Chapter 1

I woke up and my husband had his hand between my legs, he was rubbing my clit, I was getting turned on to say the least, I rolled over and kissed him which shall I say another, very poor love making session. It lasted maybe 3 minutes. When he climaxed, he got off of me went and took a shower. I laid there in extreme sexual heat, Why is he always so damn fast? Why can't I get any pleasure when he fucks me? Today is just like the day before, and all the years we have been married Jim. is just way to quick to get his pleasure and never even thinking of my enjoyment or satisfaction.

I had not climaxed yet, I know that if I have to wait for him to make me climax, I never will have one (with him.) my husband had never brought me to a climax since we have been married. I desperately wanted and needed to get off (climax) myself, but I know I'll have to wait until he leaves for work, then I will make love to myself. Then I can take my time and do it right, I will give myself a nice and slow fuck, working myself the way I want too, taking myself to another lovely, wonderful, frenzy of a climax.

With nothing to do but lay here and wait, I kept going over in my mind everything that I will do to myself when Jim. left for work. All this was only feeding the desired that I had and craved. I have to say all of this was driving my lust right over the edge. I slid my hand under the sheets and cover, (as I have done so many times before after Jim. finishes his fun.) I touched my swollen and sensitive clit and began to rub it, and then slide my fingers up and down my very wet, very swollen and sensitive Vulva. All the time I was doing this as I waited to hear when Jim. would get out of the shower.

Laying like that, I just closed my eyes and listened as I played with myself. I did what I always did; I began one of my many dirty fantasies. I went back to the time before I was married and I remembered the sex I had (and I gave up.) and reliving one in my mind as I gave myself pleasure.

I felt that Jim. loved me, and I knew I was safe with him; I had the security I wanted and needed. I don't know if it was the way he treated me compared to the way all my other boyfriends had treated me. Then maybe it was his money; maybe because of his money I fell in love with the life I knew he would make for me and give me.

I can't count the times I have cried because we had waited for our wedding night to go to bed. I know that if I had gone to bed with him just once, I would not be in this condition right now. I don't know what I was thinking or why I acted like a virgin with Jim. but I did. I guess I wanted it to be very special our first time and we decided our first time would be in our wedding bed. If I had gone to bed with him prior to that night, I know that I never would have married him, I hate to say this but I just loved sex too much.

It was one thing to be so much taller than him; I almost hated dancing with him, because his face only came up to my breast. In fact many a times his mouth and my nipple were only separated by a bra and a thin piece of cloth. When he would breath as we danced I could feel his breath on my nipple. However, to go through life being married and never receiving any sexual pleasure from your husband, well that is something I just never thought would happen to me. The thing is, I made a commitment to this marriage and to Jim, I have honored that vow to this day, everyone knows that masturbating is not cheating and it is my only relief.

When we first got together That would make me so horny kissing and touching my breast, after that he would take me home before we went too far. Once at home I would either masturbate or use something to fuck myself with for a very long time. Depending on just how turned on he got me prior to dropping me off. Some nights my fingers and toys just would not do the trick in fact many times all they seemed to do was make my craving for a man's cock even stronger. That was the time I started going down to a huge nightclub that let women in for no cover charge that I found on the edge of town and pick up some man just for the night to fuck. I would insist on a Motel or his place or the car. I never brought them to my house because I did not want them to know where I lived and come by when Jim might be there. God there was this one man, shit he had this most wonderful tight body, tight ass, and the loveliest dick.

God I sure loved that cock of his, nice and fat, good and long, and when he would fuck me I would close my eyes and think it was Jim doing it to me. That stud knew how to please a woman, (unlike my husband) He would eat me, fuck me, stop and eat me some more, then fuck me some more. I remember the first time I took him in my ass, God he was so fucking big I thought I would have to have him stop. I am so thankful he was so tender and caring, it took him a good 15-20 minutes to insert himself in me. All the times before that I would have lots of pain at first and I would only let men with skinny ones do it there. I have to admit thought, once inside they always felt wonderful.

Once Jerry was inside me it was better than just great, it felt exciting and wonderful to be filled like that. He would rub my clit as he fucked me, and the climax's we had like that I'd never forget. Right now as I lay here I am so happy that I have those kinds of memories to fall back on. The worse memory of my life was our Wedding night. Talk about a big let down. First of all I actually did think that Jim. had a dick on him. Can you imagine my surprise when I reached down under the sheets to touch him for the first time only to find a very small dick, he was hard but small, maybe he was a good 3-4 inches long, and not very big around.

You might think that I am exaggerating but I am not. I told myself it would be all right; I have had some small men in my days. They would always seem to make up for it with technique. Jim did feel me up, and he did know the right spot to touch, as he would rub my clit back and fourth. I remember lying there touching him hoping he would grow some more. Oh he did, but even then it wasn't anything to talk about. I wanted him to eat me, and he wanted me to suck him.

I gave in first thinking he would do me in return. Bad mistake, he shot his wad so fast I almost didn't have his little dick half way in my mouth before he lost it. I gave him the "oh don't worry about it" routine, but never the less, once he climaxed, he lost interest. He feel asleep and I laid there thinking to myself and asking myself why I insisted on waiting for our wedding night.

The problem was, I had gotten turned on, and I did not get any release. I laid on my back and put my hand down between my legs, I rubbed my clit and thought about the last man that I had at the Club. His name was Jerry and he was only 19. However he knew how to please a woman, At 28 I had been with many men and Jerry had been the youngest as well as the last man prior to our wedding night. I guess I went out that night because I knew that I would never ever cheat on Jim again after we were married. I wanted to screw as many men as I could before I said my vows, so I guess you could say I was "sowing my wild oats." (And that is an understatement.)

God, I must sound like a real slut, I really am not (now.) but I think the way I acted with men prior to getting married, well I guess if I was honest with myself I think I may have I fit that description. I can't count the nights, (and I don't even want to try) When I would have dinner with Jim at some nice expensive restaurant, and after a couple drinks he would bring me home, I would change real fast not wanting to waist any time to get down to the club. I had this craving deep down in my soul to have as much sex as I could before I got married.

Knowing that I was going to marry Jim, I knew I could never do it with the same man more than once no matter how great he was. I also knew that I had to do as many men as I could in the little time I had left. What's that old saying? So many men, so little time. I lived that life right up to my wedding day. I knew I was giving up my sexual freedom for a much better life, (or so I thought.)

Looking back, I felt that I did Love Jim at the time in fact I knew it. However I knew that I had to get this lust out of my system, the closer we got to the Wedding day, the more I would crave sex and crave it more often. To give you an example as to how bad I got, the last month prior to my wedding. I went to bed with a new man every night after Jim would drop me off at home, some nights I am ashamed to say I did two men (not at the same time) and one Monday night I did three men, two out in their cars and the last one at a Hotel room. The night before my big day, I got at the club around 8, by 8:30 I was in a guys van and back inside the club by 9, I think by 9:20 I was in the back of a guys pick-up truck in the back bed fucking as hard as we could. I was back inside the club by 9:45. It went on like that all evening up till around 1 AM when I left with Jerry.

Now the month before that, it was maybe every other day, or maybe just twice a week, or three times a week. Some times it was just the week ends, I don't know what gave me this craving or this hunger at the time, all I know was I had to have sex, and have a lot of it. That last month was almost bizarre, I went down to the Club every night, and I would dance and screw, dance and screw. I know that down at the club everyone knew me. I was known as a very easy lay, you know what? I like that at the time, after all I was, if a man did not look disgusting, hell I'd fuck him if he wanted me. A lot of men wanted me to just suck them off, while I did enjoy doing it, I preferred fucking. I would normally get them hard first with my mouth, but after that I wanted it in side of me.

I remember my wedding night so clear, after Jim finished making love to me, after he climaxed, he was done, He kept telling me how great it was, and he fell to sleep. I was so frustrated with his lovemaking I was almost in tears. I say lovemaking but it was far from that. Once I heard Jim begin to snore I knew he was asleep, I got out of bed and went into the bathroom. I closed the door and searched for my shampoo bottle. I found it; I held it as I stood there looking into the mirror and said to my reflection. "Well get use to it kid, you know he won't get the job done, your going to have to take care of yourself from now on." I ran warm water over the plastic bottle to warm it up. Once I knew it would not be cold, I moved to the side of the tub, sat down, opened my legs, and slowly inserted the smooth plastic bottle inside myself.

It was long enough and God it was so thick. (I do love a thick cock.) I closed my eyes and it was Jerry there in the bathroom with me, he was fucking me as I sat on the edge of the tub. I reached down and with my free hand began to rub my clit at the same time as I fucked my self. I shut out Jim. and his small dick from my mind. All I could think about was this wonderful feeling that Jerry was giving me right now, right there in the bathroom while my husband was on the other side of the door fast asleep. I was in here fucking a big fat cock and loving every inch of it as Jerry fed it to me.

I had to bite my lip from screaming out in my climax. I swear I could smell Jerry on me, I could feel his young body against me. I could feel his mouth on my breast. I climaxed and I just sat there, as I came back to reality. As I did, tears began to seep from my eyes. I decided then no matter what I would be the wife I said I would be. I said my Vows, and no matter what I would not break them. Marriage was more than sex. I knew that sex between us would be very poor to say the least.

Oh don't get me wrong; I did decide that as Jim's Wife I would make sure that he enjoyed himself very much when he fucked me. As for myself, I just knew I would not enjoy sex unless I made love to myself as I had just did. I remember getting up, washing off my plastic bottle and returning to bed. That was 7 years, 2 months and 16 days ago. I heard the shower door open and I quickly pulled my hand out from under the sheets. Jim. was happy and singing away as he got ready to go to the office.

I kept my eyes closed so he would think I was sleeping. He finished dressing and came over to the side of the bed; he bent over and kissed me. I opened my eyes and said, "Have a good day dear." He said, "You to Linda, I should be home around 6." He left and I just laid there. Once I heard the front door close, I reached under me between the bedsprings and mattress and found my vegetable. I always kept a cucumber there for this reason. I started using them when I was 14; I had stopped once I started to have sex with boys.

The day after our wedding I went shopping and stocked up on them. My refrigerator has not been out of stock of them since then. I found that a cucumber would last about 4 days before I have to replace it. I brought it to my mouth, wet it real good opened and bent my legs, and brought it to myself. I loved the feeling of it sliding inside. I was very wet. I am the type of woman that gets so wet with desire and want that I would soak myself between my legs.

I loved my cucumbers, I would spend lots of time picking them out, they had to be the right length, the right thickness, and over the years I had grown accustom to buying thicker ones. Once I thought about getting one of those rubber Dildo's but the time I brought the subject up, Jim made it very clear to me he thought women that would use such things were sick or had a problem. (He was right I had a problem, it was him and his small dick and lack of wanting to please me sexually.) I had told him I read an article that some couples are using toys to make their lovemaking more interesting.

I had hoped to spark an interest from him, but his response made it very clear to me that he frowned on using anything together. He told me, that real couples in love didn't need anything other than each other. He told me how we satisfied each other and that we were normal. It was those sick people out there that needed crutches to satisfy themselves. I pulled my little lover out of me I looked in the light I could see it glisten with my juices I then said out loud to my hand holding my lovely fat long cucumber. "Here's to crutches, now make mama feel real good baby." I put it back where it belonged, deep inside of my hot pussy.

I laid there and fucked myself to five different climax's, I pinched my nipples gripped my breast and fingered my asshole. I did it all with the men in my head that I had fucked before I got married. I got up, and took a shower. Now I knew it was coming, it happens after I do this every time. I stood there running the water over my face and I began to cry. I was not happy; I had everything a woman could want. I had a very expensive house, I had two very expensive cars, I had money to burn, and I had a husband that adored me. What I did not have was any kind of feeling inside of me.