Chapter 6

By the time Roy and Linda had packed and brought their luggage down and put it into SHE's Citroen, Natty arrived in her little old VW bug, hopping out of it as soon as it stopped and hopping into Joseph's arms, her legs wrapped around his ass, her mouth sealing his. After easing onto her feet, she got Devi out of the car, Joseph carefully and lovingly taking her into his arms, her eyes wide. After kissing the top of her head, she looked at him again, this time with a heartbreaking smile. Natty however lost her smile. While introducing her to his new friends, two of whom she would never get to know, and a third she might not want to know, she hid her sudden anger as much as she could, revealing it only to SHE when they shook hands. Bending forward to bring her mouth beside SHE's ear, she whispered, "I don't want you fucking near him." They stared daggers at each other before SHE smiled and shrugged and got into her car, but the smile disappeared as soon as Natty turned away, replaced by sadness and regret, because Natty was so amazingly beautiful and obviously cool it nearly stopped her heart. Glancing over at Joseph, looking proud and happy at his baby, SHE hoped somehow he would change Natty's mind and the three of them would share a bed and what Joseph insanely promised would be a cosmic orgasm together. Joseph seemed to have misread her girlfriend's jealousy, but after all, he was a man. Somewhere in the back of her mind was the thought that this cool and beautiful black woman pegged her as a junkie who turned Joseph on to the drug. The thought would slowly develop while she drove in the darkness with only her thoughts to occupy her, her companions proved to be too sleepy to entertain her and she couldn't blast her music like she usually did or it would disturb them, until the thought was front and center, and she could debate whether it was a junkie's natural paranoia or the reason for the woman's hate.

After declining coffee and food, claiming exhaustion, Andy and Joseph hefted Natty's bags up the stairs, Joseph returning to retrieve the baby's enclosure, taken apart to fit into the Bug, and once he was in the room and Andy wasn't, Natty closed the door behind her and grabbed his arm with the slightly red bump at the elbow hollow and seethed, "What are you on, Joseph. What did she stick in you?"

"What..."

"Don't lie to me. You never lie to me, and if you lie now, I'm gone."

"Heroin and cocaine, a speedball," said Joseph.

"What were you fucking thinking? That shit's dangerous. It will kill you, Joseph."

"I just wanted the experience."

Natty laughed. "What was I thinking? You are a child, a fucking upper middle class spoiled little child."

"I'm sorry, Natty. Are you saying you don't love me anymore because I tried a drug, I was curious and it was there for me and I tried it and for that you want nothing to do with me anymore?" Tears rushed from his eyes, even though he wished they didn't because it only confirmed her judgment of him. The thought of losing Natty not only made him cry, but it made him too weak to stand, collapsing onto the floor, his arm with the proof of his unintentional fuck up supporting his torso, keeping him sitting.

Devi, still in Natty's arms, also began crying, but while his was silent, she was quite loud. Natty lay back on the bed, the large pillow supporting her head, and using her free hand she unbuttoned her blouse and lay Devi beside her exposed breasts. Devi continued crying but quieter. "Please join me in bed, Joseph," said Natty quietly. Lying beside her, he kissed Devi's sparse dark hair covered head and his hand smoothed over the head, quieting the baby even more. Again Devi looked into his eyes with her blue/gray eyes and sniffled, then took hold of the teat closest to her mouth and suckled.

"My father is unique in his field; he's a teetotaler," explained Natty. "But being unique, he had friends who were anything but. While on tour, his closest friend, a trumpet player named Mack Johnson, died of an overdose, a speedball. I was with them on that tour. I knew Mack, and he was a lovely man except when stoned out of his gourd and then he was ugly and mean. My father taught me the signs, the tracks on the arms of course, but also the wide irises of speed freaks and the pinned irises of junkies, like your eyes Joseph, and Sheila's. I knew she did this to you, and I'll never forgive her for it. My father cried that night, all night. He is a sensitive man, I would see tears well up at unexpected moments, but that was the only time he cried out loud. The bastard not only killed himself with the shit, but he hurt my father, not to mention losing his trumpet from the band, an irreplaceable sound. And there were others, men living their lives from shot to shot with nothing else of interest, who would do anything for their fix. Most of them lived with nerves showing, over sensitive, needing the sedation, but it's the worst choice they made, even if to them it was a necessity. And there were ladies, too; whores and sycophants wanting nothing more than the loving company of a fellow junky, especially a beautiful, famous musician to lovingly shove a needle into their arm or thigh and get them off like some kind of dirty, deadly sex. I saw it. Why my father would let me see such sickness, I don't know, but I love him for it. I know what it means to be a junkie, Joseph, how horrible it is and how seductive.

"I love you Joseph even if you are young and foolish and a man. I want to keep you from your demons, I want to save you from yourself, but I can't. But I can keep you alive if you'll let me. And I don't mean being some possessive bitch too insecure in herself to allow a man to be a man and be okay with it. I want you to be a man. You are a man, an amazing, unique, brilliant, gifted, loving man. And you are intense and sensitive and relentless, at times too much so, like your head will explode with thoughts, but somehow it doesn't explode and somehow you stay sane. So what I am about to ask you, though I wish I didn't have to, and I want the truth, not some appeasing bullshit to get me off your case, because like I said before, you don't lie to me, and if you start, you will never stop, but you will never lie to me, right?"

"Never," said Joseph without emphasis and thus with pure honesty.

"Okay, so when are you going to try it again?"

"I don't know, Natty. I have to tell you, it feels good. My thoughts are quiet, my nerves are calm, and I don't feel any pain, emotional or physical, at least when not jolted by a woman threatening never to love me again."

"I had to say that. I felt so frightened and so angry."

"I know. And I didn't know before, but that's probably no excuse."

"Maybe it is."

"I don't care about the cocaine, which is the big rush at the beginning, but it's chemical and false and makes me nervous, which I don't like, but the heroin gives me a chance to have an easy time of it, it quiets my mind for the first time in a long time, and I know my mind needs to be busy, as do my feelings, but it's nice to have the relief if only for a few hours. I can't say when or if I will want to do it again because I need to feel what it's like after, and not just the morning after but the following days as well. I mean it would really suck if I was changed by this, not the clever man I was, all dulled out forever, but I don't think that will happen. It does make me feel really good, and there was this one moment when I was suddenly nodding off, and it was weird because I knew where I was but I saw I was somewhere else at the same time, like a hallucination, and where I was was with you and Devi in your loft and I felt great."

"So you'll probably want to do it again."

"Not if you won't love me I won't."

"I told you I will always love you."

"You told me you love me. You never said always."


"That comes with the territory."


"It does? Okay." The kiss was long and tender, getting Natty's juices flowing and Joseph's cock engorged, but there was more to discuss, and the build would only help the eventual sex. It ended when the phone rang.

"Is she there?" asked Karen through the phone and into Joseph's ear.

"She is," said Joseph

"Do you want to be alone with her tonight?"

"Where are you?"

"Downstairs. I'm officially separated. My husband took it with his usual stoic quiet, but it was a sad moment."

"You could always go back."

"Do you want me to?"

"No, but it's pretty sudden."

"Not really. I've been an overfull dam, reservoir above and a trickling creek below, but you flooded the reservoir, destroyed the dam wall, and I'm the wild river I've always really been."

"Natty and I need to talk. Just a second." Joseph put a hand over the phone. "Karen's here."

"The woman I talked to on the phone last night?"

"The very one. She's wondering if she's welcome in our bed tonight."

"Let me talk to her." He handed Natty the phone. "Hi Karen. Would you mind if we had you wait for a little while, probably no more than an hour, then we'll come down to meet you. If you're tired, we could meet at breakfast."

"I'm not tired at all. I'm dying to meet you. Are you sure you don't mind?"

"I am sure, and I hope you find me all I'm cracked up to be." The two ladies shared a laugh and a "See you," before Natty hung up.

"You forgot to tell me," said Natty, relaxing back in the bed, easing Devi down with her asleep at her breast.

"I did. I'm sorry. I suppose I could have said something when you called for directions. I didn't know until this morning. I'll show you her wonderful letter sometime. She's amazing."

"But my presence drove her right out of your mind."

"It did Natalia."

"Your harem must hate me."

"We all love you despite your shameful one-upmanship."

"Speaking of which," said Natty, turning slightly to stare into Joseph's eyes, "when do you plan on seeing Sheila?"

"She wants me to visit her in Montreal probably within a week. There's so much to say about her Natalia, I don't know where to begin. It's like I want to save her, which of course is ridiculous, but she is trapped in her addiction and like you said it's all about her over sensitivity. Domination is her thing, from how she has sex, which is exclusively with women, always giving pleasure, from cunnilingus to strap on dildos, never letting her partner into her, not letting anyone into her heart, and her addiction to heroin continues that, a dull lonely pleasure preventing any real physical pleasure, like any physical pain, to intrude inside her sensitive skin. I was her first man, I deflowered her, surprising the shit out of me, and gave her her first real orgasm along with her first fuck. After all that, after succumbing to an orgasm even if she was on top riding me when it happened, maybe it freaked her out and she won't want to be with me again. I got too close."

"She wants you," said Natty, her hand moving to his penis and rubbing.

"I'm no super stud. I can't change every woman's mind."


"You're the lesbian fucker, Joseph. You turn us into fawning followers and lusty lovers of your fabulous cock."

"Karen's a lesbian too, only she hasn't enjoyed her preferred gender for many years."

"No shit. So she's using you to get to me."

"Seems like it."

"How generous of you."

"Fuck you."

"You need to put together Devi's bed first," said Natty, becoming more vigorous with her cock rub.

"I can't wait," said Joseph, undressing quickly and removing her pants and panties, then kissing up her legs until his mouth was at her pussy. "We'll be gentle."

"I don't know how," said Natty, undoing the rest of her buttons on her blouse and pulling it open.

"I'll keep my eye on her," he said between swipes of his tongue against her labia.

Natty moved pillows around to create a small crib fortress in which she placed the sleeping baby while Joseph was pleasuring her to near orgasm. "Fuck me, darling, I'm ready."

Joseph knee walked up the bed until his cock pointed down at her frothing cunt. She grabbed it and guided it in. It was a slow descent, both partners watching Joseph's cock disappearing inside the slick hole until it was completely gone, and then they began a quiet fuck, enjoying every sensation. Natty squeezed one nipple while Joseph sucked on the other, tasting the mother's milk.

Gentleness was quickly overtaken by lusty need as Natty started rocking her hips faster than the fuck and Joseph matched her motion. "Fuck me hard," said Natty too loudly and Joseph sealed her mouth with his, his hand doing the work of rubbing her nipple. If he was trying to prevent Devi's awakening by quieting his lover, the rocking bed was pretty agitating, but somehow not disturbing the child, and his thighs slapping against her ass as she raised her legs up to her chin wasn't loud enough to bother the child either.

"Cum with me Joseph," said a breathy Natty.

"You cum for me darling. Cum big." He carefully gave friction to her most sensitive areas inside and outside her pussy, including her nipples and her own personal erogenous zone, her neck below her right ear until she tightened and quietly groaned then relaxed, his cock pushing as deep as possible, his pubic bone pressing on hers, and he closed his eyes to feel the trembling around his cock and felt the gush of nectar dampen his pubic hair. She was unconscious. He kissed her reddened face at her forehead and her cheeks and whispered, "I love you."

At the moment of his proclamation she awakened and barely able to move her smiling lips said, "I love you."

While Natty showered, Joseph worked on putting together Devi's crib, keeping half an eye on the mini-fortress of pillows where the baby was safely asleep. "What did you think when Andy put you in the room with the pink canopy bed?" asked Natty when she entered the bedroom damp from the shower.

"Confused until SHE told me I was being set up for her," said Joseph, enjoying Natty's naked, steaming body as she finished toweling off and began to dress, his subsiding hard-on reviving.

"SHE?" asked Natty.

"Sheila. She calls herself SHE like SHE who must be obeyed, the H. Ryder Haggard villainous, an eternal Egyptian goddess queen," explained Joseph, figuring Natty had never read the book or seen the Ursula Andress movie, not being the film fanatic he was. "In fact that's the name of her punk rock band, S.H.E. Speaking of SHE, that date I mentioned to see her in Montreal, I suggested you would come along and if we were to have sex, she would have to be detoxified."

"I might be game, except when I realized she was the one who got you high I told her you'd never see her again, but I don't think I scared her much."

Having finished the construction, and after putting the mattress and linen in, he placed the baby inside, careful not to wake her. "We should get a baby intercom in this big house," said Joseph. "That's if we stay."

"I had the feeling Andy is a follower."

"Maybe it's just a suspicion, but I think Andy might be in the drug business and his daughter may be a distributor. He handed her a mysterious attaché case before she left, pretending like it was a gift, but the way she reacted to it, it seemed more like business as usual."