Chapter 6

Becky's hands trembled as she buttoned her silk blouse. It was Christmas Eve and she and her family were preparing to go to Christmas services. She knew Bret would be there with his family. She was nervous to the point of feeling ill. How could he still affect her this way after five years?

She looked at her reflection in her large oval mirror. Burgundy silk blouse, black skirt that covered her knees, black high-heel boots. In heels she was almost six feet tall. She thought she looked pretty good — looking more like a woman than the high school girl he once knew. Her blonde hair was shorter than when he left though. Why was she having these thoughts anyway? He had been living his own life as a married man and father in Montana these last five years. She was convinced Bret hadn't given her a second thought in years so why was she dressing to impress him and worried about how she looked?

Becky had delayed her departure from school as long as she could, finally arriving in Douglas just yesterday. It was true that she had several difficult finals plus as a teaching assistant she was also responsible for grading papers and exams. She had plenty to do but some of her work could have waited until after the holidays.

Her Aunt Liddy had asked her about her delayed departure, but was unwilling to accept her excuses. One morning in mid December they were having coffee in the kitchen when Liddy brought up Bret.

"Becky ... you're just delaying the inevitable. It's time to go home and see Bret."

"I'm not delaying. I'm really too busy ... with school and all, plus I've got a huge load next quarter and it helps to do some reading ahead and..."

"Nonsense." She interrupted.

"What's the worse that can happen? You see him and discover he's changed and you've changed and you no longer have that spark you once had. No sense in torturing yourself whether he cares or not ... just go and take your medicine like a big girl."

"But I'm pretty sure I still love him." She said softly with a catch in her voice.

"And I'm sure he no longer cares about me. He left me and I've never heard a thing from him in all this time."

The tears flowed.

Unwilling to watch her niece wallow in pity she said,

"Wait ... didn't you tell me that the last thing you said to him was you never wanted to see him again?"

She watched Becky wince.

"I know ... but ... but ... he hurt me ... it was just a reaction ... he knew I loved him ... I would always love him..." Her voice trailed off.

Liddy hugged her niece.

"Becky, love isn't always easy and it leaves you vulnerable. You were both drugged and under the influence of raging teen hormones, none of which makes for rational decisions."

Liddy stepped back but held Becky's hands.

"You need to talk to each other ... at the very least find a quiet moment somewhere and talk to him. But don't forget he's grieving."

"Oh..."

"Yes... "Oh". I know what its like to lose your partner, your lover, your reason for living. It's a good thing I had Amanda and Michael ... otherwise I might not have made it."

Becky was shocked to hear these things. She always considered her Aunt a very strong and self sufficient woman. She had seemed to take the death of her husband with her normal ability to overcome adversity. Certainly Amanda and Michael had never wanted for a thing and had grown up to be fine people with lovely families. They were very close to their mother.

"The ache never really goes away ... so this isn't just about you. I know he had a strong and loving relationship with his wife and I've seen the pictures..."

"What pictures?"

"The pictures Bret's mother forwards each time she gets one from Dan and Ellen in Indiana."

"Who?"

"You know ... that nice couple who took Bret in after he left home."

"Oh ... I never knew their names. Why would Caroline send them to you?"

"I guess you never knew that she and I have been good friends for years. We went to school together and never lost touch. I was one of the first she called after Bret did his disappearing act. She was devastated."

Liddy thought for a moment.

"Caroline was so relieved when she first heard from the police and then Dan and Ellen that Bret was all right that she was willing to wait however long for him to return. That attitude really didn't change a year later when she heard from Ellen that Bret had finally contacted them ... and that he was married and a new father. Actually she was very excited at the news. She actually hoped he would contact her and she kept waiting ... living for the photos that came from Ellen. Finally she accepted the fact he might never return."

"That must have been terrible for her."

"Yes it was, and she kept talking to me about what she should do. She very much wanted to go to Montana and be with them. Apparently Carl had other ideas. He was too proud to make the first move and he kept insisting that Bret had made his decision and they should wait for him to come to his senses. Unfortunately this only caused Caroline additional years of sorrow and longing to have her son back, and to meet his family ... and hold her granddaughter. This whole episode has put a great strain on their marriage."."

Becky felt bad for Caroline. Her position was worse than her own and getting the photos had to be torture. She wondered what she would have done.

"Caroline's so proud that she has a beautiful granddaughter, and right now she's ecstatic that she will get a chance to have her son back ... even if its just for a short time. She's worried that Carl will do something stupid to drive Bret away again."

"So she blames him? Even after knowing ... well knowing what happened ... happened between ... us?"

"Carl's the adult in this situation and his damn fixation with football, in Caroline's eyes, was the direct cause of Bret's leaving."

Becky started to say something, but Liddy cut her off.

"I think what happened on graduation night between the two of you started this whole thing and Carl's reaction to ... well ... his reaction to Bret destroying his dream, pushed Bret over the edge. Did you know Carl told Bret he couldn't live there anymore?

Becky was shocked.

"Carl kicked him out?"

"Yes ... he overacted in anger and Bret left before anyone had a chance to cool down"

"I knew there was some kind of argument ... but I never realized it went that far. Poor Bret ... he must have felt so betrayed and lost ... I guess it seemed his whole world was coming apart ... mine certainly was."

"You're very lucky Becky to have a loving and supporting family."

"I am ... despite the fact I don't appreciate them nearly enough."

"Tell your parents that the next time you see them."

Becky sat in silence digesting all she'd heard.

"Anyway, I've seen the pictures of Bret and his wife Abigail, and their daughter Amelia ... they look very happy."

Becky looked at her aunt.

"Would you show them to me?"

It was Liddy's turn to pause.

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

Becky nodded.

"It would help me to know about his life ... since he left."

"Okay ... but this might not be a good idea."

Liddy got her laptop and they sat together on the big sofa in front of the fireplace. The room was decorated for Christmas and smelled of pine from the large tree in the corner. Amanda and Mike and their spouses and children would be there Christmas Eve.

"Ready?"

Becky nodded.

Liddy went to a file called "Bret and Abigail".

The first photo was of Bret and Abigail on their wedding day, posing in the sunshine on the broad steps of a white church. They looked gloriously happy as they held hands. Bret wore a dark gray suit and Abigail was in a light blue silk dress that brushed her knees. There were more pictures at what looked to be the reception. The smiling couple was surrounded by throngs of people.

"Oh ... my ... she's beautiful."

Liddy looked at her.

"You didn't think Bret would pick someone as stunning as you to fall in love with?"

Becky blushed.

"It's just ... that ... well ... when I heard she was pregnant ... I thought..."

"You thought some older woman had trapped Bret ... and he was merely doing the right thing?"

Becky couldn't take her eyes off the next photo. It showed the two of them dancing. Abigail was indeed beautiful and it was obvious they were deeply in love.

"Something like that." She said quietly. She had seen that look on Bret's face when he looked at her long ago. A tear rolled down her cheek as she remembered the last time she saw his face ... his look of sorrow and bewilderment as she stood with Todd and said those hateful words.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No."

The next photo showed Abigail holding an infant on the porch of a ranch house. Bret stood behind her with his arms around them. He was beaming.

There were a number of pictures, maybe a hundred in all. She watched Bret become a man. She particularly liked the one with Bret leaning against a big white pickup truck in the sunshine, his arms crossed, wearing jeans, a plaid work shirt, cowboy boots, and a battered Stetson pushed back so you could see his eyes. He was smiling. That loving smile was obviously directed at the person taking the picture. Becky knew the photographer had to be Abigail.

Of course there were lots of photos of Amelia as she grew, including those taken in the mountain meadows, with her ever watchful dog.

"Are they Abigail's parents?" She was looking at a picture of a handsome older couple taken at the ranch.

"No that's Dan and Ellen, the couple from Indiana I was telling you about. Ellen is the one who forwards the pictures and emails."

"They look like nice people ... she's very pretty."

"Certainly doesn't look like the mother of two grown sons does she? They made the trip to Montana at least once a year, sometimes more ... and Bret and Abigail and Amelia would also visit them a couple times a year. They were very close and really did look at Bret and Abigail as son and daughter."

She showed Becky some photos of family gatherings on the farm in Indiana. One was obviously at Thanksgiving. Everyone was smiling.

"Who's that little girl? Is she another granddaughter?"

Liddy smiled.

"No they call her "Sarah oops". She's what's known as a "late in life child". Apparently Ellen's doctor was adjusting her hormones and Ellen ended up pregnant. Let's see ... I think Sarah is about four or five months older than Amelia.

"How'd they take it?"

"As far as I can tell they were thrilled. Ellen was dreading an empty nest with her boys gone, and had always wanted a daughter, so things worked out wonderfully. Sarah's as beautiful as her mother, plus she's also part of the gang with Amelia and Emma. Emma's the daughter of Dan and Ellen's oldest son, Dan Junior. Here's their picture."

She saw a younger couple, the man with short sandy hair and a scar on his face standing next to a beautiful redhead as she held a girl who looked about three. It was taken outside the Montana ranch house with the mountains in the background.

"When those three girls are together they're inseparable. They're lovingly known as the terrible trio. Seems they're always into something. Dan's in the Marines in California ... when he's not in Afghanistan or some other godforsaken place."

One photo showed a smiling Bret handing a scroll tied with a blue ribbon to Abigail. It was taken outdoors on a sunny day, in what must have been the back yard of the ranch, and there were a number of people in the background. It was obviously a celebration.

"That's Bret celebrating his Associates Degree from University of Montana. He did most of his class work on line. According to Dan and Ellen he's well on his way to getting a bachelors degree."

Suddenly Liddy looked sad.

"Bret's very lucky that Ellen and Dan were there ... at the end. They spent more than a month. It must have been very hard on them since it was obvious they loved Abigail very much."

When the photo show was over Becky sat in silence. Many of her preconceived notions about Bret and Abigail were shattered. She could hardly imagine the anguish he must have felt in losing such a beautiful and caring woman.

"Liddy ... I've been living here for five years ... why didn't you ever tell me about Bret and show me the pictures?"