Chapter 1

I fidgeted on the barstool in the small nightclub. I summoned the nerve to be bold this evening and it scared the shit out of me. My stomach did little turns.

I watched a female waitress carry a drink to a table with three women. The waitress placed the drink in front of a cute blonde in her early thirties. It was where I designated the drink to be delivered. It took an unbelievably amount of gumption on my part to do such a thing. It sounds unfortunate and it was, but it was the way I was whether I liked it or not.

When the blonde turned toward me, I turned away. I should have continued looking over but I lost my confidence.

In a couple of minutes, I heard a voice.

"Hi."

I turned. It was the gorgeous blonde.

"Hi," I almost stammered.

"Thanks but no thanks," she said, putting the untouched drink on the counter.

"Oh," I said dejected. "It's okay. You can keep the drink."

"No thanks." She walked away.

My stomach hurt.

I nursed my own drink fighting off the urge to flee to another night alone in my condo.

A few minutes later, I glanced back at the table of girls. A guy chatted up the threesome and to my impression he seemed most interested in the same blonde I was interested in. I was forty with brown hair and he appeared to be about the same age or maybe a little older. I didn't have gray on the temples like he did.

What was it about me? Did I emit some pheromone that said "loser"? I was a normal man with a normal appearance and a normal job. One could say I was on the upper end of middle class.

I only had two sexual experiences in my life, once when I was 16 and once when I was 19 but I didn't have a repeat with either girl. I dated in my early 20s, but rarely had a second date. Rejection after rejection only made it harder as I got older. I lacked complete confidence to hold even a basic conversation with a woman and if she was attractive it was even worse.

So what was it? There had to be some woman out there willing to see through my uneasiness and my initial ineptness. Was there such a woman?

A brunette woman sat down. One barstool separated us.

"Hello," she said with a friendly smile.

"Hi," I awkwardly said.

"Waiting on someone?"

I shook my head. I could instantly feel my heart beat faster and it felt like my pores opened up and sweat beads came out.

"Me neither," she said. "I'm Amanda."

"Chris ... Chris Walker."

"Nice to meet you, Chris."

She stuck her hand out and I awkwardly shook it.

"So... ?" she said.

I should say something. She showed initial interest. She expected me to talk now. She was attractive and I would love to get to know her better.

"I think it's going to rain," I said.

"Rain?" she said. "I guess so."