Chapter 21: In the midst of Life

I stayed with Mom another week. We locked all the doors, unplugged the phone and talked. And made love, sometimes twice a day.

She showed me her tanning spot, the walled-in back yard. It was landscaped to look like a desert, with cacti in strategic spots. There was a small covered patio with a green fiberglass roof just outside the back door, and a little farther out was a concrete pad about ten feet square. We'd oil ourselves up and lie out in the hot sun on the concrete pad — we used chaises and towels to lie on — and after thirty minutes, we'd move to the shaded patio.

The roof let in enough sunlight to see, and after our sunning session we'd talk and snack. There was a small refrigerator within easy reach, and Mom kept it stocked with soft drinks, juice and beer. The heat out in the sun was like being in a furnace; 113ºF is about 42º C. I'm guessing at that — I didn't look at a conversion chart, but it's fairly close.

I learned more about my mother in that week than I'd ever known. After she miscarried the two children that had come after me, she became obsessed with my safety. How she had ever allowed me to do some of the things I did is beyond me. She was a passionate, loving woman, a romantic at heart, and sometimes, in those days after the funeral, we would sit close and read the juicy parts from her collection of romance novels. It's not a coincidence she knew right where they were, either. She laughed easily, made love gently and loved me fiercely. I teased her by calling her 'Mama Lion'.

We both confessed our fondness for anal play, and added that to our lovemaking. Not every time, but often. We sucked each other's toes and kissed each other's feet; it's very erotic if it's done right. She reminded me she'd done it to me as a child, and I told her it still tickled but it felt really good. I slept with my cheek on her breasts, wrapped in her arms, and we were constantly touching and kissing.

She was superb at giving me oral sex; much better than Donny, and even surpassing Charli by a small margin. She told me she loved everything I did for her, whether I used my fingers or my mouth. Loving her sex with my lips was my favorite thing to do. I think our emotional connection had a lot to do with it. Passion fades, but love lasts.

(See, I still can't call it her pussy unless I'm in the throes of passion!)

I'd planned to be back in time for Lisbeth's birthday, August 22nd, but I called her and she said she understood. I teased her about being a teenager, and she blew raspberries at me over the phone. Mom was listening as I ended the call.

"When are you leaving?" she asked.

"As soon as I'm sure you don't need me here," I said.

She hugged me and kissed my cheek. "Your life is up there, you have a family waiting for you. I'm sure they miss you very much."

"I miss them too, but ... I feel so close to you now. I don't want to lose that."

"What is it they say? 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'?"

"I don't know, but I will miss you."

"I'll come and visit often," she said.

Mom helped me repack for the trip north, and I left Wednesday morning, the 20th of August. I took a different route back, taking I-15 up to Salt Lake and going east on I-80 to State Route 83 in Nebraska. I would turn north there to head for home. I only stopped once at a motel, on the night of the 21st, and late Saturday evening I pulled into my driveway. I'd sleep Sunday the 24th and be ready to go back to work Monday the 25th.

The house was a mess; dirty dishes were stacked in the sink and no one was home. I'd called Charli from a gas station on the Interstate Saturday morning, so she knew when I'd arrive. I took a quick shower and lay down on the couch for a short nap, hurt and angry.

Loud voices woke me up, and then Lisbeth squealed "Hi!" into my ear.

I sat up quickly and gave her a hug, and asked, "Where's your mother?"

"She's comin', they're unloading groceries from the car."

"They?" I asked.

"She and Donny. He stayed here while you were gone."

"That's nice," I observed.

Inside, I was seething. My partner had had a housemate and all the side benefits for almost two weeks! I thought for a minute and calmed down. I had enjoyed sex and companionship too; I laughed at myself for being so stupid.

Charli saw me and screamed, then she ran into my arms and hugged me. We kissed for a long time, and I found myself thinking, 'I'm home!'

I broke away from Charli, breathless, and said, "Whew! What a welcome!"

Lisbeth chimed in with, "We got more apples and a lot of beer!"

I laughed. She was so enthusiastic!

I leaned toward Donny and he took the hint. His kiss was just as nice as Charli's.

After we put all the groceries away and Charli loaded the dishwasher, she explained that school was starting on Monday and Lisbeth had needed new clothes. She looked taller than the last time I'd seen her, a mere two weeks earlier.

Roberta welcomed me back Monday morning, and one by one, my co-workers stopped by my desk to offer their condolences. I managed to get through the day without crying too much.

Slowly, I got back into my routine of work and home life with my family. Charli and I made love about twice a week after Lisbeth had gone to bed, and Donny came over on the weekends for his fun times. We were careful not to display too much affection in front of Lisbeth, but I'm sure she knew what was going on. Kids are a lot smarter than most people think.

August rolled into September, the leaves started to fall, and it got colder at night during October. We went pumpkin shopping for Halloween, and the three of us accompanied Lisbeth on her 'Trick or Treat' rounds. The charming little stinker continued to grow like a weed.

Proof of that came just after she ate the last of her Halloween candy. Charli and I were relaxing on the couch one evening when we heard a blood-curdling scream of "MaaaaaaaaaaahhhhM!" coming from the bathroom. Both of us ran to see what the matter was, and found the poor girl with her panties around her knees and two little rivulets of watery blood running down her inner thighs. It wasn't much, so Charli calmed her while I got her a box of pads from the closet. Like good parents everywhere, we were prepared.

Mom and I exchanged phone calls about once a week, and our talks made me ever more lonely for her presence. She visited for three weeks during December — over Christmas and New Year's — and met Donny. She was suitably impressed. She and I managed to find the necessary privacy for making love three times, and I left each time feeling unsatisfied. Not sexually, that was fine. I missed her emotionally. I knew she would eventually have to leave, and I wanted to keep her near.

She left for Arizona the 3rd of January, 1998, driving the Aspen. She called the 7th to tell me she'd arrived safely, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I came out of the shower wrapped in my robe one Wednesday evening in February to find Lisbeth screaming at the top of her lungs and Donny bent over Charli's prostrate form. We'd gone out to eat and invited Donny along for company, then returned home to talk — or play.

Donny massaged her wrists until Charli slowly became aware of where she was and sat up. She rubbed her forehead with the heels of her hands and grimaced.

"Headache?" I asked.

"Yeah, a little one," she said.

"It doesn't look so little to me," I said. "I'll get you some Tylenol."

Half an hour later, Charli was smiling and saying she felt better. She and Lisbeth went to take their showers, and I interrogated Donny.

"Has this happened before?"

"Once, a few months ago at my house. Nothing since."

"I'm going to call her boss at the hospital and make sure she gets a checkup; fainting that way isn't normal."

Later that night, Charli and I made love. A few minutes after we'd started kissing, she froze with her eyes wide for several seconds and stared into space, as if she weren't there.

Then her eyes came into focus and she said, "Where were we?"

We had an orgasm apiece, and then Charli said she was tired. I held her and worried as she fell asleep.

Things were great during the balance of February and most of March; the snow melted away and the rain came down in sheets. Charli didn't faint or lose her awareness once.

Then in late March, I got a phone call at work. Kelly Grugel, a co-worker of Charli's and a friend, called and said I had to rush to the hospital immediately. I notified Roberta and punched out.

All during the drive downtown, I was shaking and very nervous. Having something unknown hit my lover and life mate was unsettling to say the least. I finally got there, parked and ran inside the hospital's revolving doors. Kelly met me just inside and led me upstairs.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"They've got her in the MRI room now, prepping her for a test. We'll know something in about an hour or two."

"What's that?"

"Magnetic Resonance Imaging, kind of a brain scan," Kelly said.

"Can I see her?"

"I'm sorry, but you can't, not right now," Kelly said.

"What happened?" I asked.

Kelly said, "She had a seizure and fainted. Dropped right to the floor and didn't move."

"Has she done that before? Here, I mean? She fainted a couple months ago at the house, but I thought that was just a spell."

"Today was the fourth time," Kelly said sadly.

I drank some of the cafeteria's really shitty coffee and waited for almost two hours before Kelly and a doctor walked up to where I was sitting.

Kelly said, "This is Dr. Bennett. He's the head of the department."

We shook hands and I introduced myself, then he said, "We need some more tests to be sure, but we think she has a tumor. The scan showed a small mass at the base of her brain stem."

"Can you operate?" I asked, trembling with fright.

"Not until we determine exactly what the mass is; we're doing a biopsy now to determine if it's cancerous."

I lost my balance and sat down hard. There was the dreaded word, cancer, spoken in connection with a person I loved.

"When can I see her?" I asked.

"In a few minutes; I'll send someone to get you."

Almost an hour later, Kelly came for me and led me through the labyrinth of hallways and doors to Charli's cubicle in the Intensive Care Unit. She was pale but breathing steadily, her arms folded across her chest. She heard us come in and turned her head.

In a very weak voice, she said, "Hi, honey. How are you?"

"Never mind me!" I said. "How are you?"

"Tired," she sighed.

"When can you come home?" I asked.

Kelly said, "They've scheduled two more tests for tomorrow; we'll keep her overnight here in Intensive Care so we can watch her."

I sat with her, holding her hand, and watched her fall asleep. She had a small bandage on the side of her neck near the back, and I assumed that's where they'd taken the biopsy.

About eleven, I kissed her and straightened her hair, then went to the nurses' station to find someone to walk me out. Donny was standing by my car, huddled inside his jacket.

"How is she?"

"I have no clue, and the doctors don't either. More tests tomorrow, and then we may know something."

Donny followed me home and let me cry on his shoulder. Lisbeth was asleep in her bed.

After calling in to work, I spent the day at the hospital with Charli. She seemed to be more aware and have more energy, but she looked pale. I brushed her hair and clipped it back between tests, and then I put a little makeup on her face. When we had a rare private moment, we'd kiss and I'd stroke her breasts.

I left the hospital about ten and drove home. Donny was sitting with Lisbeth on the couch, watching some scary movie on TV.

"Is your homework done, Lisbeth?"

"Yes ma'am, it is. How's Mom?"

"You and I may be able to bring her home tomorrow. The test results aren't in yet."

Lisbeth gave me a peck on the cheek and went to bed; Donny stayed for a little while. I promised to let him know anything, and he went home. I showered and collapsed into bed.

The hospital called early the next morning, and Lisbeth and I drove over to pick Charli up. They brought her to the door in a wheelchair, and I moved the car around to the loading zone. Lisbeth was extremely happy to see her mom, and the two of them chattered and giggled all the way home. Later, Lisbeth went out to play (they call it 'hanging out' now) and Charli and I talked.

"What do they know?" I asked.

"I have a mass in my head, but it's small. Depending on the biopsy results, they'll leave it alone or try to take it out. I don't want chemotherapy."

"You'd look pretty cute bald all over, " I laughed. She threw her napkin at me.

A few days later the biopsy came back inconclusive, and the doctor scheduled Charli in for a checkup in thirty days. She was on medical leave, so she stayed home and I went to work. She wasn't cleared to drive, so I took the list of needed items with me in the morning, and picked them up at the store in the evening on my way home.

Lisbeth pitched in and began doing laundry and mopping floors, in addition to her regular chores. I was grateful and told her so.

Our thirty days flew by, even though all four of us spent as much time together as possible. When Donny came over, I'd be with him and Lisbeth would gravitate to Charli. I was the only one enjoying sex; Charli didn't want Donny to see her nude anymore. She had this weird idea she was ugly, so I was the only one sharing her bed. Donny and I went to his apartment from time to time for a little privacy, usually at Charli's urging. Talk about strange bedfellows!