Chapter 27: Seeking Perfection

Course 8 / Day 48: Course Progress Meeting

Participant Notes: Fifty

Jo: My aim with Fifty was that on her return she should be reintegrated into the course as quickly as possible. There are still eight days before she completes the course and the time needs to be used effectively to minimise any detrimental impact of the "rendition" fiasco as far as possible. Anyway it is time for her to try to put what she has learned into practice in a more integrated way.

Jenny's Recollections

It's morning. The shutters go up on my cell. Things are refreshingly normal again, I'm back into my routine; washing, using the loo without even thinking about it now. I get up and see Jo watching me. I'm not embarrassed.

"Good morning, Fifty," she says as she opens the cell door. "Before we start today, let's talk for a few moments." She sits on my bed and I kneel on the floor. "Tell me, what do you think are the characteristics of the ideal slave?"

It's a strangely difficult question, because it's such a big question. I've been here so long now and that has been the entire focus of my training. But somehow it doesn't seem as simple as it does when I'm in the middle of a task I have been given — or on my knees in front of the Masters or Mistresses. And then there is the tension inside me when I think about Joe and me. The moments pass and Jo waits patiently, seeing that I'm considering my words carefully.

"Well, Mistress, I'd say obedience, responding quickly to instructions and carrying them out properly. And respectful behaviour to her owners. And doing what owners want, not what the slave might want and to be content with thinking about what the owner wants first and what the slave — I'll say me — I mean being happy to put what I want second. And not to be ... er ... disappointed by always coming second."

I am still wrestling with my thoughts and Jo senses I'm not finished. She pauses and I go on:

"When I first came, well, I had no real idea what on earth was going to happen. I mean, how this whole experience could last two months but now I think two months is maybe not long enough ... And I also think that it's different if you are in a happy D/S relationship at home. The girls who are — I guess like Judy — are really lucky. Me? Well, I feel this tension inside about how I will get on with Joe when he gets back and when I'm at home again..."

Jo interrupts me. "Those are all good answers, Fifty. It's interesting to see that you are moving towards one of the specially important things which is about anticipation. You were starting to tell me about relationships, which is key in consensual BDSM. But I was after practical things at the moment, in particular to do with anticipation. The best slave isn't one that just obeys orders. It is one that acts without the need for orders, one that knows what needs to be done to provide for the Master's or Mistress's comfort and does it, and spends every waking moment thinking about how to be of service and then putting that into action. Did you ever see that film Gosford Park? I'm thinking of the scene in which the Housekeeper says: 'We aim to be the perfect servant. We know when they will be hungry before they do and have food ready in anticipation... ' So she knows when her Master is hungry and the food is ready, she knows when he's tired and the bed is turned down, she knows what he wants before he knows it himself. You shouldn't just aim to be good you should aim to be the best, the perfect slave."

"I can see that Mistress. But, it's a big challenge."

"Otherwise the slave is a little more than a robot or worse. She's someone that is only indulging themselves; using her owner as her slave."

"Yes. It would be more like the Stepford Wives than Gosford Park."

Jo lifts one eyebrow and then laughs. "That's very good, Fifty and I think you are exactly right. I guess to really make the relationship work, there has to be some unpredictability and surprises coming from both sides. Now, to change tack for a moment. Tell me Fifty, have you come across the expression, 'topping from the bottom'? It's where the submissive takes control of the relationship and uses his or her behaviour to drive the dominant in the direction that the submissive wants to go."

I nod. It's something that Angela accused me of a few times. I wonder again how she is getting on. I guess she must be back at the university by now, assuming Connie has finished playing with her. I allow myself a little smirk. She really did deserve something. Jo brings my attention back to the here and now.

"Well, you'll know it's quite common and it's where quite a few D/S relationships come unstuck. And perhaps some more conventional relationships too. We can avoid that when you are with us because we have more control over you, but when you are back with your owner or partner ... well it can be an issue." I think that she's trying to give me a subtle warning. "Anyway, Fifty, I would like to give you some practice at anticipation. For the next few days, your main task will be the personal servant of Master Gerry. He'll be living in the guest suite. You will look after him there and see to his every need. You will aim to be the perfect slave. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mistress, but I'm not sure that I can live up to that."

Maybe the model to keep in mind is the relationship Lord Peter Wimsey has with his 'Gentleman's Gentleman.' Of course Bunter would be an important step up from you because he is not a slave, but I'm sure you will give it a good try. Take yourself up to the guest suite after breakfast in the morning and start then. The security has been programmed to let you through. Now, before you get to work, something more personal. How are you feeling? I'm sure your back must be sore."

I nod, grateful for her concern. "Thank you Mistress Yes, it does feel bruised and sore." Not like a session with Ylena, though, I think to myself. "But, it's not too bad."

After Jo leaves, I think for a long time about what she has said. It makes perfect sense, of course. Why should the Master, or Mistress, have all the responsibility of deciding what needs to be done and when? Of course it has to be the role of the slave to see what is needed too, and then to anticipate the owner's needs. Maybe, that's the problem I've been having with Joe. Or, he has been having with me. Maybe I need to think more about what he needs and not always seem to be pushing him towards my wishes?

It's the following morning after breakfast — which includes much more admiration for the new areas of tattooing that Jonathan filled in yesterday. I head off to the guest suite, determined to do the best I can in looking after Gerry.

It's a small set of rooms; a bedroom with a large walk-in closet and en-suite bathroom, a small kitchen with a well stocked fridge and cupboards, a comfortable lounge, and a small bare room — not as big as the closet. I take the latter to be slave accommodation if required, especially given the rings set in the walls and the floor. There's a suitcase on the bed and a carrier bag on the floor beside it. Gerry's things, I assume.

I'm not sure what to do. I have a look around the rooms. There doesn't seem to be any sign of Gerry and no one has told me what to do. One thing I do know is that Gerry is very fastidious about his appearance, he'll want his clothes to be neat and tidy. Actually, he'll want the suite to be neat and tidy too so I decide to put his things away for him. I unpack his suitcase into the drawers in the bedroom and hang the shirts and trousers in the closet. I arrange his washing and shaving things neatly on the shelf in the bathroom. There's a book in his bag. I put it neatly on the table in the lounge. It's called 'External Works' and it's huge. Curiosity gets the better of me and I leaf through it. Really, it's more of a catalogue. The book is full of ads and contacts for things architects and builders might need to put outside a new development. Top soil, stone paving, cast iron bollards, it's all here in astonishing variety. I guess that Gerry must be an architect in "real life" ... I close the book and turn to the job of putting his other things away.

Everything looks tidy and I'm feeling quite pleased with myself. Then I think, his shirts looked a bit creased from being packed. Perhaps I should press them, there was an iron and a board in the closet. I'm about to set the board up in the bedroom when I think, what if he came back now, he wouldn't want to have to watch me ironing, so I take the board and the iron and his shirts into the small slave room. There's just enough space for me to work. It doesn't take me long and when I've done his shirts are crisp and fresh. He'll be pleased, I'm sure. Actually I'm pleased with myself and then surprised and disappointed that I have never thought of being this careful with Joe's things.

I'm wondering what else needs to be done, when Gerry turns up. He's looking a little stressed, which is unusual, he's normally so laid back. "Ah, Fifty," he says. "They said you'd be here. Now, can you unpack my stuff and..."

"I've done that already, Sir," I say. Gerry looks pleasantly surprised, I feel smug. "Why don't you sit down and relax for a moment. Perhaps I could get you some tea or a drink. There's plenty in the fridge here. I'm sure I could find something that you'd like or I could go down to the kitchens."

Gerry collapses on the couch gratefully. "Nice idea," he says. "But tea! Jeez, you Brits think that's the cure for everything. I'll take some coffee if you can make something that tastes like coffee rather than that instant stuff. And don't go running off, I like to see you around. I'm still pleased with the job I did on your scalp. It suits you and I like looking at it."