Chapter 14

I don't sleep well. I dream of Alex truly raping Barb while I watch. She pleads for me to stop him but all the whips and chains do was spur him on. Dr. Steve tells him to put her in a diaper for safety sake. I wake in a cold sweat at 4am with Barb's soft snoring beside me.

I'm either about to do the stupidest thing I've ever done or the most liberal. Uncle Marcus would say liberal and stupid were the same thing. Uncle Marcus would never tie a woman up. He would never allow a rape - fantasy or otherwise. He would kill me if he ever found out about this. I wonder why I'm thinking about Uncle Marcus. Then I realize that Barb does look a bit like Aunt Candice. I take a deep breath. There was still time to stop it. I pull Barb into my arms again. I don't want her to get really hurt. Alex unleashed was a monster. He thinks nothing of abusing girls.

Barb wakes me from a dream about Alex raping me that leaves me more than a little disturbed. "You ok?"

"Uh, Yeah." I lie. "Bad dream." There's a knock on the door and I jump.

"Relax. It's just room service with my tea." She gets up and get the door. It's room service with her morning tea. She puts it on the dresser and sits beside me. "You really are jumpy this morning." She checks my forehead. "You sure your not sick?"

I kiss her fingertips. "I'm fine. I guess I was just dreamin' 'bout you being hurt an'..."

"Peter, I would think you of all people would understand. Fetishes are not about the thing. They represent something to the person." She looked at her fingers. "I have always been very hesitant about sex - even when I was married, I was never sure about what I should do. Rape, slavery, bondage, yes they all have an element of violence to them. But they all take away my control. The attacker wants me; I don't have to do anything - he'll do it all. And in the fantasy, of course, he wants me to enjoy it. He expects me to enjoy it. Does that make any sense?"

I glance at the clock. I have five minutes to make this happen or stop it. "You sure, because if you are, I'll try."

"I'm sure but I don't think you could do it." She pushes me down. "I could probably do it to you."

She has leverage at the moment but, if I wanted to, I could get her down and pin her. Alex can. "Could you do me after I swim?"

She lets me go. "Chicken." She smiles, gets her tea and goes out on the balcony.

I put on my trunks, grab a towel and wave goodbye. "Be 'bout an hour."

"Be right here." she says lightly.

Alex was standing in the hallway. He looked way too excited; he's shorts were already bulging.

"What are the rules?" I hiss.

"She don't get hurt. She gets uh safe word. She cry foul, I stop. Oh, yeah, an' make her cum."

I can't think of anything else. "I'm right here. You sure you can do this."

His grin was feral. "It's cool." He knocks on the door and I step back.

As expected, she suspects nothing, she lets him in to wait for me. She screams when he makes his first move; I want to break the door in. I have my ear plastered to the door waiting for any sound that tells me I should go in. There was none. He can't gag her - not and honor a safe word. If she says anything above a whisper, I'll hear it, I'm sure. I could make out the sound of something banging - the headboard? his hand? I can't tell what. I wait for eternity then check my watch. He's been in there five minutes. I hear voices coming down the hall and I casually proceed in the opposite direction. As soon as they turn the corner, I run back to her door and listen, hoping that I didn't miss her cry for help.

She does call out once. Just "Oh." I start to open the door and stop. "Oh" was not "help"; what if she seconds from coming and I disrupt her? Alex was very good. I know that for a fact. If he does this right, she's not gonna be able to walk today. I don't want to take that from her. Who am I to judge her fantasies?

I hear another sound and press my ear to the door. Nothing. I check my watch. Another five minutes has gone by. I lean against the wall as the cleaning lady comes past; she smiles, I smile.

I should have told her I'd be back in half an hour. I could always just come back early. Or just look in to check then get out again before they see me. They'd never know. Someone around the corner opens a door, proving how loud they are. I lounge nonchalantly. "Waiting. Girlfriend." I say to the guy who looked at me suspiciously. He nods. I look at my watch again. Jesus, God, I think how the hell long it take ta rape a willing victim?

Unless she wasn't willing. What if, in the end, she really didn't want to but Alex went to far - as usual. He hardly acknowledges his own safe word, why would he hear someone else's? Not that he should even be a willing rapist. He never talked to Barb - he has no idea what her fantasies are. What the hell kind of monster was he if he would rape someone just on my say so? What I am I doing to him letting him do this? I pull the key out again.

The phone rings. Twice. Someone answers it during the third ring. Barb. "He's out." I hear her tell the caller. "Alex? He did drop by, yes. Now? Well, don't you usually find one with the other?" Her laugh sounds forced. It must be Beth calling; who else would call Barb looking for me and Alex. Or Steve. This could be important; I start to open the door again.

Except Barb's not stupid. If she needed rescue, that was a perfect moment to ask for it. And if it was the Doctor calling, she would have put Alex on the phone. She's fine. She likely enjoyin' herself. I'm worried about nothing. I look at my watch. Ten minutes before I could even think about opening that door.

I put my ear to the door again, willing them to make some kind of sound. Then suddenly I hear Alex. "You kin tell Peter what you want. It ain't right, he didn't share you in the first place."

I step aside and he opens the door, grinning. I point down the hall.

"Alright, what happened?" I ask when we're out of earshot.

"Dude you did not tell me she was hot." Alex was more excited now than when he when in.

"What happened?" I steady my voice so I don't scream at him.

"She scratched uh lot." He rubbed his sides. "I ain't know she was that rough. Leigh ain't claw me like that."

I put my hand around his throat and put him against the wall. "One more time, Alex." I am really desperately trying to calm down but I'm as terrified of what he did as I am of how she was now. "What happened?"

He whizzes something incoherent and I let go of his neck. He coughs for a moment before speaking. "I went in, told her you always share and it ain't fair I ain't been with her yet. She pushed at me but I got her robe open an' finger fucked her against the wall 'til the phone rang."

"Who was it?"

"She ain't say. But when she hung up, she say she ain't playin' games an' I needed to get out an' that kinda crap," He grinned at the memory. "So I dragged her ta the couch, pushed her the hell over it, ate her 'til she stained the thing then fucked her right."

"She came?"

"Oh, fuck yeah. Dude, she is hot."

"Why'd she scream?"

"When?"

"Like a minute after you went in, she screamed. Why?"

He shrugged. "I guess she didn't expect me ta put uh move on her. I don't know. I had her against the wall an' I was gettin' ready ta go down on her then an' she screamed. I told her she let another one like that out, I'd make it the last sound she made." I feel my blood run cold and he hurries on. "You said threats ok. I wouldn'da done nothin'. An uh safe word. I told her I ain't wanna hurt her an' if it hurt ta tell me an' I'd see if-n I couldn't make it feel better. An' I stayed away from that ass. But dude, I totally wanted to. She is so hot, dude, totally."

I have trouble finding my voice. "Go back to the cabin, Alex. Stay there."

"Yeah, dude, tot-"

I grab his neck again. "Get uh grip, boy. You call me 'dude' one more time I swear Ima break you where you stand. Clear?"

"Clear." He gasps. I think I might actually be choking him. "Sir."

I let him go and he almost runs.

I go back to Barb's room and try to pretend that I don't know anything has happened. That falls apart as soon as I open the door and find her curled up on the floor crying softly.

"Oh My God." I sink down beside her. This was my fault. "Oh, Barbara. Oh God forgive me." I'm afraid to touch her.

She looked at me, then grabs my hand hard. "Did you tell him to do that?"

"Oh God, Barbara, I am so sorry. I thought ... I just wanted to..."

"Did you tell him..."

"Yes, oh Christ forgive me, yes, it was me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

She collapses against me and weeps even harder. I slide my arms around her and weep too. I'm worse than he was - he's merely uncontrolled. I'm the demon directing the monster. Steve's right; I should be under the nearest jail cell.

"I wasn't sure." She says softly. "I kept thinking 'oh god, did I ask for this?' but I wasn't sure."

"No one asks for that. It was cruel. I'm so so sorry Barb. I just thought..."

"You thought you'd fulfill my fantasy, Peter. And you did." She sniffed loudly and I wipe her face with the towel I dropped. "Be careful what you ask for." She barks half a laugh. "I really should take my own advice."

"Was it what you wanted?" A stupid question; no one wants that.

"It was what I asked for."

That's not the same thing. "Do you want me to go?"

She shook her head. "Is he upset?"

"Fuck him."

"I don't want him to be upset."

"I don't care if he upset; ain't neither uh us got uh right. You the one matter. Ima see the Captain soon as I leave here."

"You can't blame him if..."

"I don't. Ain't his fault. I did this."

"Peter. I'm ok."

I look at her tear-streamed face. She was a very gracious women. "Of course. You gonna be just fine."

She pulls against me. "Just hold me for a while."

"Yes, Ma'am." I fold my arms around her and we sit there for a long time.

"I just needed some time to absorb it." She says after a while. "I didn't think I'd be scared; in my fantasy, I wasn't scared. Alex is, whew, he's quite an actor."

"No. He's not." I tighten my grip around her. "I told him he couldn't hurt you and if you didn't get into it, that he should stop." I kiss the top of her head. "I should have known better."