that was just after."

"You used the computer phone?"

"Of course."

"Did you tell them where you are?"

"I just told them I'm alright, that I'm doing well, and not to worry about me. Nothing else. Are you interrogating me?"

"I am."

"That's fucked up."

"I know. I had to be sure."

"Be sure. No one who shouldn't know I'm here knows I'm here. It would be nice to talk to my sisters. My parents have given up on me. I could tell they didn't believe I was happy and doing well. My sisters would know, but it's been a long time. I have new friends, a new life, a good life. Why are you asking?"

"Why do you think?"

"You don't want to say, do you? You think the ... there isn't a word bad enough for the thing that took our Vy away ... You think the creature might have had something to do with me?"

"I had to look at it, to put it aside as soon as possible."

"What about the phone, could someone track it?"

Kenneth shook his head. "No one could," he explained. "If someone did, I would know. I would get a signal."

Mila smiled at Kenneth. "My big bad genius thought of everything." She walked up in front of him, took his hands, pulled him down so his lips were near and kissed him gently. "I thought you might call me."

"I thought about it. I didn't know what to think. I used to be pathologically shy around girls. I'm not so much anymore, but I was about you. I used to think girls thought I was a nerd, a joke."

"I never ... well I guess I did at first, but..."

"I know. For some reason after I left I was afraid..."

"Of little ole me?"

"I don't know. It wasn't reasonable. It just was."

"You are a nerd, my nerd. My evil genius."

"So that kiss..."

"I used to fantasize about it."

"Me too."

They laughed.

"Kenneth, I really do like you. I wish you called."

"I'd love to take you on a date."

"A date? That would be really cool."

"So..."

"I'm working tomorrow and Wednesday, but have Thursday off. Did you guys get a hotel room?" When we nodded, Mila said carefully, "I want you to know, Kenneth, that the idea of going out with you on a date is really awesome. But I haven't been with Joe for a really long time, and I miss him even if he makes me get all guilty and mad. Would you still go out with me on Thursday if Joe and I were alone here tonight?"

"Of course," said Kenneth without hesitation. "I understand your relationship, and I'm sort of a guest in it, so yeah, of course."

"Let's get you drunk first before I kick you out."

Grabbing a nearly full bottle of Stolichnaya from the freezer and some cranberry juice from the fridge, she poured the liquids into separate glasses I pulled from the cabinet and we began drinking.

"I've been here since we came here," explained Mila when I told her I was surprised at her presence in Vy's apartment. "It worked out well. I would watch the place when she was out on tour, and when she was in town, we enjoyed each other's company. It was hard for me to pay my way, but she was cool with that. I was looking forward to splitting the rent, because I got promoted to waitress at the bar/restaurant I been working at thanks to Vy. It turns out I enjoy the work, and am better at it than dishwashing and stocking the bar, though that got me in as good a shape as I've been. Vy never pushed her lifestyle on me. She didn't force me to be a vegetarian for instance, and I'm not except when I'm here and all we have is vegetarian. Her workouts were never forced on me either, and I would be mostly lazy, but I got to like developing muscles and now I'm just as dedicated as Vy. In a way, pumping iron and stretching is a way to honor her memory. The last letter she wrote..." Mila was talking out a stream of thoughts, somehow battling through her sadness, but the last sentence broke her. Frozen in her seat, tears streamed from her eyes as she sobbed. After a couple minutes she looked at me. I took her hand and she moved to my lap. "She had just gotten home from her Western States tour and had been writing a huge letter throughout the tour. You must have gotten it..."

"It was wonderful," I said. "Every detail of the craziness of the road was in it. The stinky van, the finicky audience, the shitty motels and the kindness of strange fans letting them take over their house. It was funny."

"You must have got it after..."

"Oh fuck, that's probably true. It made me forget something. I was on stakeout when this feeling, I don't know what, dread, panic, nausea, hit me like a truck. Sandy must have noticed, I must have gone completely pale, because she sent me home. It was the middle of the night, nearing sunrise really, of that terrible night. Fuck. It was her. I knew it was her, but it was not like any moment I had ever been with her, not even in Japan. It was pure terror. I didn't know what to make of it. I've heard of such things, of sensing the death of a loved one far away, but I couldn't believe ... except I did. It was too early to call. Somehow I slept. Maybe I just passed out. When I awoke there was the letter. All those words, those brilliant descriptions, the sexy interludes. You know she would orgasm on stage. She described in detail a show in Austin Texas when she nearly fell from the orgasm she had on stage and couldn't sing for a moment. She was so alive in those words."

"She asked me if I wanted to add my own letter like I sometimes do," said Mila sadly. "She let me read it. What could I add? I told her there would be no more room with all those pages of hers. I wanted to say it would be like adding a rotting mackerel to a box of fresh cut roses. I said it wouldn't fit, but not in the way I meant. She hated when I said bad things about myself.

"I didn't know what to think when you didn't show up to the funeral," Mila continued. "I thought you were too busy or something. And then a couple weeks ago your letter arrived. I should have called you. I couldn't understand it, why you would send her a letter, how you could not know she was dead."

"There was nothing in the local papers," I said. "There are fans at my radio station and my next door neighbor's kid is a big fan, but if there was an announcement on the radio, I missed it, and Todd, my next door neighbor's kid didn't say anything. He might not have known either, and I was pretty busy this past month."

"I should have called. I'm still so paranoid."

"It's good to be paranoid sometimes, especially when there's a reason," said Kenneth.

"Is that why it took you two weeks to write back, because you were busy?" asked Mila.

"Just like for you, the letter was a challenge. I wanted to write somewhere in the neighborhood of the quality of her letter. I must have started half a dozen times."

"So did she inspire a masterpiece?"

"Hardly. I wrote about a sexy moment like I usually do, but it was maybe an improvement over the usual. I substituted her for the woman and wrote how much better it was because of it. Not just the sex, but everything. I brought you into it just to make it better. So I take it you didn't open it."

"I couldn't. I'll get it."

When she ran off into the bedroom, Kenneth stood. "I should go," he said.

"Are you leaving?" said Mila when she returned.

"I should go," he repeated.

"It's great to see you, Kenneth." They hugged and then kissed. It was a long kiss. Their hands moved along each other's sides, never touching sexually provocative areas, but getting to know each other's bodies. When the kiss ended, Mila said, "Wow."

"Warming you up for Joe," explained Kenneth.

They separated and Mila grabbed a pen and a pad of paper, quickly jotting down the address of her restaurant. "Come by around nine. We'll make plans for Thursday."

Once Kenneth was out the door, Mila took my hand and pulled me into the bedroom.

"Kenneth's plan worked," I said.

"What? No, I was already plenty warm." She illustrated this by pulling off the t-shirt, standing naked in front of me, her nipples hard, and her scent of desire unmistakable. When she turned her back to me to throw the shirt onto the cot, I saw the finished tattoo there. It was amazing, a sort of circle of images with the sad dragon on the lower right edge, the caterpillar to the left, the flying, fire breathing dragon along the left flank of her back curving from tail to head, the head across her left shoulder blade facing at a sixty degree downward angle, the eyes looking at the butterfly filling her right shoulder blade, the flames just below the butterfly. My fingers took the circular journey. "You like?" she asked.

"I love," I said. The room was as I had left it several months before. The cot, tightly made, was still there. "So you slept here with Vy?"

"I did," said Mila. "Even when she was gone touring I slept in the cot, like the bed was her sanctuary or something. I didn't sleep in the bed until after the funeral. I could still smell her there. I cried myself to sleep. You're overdressed." She unbuttoned my shirt and once removed, undid my pants. I just watched. Just the smallest movement of her sensuous, lithe body turned me on. She had grown some muscle tone which amplified every movement. When my cock popped out, it was fully engorged. She took hold of it in her little hands and brought it to her mouth and kissed it. "I missed you," she said to the penis. Instead of suckling it to orgasm, which had been her usual way of beginning our lovemaking, she pushed me onto the bed so that I was sitting on the edge and climbed on to my lap, taking hold of my cock and guiding it in.

"What about protection?" I asked.

As her hot wet walls engulfed my cock head, we both sighed. "I've been tested and haven't had unprotected sex since Hawaii," said Mila. "If Vy trusted you, so can I." The head was just buried inside her pussy when she said that. As soon as she finished, she sank down slowly. Her passage had tightened since I had last encountered it, and it was squeezing against my cock as I made room in the tight space.

Once fully inside, her wet pussy lips pressing at the base, I moaned, "It's too good. I won't last." I looked at her ecstatic smile, her eyes wide and lusty. She circled her hands around the back of my neck. We didn't move while we stared into each other's eyes. I had never noticed how rich the color of her eyes was before, a kind of blue velvet. "You're lovely," I said.

"Don't hold back, Joe. Fill me with your hot cum," she said, moving her pelvis just enough to give friction to my embedded cock. I took hold of her ass cheeks, two handfuls of soft tight flesh and accentuated the movement. Our eyes kept their contact as my face contorted with intense pleasure when the orgasm seized me. I pressed her down hard as my balls rose and fell, the topmost edge of the scrotum pushed inside her.

When the retreating penis plopped out of her cum filled vagina, she got up, tossed all the pillows on the bed and told me to lean back on them. Grabbing the unopened letter, she tore away the envelope, letting the tattered paper float to the ground. Straddling my pelvis, she sat, her beautifully shaped and tattooed back, a sensual object if ever there was one was facing me. She read the letter aloud while stroking my slowly rising penis. It was weird having her voice be mine. Her strokes were almost like she was masturbating her own cock. Weird, but it turned me on. Her slow pace reading the letter with it being three pages in length, the sensuality of my words and her body and her expert pulling on my cock had me hard enough for her to impale herself half way through. The reading was much more strained when she slowly rode my cock, pausing to moan several times. My fingers twisting her nipples didn't help her progress, though it did intensify her groans. By the end of the letter, the text had Vy riding my cock while Mila was riding my mouth, the two women kissing each other and twisting nipples. After the three of us shared simultaneous orgasms, I wrote, "I miss you, Love Joe."

"I miss her too," said Mila, tossing the letter aside and twisting around carefully on my cock so we were facing each other, tears streaming from her eyes. I kissed them away, and then kissed her lips, heated from her emotions. Our lips separated, and as we stared into each other's eyes she began riding me in the perfect way Vy used to, not bouncing but leaning forward as she fucked me, her breasts swinging chaotically.

I was overcome with love for Vy and for Mila. I told her.

"We love you too," she said. She shut her eyes, and I did the same, concentrating on our pleasure. My hands reached down to stroke her vaginal lips and press a finger into her anus. I opened my eyes long enough to capture a nipple, which I suckled. Her movement became faster and more intense until she froze. Collapsing her light body on me, I stroked her panting back, my eyes closing again to give all senses to the rippling of her pussy walls around my naked cock. When my eyes opened, she was staring up at me, her chin resting on my chest bone, her mouth and eyes smiling loosely. "You don't know how much I needed that, Joe. Thank you."

I smiled back at her and chuckled. "You're welcome lovely lady."

"Now be a good little boy and sleep. Rest up. You've had a long hard day. I need you ready to give me all the cums you owe me."

"How many is that?"

"At least twelve." I groaned and we laughed, though she said, "I'm not kidding." Our mouths joined in a toe curling kiss. When she began lifting off my cock, she looked down, amazed. "You're hard as a rock!"

"It's okay," I said, slurring my words, the alcohol and the exhaustion hitting me like a wrecking ball. "No other part of my body is up for the task of giving you the pleasure you deserve. I promise it will rise again when needed."

"I know it will you stud. But such a beautiful thing shouldn't be wasted." She pulled the pillows from under my head until a small one remained, then turned around and licked my cock clean of her juices and shoved it in her mouth. She resisted when I pulled her ass towards me, but eventually relented; straddling my head between her thighs and lowering her juicy pussy down until it was in striking distance of my tongue and lips. Despite promising to let me sleep, she teased me for nearly a half hour, coaxing me to the gate of orgasm but retreating before I was allowed through. When my mouth brought her through, there was an even longer pause, but I didn't mind. By the end of the half hour however my balls were almost painfully swollen, so I pleaded for release and she must have been a compassionate jailer, because she let my sperm escape. Like Vy, she pulled her mouth away just in time to send my seed flying, her hands milking me to dryness. It was one of the most intense orgasms of my life. My ass lifted a foot off the bed, lifting her with it. The throbbing of release spread out in waves from my cock and balls to the tips of my fingers and toes and the crown of my skull. It wasn't long afterward that I was asleep.

Awakening to the delightful smells of vanilla and fresh coffee, I was briefly disoriented being in Vy's bed, but recovered and was saddened. I slipped on my day old, overused underpants and walked into the living room. Mila was dressed for work in a long sleeved button down white shirt rolled up to her elbows, a white chemise underneath and black jeans. She was in the kitchen plating the last of four waffles. Her smile lifted my spirit instantly. "Good, you're awake," she said, bringing the waffles to the table. "I was about to toss cold water on you." I helped her by grabbing my mug of coffee and a plate of butter. She kissed me sweetly when we were standing in the kitchen together.

Once sitting at the table and enjoying the delicious breakfast I asked her about coming home late from work. "It's not far," she said. "And since Vy ... I always have company. A couple waitresses walk me home or the cook gives me a ride. They saw my grief. A few knew Vy. They even let me have a couple days off. There's silly little back stabbing and mean gossip like anywhere else, but the people are pretty awesome."

"Do you mind if I stay?" I asked. "I have some calls to make and your computer would be a great help in my investigation, especially with Kenneth here."

"Are you crazy? Oh, you thought I was going throw water on you to kick you out. Never. I just wanted to share breakfast before leaving."

"It's delicious."

"Thanks. I love that you're here, if not why. I'll get ... um ... the extra key. Just a second."

It was obviously Vy's key. When she handed it to me, I pulled her into my lap and kissed her. We traded tongues. Her ass wriggled on my reviving cock. "We have a little time," she said, getting down on her knees, removing my underwear and kissing my penis. "You could use a shower. Too bad I had mine."

I lifted her to her feet, undid her jeans and pulled them and her panties off. "Let me," I said. I laid her across the table face down and tongue fucked her sweet little pussy until she moaned, "Fuck me with that big dirty cock." I stood and pushed, pulling her against me until I was balls deep. Holding her steady by her hips, I rammed in and out with rapid strokes, thrusting through her first cum and joining her a couple minutes later during her second. A load of mixed juices dripped from her pussy when my penis became small and slipped out. I kissed the base of her spine, between caterpillar and dragon.

"Two this morning and one last night, that's nine more cums," she said, lifting herself onto her feet and pulling her panties and jeans back on.

"But who's counting?" I said with a smile.

"I am. I'm counting on you." She gave me a soft loving kiss. "Are you and Kenneth sharing a room?"

"We have our own."

"Get rid of yours. Bring your luggage here."

"What about Thursday?" When she looked at me perplexed, I reminded her. "The date with Kenneth."

"Oh shit. Don't tell him I forgot. I'm kind of full of you right now in my brain and other places. We'll see how it goes. If it goes well I'll kick you out and you can stay in his hotel room, okay?"

"Fair enough. Let me throw on my clothes and I'll walk you to work."

"Awesome. I'll introduce you to my comrades."

"I'm not exactly presentable. You said yourself..."

"You smell of me, Joe and you look well fucked, and when I introduce you the lesbian waitress who always seems to be bumping into me will finally get the message and the cute new dishwasher too 'cause the way I'll be looking at you will be pure love. You're my savior, Joe, and I'll always love you and I'm sure it will be obvious on my face."

"The cute dishwasher?"

"Jealous?"

"You know I'm..."

"I'm just teasing. He's too young and I don't mix that way with people I work with."

"That's probably wise."

"Not for you, you bad boy, thank god. But, like I said, they love to gossip. Hurry up and get dressed. I can't wait to see their faces. It'll be awesome."

After the embarrassing yet somehow enjoyable (they did seem like nice people) meeting of Mila's fellow workers, I headed back to my hotel. Since it was close to check out time, I gathered my bags and carried them into the hallway. It was nearing 1pm, so I figured Kenneth would be out. If he was, I'd go back into my room and dash off a quick note to call me at Mila's or just stop by. When I knocked, I heard his voice ask who it was. When I shouted it was me, the door opened and a pretty blonde, short and stacked, which Kenneth's button down shirt revealed by the shirt only being half buttoned and her breasts pressing tautly against it and her cleavage being deep and seductive greeted me. "Say hi to Lynn," said Kenneth from behind her, pulling on his pants. Catching a glance at his penis before he had completed his task, I could see even in a normal state it was still fairly lengthy. On the bed were the paper shells of take out from an Asian restaurant.