Chapter 19

Cynthia

Alyssa came to me one evening after dinner and asked, "Can we talk?" I'd been getting much better with family relationships. Charles was home, we all slept together some nights. Alyssa changed to a predatory dear after having captured her most desired man.

"We can always talk about anything when we have time and I have time."

She came right out and said, "I want Bradford and there isn't any more of him. He always goes for you and Mom first and me later. I know that he won't be able to love on all of us at your parents' house. Could Daniel come?"

"I understand. You need more than you're getting. What about Daniel?" Then, I remembered those nights when she was there and Laura and I were raping Charles repeatedly. I also remember the night that the hot little bitch promoted herself to the 'all of us' group. She decided that she was a part of the rotation. Isn't that what baseball teams say about their pitchers? "Is this another one of your schemes? What about his parents?"

"Of course I have to plan. Otherwise, nothing happens." She smiled and said sweetly, "If you called them, I think they might approve."

"I'll think about it. I didn't tell Mother about anyone else. That might be a problem. Let me think." I doubt that mother would care.

"Daniel is on the golf team. He's won some trophies."

Didn't take long to think about that problem. "Tell him to bring his bag and shoes; I hope he can take care of your powerful desires. By the way, what's his mother's number?"

She hugged me and gave me a wet kiss. "Thank you. You scare me sometimes with your questions. Are you upset?"

I held her close and kissed her back. "No. Shocked sometimes, but not upset. You amaze me."

"You and Mom are smart and keep things going around here. I just try to copy. I'm so happy that you taught me how to pole dance."

"We're still keeping that right here at home, right? Listen, you'll need lessons from someone more skillful than me to get much better and then I think you'll be able to support us on your tips."

"Daniel knows about the pole; he's the only one. I hope you'll dance for him sometime with me; he hasn't seen our routine." She kind of bubbled. "I read this story about a girl who danced nude in a club. Guys offered her a lot of money to go on dates and trips. I guess that made her a whore?"

I giggled. "Depending on the amount of money offered, she was a whore, a prostitute, or a call girl. Daniel's kind of risky. We'll see how it goes." Would I get twice as many years if I were charged with molesting both of them?

One afternoon, I ran into Christina in the market. We stood looking at each other in an awkward silence. I didn't know anything to say, but she opened with, "You're Cynthia, the girl that took Bradford from me."

Her remark wasn't hostile, just sort of factual. I replied, "Well, I'm not quite sure that's exactly how it happened."

"How is he, anyway? I don't see him." She paused and then continued, "It just seemed strange when you didn't sit with him during my recital concert."

She obviously knows more about me. Maybe I can elevate the conversation or get out of here. "He's back from Afghanistan recuperating from an injury, but otherwise, he's fine. He told me that you were having a debut at Carnegie Hall."

She smiled and seemed genuine. "Well, not quite a debut. The University rented the hall to present their musicians to the public and I was asked to play."

"How do you think it went?"

"Very well, actually. I was accepted for at least three auditions as a result. I've been to one. I'm on the short list in Columbia and will be going out to Kenosha in a week or so."

"Charles said that you would succeed in getting an important chair. Isn't it cold in Kenosha?"

She sighed. "Quite cold. I'd rather go to Columbia. Bradford used to pump me up all the time. Sometimes it gets discouraging when I see others who play well not getting jobs. Did he get shot again?"

Her question annoyed me because her tone of voice implied that he didn't follow the safety rules or worse like getting a traffic citation. Suddenly, I felt defensive. "Well, he went on an important mission with a lot of danger."

"Well, between the bullets and bicycle wrecks, he needs a lot of recovery."

I felt crowded that she knew so much about my love. "I try to dress his physical and emotional wounds as best I can. He's getting better."

She smiled nicely and said, "We don't need to beat around the bush. I love him and wish I had him back. I'm glad you take care of him, because I probably couldn't be there for him all the time. I still miss him."

"Did you ever figure out what it is about him that we find so appealing?"

For whatever reason, maybe vicariously living through me, she wanted to talk. So, I said, "Want to get some coffee and take him apart?"

She seemed relieved and smiled, "That would be nice."

We spent several minutes on our personal backgrounds, lives, and finally how we ended up here in school. Her next question was, "What will you do next?"

I told her about graduate school and my intention to go into academic psychology. She said, "So, you're not getting married and settling down?"

"I don't know. I haven't been asked to do either. I'd probably accept the first if the right person asked, but I'm not ready for the second." I saw her smile knowingly. "What about you?"

"I'm not ready for either, although if I weren't a musician with high hopes, I might accept the first if the right person asked."

I realized that we'd been talking an hour just like old friends. I know that women do that all the time, but with former rivals? I asked, "Are we talking about the same person?"

"'Fraid so. I didn't know how much I cared for him until one day, I found all my non-musical thoughts centering on being with him."

"Why him?"

"How many times have I asked myself the same question? I like being with him and talking to him about everything. He's the best male conversationalist I've known. We talked hours before he ever asked me out. I went to bed with him on the first date, although I've never done that before. It seemed like the right time and I had trouble even thinking about refusing."

I laughed. "Welcome to the club. My experience exactly. I would have gone to bed with him on the first date, but I had to leave early to meet my husband."

It took her a minute to digest what I told her. "Oh, my God! You didn't."

I told her about Louie's, dancing, and the rescue. Then, I said, "Yeah, it's a new fashion called adultery; I hear it's getting popular. I spent an afternoon in his bed on our second date and then moved in with him before my divorce was final."

She laughed and then couldn't stop. "Our story may be just good enough for a soap opera."

"Now you know why I couldn't sit with him at your performance. That was too public for my situation at the moment."

"I looked out in the audience and didn't see a single person worthy of the soaps and there you were living it. Well, I can't top your story. The first time I stayed with him, I noticed that he always put the seat down. I frequently go to a guys bathroom when I first arrive and inspect it. If the seat's down and I don't cringe at the filth, maybe I'll stay." She laughed. "He told me that he learned to clean toilets in the Navy and couldn't break the habit."

I said, "The Navy that I love to hate. I noticed that seat thing, too. Oh, I insist on clean underpants, too. My father said it was incredibly rude to leave a seat up. Yeah. I'll tell you the whole story if we get together again. When is your next performance?"

"Sunday afternoon our cellist is having her final recital; we're playing with her as a farewell gesture. She's graduating at the end of summer term."

"Same time, same place?"

"Yes. Are you coming?"

"I'll check with Charles. We may bring our daughters." That one shocked her. Then, I followed, "Not ours, but our landlady's. We do family things together."

"So, you're renting an apartment and a family?"

"That's about it. I have to go fix dinner since that's why I came to the market. In another couple of hours, he might wonder where I am."

I was surprised when she hugged me and it took a second to get my arms around her. She said, "Thanks, Cynthia. I haven't had such a good talk in ages. I hope we can be friends."

I laughed. "Friends, yes. Benefits, no."

"Awwww..."

At home, I related the conversation to Charles. His first question was, "How did you feel at that moment when she accused you?"

"Annoyed, jealous, curious, and a kind of compassion. When we finished talking, I thought of her as a friend."

"That's quite a turnaround in an hour. Why?"

"After what you told me, I stopped thinking of her as a threat. I know you're drawn to good looking talented women — ahem — and I could see her attraction. She could be a model, but they're gone more than musicians. Then, you'd get horny and take it out on Laura and Alyssa."

"I don't know how she'd feel about sharing. I'll stay where I am."

"She's having a concert Sunday afternoon. I told her we'd come and bring our girls."

"I'll bet you baited her with that offer. What did she say?"

"Shocked, until I told her the story about our courtship and Laura." I told him about her auditions and other bits of her life.

"I'm happy to go look at the beautiful ladies and hear their playing. I think that quartet is very good. You really think the girls will go?"

"I'll use one of my Mother's tricks and tell them they can't because they're not old enough."

"My mother didn't use that trick. She just old me that I had to appreciate all music from country to classics or I would be considered an outcast. She dragged me along when I was young. After a few years, my protests were more symbolic than real. I never did understand to whom I would be cast out."

"Oh, my. He's quoting Churchill. Well, the concert's free, so we can take Laura if she wants to go, although she might like some private time."

"How's your jealousy with Christina?"

"I thought about that on the way home and decided that it disappeared just like it did with Laura. It must have happened in the midst of our girl talk because when we parted, we hugged and decided to do it again." He looked up and smiled. "I told her that it was friends with no benefits."

"So, I can't kiss her or anything?"

"Yes, you can kiss her. The 'anything' will have to wait until after Laura, Alyssa, and I are satiated. She can have what's left."

"Looks like she'll have a long wait."

"That was my intention."

"What happens if you're out of town, Alyssa is playing soccer, and Laura has her period?"

"Oh, my. I've heard about sea lawyers. The same thing that happened when you were a horny twelve year-old, or in that toilet in Kabul. Be your own best friend."

Sunday found us all dressing to go to Christina's concert. Although I would have, I didn't trick the girls, they wanted to go. Alyssa particularly wanted to be seen at the University, so she dressed to look older with her hair up, heels and hose, and a little makeup. I couldn't help but tease her. "You look lovely, Alyssa, but Charles will be jealous if you start flirting with those college guys at the concert."

"Cynthia! I'm not flirting."

"No, but you're dressing for the battle. I knew you were serious when you wore hose with a summer dress. I wish you good luck, although I don't think your two mothers would approve of your hanging out with the older types."

She blushed slightly, and then said, "I know. You're protecting my chastity and keeping the wolves away from my door."

"I can tell that keeping them away from your door will become a full time job. I'll need Laura's help." I hugged her. "I was kind of nice looking when I was your age and I had many opportunities, some of which I shouldn't have taken. They thought I was old enough to fuck but not old enough to take out. I didn't see it coming and I hurt for a while."

"Well, I haven't done anything yet."

"I wish I'd thought to ask Daniel to go with us."

"He's tied up with his family today, or I would have asked him. He can't go."

We all went to the performance, which raised our spirits because they were good, and then went to the reception afterwards. Charles gave Christina a little kiss and then introduced everyone to her.

She said to me, "God, Cynthia, you weren't kidding me. You do live with beautiful people." She looked directly at Alyssa, "You look stunning in that outfit. Are you seeking companionship?"

"Thanks. Cynthia says I can't flirt here because I'm too young. So, I'll just stand around and look bored." Then, she smiled. "I think your performance was outstanding. It's my first time for something like this."

"Thank you. I hope you'll learn to like our music. Come with me."

She took Alyssa around the table and introduced her to a nice looking fellow who looked a little younger then the rest of them. They took their plates to the edge of the room and sat. I saw her smile and start talking. So much for boredom. What a gift Christina gave me when she came up to me in the market. She offered friendship, this superb afternoon entertainment, and making Alyssa's day with her introduction. I guess that's the next wolf at her door.

Laura asked, "Do you think she'll be all right?"

Christina laughed and said, "He's the sixteen year old younger brother of the other violinist. She could do a lot worse." Then she leaned down to ask Ashley, "What did you think?"

"I loved the fast song. I don't see how you can play so many notes and get them all right."

"If it can be our secret, I didn't get them all right. You wouldn't know unless you had studied the piece, but I left out some notes."

Alyssa seemed surprised. "Do you think I could play a violin?"

"How old are you?"

"I'm eleven."

"Well, that's pretty old to start, so you'd have to practice two hours a day, every day."

"Do you still have to practice that much?"

"No. I have to practice three hours and sometimes more if I have a performance to rehearse. The older you get, the more you have to practice."

Ashley thought for a minute, and then said, "I don't think I want to play if I have to practice that much."

"That's a smart girl. Lots of would-be musicians don't learn that until it's too late."

The reception wound down signaling that it was time for us to leave. Alyssa asked Laura, "Can Andrew bring me home?"

Damn. We hadn't discussed these kinds of pick-up situations. My first reaction was to tell Laura to refuse, and then I thought better. I winked at Laura and nodded my head.

Laura said, "Okay. Will you come straight home?"

I whispered to her, "You come straight home. No detours by the lake. If he wants to come in, take him to your room."

Alyssa said, "Thanks, Cynthia. Thanks, Mom."

As we walked out, Laura said, "I was going to object until you nodded."

"So was I until I thought better of it. She has to start somewhere. If she does what she says, we won't have a problem, but you have to set some rules or she will badger you constantly. It's still daylight. Next time, it will be night."

Charles shook hands with Andrew as they left and said, "We'll see you at home." The way he said it left no doubt that Andrew should come straight home.

Alyssa

In the past, I had seen string quartets on the TV just long enough to change the channel, so when Cynthia invited me to go to the University to hear Bradford's old girl friend play, I had to go. That certainly wasn't my preference in music. Before we went, Bradford told me that I needed to appreciate all kinds of music to make life more exciting in the future. Whatever. I wanted to see this woman that Cynthia was jealous of and who stayed in his life.

I asked Mom what to wear and she told me that she and Cynthia were dressing, not because they had to for a concert at the University, but because they wanted to. Then, of course, Cynthia said, "Absolutely I'm dressing to look good. She is his former girl friend." That remark sent me immediately to the closet and the ironing board; I would try to look as good as she and Mom.

Cynthia had helped me pick out a yellowish cotton summer dress that exposed enough to be interesting, but modest enough to be appropriate for the concert. When we shopped for it, she also picked out a bra that didn't show. She disliked a current fashion of showing bra straps, saying that it would never become stylish.

She helped me with my hair and remarked, "You're dressing, too. I'm proud of you since no one told you to." Then, she poked me in the rib, "Hmmm, dressing to look older. Remember when you're out there trolling, you already have two boyfriends."

"No, I just have one and I'm planning to keep him. I can't have much of the other one."

Much to my surprise, I liked some of the music and they didn't play too long. Watching Christina made me jealous because she was as pretty as Cynthia said. When Charles introduced me to Christina, she greeted me warmly and presented me to Andrew, a brother of the other violinist.

Andrew invited me to sit with him, which gave me a little flutter. When we took our plates to sit and eat the snacks, he started asking me about what I did and liked to do. Then, I asked him, only to find that we shared common interests. He went to school in another city, a fact that provided us many minutes of conversation comparing our schools. He came to town for his sister's graduation and her recital. When it was time to go, he asked, "Alyssa, may I drive you home?"

I wanted to say yes, but that meant I'd have to ask permission. I hadn't done this before. So, I said, "Let me see if we have plans for after the reception." Then, I got butterflies going to ask Mom.

Mom hesitated, but Cynthia told me that only if I came straight home; no stopping at the lake. I felt so much better that I didn't have to tell him that my mother wouldn't let me. Until Cynthia mentioned it, I hadn't thought of stopping by the lake because I was kind of going with Daniel. I wondered what Andrew would expect to do.

When I went back to accept his offer, he looked me over and said, "Alyssa, you look very nice today. I can't stop staring at you."

That went quickly to my head and I must have muttered something inane and impolite. I later recovered and thanked him for the compliment. Only Daniel and Bradford had ever paid me such nice compliments, so I wasn't ready for it.

While sitting at a stop light, he asked, "Do you have a boy friend?"

I told him that I did and asked if he had a girl. He said, "Kind of."

"What's she like?"

"She isn't as pretty as you are, is kind of smart, and can be a real bitch sometimes."

"Bitch? What does she do?"

"She teases me and sometimes flirts with other guys when we're on dates. Do you do it with your boyfriend?"

"I'm not yet willing to go into my private life — I barely know you."

"Okay, but when you do it, do you ever get him all excited and then stop?"

"Nice try, but that's still too private."

"Well, Sydney and I get all excited with our hands all over each other and then she just stops and says that we have to wait for another day."

"How long has she done that?"

"We started making out seriously after about two weeks and making out is all we've done since then. She says she wants to but has to wait."

"Sometimes it takes a girl a long time to make up her mind the first time. She has to be careful that she doesn't get a bad reputation."

"I wouldn't be her first. That's what has me so confused. She even takes birth control pills."

"I can see why she confuses you. I'm not her, but I don't think that just because I did it with someone, I would have to do it with others, too. I certainly wouldn't do it with anyone that I didn't like a lot."

"But if you liked a guy a lot, you would?"

"I said I wouldn't if I didn't like him a lot, that's not the same as saying that I'd do it with everyone I liked."

"I like talking to you, Alyssa. I think I just figured out that she doesn't like me very much."

"I don't know that for sure, Andrew, but that's how I would see it. All girls are different."

We arrived home about the same time as mom and the others. I hadn't taken my key, which would have left us in his car waiting. Anyone could have seen us and told Daniel. In the house, we talked to Mom and Cynthia for a few minutes before I invited him to my room. My room's pretty cool with a bed, computer desk and chair, reading chair, a TV, bookcase, and music system.

Andrew said, "Hey, this is a neat place and there's nothing on the floor. Not like mine."

I chose not to tell him that I would be embarrassed bringing Daniel in here if the room looked trashy. At least Andrew noticed. I said, "Want to pick some music?"

He looked over my CD collection, and then asked, "Do you have any jazz?"

"Cynthia does. Let's go see what's in her room."

She wasn't in the room, allowing us to pick out a CD. I left a note saying that I'd bring it back. When he put it on to play, he asked, "What are these red marks on your amplifier?"