Chapter 12

The mood in the truck was buoyant as we headed for home. Brendan was so excited and he kept saying; "I can't believe I'm doing this. Bret, I can't believe you talked me into this ... what if she says "no"?"

"Don't worry Brendan, she'll say yes!"

"She better ... or both you and Becky are in big trouble!"

"Why me? I just got dragged along for the ride ... It's Bret's fault! He said he needed "a woman" along..."

I gave her a mock serious look and then a smile.

"I mean you could have picked up any woman walking down the street!"

"Oh yeah ... that's what they all say... "I was just along for the ride"!" Brendan replied with a grin.

We laughed.

I reached across and squeezed her hand. She knew why she was there, even though I hadn't explained it well at first. Actually that wasn't the reason why I had asked her along; I wanted her with me. Sitting in my parent's living room with her on the sofa next to me, and then watching her with Amelia, I didn't want to be away from her even for a short time.

As I let go of her hand, she smiled and rested it on my thigh - just like she had always done when we were together in my truck. It felt so warm there and so right. My brain was in sensory overload. In just a few hours I had gone from dreaming about Becky to having her sitting next to me looking at me with what I thought was love in her eyes.

Since Becky had arrived at the house, we had spent practically every moment together and I realized that I loved feeling her in my arms and holding her hand and smelling her, and just being around her. She was beautiful, smart, funny, and I hoped she loved me. Still? Again?

A moment of uncertainty crossed my mind. She really didn't know me. I was a much different person than I was five years ago ... and so was she. Was she deluding herself? Did she think I was the same Bret Dawson who she had loved long ago? Was I deluding myself? What did I know about the Becky sitting next to me? She must have changed too. She was more beautiful — looking more like a woman than a girl, and her blonde hair was shorter. She did have the same wonderful smile and sense of humor, but what about her interests? Did we even like the same things anymore? She had a college degree from a top university, and was well on her way to becoming a veterinarian. I was just a rancher from a very small town in Montana with an associate degree. I spent my days riding around in a truck fixing things like miles of fence, and riding herd on a very active four-year old. Being a dad was my most important job. Plus I wasn't that same poster boy quarterback. My face already had creases and my hands and arms were as scarred as my old white truck. What did we have in common?

Becky must have seen my frown.

She gently caressed my thigh. It wasn't sexual as much as loving.

I looked at her. Nope, I was just being stupid. The love in her blue eyes was for this guy sitting in this truck at a stop sign in Douglas Georgia. Why? I didn't know, but I smiled back at her letting my happiness show.

She had not said she loved me, but I didn't need to be hit in the head with a two by four to get that message. Well ... with Abigail I did ... but I was young and clueless then...

Right! Like I wasn't still young and pretty much clueless around women, but from the moment Becky got out of her parent's SUV and put her arms around me it seemed like I was engulfed by her love. Actually it started last night at church when I first saw her and felt her again. I tried to resist those feelings. Why? Because I'm supposed to still be in mourning and I promised Abigail there would never be another as I stood on top of that knoll when I said goodbye.

But this afternoon when Becky clung to me and then softly kissed my neck, the memories of the love we shared came back with a rush; including the first time we had shared a bed and consummated the love we had for each other.

And watching her with Amelia was a revelation. We had never talked about children when we were together before, but I had come to find I loved being a parent. A very smart woman - mom - once said that being a parent was the toughest job in the world, but the rewards were the greatest. She was right. And I was happy to see that Becky and Amelia seemed to gravitate to each other. As I drove the quiet streets I realized how important that was, because any relationship with Becky was also a relationship that had to include Amelia.

Most importantly I realized that I could love again. That was another epiphany that transformed me. I smiled. It wasn't exactly Saul on the road to Damascus, but it was close enough. As I stood in Mike's jewelry store holding Becky's hand as she showed me Taylor's ring, suddenly I could see the future - us together, not like in the past when we were kids in high school, but our future as adults, working side by side, every day loving and caring for each other and Amelia. Would she have agreed if I'd asked her to marry me right then in front of the jewelry case while she was trying on those rings?

Probably ... Well maybe. I was pretty sure she loved me but did we see the same future together?

She still had a year and a half of veterinary school to go. I couldn't ask her to give up her studies, because I knew it had been her dream for years, but after that? Could I ask her to give up her life in Georgia to join us thousands of miles away on a ranch in Montana? Life could be tough there. Does her view of the future even include living in Montana, or did she see us living in a house in Atlanta? Would I make that sacrifice to be with Becky? No. I couldn't ... wouldn't.

Was I being selfish? Yes, because I couldn't imagine ever living in a city again. Montana was my home. And what would I do if I married Becky and we settled somewhere like Atlanta? Be a house husband? I'd go back to school and get my degree but then what? Work in an office? No, my future and my daughter's future were at home on our ranch with Abigail nearby, and Jack and the cats and the horses, and the mountains.

Yes, I knew I'd give up Becky before I'd give up my home. It would be a terrible choice to make. I knew I could make her happy there and she would never regret the decision to come to Montana ... at least I thought so. But I had to ask her ... tell her first.

Becky and I had lots to talk about.

As I pulled into the driveway, I saw Taylor standing on the porch.

Brendan spotted her too.

"Guess this means dinner's on the table and we're late."

Becky looked at us.

"I'll just explain that I was having so much fun with my two hunky guys that time just got away!" She laughed.

Brendan added,

"Now when am I going to get a chance to ask her? I wanted to talk to her before dinner. I supposed I could ask her at dinner..."

"No!" Becky and I replied in unison.

We laughed, and Becky added,

"Brendan, I don't see a proposal as a public spectacle, despite what they show in the movies. It's going to be a time you both think about for years to come and from a woman's point of view I would prefer something more romantic."

Becky then looked at me.

"If someone was going to ask me to marry him I would prefer a quiet spot with just the two of us."

I couldn't help catching her glance at the porch swing where we had spent so much time.

"So Brendan ... after dinner take her someplace quiet..." She looked at the porch swing again and then back to me.

"On second thought ... have her come out to the porch and sit in the swing ... that swing has lots of happy memories." Becky's eyes glistened. "And ask her there."

It was as if Becky was asking my permission to give our swing to Brendan and Taylor.

"I think that would be a perfect place." I said quietly as I looked at Becky.

I was pretty sure Brendan caught our interplay and the significance of the swing to us.

"You sure?" It was addressed to both of us.

We both nodded. She pulled a tissue from her purse.

At that point Taylor arrived, having tired of waiting on the porch.

Brendan opened the back door.

"Where have you been? Dinner is now!" She tried to look stern as she took Brendan's hand.

As he got out he grinned and pulled her to him and then kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Nice to see you too."

Taylor smiled, and hugged him.

As they moved up the walk he slipped an arm around her waist and she rubbed against him like a cat.

I walked around the front of the truck and opened the door for Becky and gave her my hand. She got out and put her arm through mine as we followed them.

Just outside the front door Becky turned and put her arms around my neck.

"Bret I think we have lots to talk about."

I nodded, and said,

"Porch swing after dinner?"

She smiled.

"If it's not being used."

And then I kissed her.

I think I surprised us both, but it seemed the most natural thing in the world. Her body molded itself against me as her arms tightened. It was wonderful kissing Becky again, but it was different than I remembered ... and better. Of course it wasn't the old Becky I was kissing, and I wasn't the old Bret.

The kiss wasn't devoid of passion, because there was certainly that, but the passion was muted by the overwhelming sense of warmth and love that went into that kiss. I don't know how long it went on and didn't care. The world didn't stop but it surely felt like it. Everything felt so right and suddenly my worries and misgivings about where we would live and how we would get along become less important.

We broke the kiss slowly and just looked at each other for the longest time.

"Bret, I'm so glad you came home..."

I held her, my mind racing, thinking I was a very lucky man, but feeling a twinge of guilt. I had never kissed or even thought about another woman since I met Abigail.

I saw Taylor open the front door. Her look of exasperation vanished as she saw us. She smiled and mouthed the word, "dinner", and then she disappeared back down the hallway.

We stood for a little while longer. She felt so good, and smelled so good, and just seemed so right in my arms that I really didn't want to let her go, but we had to go in. Eventually we stepped apart. I held her around the waist with one arm as we moved into the house and heard the sounds of happy people and smelled the delicious smells of Christmas dinner.

I glanced around the table as we joined hands. Mom asked me to say the blessing since she knew it was our practice at home in Montana. Becky was on my right, holding my hand, and Amelia, in her booster chair on my left, held my other hand. Next to Amelia sat Taylor, then Brendan and then mom. Dad was on the end opposite me in his usual chair. Next to him sat Grace, then Becky's dad Greg, and then Becky.

Jack sprawled behind Amelia's chair. At home he usually positioned himself under the table to benefit from dropped food. Amelia discovered at an early age that Jack would eat anything, so if there was something she didn't like she would drop it on the floor for him. We tried to discourage this activity but they worked against us, and Jack, the ever alert guard dog rarely let food hit the floor. That dog had a cast iron stomach. Most ranch dogs did.

Holding Becky's hand seemed so natural, especially after what had happened in the last few hours. She and I had spent years holding hands, and now as I was going to start the Christmas blessing, it felt especially appropriate. She looked at me and smiled and I could feel the love that radiated from her. And it wasn't the love of a teenager with raging hormones. This was the love of a woman. I had known that love from Abigail, and now suddenly I didn't feel guilty. Why?

I hoped it wasn't just a rationalization. Becky had been my first true love and had fate in the form of Todd not stepped in we would probably be married right now. But there was a reason for me to go to Montana and find Abigail and the ranch, and not have a football career. I did need to grow up and I did need Abigail, and I had loved her with all my heart and soul.

Yes, there was a reason for my odyssey to Montana.

I could feel that Becky loved me and now I knew that I could love her too.

I would always love Abigail, that was a given, but it was like Abigail had given me permission to love again. No one could take her place, but it seemed that there was room in my heart for Becky.

When we had walked into the house, arms around each other and Becky smiling as tears ran down her cheeks, mom spotted us. I didn't know if Taylor tipped her off or if somehow she just knew, but she smiled and came over to us and hugged Becky. There were just a few minutes to drop coats and a quick wash before it was time to go to the table for dinner. Brendan was smiling so broadly that Taylor had to suspect something was up. He really did look like the proverbial cat that swallowed the canary. I wondered how he was going to make it through dinner without taking the ring out.

"Lord ... thank you so much for giving us your son on this special day...

Your son who taught us the way to live...

To help one another ... to love each other ... and to forgive...

Thank you for the happiness of this day and for the love of the people around this table.

Becky squeezed my hand.

We thank you for giving us this abundance of food this day...

And for those who prepared it for the nourishment of our bodies, a special blessing...

Amen."

"Amen." was repeated around the table and my hand felt empty as Becky released it. Mom dabbed her eyes with her napkin as she smiled.