Chapter 17: Shopping

The next day was Sunday, and, unfortunately, the Mall was open.

I had spent the night trying my best to sleep with a rubber penis pressed against my face, eventually falling asleep around 2 am.

In the morning I woke up with a start. The balls were in my mouth. Had I been sucking on them in my sleep?

Yikes.

Anyway, that morning, after putting on a pair of panties and a bra - surprisingly simple considering what I had worn the night before - I dressed in normal clothes and we went out.

Janice was going to make me into her housewife.

Stop #1: Laser Hair Removal

"This so much quicker than electrolysis!" Janice enthused. It took nearly two hours, but they did my entire face. Each shot was like a rubber band being snapped against my face. Ow! My face was a bright pink after the treatment.

"Thank you so much for coming in on a Sunday," Janice said, handing the lady a check.

I just stood there, holding an ice pack to my face.

Janice nudged me.

"Uh, yes!" I said. "Thank you so much! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it." Really, I thought to myself, I can't tell you.

Janice signed me up for follow up treatments.

It was weird how smooth my face felt. I couldn't stop touching it and marveling. And once the redness faded, it was strange to see my skin. The first time I've ever seen my face without the grey shadow of beard stubble. It looked so smooth...

... and feminine.

Stop #2: Hair Salon

"Just a trim - I want it to grow long. But do add some blond highlights," Janice instructed.

I resolved not to argue.

After the hair cut, they pierced my other ear, and so I was back to wearing gold studs for a while - but this time in both ears.

And then they waxed and plucked my eyebrows.

When they turned the chair around so I could see my new cut in the mirror, I couldn't believe it.

Janice laughed at my shocked expression. "Starting to get a bit more convincing, don't you think?"

Stop #3: The Makeup Counter

"My husband here needs a full makeup kit. Foundation, mascara, blush, eyeliner, eye shadow, lipstick, the works! Don't you, honey?"

I looked into the eyes of the saleslady at the Clinique counter, flush with embarrassment.

I hung my head. "Yes, I guess I do."

Janice poked me. "Speak up, sweetie."

"Ahem," I cleared my throat, "Yes, I do. I've never done this before. How does it work?" I raised my head to look at the saleslady, who looked at me with a smirk.

After a quick lesson on skin care and cleaning, the lady at the makeup counter took pains to match my skin color to their charts and began to recommend colors and shades.

"Could you teach him how to apply everything?" Janice asked, with a wicked smile.

I nearly died.

But she did just that, teaching me how to use foundation, highlight my eyes with eyeliner and several shades of shadow, how to apply blush to add some glow, and how to do my lips (with lip liner and then lipstick).

By the time I was done, all of the ladies in the makeup department were looking at me with curiosity and amusement. Who was this man and his wife, and why was he letting her make him get a makeover?

After I was fully made up, I looked in the mirror and suddenly realized that I could no longer recognize myself. I had large, doe-like eyes, pouty lips, smooth skin, and a gentle blush. And with my long hair (light brown with blond highlights) cascading around my face...

"Thank you," I said, sincerely. "You are a magician." The sales lady accepted the compliment gracefully. "Now, could I have some wipes so I can take it all off?"

"Oh, that won't be necessary," Janice interrupted cheerfully. "He'll just wear it."

"What??" I gasped, staring, open mouthed, at Janice. "What if someone sees me? What if I run into someone from work? I can't go around looking like this!!"

And just then, my worst fear was realized.

"Paul, Janice?" Said a voice from behind us. I turned around.

"Rachael?" I blurted out, before I could stop myself.

"Paul!" she said, amazed and delighted. "Why, aren't you looking so ... ah ... elegant!"

"Well, Janice and I ... um..." both of the women looked at me with amusement, watching me squirm. "We were just experimenting," I finished off, lamely.

"Well, experiment successful!" Janice said, with enthusiasm. "Why, if Janice hadn't been here, I might not have recognized you at all. And you got your hair done! It looks fantastic! Oh my gosh, and now both of your ears are pierced. And look, your eyebrows have been plucked."

"Doesn't he look so yummy!" Janice enthused.

"He does!" Rachael returned. "Janice, you simply must tell me how you've, um... 'managed' your husband so well! I must learn your secrets. You know I've just been through an ugly divorce?"

"No I didn't, I'm so sorry," Janice commiserated.

"Thanks. But ever since then I thought how nice it would be to have someone who was completely devoted to me ... the way that Paul seems completely devoted to you."

"Well thanks," Janice accepted the compliment. "We have to do lunch. Wednesday?"

"Sounds good! Paul, would you note that for my calendar?"

"Sure, Rachael."

"Well, I have to run!" Rachael said, turning to leave.

"Rachael!" I called out.

"Yes?"

"Ummm ... don't worry. Ah ... I'll take all of this off and I'll look normal on Monday."

"Oh, honey! I'm not worried at all. You look wonderful. Of course, no one would wear quite so much makeup to work, but if you'd like to wear a little, well, that would be fine by me." Rachael gave me a quick hug and a kiss before leaving.

"Well, how about that," Janice whispered into my ear as we watched Rachael walk out of the store. "You can wear makeup to work. Isn't that fantastic!"

Stop #4: The Women's clothing department

"It fits. Are we finally done now?"