Chapter 4

I woke up at a little before eight the next morning. My first reaction was amusement. I hadn’t even thought about it when I went to bed last night but for the first time in my life I slept in the nude. I like it!

In the next moment the dreams I experienced last night came flooding into my conscious mind. Unfortunately, my mind seemed determined to dismiss the nicer ones and wallow in the darkness of the dreams about Sean even though there was almost no detail to those dreams; just vague fears of mental and physical torment.

They don’t have a lot of meaning. I’m well aware that I don’t yet know the depths of his depravity. I’m also cognizant of the fact that I don’t know enough about sex to fully appreciate how much I have to fear what he has in mind for me. I only know that horrible old man is going to take my virginity this afternoon. But that’s really all I know. Well, not quite all. I also know my mother is terrified of him. And then there’s the fact that I saw her limping when she came home from his house. If nothing else, I know my fear is not misplaced.

I sat up in bed. I didn’t think about my window and my tits being on display when I sat up. When I finally did think about it I realized that the light is streaming in through my window in the morning and I don’t think he can see me, not that it matters now. He saw me close up in his yard yesterday and he saw me doing just about all there was to do with Brad last night.

I put my robe on and headed for the bathroom. I passed Brad in the hall. We smiled affectionately at each other. He stopped me and kissed my forehead. He took me in his arms, looked down at me and said, “Good morning, big sister. Did you sleep well?”

I smiled and replied, “Yes, little brother. For some reason I was all tired out last night. I can’t for the life of me think of what could have worn me out like that.”

I reached up and patted his cheek lovingly and then we separated and he went to his room. I took a shower and brushed my teeth. I noticed that the taste of cum doesn’t last through the night.

I got dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen. Mom is already down there drinking coffee. She looked up when I came in but she just blushed, flashed me a guilty look, and then looked down in despair at her coffee cup.

I’m in a better mood after last night with Brad. I started feeling a little guilty about the way I spoke to her yesterday. I believe her explanation of the events that led up to yesterday and I realize now that, although the photographs were unforgiveable, she is who she is and she had been gradually sucked into that underworld of sex. She never intended for the things that resulted from her internet chats to take place.

Her life is just as much out of control as mine. If she knew what lay behind the hold Sean has over me she’d be pretty upset with me, too. I sighed quietly and decided we may as well get this over with. We can’t go on like this forever.

I poured myself a glass of juice and sat down across from her. I took a sip and then I said, “Mom?”

She looked up and I saw the tears running down her cheeks and the look of abject misery on her face. She’s crying quietly again.

I continued, “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for those photographs and what you did with them. I pray that they don’t end up being circulated at school. I’ll be surprised if they don’t. Those guys you sent them to will undoubtedly post them all over the net. It’s all but inevitable the boys at school will see them sometime between now and the time I graduate.”

She looks so pitiful I have to steel myself to keep from crying, too. She said, “I didn’t think. I just...”

She shrugged helplessly. She paused for a few seconds and said, “I have no excuses. I’m so sorry. I would end my life right now if I thought it would make this all go away. I don’t expect you to forgive me, Lisa. I don’t even expect you to understand. I don’t really understand why I do the things I do either. But I’m an adult and a wife and a mother and there simply is no excuse for what I did. I got sucked into a cesspool because of those moments of weakness. Now you are being sucked in because of me and I’m helpless to prevent it.

“I keep telling myself this will be a fleeting thing which will be over soon. But I’m terrified Sean will drag this out forever. Why would he let me ... let us go? We are every man’s, or perhaps I should say every evil man’s dream come true. I fear that my life is over because I was bored and because someone found a way to tap into a flaw in my character.

“I could better live with that if you weren’t a victim now, too. But I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared and he makes me feel so helpless. Oh, Lisa! If you tell me what to do I’ll do it!”

I thought, ‘How the hell would I know what to do?! Jesus mom! You’re the fucking adult!’

But that isn’t what I said. Instead I tried to sound conciliatory. I said, “I don’t know what to do either, mom. I guess we either wait for him to get tired of us or we watch for some way out to present itself. Maybe he’ll screw up and we can blackmail him. I’m just as scared as you are. Maybe more! I don’t have a clue about what’s going to happen to me and I’m terrified.”

She looked down and whispered, “You should be. He’s a monster. He has things in mind for us that I can’t even say out loud.”

I thought, “Gee mom, thanks for the fucking reassurance!”

But I kept that thought to myself, too.

I didn’t get to respond to her last statement, or question it. I’m not really sure I want to have my questions answered. Brad came in then and that was the end of the discussion for the time being.

I saw mom glance at Brad. Her mind must have flashed on what I was ordered to do with him at nine o’clock last night for the amusement of our new neighbor. She blushed and kept her eyes down.

Brad looked at her and at me and I saw the concern coming back into his eyes. He was quiet for a minute and then he asked, “Is something going on I should know about? Is someone dying of cancer? What the hell is happening with you two?!”

We, Brad and I, are not allowed to swear. But mom never said a word. That only made him more curious. He didn’t get an answer, though. We have no answer we can give him that doesn’t have the potential to make our situation even worse.

Finally he got exasperated and said, “I’m gonna go hang out with Larry and Gordy. We might go to a movie this afternoon. I’ll be back by suppertime.”

He left the house and mom and I both sighed in relief. There really is nothing we can say to him. He knows something is wrong but if he knew the truth he would undoubtedly do something stupid. We don’t want that. Anything he might attempt in an effort to come to our rescue would surely make things worse.

Mom kept glancing at her watch and I asked, “Do you have a date?”

She looked up and reminded me that we have to go shopping at a store called Sweet Nothings today. I remember seeing their ad in the paper every once in a while. It’s a lingerie store but judging by their ads they specialize in sexy lingerie. I didn’t ask why we’re going there. I’m not that stupid.

We left early so we could get to the store just as they opened. Mom said she hoped if we got there early enough there won’t be anyone inside except for the clerks. I wasn’t sure why that’s important but I didn’t ask any questions. Not about that.

Instead I asked, “How long have you been in his clutches?”

After I said it I thought, “In his clutches!” That’s an appropriate, if somewhat archaic way of saying it.

She responded quietly, “It just started. He sent me an email last Tuesday and then on Wednesday he slipped a big envelope under the side door containing copies of all his evidence. He ordered me to come over to his house that afternoon. I was never so scared in my life. As it turned out, my fear was justified. He’s a horrible man. He is nasty and perverted and he takes more pleasure from degrading me than fucking me!”

Now I know things are bad! My mother said fuck! My mother wouldn’t say fuck if she had a mouthful of cock! I want to know more. I want details. I want to know what he’s going to demand of me. I want to know but I’m too afraid of what she might say if I ask her. I think it must be like when you have to have an operation. You know you have to do it. But you don’t want any of the details; or at least that’s how I felt when I had my tonsils out. You don’t want to know anything about it. You just want to go to sleep and wake up when it’s over. So I didn’t ask her for more details about what to expect this afternoon.

She said, “On Thursday he took me shopping. We went to the same two stores and bought the same things we’re going to buy for you today.”

Mom drove across town to the lingerie store. I slumped in my seat and stared out of the side window but my mind was turned inward and I didn’t really see anything.

We don’t live in a very big town but it’s big enough that I’ve never been to the area where this store is located. I was surprised when we pulled into the parking lot. The store is modern and fancy and it’s a lot bigger than I expected. I can see some of the clothes they sell on display in the windows. They sell a lot more than lingerie. They sell a lot of very sexy clothing. They sell the kind of clothing my mother has never permitted me to wear in the past. The kind of clothing even I don’t have the nerve to wear!

Before we got out of the car, while staring straight ahead she quietly said, “There are already several cars here. There will be people inside. I have instructions on what I am to buy for you. But the worst part of it is that I have been given definite instructions about which booth you are to use to try on what I select.”

She paused and I could tell she has some bad memories of this place. She took a deep breath and continued, “The last four changing booths do not have doors.”

She turned then and saw the look of shock on my face. She shrugged as if to emphasize how helpless we are and said, “It’s the kind of place where people who like to show off go to buy clothes. Or where people who like to watch go to buy clothes. That’s why I wanted to get here early. Honey, I’m sorry. But you are going to have to use one of those booths. We don’t dare use one with a door on it. If one of those other customers was sent here by Sean then there would be hell to pay. He expects to be obeyed at all times.

“Honey, I know how hard this is going to be for you. He made me do it last week. It was horrible! But we ... you have no choice.”

Then, with anguish in her voice she said, “And he can make you hurt so bad if you disobey him.”

She lifted my face and looked into my eyes and said, “That punishment he gave you last night? Honey, that was nothing. That was more reward than punishment. He would much rather hurt us. And he is very good at it. You need to understand right now that you are going to hate what happens in this store today. But we have no choice. That is what it comes down to every time. We have no choice.”

The sound of fear in her voice scared me more than Sean did yesterday. I’ve never seen my steady, resolute, fearless mother act so timid or give in so completely. It scared the hell out of me. He must have done something horrible to her. He must have done something besides threaten her to elicit this kind of reaction. He must have done something dreadful to her.

She sat back and in a quiet, desperate voice she continued, “Our only way out seems to be to destroy our lives in the process. I don’t know what he has on you. He wouldn’t tell me. But he said that it’s far worse than what he has on me. I can’t even imagine that. You have always been nearly perfect. I have always been so proud of you. But it was obvious when you gave in to him yesterday afternoon that he has something awful that he’s holding over your head. I’m not going to ask you what it is.

“If you want to tell me I will gladly hear you out and help you in any way I can. But whatever it is he has on you, keep it in mind while we are in that store. The clerks are nice and I don’t think we have to worry about them. But you never know if one of the other customers is a friend of his. I wouldn’t put it past him.”

I sighed and nodded. With more determination in my voice than I actually feel I said, “I understand, mom. I’ll do what I have to do.”

I let the subject of what he’s holding over my head pass without comment. Maybe the day will come when I can tell someone about what happened that day. But it isn’t today.

We got out of the car and went in the store. An attractive redhead looked up from the counter and seemed to recognize my mom from last week. She seemed surprised, as if she never expected to see my mother in here again. I guess mom wasn’t kidding about having a rough time of it.

She smiled and welcomed us to the store and told us that if we have any questions or need any help to please ask.

Mom nodded and I followed her in. As I began to take note of the merchandise on display I was shocked! I know one thing for sure now. I know where strippers and prostitutes buy their clothes!

But although much of what I see looking around is beyond outrageous there are a lot of items on display that are pretty and sexy and really grab a girl’s imagination. They are things a woman might wear to please her husband or her lover or even just to attract a little attention at a party. She would have to be a woman with a lot of self-confidence and a lot of nerve. That isn’t me.

Mom asked me to get a shopping cart. I took one from the line and pushed it along behind her into the racks of clothing. I have been buying my own underwear for a while now, though everything I bought had to meet with her approval. So she had to ask me what my sizes are now.

I told her and she went to the appropriate part of the store and began to fill the basket with the sluttiest, sexiest underwear I have ever seen. I couldn’t help but notice everything she selected is very similar to the lingerie I saw on her bed when she was taking a shower the day before yesterday, the ones that had been full of semen.

Our next stop was the back corner of the store where the bathing suits are on display. She picked out suits that are actually obscene. She selected three of them. All three are almost see-through when they’re dry. They’ll be nearly invisible when wet. Two are thong style bikinis consisting of three tiny patches of cloth and a few pieces of nearly invisible string. The third is a one piece but I can’t figure out how to wear it from looking at it. I can tell that it won’t cover much, though. It seems to consist of a small handful of string.

I thought we were just here for lingerie but it turns out we aren’t finished. I also got some tiny crop tops and halter tops, a couple of sheer blouses and three of the shortest micro miniskirts I’ve ever seen in my life. The last item she selected is a little black dress.

I’ve wanted my own little black dress for ... I don’t know, probably a couple of years now. It’s like a sign that a girl is all grown up. Unfortunately, that’s not what this one is a sign of. The one she selected for me went way past being little. It’s miniscule! But I won’t know the half of it for several more minutes. Not until I try it on.

Mom finished her shopping with the selection of the black dress. She sounded like she was going to start crying at any moment when she turned to me and asked, “Are you ready, baby?”

I glanced around. I saw the four booths with no doors when we came in. you can’t miss them. I looked over there now. There are two women trying on clothes and two men standing outside of the booths waiting. One woman is in a booth with the door closed. Her husband isn’t standing there waiting for her to come out, though. He’s standing next to the other woman’s husband and they’re both watching his wife try on a dress in one of the booths with no door. She’s a very pretty woman in her mid to late twenties and even from here I can see that both she and the dress are HOT.

I stared at them in wonder. This is such a totally new concept for me to grasp. That woman is letting a strange man watch her change clothes! And she’s smiling and sharing sexy looks with her husband who is also smiling.

Mom nudged me and asked again, “Are you ready?”

I’m most definitely not. But I guess it doesn’t really matter. If I tell her I’m not I’m going to end up in a booth without a door anyway. We made our way back through the racks of sexy clothes to the changing booths. The two men and the woman who just tried on the dress and was modeling it for them looked up and smiled as we approached.

I would have thought it obvious to all these people that I’m too young for this kind of stuff. Apparently that isn’t the case. Or if it is obvious it doesn’t bother anyone. They gathered around as we selected a fitting room. They seem eager to enjoy the strip show I’m about to put on.

My mother hung up those items that are on hangars on a hook in the last booth. She placed the lingerie on the bench against the back of the booth and then she turned me to face her and whispered my instructions. “You must step into the booth and undress completely. Then you must try on each item, one piece at a time. You will always be at least semi naked. If you need help getting into any of those things you must come out here to me and ask me to help you. Each time you put an item on you must step out and turn around so that I can assure that it fits correctly.”

I listened to her instructions and as I did I became increasingly aware that I’m having trouble catching my breath. How can I possibly do this?! Even after everything I experienced yesterday in my blackmailing neighbor’s backyard and later in my room with my brother I’m not ready to undress in public! I can’t imagine I’ll ever be ready to undress in public!

Mom saw how scared I am. It must be written all over my face. But she tightened her grip on my shoulders and continued, “I know you are going to hate this. It’s only been a few days since Sean brought me here and made me try on these exact same articles of clothing in the exact same manner. I know exactly what it’s like.

“But I suspect very strongly that I have seen the man watching that young woman try on a dress a few minutes ago before. He was leaving Sean’s house last Friday. He knows Sean. I’m not positive, but almost.”

She saw the near panic on my face at the idea of taking my clothes off in public. She said, “I’m sorry, baby. Remember what I told you in the car. Think about what he’s holding over your head. It’s what I have to keep doing to maintain what little sanity I have left.”

I nodded, though I remain convinced that I cannot do this. I stepped into the booth. I stood facing the back of the booth and I undressed slowly. The blood is pounding so loudly in my ears that when I turned slightly to remove my shorts and saw that there are now more people standing around out there watching me bare my body I was shocked. I don’t even know where they came from. I hadn’t heard a thing!

There doesn’t seem to be enough air in the small changing booth. I feel like I’m going to pass out. I looked at my mother and I saw her despair and her terror. She doesn’t think I can do this, either. Her mind is no doubt picturing Sean punishing me by doing something similar to the horrible things he has done to her. I still don’t know what that was. I only know that I don’t want to find out.

I know I have to be strong. Thinking about what Sean is using to blackmail me isn’t helping so I took a deep breath and tried to fool myself into thinking I’m home alone in my room. When that didn’t work I just tried humming my favorite song and not thinking at all. That seemed to help a little, very little.

I didn’t get dressed this morning knowing I’d soon be undressing in public with an audience. But purely as a result of dumb luck I’m wearing a bra with a front closure. I’m very grateful because there’s no way in hell I could have taken one of the other kind off. My hands are shaking uncontrollably. I probably would have had to go out to my mom wearing only my bra and panties in front of those ogling strangers and ask her to unfasten it.

As soon as I was naked I quickly started trying on clothes. The new clothes my mother selected for me don’t cover much. But any covering at all is better than being naked.

I started with the blouses because they’re the items that are first on the hooks. I tried on each of the sheer blouses and buttoned them with shaking fingers. Then I stepped out of the booth and turned, ostensibly for my mother’s approval. It’s a farce. I’m well aware that this is all about humiliating me by forcing me to display my naked body for the amusement of strangers.

Mom is trying to keep her face expressionless but I thought it was obvious she’s doing this under duress. It’s obvious to me. I thought that it must also be obvious that I’m doing this against my will. We must both have looked like we we’re brought here to shop at gunpoint.

But no one seems to care. There are now nine people watching my involuntary strip show. There are three couples, two lone women and one lone man. All of them are being treated to ample opportunities to enjoy the view of the most private parts of my body.

I also thought that it must be impossible for them not to notice that I’m underage or that I’m doing this against my will. Sure, no one is holding an actual gun to my head or standing nearby making threats. But how can they not know from the look on my face that I don’t want to be here?! And they must have seen that these clothes are totally inappropriate for a girl my age.

I don’t know what they suspect about the motives of my mother and me or if they have given it any thought at all. I only know that they smile and discuss among themselves each item I try on and how I look in it as if this degrading act I’m putting on is really about the clothes. They also made a lot of remarks about the parts of me that aren’t covered each time I step out of the booth. I have wished in the past that I had a heavier growth of pubic hair. But I never wished it as much as I do at this moment. I know they can clearly see my vulva. It has been on display since I removed my panties. I even heard some of them comment on how tight and virginal it looks!

But even though my face and neck are so red from the embarrassment that they must have been giving off a reddish glow, the show went on. I tried on all the tops first. It had been all too obvious when I watched mom taking them off the racks that they’re revealing. When I saw what they look like on me I realized that I had underestimated just how much of me is going to be exposed. I’m pretty sure I could get arrested in most of these things! They’re definitely not made to be worn without underwear. Not unless you’re wearing them to work on your street corner, plying your trade in the world’s oldest profession.

But that’s how I’m trying them on, without underwear and naked from the waist down. I have no doubt I’ll be wearing them this way; without a bra I mean.

I had just about gotten used to parading around bottomless by the time I finished trying on tops. Well, getting used to it might be a little strong. I’m starting to be able to breathe again. Then it was time to try on the little skirts and parade around topless. The level of humiliation instantly jacked right back up to full blast.

I didn’t think it was necessary to try on all the skirts. There’s hardly any difference between them. But mom said I have to. After all, this isn’t about making sure the clothing fits. This entire exercise is geared toward humiliating me. There must be women who enjoy this sort of thing or there wouldn’t be places like this. But I’m not one of those females and I can’t even begin to imagine what must go through their minds while they undress in public.

I removed the last of the tops and on shaky legs I stepped into the first of the skirts. I didn’t look down as I fastened the skirt in place. I know what I look like. I’ve seen myself topless hundreds of times, thousands even. I started paying even more attention when my breasts began to develop, often spending long minutes standing in front of a mirror mentally urging them to grow even faster. And now that they are nearly fully grown I spend more time than is probably normal admiring them. I’m very proud of my boobs and I may not act like it but I always get a secret thrill when I catch a guy checking them out. But in my wildest fantasies there was never a time when I imagined I’d ever step out of a changing booth in front of a crowd of onlookers in just a skirt! You might think I’d be getting used to being on display after just trying on all those tops and stepping out of the booth naked from the waist down. It may be just because this is the next humiliating thing I have to do and I’m doing it for the first time but for some reason I feel even more embarrassed stepping out of the booth topless than I did when I was bottomless. But I did what I have to do. I took a deep breath, let it out slowly and took the half dozen steps to stand in front of my mother.

Her face seems redder, too. Perhaps she thinking back to a few days ago when she was in my place. I can’t help but see the people standing around watching me. I can’t look at them directly but they’re in my peripheral vision and I can’t block them out. I know. I’ve tried. I see they’re smiling faces, or in some cases their leering faces. I hear the comments, not about the tiny skirt but about how nice my breasts are. There were even a few comments about my nipples! I suppose that’s better than hearing people making snide comments but I’m pretty sure I’d rather they all just shut up, or better yet disappear.

Mom nodded almost as soon as I came to a stop in front of her and I returned to the booth. For some reason it isn’t as bad when I’m in the booth. That makes no sense. I’m just as visible in the booth as I am when I step out of it with the added humiliation that those people get to watch me put clothes on and take them off as if I were a stripper. I removed the first of the skirts and repeated the process with the next and then the next. It didn’t get any easier.

Then it was time to try on the little black dress. It’s extremely sexy. And it’s incredibly beautiful too. When mom picked it from the rack I envisioned starlets walking down the red carpet at the Academy Awards. I have some unbelievably mixed emotions about putting it on. I think it’s a very pretty and very adult dress. I actually can’t wait to see how I look in it. But I still hate this modeling I’m forced to do and I’m leery of this particular dress. As I mentioned, I’ve wished for a sexy little black dress. But I think it unlikely Sean will buy me anything to wear that doesn’t put far too much of me on display for the general public.

Unfortunately, I have no more options now than when I came in here an hour or so ago. I pulled the dress on. There’s nothing to zip or button. The top is nothing more than two extremely narrow strips of thin, pleated material that drape loosely over the center of my breasts only just barely covering my nipples. They tie behind the back of my neck in a less than satisfactory effort to keep them in place over my nipples. Once it was tied in place I looked down.

Far too much of both sides of both breasts are exposed. I tried to spread the pleated material to cover more of my flesh but it won’t stay in place that way. It gathers over the center of my breasts and no matter what I do it only just covers my nipples. It’s as short as the micro miniskirts I tried on a few minutes ago. But it has another feature I wasn’t aware of until I tried it on. The back is scooped so low that the top two or three inches of my butt are exposed!

I turned my back to the mirror in the booth and looked back over my shoulder. I can see the top two inches of my butt crack! It looks nasty! Not my butt, I mean the dress looks obscene. It can only be described as slutty. I look like a very expensive call girl. Everything I tried on today is slutty. This dress, though, is above and beyond. But then I remembered the bathing suits I have yet to try on and suddenly the dress doesn’t seem so bad.

After I stepped out of the booth and modeled the dress, and received a quiet round of applause, I went back in and started taking it off. As I stepped out of it and hung it back up I suddenly was struck by the thought that Sean is spending a lot of money on slutty clothes. This can’t be just for outfits for me to wear in his backyard for his pleasure. He has something far more evil in mind. As soon as I realized it, though, I chased the thought from my mind. Whatever he has planned, I don’t want to know about it. Those things I know about are disturbing enough.

I stood in the booth, nude, with my back to the crowd of onlookers. I looked down at the lingerie and the bathing suits now while trying to ignore my naked reflection in the full length mirror on the back wall. I’m still not accustomed to the strange concept of walking out of this booth all but naked and entertaining the crowd and I know I never will be. In a way that’s silly, because they’re watching me undress in the booth during every change of clothing. But I have an imaginary safety zone inside the booth. Stepping out makes me vulnerable again. Like I said, silly.