Chapter 1

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Unless of course it's a digital, and then it's only right once a day. And then there's that whole thing about the twenty four hour clock and whether your clock shows four zeros, or a one, a two and two zeros while it's blinking.

But no matter how you use or interpret that old expression, the fact remains that my ex-wife was right. Just a little right, and not in the way she was certain of on that day that she left me.

Jess, well, was a beautiful woman. I'm not going to pretend otherwise and try to make myself feel better. She had that gorgeous shade of red gold hair that I'm certain was evolved for the sole purpose of turning me on. Her face was a round study in gentle slopes, enchanting in the way that it drew your gaze to her exquisite green eyes. To add even more pain to my loss, she had a body that drew the eye of every man who saw her.

But she was crazy. Not frothing at the mouth, voices in her head, evil monkey in the closet crazy, but emotionally not right. She latched on to things, wouldn't let them go for anything, and then a month later, some new obsession. She called it being a "dilettante", but after the thirtieth oath of fealty to some new trend, I just gave up trying to understand.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when she told me that our marriage didn't count.

"Not really," Jess continued, brushing a bit of her hair out of her face.

I looked around the beach that we were walking along, and tried to stay calm. It was a deeply overcast day, typical for Monterey in the late fall. Jess had been on a fitness kick, and as a result our early mornings had been spent walking up and down a long stretch of sand that lay only a mile from our apartment.

"Jess, I have no Idea what you're talking about," I began, totally bewildered by the topic. We had been discussing history, one of the only subjects that we both enjoyed. The fact that it was the subject I taught also made it one of our frequent issues.

"Our relationship is lesbian," Jess said flatly. It was eerie how calmly she had said it. It was almost as if she had asked for a glass of water.

"Wait, that makes absolutely no..." I blurted, before she cut me off.

"We've always been lesbian lovers." Jess continued, "In all of our incarnations throughout our relationship."

"What are you talking about?" I still was having trouble wrapping my head around her first comment, and this was rapidly progressing into the crazy zone.

"My high priest says that it's the reason we can't have children."

That one hurt. Yeah, we were an infertile couple. Hell, we'd been together for seven years, off the pill for four and still no success. We'd seen a doctor, and the problem was with Jess. For far too many reasons, her body wasn't interested in reproducing with me. Not that we'd done it very much in the last year. For a lot of reasons we hadn't been close physically as often as I'd have liked. And why the fuck was she talking to her "priest" about us? I admit I don't understand a whole lot about her religion, but I never criticized her for it. Being a Wiccan was her choice, and I respected it.

"Look honey, this is a little..."

"And I think he's right. You're not male in your manner." Jess smiled at me with one of those infuriating condescending smiles that only a woman who thinks she knows a secret can give.

"How do you mean?" I asked, not trying to contradict her. I'd been with my wife long enough to know that arguing with her was counterproductive. Occasionally, if she talked something out long enough, she'd get my point, but trying to get her there via direct action was pointless.

"You know that past life regression that I was planning on getting?" She explained, as we continued to walk along the beach. The crashing waves on the pale sand were a perfect reflection of the knots that coursed through my stomach as she talked. I merely nodded at her, concentrating on her words.

"Well, the thing is, we've never been together as man and wife before. We've been together about four times, but every time we were both women." The words were just bizarre to me. I knew that she was talking about reincarnation, but it was just another of her phases. At least that's what I was hoping.

"And I've always been wife to my priest." She concluded, looking at me with a fond, but definitely chilly smile.

"So," I paused for a moment before continuing. Was she leaving me? "You're saying our marriage doesn't count."

"And I want to be with my soul mate."

"But you said we were together." I argued, breaking my "don't argue with your wife, because you won't win" rule.

"As lovers. Not permanent, baby." Jess sighed. "And I think we've been together long enough."

"So, that's it?" I asked, stopping to look at her. The sound of the waves behind us echoed in my ears, and my breath came slowly and raggedly. Seven years. The two words rolled around my mind.

"You were a beautiful woman, Henry." The smile on her face was loving, but regretful. "I've always been a little jealous of you that way."

"Heh?"

"Oh not in this life." Jess laughed, "In the past. I always wished I could be like you. That's why we became lovers, after all."

"Jess, I love you." I said the words that I truly wasn't sure of anymore. I had never really been sure about it, but I was willing to stick with it. Hell, we'd married far too young. Two eighteen year olds and virgins at that.

"It was when I slept with him the first time that I realized it." Jess said flatly. She didn't even try to blunt the edge.

Her verbal knife struck me in the guts, twisted, and then proceeded to puree my intestines. I hadn't even suspected, hadn't even thought about the possibility of her ... cheating. Ice ran up and down my nervous system, causing a shudder to flow through me. I felt the pinpricks of moisture behind my eyelids as I looked at my wife, standing there confidently.

"You've never been my husband, and I don't love you as a male." Jess shrugged her shoulders.

"You can't be serious about this."

"Henry, I was afraid that you'd be like this. I respected you when you insisted on staying with that patriarchal religion, but you never were willing..."

"We're MARRIED." I blurted out, unable to contain the pain any longer. "Ok, fine, you cheated on me. We survived worse. We'll move on and..."

"You're not listening to me. We're not married." Jess interrupted me angrily. The calm that she had worn like a mask had vanished, and her words bore caustic venom. "I filed for divorce last year."

"Wait, you..." I boggled, looking at a small envelope that she had produced from her pocket.

"Here." She handed me the small package.

I tore the small envelope open, revealing a legal document. As I began to read she continued.

"I knew that you'd never agree to a divorce, so I forged your signature on the notification and settlement agreement."

"Those are felonies." I pointed out as I rapidly read over the decree. No alimony, shared property already divided to mutual satisfaction...

"Only if you press charges, and can prove it." Jess smirked. "You're free, and I'm free. That's what we swore to each other when we were lovers before."

"But..." I looked around at the beach. There was no one in sight, and the normally comforting beach seemed hostile.

"Live for today, Henry. Our love was sweet, but it's not supposed to happen in this life." Jess looked at me, and her anger seemed to cool somewhat.

"So, just like that it's over?" I goggled. "Just because you get convinced that there's some magical reason that you can go sleep with uh ... what's his name..."

"Raven and I are meant to be together."

"Right, right. You and bird-boy are meant to be together, so you just dump seven years of marriage."

"He's a MAN." She stated. She left out the "and you're not..."

"Jess, look," I swallowed my pride and took a deep breath. "I love you, and I'm willing to let this go. But if you..."

"Then let me go." She looked at me with a challenge in her eyes.

There was a moment of pain. It was over, and I knew it. My heart throbbed, not only at her betrayal, but at her confidence. She knew I'd never want to hurt her, even if she deserved it. She knew I'd never deny her anything. And the worst part of all was, she knew I'd have to let her go.

"Just ... just go." I nodded. Well, time to be the responsible adult and give her some time. "I'll work late tonight, and I don't expect..."

"Actually, you're leaving. Raven's moving in and I expect you to be gone."

"Fuck you." I snarled with an impulsive anger. She'd pushed me as far as I was willing to go for the love I still had for her, or at least thought I had. "My name on the lease. You leave."

"Our names are on the lease, and..." Jess smiled again, and I knew she was going to try something.

"Wrong." I interrupted her. "Ten months ago we renewed the lease. Oh, let's see, where were you?"

"I was there."

"Not last time." I grinned at her. "If I recall you had a meeting to go to."

"But it's been OUR name on the lease every time." She complained with a hurt sound in her voice.

"Landlord wouldn't put a non-signer on the lease. He's kinda a stickler about legality." I emphasized the last word, drawing a slight cringe from her.

"But..."

"You're free, Jess. It's what you wanted. "I smirked right back at her, imitating her earlier expression.

"You know that I need..." Jess began, turning on her superior attitude once again.

"What? You win, Jess. You want out of the marriage, you got it. You didn't want me to know, fine. You don't want me to nail your ass for perjury and forgery, you got it. You want me to hunt for an apartment with no notice, pack up everything, try to explain to the college why I need to have somebody else teach my classes and deal with finding a date for the faculty party this weekend, well fuck you." I rambled, trying to collect myself.

Jess stared at me for a long moment. She breathed deeply, a flash of anger crossing her features.

"You always were a bitch, Henry." She turned, and walked away from me, not even sparing me a backwards glance as she walked along the beach.

I stood there for a long time, watching her as she faded into a blur in the distance. I didn't know where she was going, and at that moment, I truly didn't care. I kept thinking about what she had said to me. The knot in my stomach lessened slightly as I finally lost sight of her. It lingered throughout the day: through every lecture, every paper I graded, and every email I answered. I kept visualizing my apartment, and removing every snippet that reminded me of Jess.

It was almost impossible to do. So much of what we had created in that apartment was caught up in the identity of "us." Hell, even our glasses had been a joint purchase. All I kept seeing was a void in my life where my wife once stood.

It was very late when I finally made the turn onto our street, and parked my not quite gracefully aging Studebaker into the small parking alcove. I ascended the concrete steps to our apartment, noting the dark windows. I easily opened my door and looked into the main room.

Jess had taken a lot. She hadn't taken everything, but there was more than enough missing to make the place look like someone had just moved in. No notes, no messages. It wasn't like her, but then I was starting to wonder if I ever really understood Jess. We had met in high school, been the couple that everybody expected to marry right out of high school, and ended up meeting everyone's expectations. Even during college, neither one of us had strayed, living in a little apartment, scraping by.