Chapter 6: The other side

My relationship with Evan became widely known in school by the end of the week. Some of the girls in the group had to have it explained to them, and they grudgingly accepted it.

The new group at the lunch tables included Terri Mitleiter, a basketball transfer from Williston and a junior, and Elizabeth Puklich, a senior on the swim team. The rest of the crowd changed so frequently it was hard for me to keep up with names.

Evan and I spent hours on the phone, talking and defining our boundaries. His hand in my hip pocket as we walked between classes was one of the things I allowed, as were kisses on the cheek. Other couples took things a bit further, stealing kisses behind a locker door or making out in empty classrooms. Public Displays of Affection, or PDAs, were universally frowned on by the teachers and administrators, but I noticed that most of the football team's behavior, and that of the cheerleaders, was ignored unless it was really blatant.

Evan was a friend as well as a disguise for me; the boy had an IQ almost off the charts. I had my Accounting classes pretty well under control, but he helped immeasurably with Biology and History. I didn't see any point in remembering dates and names of places I'd never seen, but they seemed to stick in his mind like photographs.

He also walked me home every afternoon — I didn't see any sense in starting my car to drive four blocks — and almost always we'd do our homework on the kitchen table. Evan's mother was a shift nurse at Med Center One who worked nights, and he usually was alone in the house overnight. That got my mind working to see if we couldn't spend some of that time together.

Yes, he was male and I was more interested in women, but he was a friend. The thought of him being alone and hurt bothered me. I also figured that if we were alone, I could ask him some questions without being overheard. My mother was tolerant, but only up to a point.

I was allowed to invite Evan and his mother to Thanksgiving dinner at our house so the parental units could meet; it went amazingly well. Trisha Cutler was about the same age as my mother, blonde-haired and blue-eyed, and a little overweight like me. Her husband had run off with another woman many years before and she'd never remarried. She listened attentively when Dad told his Army stories, and said that she was happy that Evan and I were a couple.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, I called Evan after everyone in the house was asleep except me. Our conversation was very hushed, and I was alert for the sound of the extension being picked up.

"Hey, Evan, it's me."

"Hani ... what? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, silly, I've got some questions for you."

"Now? It's two in the morning."

"I know."

"Okay, okay, I'm awake. What?"

"Have you ever been with a girl?"

"No, not in a sexual sense. I get along better with girls, though."

I giggled. "Yeah, I know."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"No, hell no," I whispered. "I want to know if you've been tested."

"For what?"

"For like AIDS and stuff, and other STDs."

"I went to the clinic right after Russell left and I'm clean. Why?"

"How would you like to make love with a girl?"

I could hear his grin over the line. "Who do you have in mind?"

"Me, silly."

"That's not part of our agreement," he reminded me.

"I know," I breathed, "but haven't you ever been curious?"

"No, not really," he said hesitantly, giving a lie to the statement.

I said, "Think about it, will you?" and hung up.

The next morning after Dad left the house, my mother said, "You keep asking boys questions like that you're going to get in trouble."

"You listened on the phone!" I said. Mom nodded. "Why?"

"Because you're my daughter and I love you."

Deciding to go for broke, I said, "I'm thinking of spending the night with him soon."

Mom asked, "Why?"

"Mostly because I'm curious, but I do like him. He's not like other guys."

Mom chuckled. "Yeah, you're right there."

"He's not!" I protested. "He kisses good!"

Mom pinched my cheek and said, "Did he get your motor running?"

I backed away and answered, "No, but he's a nice guy. He's a friend. He's ... He's..."

"He is Evan, sweetie, an adolescent male full of hormones, just like you're an adolescent female." She sighed and continued, "I don't suppose there's any stopping you, is there?"

"You could ground me, I guess," I said, smiling. In some things, Mom was such a pushover.

Mom rubbed her eyes and said, "Let me know a few days in advance and I'll get some condoms for you."

"Now would be good," I smiled.

She laughed. "Now all I can hope is you won't be able to talk him into it."

I didn't talk to Evan Sunday, and Monday after a quick bite of lunch I led him outside onto the quad between the buildings for a little privacy.

I stood very close to him, pressing my breast into his arm. "What do you think?"

"About what?" he said absentmindedly.

"What we talked about on the phone."

He thought for almost a minute, and then said, "Why do you want this so much? And why with me?"

Remembering past honesty lectures from my parents, I said, "Because you're a gentle person, and I don't think you'll hurt me. I may be hurt, but it won't be intentional."

He hugged me and said, "I'd never hurt you, Hani, but I don't know if I can do it." He blushed really red and added, "You know, get it up?"

I looked around for anyone nearby, and seeing none, I gave him a steamy, passionate kiss. I used one hand to fondle his groin, and wonder of wonders, I felt the lump in his pants expand under my hand.

Breaking the kiss, I said, "I don't think that's really gonna be a problem."

His face flushed and I kissed him again and held him close until the bell rang.

Wednesday night Mom gave me a box of twelve lubricated condoms, and with a short phone call I made certain Mrs. Cutler would be working Saturday night. Mom gave me a few pointers about what might happen and kissed me goodnight. I was ready.

Thursday and Friday I felt the doubts roaming through my mind. Was I doing this for the right reasons, or was I taking advantage of him? Would the girls in the club think I was a traitor to their cause if they found out? Was he bisexual, or was I? Would he be willing? I knew his equipment worked just fine, but I didn't want to force the issue. After all, no was no, for anyone, and conditions were even more strict for a friend.

Saturday I helped Mom around the house, and late in the afternoon I lay down for a nap. Evan and I had arranged to meet in front of my house at 11:15 pm so he could walk with me. His mother was working the graveyard shift, 11 pm to 7 am.

I got up at ten, showered and put a little perfume under my breasts and just above my pubes; if he wanted to put his face down there, I wanted to smell nice. I painted my nails, top and bottom, moisturized my body and got dressed. I brushed my hair and put it up, then grabbed my bag and walked out of the house at ten after the hour. There was a slight heaviness, right in the pit of my stomach. I guess anxiety will do that.

About twenty after, I saw him walking in my direction and ran to meet him. We kissed and turned to walk toward his house. He offered his arm and I held it close to my body.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi yourself," he smiled.

"Are you up for tonight?"

"Not yet," he said, and we both laughed.

Neither of us said much until we were in his room with the door closed.

He hung his coat on a hook and turning to me, said, "I told my mother you'd be here tonight. I don't like lying to her, and not telling her is the same as lying. I hope you don't mind."

I shook my head and said, "I don't mind. Did she say anything to you before she left?"

"Just to be careful."

Delving into my bag, I said, "I brought condoms."

He smiled and said, "I've got some too."

"Duhhhh," I grinned.

"Would you like something to drink?" he asked.

"Do you have any wine?"

He nodded and left for the kitchen. I took off my coat and shoes and curled up in his chair. His room was typically male, with clothes strewn over the floor and electronic equipment all over the place. Bookshelves covered one wall from floor to ceiling, and light classical music came softly through hidden speakers.

He came back with a bottle of white wine and a tray of cheeses and crackers; he poured two glasses and sat on the end of his bed, eerily staring at me from five feet away.

"What shall we drink to?" he asked.

Taking a wild guess, I said, "Freedom from stereotypes."

He smiled, we clinked our glasses and sipped, and the silence returned.

After a long pause, he asked, "What now?"

I knew he was scared, but so was I. Maybe we'd better take it slow.

"Do you have a movie we can watch? Together, right here on the floor?"

With a task at hand, he stood and picked through a shelf of cassettes until he found one he liked.

"Is Schindler's List okay?"

I nodded; anything was okay if it would get his mind away from the reason we were together. He arranged huge pillows on the floor against one wall, and we leaned back to watch the movie. We were sitting hip to hip and I held his hand; I'd seen this one, and the violence was gory at times.

I jumped during the gunfire from the tower; seeing people cut down for no reason was distressing. He must have noticed and paused the movie.

"You sure you want to watch this?"

"No," I said. "I'm not in the mood for death right now."

He smiled, pushed a couple of buttons and the screen went dark.

"What are you in the mood for?"

I turned to him and said, "Hold me? Just hold me."

We clinched, tightly holding one another for several minutes. I found his mouth and kissed him; to my delight, he kissed me in return. I stroked his sides, he rubbed my back; I opened several buttons on my shirt and put his hand inside. His touch was very gentle, almost too much so, but he stroked my swellings and their peaks in rhythm with the music that played in the background. After long minutes of that, I decided to act.

I twisted around, sat up and said, "Let's move to the bed." He still had his pants and socks on, so I added, "Take off the rest of your clothes."

He slowly did as I'd asked until he was down to a pair of boxer shorts. I guided him to the bed, pushed him back and poured him a refill, then took off all my clothes except for my panties. I did it in a hurry, but I noticed he stared at me the entire time. I asked him where all the light switches were, and turned all but one off. I filled my glass for the second time and set it on the nightstand, then, with my heart pounding in my chest, crawled onto the bed and laid my body on top of his.

"You're warm," I said softly.