Chapter 6

Kelly had come to a natural pause, so I hugged her a little tighter and said, "How about holding that thought, and let me go to the bathroom, again? Too much coffee earlier."

"Oh, sure, sorry," she said as she got to her feet.

"No need for sorry, but I prefer an empty bladder while I'm holding you on my lap."

I walked into the bathroom, and closed the door. I had flinched rather badly when Kelly had mentioned the rubber in her rambling story. I didn't think she'd noticed, though. Damn, I hadn't thought about rubbers in like twenty five years. And now I'd had unprotected sex with Kelly. For the first time I was experiencing the teen age terror of the consequences of that. I knew that I had to discuss this with Kelly before I went home. If we figured out nothing else, we had to resolve how we'd handle things if she were pregnant.

I flushed the toilet, and, as I washed my hands, I looked at myself in the mirror. I hadn't done that since Danny was killed, but I did now. I looked like hell. My hair was at least two inches longer than it should be, and totally unkempt. I had so many wrinkles I had not seen before. I would have to get on a scale, but I looked to be at least fifteen pounds under weight. My face looked gaunt. There really was no other word for it. I certainly could not see any reason for Kelly to have any interest in me.

How did I feel about Kelly? I knew, but I couldn't describe it.

How did I feel about the possibility of a baby? Terror. And happiness. Mans only immortality is through his children, after all.

Then I realized that what I felt most, was peace. If Kelly was not pregnant, all ends well. If she is, I'd be there for her however she needed or wanted me. If she would have me, I'd marry her. If she wouldn't wed me, neither Kelly, nor our child would ever have a want or need. That much I could make sure of with the settlement moneys. I would be involved, either directly or from a distance, but it would be up to Kelly.

The thought of having another child warmed my heart. I caught myself almost hoping she WAS pregnant, but then thought, no, that might not be what was best for Kelly.

I looked closely at that thought. Yep, I loved her. Now, was I IN LOVE? Hmm, no, not in love ... Not yet, any way. My feelings didn't reach the level of what I'd felt with Lisa, but they far exceeded anything I'd ever felt about any one other than family.

Suddenly I realized that my introspection had taken a bit of time, and Kelly was waiting. I concluded that, for whatever reason this had come about, I was okay with it. No, I was actually happy. Happy for the first time since Lisa had been diagnosed, and I would be content, no matter where Kelly and I went from here.

I shut the water off, and dried my hands. I snorted to myself, as I realized how carefully I'd re-hung the hand towel. Lisa had trained me well. With one more glance in the mirror, I went back out to find Kelly.

She was over by the kitchen sink, and when she saw me, she asked if I wanted another cup of hot chocolate. "No thanks," I replied. "I think I've had enough."

She nodded, and started to rinse out the cup I'd been using. I walked over and said, "Here, let me get that. I need something to do with my hands for a minute." Kelly just nodded, and handed me her cup, too. I finished washing out the cups, and put them in the drain rack. Then, with a sigh, I turned to see Kelly leaning her butt against the table. She had a funny little smile on her face, and I could tell that the laughter in her eyes was about me.

"Kelly," I started, then paused as I saw her eyebrow crook up in question. "Um, about earlier..." Her little smile grew a tiny bit, and the skin around her eyes started to crinkle, but she remained silent, waiting for me to get out what I had to say. "When we ... Ah ... had sex."

"I win," She said.

"What?"

"I said, 'I win.' I made a little bet with myself, when I saw the look on your face, while you were washing out the cups. You're worried about if I might be pregnant, because we didn't use any protection. Well, I could be, as I'm not on the pill. I'm due to start the day after tomorrow, so, we'll find out soon enough. If I am, I want you to know, that I'm happy with the thought. Daniel and I weren't ready, but some how I am now. If I'm not, well, that's okay too. What we did, and what Dad said about living, fixed something in me. Something I didn't even know was broken.

"It's almost like I've been lost in the dark, and now the sun is up and I know where I am.

"Mike, I'm asking you now; to stay here, tonight. It's late, and I still have to finish telling you about me. It 's already too late for you to try and drive back tonight. When I've finished, then we'll take a shower, and go to bed. In the morning, we'll figure out us, but I was serious when I said I need to wake up next to you. So I'm asking you. Please. Stay with me?"

I watched Kelly while that all poured out of her. I knew how she felt. Hell, I felt the same way. The need to wake up in the morning with proof that it all hadn't been just a dream. "Yes," I said gently. "Yes, I'll stay."

"Thank you," she replied in the same quiet tone. Then she hugged my neck like she was drowning.

"Hey, hey, now. I said I'll stay. No need for tears." I could feel them wetting my neck.

Kelly just sniffled, and said, "Happy tears. I was so worried that you'd leave, and I'd never see you again."

"Kelly, that just isn't going to happen. You and I share something, now that is stronger than both of us."

She relaxed a bit, and so I said, "Now that we have that settled, shall we continue? I kind of miss you sitting on in my lap."

I could see the blush running up her neck. For some reason, it surprised me a bit. Just as I began to think I might have pushed her too hard, she looked down and said, "Mike, I'm a little embarrassed by how much I want you to hold me. My Dad hasn't just held me since before Daniel and I started dating. When you are holding me, hugging me, I feel like a little girl, safe in her daddies arms. I've missed that. A lot."

Then she snorted, " Hell, I'm twenty five years old, I shouldn't be so insecure as to need that."

"Kelly, I'm forty two. And I need that. Getting a hug; giving a hug; everyone needs comfort from a friend or loved one from time to time. I learned a long time ago, there are never enough hugs. Sometimes I think just cuddling with someone you care about can be better than sex. More intimate, and certainly longer lasting. Now, shall I carry you to the couch, so you can continue?"

"No, I can walk."

"Okay, but can I still hold you?"

"I'd like that."

I sat back down on the couch, and Kelly snuggled back into my lap again. When she asked me where she was, I told her that she was going to see he Grandmother.

"Oh, yeah. Okay, well, the next morning, Dad brought me here. Grandmama lived in this apartment then. She's my dads' mom, and she's rich, smart, and she's a wonderful person. She has a farm outside of town where she lives, now. You'll have to meet her, one of these days.

"Anyway, Dad brought me to her, and told me I'd be staying with her until graduation, at least. She made me some hot coco, sat me down at that kitchen table, and made me tell her the whole story.

"She was quite peeved with me. Those were her words, "Quite peeved." She was upset that I hadn't come to her, when I had questions about sexuality, or relationships, or even life in general.

"What she said when I told her about that night is burned into my mind, "You laughed? Oh, my! Why didn't you just take a knife and cut his nuts off? My God, I'd be surprised if he ever talks to you again!"

"That's when I finally understood what I'd done to Daniel. I totally freaked out, and it took a bit of time for Grandmama to get me to settle down. I wanted to go find Daniel and beg his forgiveness, but Grandmama said that now was not the time.

"Grandmama asked me all kinds of questions about my boyfriends and what I'd done, sexually, and how my relationships had ended, why I'd tried something with Daniel but wouldn't with another guy...

"I didn't want to answer a lot of those questions, but she insisted.

"Then she gave me The Talk. It wasn't anything like what I had in health class, or what other girls had said in the locker room. Basically, she started teaching me about how to have sex and enjoy it. She taught me about boys, and how they are just as scared, insecure, subject to peer pressure, and nervous as girls are.

"She showed me how to explore my body, and learn for myself how and where I liked to be touched. I'd done some of this before, but I'd always thought it was dirty, some how. Grandmama explained that there was nothing wrong with it, just that I shouldn't do it in public.

"She also said that everyone masturbates, and that if someone says they didn't, they were a liar, or there was something wrong with them."

I couldn't help myself, I interrupted her by saying. "I haven't masturbated in years."

"That just proves my point, Mike. First Lisa, then Danny? Your sorrow is why. That qualifies as, something wrong, in my book. I haven't either, since Daniel, and for the same reason. But I know I will, and soon.

Then she blushed, smiled and ducked her head back onto my chest, and said, "I ... I think I'd like it if you thought about me while you did. I know I'll be thinking about you." I saw the corner of her smile, when she felt my dick stirring under her butt.

Kelly got right back into her story. "Grandmama even got undressed with me, and showed me how to masturbate, both with just my hands, and with a vibrator. Hell, she bought me my first vibrator. She wouldn't share hers, saying there was nothing wrong with toys, but that sharing them wasn't the best idea unless I was certain of my partners health, and that I'd been active with people she didn't know.