Things are a little confusing right now. I have decisions to make, some of them potentially life-altering, and mine is not the only life to which I refer.

I'm thirty-two years old, a CPA, and the father of two precious, precocious girls.

I am also raising them alone.

My story isn't so terribly sad, compared to the burdens others must bear. I'm thankful every day for all I have; I've suffered, and others have endured more. In short, it could be worse.

I married my college sweetheart, Ellen, the week after our mutual graduations. I'd majored in Accounting, she in Business Administration. Our life together was satisfying, sweetened by the arrival of our first child, whom my wife named Marcia, followed two years later by her sister Alexa.

Being parents suited us both. We'd both come from intact families, each of which overflowed with love and joy. There was none of the archetypal in-law in-fighting you see lampooned in sitcoms.

Our families always gathered, all of us, both sides of the family, at special occasions. Easter, Memorial Day, the Fourth, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years' saw us all gathered in a throng, a sea of bodies, all happy chaos and whimsy and much, much hugging and kissing.

Then there was Ellen's funeral.

We gathered as an extended group, but there was laughter only at her memory, happiness only in our memories of her. She'd been taken from us by an uninsured drunk with seven DUI convictions and not a hint of a license.

There was no justice, not for her; the driver served a year, and was released, only to harm others later.

My impotent anger could have consumed me, might have consumed, pardon my immodesty, a lesser man. I had two children, though, and they needed me, needed for me to focus on them, on the future, on the big picture ahead.

Oh, sure, I got involved in MADD, and prison ministries telling inmates how drunk driving affects the survivors, and fund raisers and on and on. These things I felt compelled to do for Ellen's memory.

My first duty, though, was to my children, my angels, my little pieces of Ellen still left to me.

I saw to my girls' needs, putting them in the best school I could afford, showering them with my time and time spent in the company of relatives, teaching them to become independent young ladies. It was never my intent to deprive them of the memory of their mother, but rather to force them to become what she would have wanted. We were happy, the three of us as well as the extended family, an army of support.

Tamara, my best friend at work, sat on the edge of my desk. "How they hangin', big guy?"

I sighed. Tamara was like that. "We are okay, Tammie," I replied.

"I have a lady I think you'd like to meet," she offered. "Carlie, she's a lawyer and a tax expert. She's never been married, a little younger than you, sharp as a tack. I think you'd hit it off."

"Tammie," I said, "I don't want to be set up."

"Just meet her at some public spot. Make small talk. Take her to dinner, like, Johnny Carino's or something. See what you think," she said.

"I assume," I said, "you've got it all arranged?"

"Four-ish, Saturday afternoon, behind the Pavilion at the Westerly. Bring the girls! She's bound to love 'em."

I thought. What could it hurt? The girls loved going to the Westerly, a mall / entertainment area on the west end of town. "Okay," I said, after a pause.

She smiled. "She's your height, a tad plump but nothing awful, and she'll be wearing a purple scarf."

"You DO have it arranged," I fumed, without heat.

Tammie walked away, smiling.

Saturday afternoon, I took my girls to the Westerly, accompanied by my cousin Betty. Three-fifty came and went; I was walking around with the girls, who seemed a tad bewildered, looking at the shops and grabbing a very late-afternoon (to my mind) Baskin-Robbins cone.

As we walked around the small pavilion, I noticed a woman roughly matching Tammie's description. We approached her cautiously.

"Carlie?" I said.

She turned to face me, then focused on the girls, and back to me. She held out a hand. "Jeff?"

"In person," I said, adding, "this is Marcia," I indicated my elder child, who proffered a hand, accepted, "and this is Alexa," and the process was repeated.

Carlie seemed a tad ill-at-ease, but walked with us back to where Betty was waiting. I handed the girls off to her, kissing each of them; I bussed Betty on the cheek, said, "I'll pick them up," and as they left, turned my attention to Carlie.

We ate at Carino's, as Tammie had recommended, driving to the location separately; and we had, to my perception, a successful date. We were roughly equivalent intellectually, and as went interests we were pretty well in sync.

The evening ended, as they alway do; and as I walked to our cars, she turned to me and said, "I really enjoyed myself..."

I felt the stretch at the end. "But?" I prompted.

"I just, I dunno, I have this thing about divorced guys. I mean, your kids were so sweet, but..."

My smile did not fade. "I think I get it."

She pushed on. "I'm so sorry, but I've dealt with ex-wives and all, and I can't do that again. Please, don't get me wrong, you're an awful lot of fun, but I think we should leave things as they are."

I said, "I thank you for a wonderful evening," got into my car, and drove away.