Chapter 8

I stared at my mother in shock. She'd never once mentioned my father before, and now she'd done so twice in one night.

Turning her face away from me, in shame, she said, "When I was younger and angrier, I actually was the bitch I acted like while advancing my career. And to supplement the scholarship I'd earned by my grades, I was a dominatrix. I abused men, and women, who paid good money to be beaten and degraded.

"Your father wasn't a customer, he was a younger man I 'picked up' on a night when I had neither an upcoming exam, nor a scheduled session. We talked, drank, and flirted, and I had the time of my life. We met repeatedly over the next week, and on the fourth date, I seduced him. I was on birth control, but it was a bad batch, later recalled. The third time we made love, I convinced him to let me tie him up, but I got carried away. I'd had a bad day, some petty harassment by a male professor, and I lost control. When I released him, he ran, refusing to see me again. He'd responded to the abuse, you see, and he couldn't cope with it. He killed himself within a week.

"A week after the funeral, I missed my period, and found out I was pregnant. It was his, there'd been no other man for several months before, and none since, until William. I tried women, once, and it was a failure, so I've been without sex, and nearly without love, ever since."

I reached over, and brushed my mothers tears away, then pulled her close to me. "I always wondered, but never asked. I don't know if it was to respect your privacy, or because I somehow knew it would hurt you to tell me, but I was content to have a mother that loved me. You rarely did any of the things that other boys' mothers did to show what they called love, but I knew."

"I hoped you loved me," my mother said into my shoulder, "But was afraid to ask, for fear of finding you didn't. You said it often enough, apparently sincerely, but I've grown so cynical..."

She stopped, too emotional to continue, and I stroked her back, murmuring comforting nonsense as she regained control of herself.

"I felt bad about his death, and blamed myself in part, but I blamed his weakness as well, almost in self defense. I wasn't in love with him, though I could have been if we'd continued, if I hadn't ruined things. He had no family to speak of, and didn't leave any specifics in his suicide note, so nobody ever questioned me. I buried the feelings, and went on with my life. When it became obvious that I was pregnant, I brushed off any inquiries about the father, and people stopped asking.

"You were the only person I ever cared about, except for my own parents, who had died in an accident several years before. I can't tell you how proud I was at what you accomplished on the mission, and what you've done since. And you've given me three lovely grandchildren, and the daughter I never had. I love you, Son."

"And I love you too, Mom," I told her. It was the first time I'd used a diminutive in years; we'd gotten formal since I became a teenager.

We hugged hard again, then broke up, and went our separate ways to clean up before rejoining our family.

Priya looked concerned when I walked into the living room and began to play with Little William. I looked up at her, and smiled wryly saying, "You oughta see the other guy." Her eyes widened and I said, "Just a little overdue conversation. Lots of emotion, some painful memories, but we're good."

Both Priya and the elder William looked dubious, especially when my mother came in, the residue of our mutual emotional storm still visible despite her cleanup, but she stilled their questions with a glance, and settled down to play with Tanya.

After a while, she said, to no one in particular, "Sometimes you need to clear the air. Things that have never been said, need to be said. Even if they're good things, there can be pain. Even if the things are bad, they aren't always the fault of the person they're said to, or said by. My son and I shared some things tonight, that I wasn't ready to share before. It hurt both of us to say them and hear them, but it's a good hurt, that helps us grow, not the kind that forces apart, but the kind that brings together. I love you all, but I'll never share them with anyone but my son, and I doubt he'll share them even with his wife."

I'd always thought of my mother as strong, even fierce. The relaxed woman I'd seen at the reception, and at the party yesterday had been a surprise, but the strength was still there, under the soft outer shell. But this woman was soft and vulnerable. Not weak, even now, but with no defenses between herself and her family.

William left his seat, and sat down beside her, pulling her into his arms as he played with the baby in her lap. He didn't speak, but you could see the love between them as he supported and protected his wife. He looked at me, still wordless, and I returned his gaze.

She's my responsibility now, his eyes said.

Yes, she is. I trust you to treat her well, mine replied.

William nodded to me, then turned again to my daughter, making a silly face at her then smiling when she laughed at him.

Priya was quiet, and moved to the floor, playing with Little William along with me. I put an arm around her, and she turned her face towards mine, offering a kiss, which I accepted. It was a brief kiss, but it promised much, not sexually, but emotionally. Whatever it was, I love you, it told me.

Two by two, the mated pairs we called family said their goodbyes, and left for bed, John and Rillnam taking their children along. A little while later, Jessica showed up with a bottle of milk, and handed it to my mother, saying, "I thought you might like to feed your granddaughter tonight."

My mother smiled, and said, "Thank you; I'd love to." She reached up and stroked Jessica's cheek, then gestured her closer. When Jessica leaned in, Mother kissed her on the cheek.

"Thank you for your help in raising my grandchildren. And thank your wife for me as well. You'll be seeing more of us, I'm sure."

"It's been my pleasure," Jessica said, "It's almost like they're my own children, I love them so. It will be hard to let go, when they don't need me anymore."

Priya snorted, as she started to feed William, who'd started to fuss when he smelled the milk in Tanya's bottle. "They will need you just as long as they need me. Just because they're weaned, doesn't mean they won't need supervision and love, and they outnumber me three to one, when Tonrath's not home. You, and Nadiya, and Rillnam, and Nilwint, all of us, will be their mothers. And mother to any other children I bear, if Tonrath and I decide to bear more. I don't intend to poach on your bond with Lisa, or any other children you and Nadiya have, but I'll be there to support you, just as you've been here to support me."

Being a mere male, and having no say in the matter, I simply nodded, and said, "What she said, goes for me. When Lisa starts dating, and needs someone to keep the boys in line, or to keep people from poaching her girlfriends, I'll be there for her."

William snorted, and said to my mother, "You didn't tell me when we got married that Christmas was going to be so expensive. We're up to six grandkids already, and it's going to get worse."

"Since you're counting Lisa, the actual count is at least eight," I corrected. "Rillnam is very likely pregnant again, and Nilwint says she can feel a baby inside her as well. The last time a human interfered with a Craxill mating, the female delivered twins, and if it wasn't a coincidence, since we don't know the mechanism, we can't tell if it will happen again."

I'd ended up with Savita when the rest of the family left, and she was starting to fuss with hunger. Priya was finished with William, so I traded babies with her, and burped my son as she started to feed Savita. When Little William was presentable again, I looked at Big William, and asked, "Would you like to hold your grandson?"

He nodded, the brave, strong Space Service Sargent replaced suddenly by a nervous grandfather, but the transfer went well, and soon he was making gooey noises and funny faces at his namesake.

When the other two babies were finished eating, my mother and my wife took them off to bed, while 'us boys' sat around and waited. Once they were out of earshot, I turned to my new father and spoke in a low tone.

"I know my mother said she'd never share what she told me tonight, but I think that, once you've helped her heal some more, she will share it with you. I won't say anything specific, but I will say that it explains why she was alone all these years, and it makes me even more happy that she finally found someone to share her life with. I told you before that I don't think that my approval matters, but that you had it anyway, and what I heard tonight only reinforces that belief. You're strong, not just tough, strong enough to trust her, until she can trust herself enough to open up completely."

William nodded, and said, "I wouldn't expect you to betray her trust, and I would never ask. I'm honored that you accept me as your father. It took me a while to accept you, and your strengths, but once you convinced me, I never saw anything to dissuade me. I can't think of one young man your age that could handle one third of what you've taken on, between your job, your family, and your Craxill clan. I'm proud to know you, and I'd be proud to call you son."

Somewhat choked up, I told him, "You're the first man I've ever thought of as a father figure, you know. I've known strong men, colleagues of my mother's, but never friends, either of hers or of mine. I've even shared confidences with one or two of them, or asked for advice, but always with caution, not quite trusting them. You, I trust with my mother, my family, and my life."

Now it was William's turn to be speechless, and so we sat quietly while my son gradually fell asleep in his grandfather's arms.

By the time my mother and my wife returned, my son was sound asleep, and Priya took him off to bed, while I had a few last words with my parents before they returned to their hotel.

"We have too much room around here; if you weren't so secretive, you could have just stayed here," I was telling them when Priya returned.

"If we were more secretive, we would have," my mother said with a smirk, nearly back to normal. "We'd have contacted you separately, and tricked you into putting us in adjoining rooms."

"Even you couldn't have hidden the satisfied smirk if you had gotten together in the middle of the night," I teased my mother.

"When are you going back to the NAA?" Priya asked William.

"Tomorrow afternoon, I'm afraid," William told her sadly, "But next time we can come over here, we'll stay long enough for a proper visit."

"And you'll stay with us," Priya said firmly.

"Wouldn't have it any other way," my mother said. "I hate to say it, but we have to go. We've got quite a bit of packing to do before we leave, and the transit to the airport will be awful if we don't get an early start."