Chapter 4

Day 3 Friday

Denise sat in the office doing her work. Her mind was only half on what she was doing. The morning had started off with her giving Dale a blowjob. She had tried her best not to be too brutal, but she could tell that he wasn't happy. She had a feeling that he wasn't going to get close to her that evening. She didn't know how she felt about that. It didn't make her feel very good to know that a man would rather stick his cock in a meat grinder than her mouth.

Lost in her thoughts, she was surprised when Karen, her boss and owner of the company, stopped by her cubicle. She didn't even notice the woman until she asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Denise said. She didn't like to lie like that, but felt that Karen would go crazy if she heard the truth.

"You don't seem like yourself," Karen said with a worried expression on her face. Some of the other employees had mentioned that Denise had been acting stressed out and snapped at everyone for the least little thing.

"I'm fine," Denise said.

Karen said, "You can come talk to me if there's something going on here at the office that is bothering you."

"There's nothing at the office bothering me," Denise snapped.

"Okay," Karen said easing back a little. She didn't want to upset Denise any more.

"Do you mind if I leave a little early today?" Denise asked thinking that a few minutes at her apartment might help her work through her issues a little.

"Go ahead," Karen said.

Denise made her way to her apartment. It was different entering it that afternoon. It reminded her of how the house felt after returning from a vacation. Everything was there just as she left it, but it didn't match her memories of how it had been. It was almost like she had already given it up and that it wasn't home any more. Her possessions were there, but that homey safe feeling was gone.

The problem was that Dale's house wasn't home either. She felt adrift in life and that was very unsettling. More than anything else, she desired security. She wanted to know that tomorrow would be just like today only better. The problem was that tomorrow was likely to be just like today only worse. She wondered how many times she'd be on her knees sucking that damned cock.

Feeling uneasy about her situation, she walked around the living room looking at the décor. It was as though she was trying to commit her apartment to memory. Her feelings about the memories in that apartment were mixed. Too many lonely nights spend wishing for love constituted the majority of her memories of that place. There were a few memories of her and Susan spending time chatting about their lives and hopes.

She stopped and picked up the photo album. Sitting down, she looked through the album at the pictures of her life. There were pictures of her and Susan in elementary school. There were other pictures of them in Junior High and High School. She wanted to cry at the expressions on their faces. Those were the good times, but the expressions always showed a slight trace of melancholy. The girls in the photographs didn't look happy.

She sat back in the chair and flipped through the album a second time. Picture after picture showed a slightly overweight girl growing up to become a fat woman. She studied the picture of Susan thinking about what she had been observing of her friend lately. It was hard to admit, but Susan looked happier now than in those photographs. As her best friend, it hurt to think that she had nothing to do with that change.

"How did I get here?" Denise asked the four walls of her apartment. It was a painful question. The answers were even more painful. She said, "I remember the kids in elementary school running around me shouting out Fatty. They seemed to have taken great pleasure in making me cry. It never stopped. In high school, the boys made lewd suggestions about fat women in bed and laughed at me. I can't remember a period of time when people weren't horrible to me.

"What was it that Derrick said? He had fucked a fat woman only to discover that he had missed her pussy and fucked a fold of fat. He was an asshole, but that really hurt. God I wanted to kill him that day. I don't think I've ever cried that hard.

"It wasn't only the kids that said hateful things. Even Aunt Laura said that I was a nice girl but it was a shame that I was so fat. She was my favorite aunt until she said that. I was crushed. Your family is supposed to love you no matter what."

Denise stared at the floor for five minutes. She looked up at the ceiling and asked, "What did I do to deserve this? I've been reduced to being a come receptacle. This sucks."

There was a knock on her door. Surprised, she got up and answered it. Susan said, "I figured that I'd find you here."

"Oh," Denise said wondering why Susan was even looking for her.

Susan came in the apartment and looked at the photo album on the coffee table. She said, "I remember doing the same thing. I sat at home alone looking through my old photographs and railing against God for such a miserable life. I tried to figure out if I was going to continue with the program. I did, but I almost didn't."

"Why did you continue?"

Susan smiled at the question and said, "I weighed myself. Even though only four days had gone by, I had lost two pounds. I hadn't even been aware it had happened."

"Two pounds. My weight fluctuates more than that over a week," Denise said.

"You've been eating meals all week without counting calories. I bet you figure that you should have gained weight," Susan said.

"I suppose," Denise said.

"Go weigh yourself," Susan said with a smile.

Denise went into the bathroom and stepped on the little scale. She looked down at the dial. It did look like she had lost a pound, maybe two. She came out of the bathroom and said, "You're right."

"The first couple of pounds are actually the easy ones. It will get harder to lose weight, but then the exercises will kick in and the weight will start to drop again," Susan said.

Denise said, "I don't know if I can keep this up. I really feel horrible living there. I feel like a whore."

"I heard that last night didn't go too well," Susan said.

"It has never gone well," Denise said.

Susan was silent for a while and then said, "I know you don't think too well of me."

"You can say that again," Denise said.

Ignoring the less than complementary remark, Susan said, "I had been living there for almost six months feeling as miserable as you feel now. Donna had been living there at the same time, but she left at the end of her program. All of a sudden, I was the only one at the house and I was satisfying Dale's sexual urges five and six times a day. I hated it as much or more than you. It seemed to me that he was shoving his cock in every hole of my body twice a day. He'd come and I'd crawl away to cry. He was still throwing a blanket over me saying that he didn't like looking at a fat woman while he was getting off. It was horrible."

"What happened?" Denise said.

Susan said, "One day I was sucking his cock and I realized something."

"What?"

"I realized that I had had his cock in my mouth a hundred times and I had never looked at it. Can you believe that?" Susan said.

"Yes," Denise answered. She routinely closed her eyes before putting that damned cock in her mouth.

"I stopped sucking him and just looked at it. Do you know what I discovered?" Susan said.

"What?"

"That it was a pretty amazing thing," Susan answered.

"That's it?" Denise asked with a puzzled expression on her face. Her discovery seemed to be a little underwhelming.

"No, but that's all you need to know for now. Don't look at his cock like it is some kind of enemy weapon," Susan answered.

"I can't help it. He's a jerk and an asshole. I just can't believe it when I see you acting like a whore with him," Denise said.

She sighed and said, "I'm not a whore."

"Yes you are," Denise said.

"I was a whore. There was a time when I was just like you. I was trading sex to be in the program. Now, I'm doing it for completely different reasons," Susan said.

"Why?"

"I do things with him because I get pleasure out of it. He gets a pleasure out of it. We are both a little happier because of it," Susan said.

"That just makes you a slut instead of a whore," Denise said.

"Maybe," Susan said with a frown. She took a long breath and said, "Let's say that I am a slut. I'd rather be a slut who is happy having sex than a spinster sitting all alone in my apartment never having experienced the pleasures that men and women can give each other."

"You want to be a slut?" Denise asked.

Susan didn't answer. She leaned over and picked up the photo album. She flipped through a few pages and then pointed to one of the pictures. She said, "I remember the day your mother took this picture. We had gone to the Museum of Natural History on a school field trip."

"That's right," Denise said.

"I remember Derrick pointing to the display with cave men and shouting how even cave men would run at the sight of the two of us," Susan said.

"I remember," Denise said, "Derrick is an asshole."

"Your mother took us out for ice cream to help cheer us up," Susan said.

"Thank you mother for all of those calories," Denise said sarcastically.

Susan gave a short laugh and then said, "We've been through a lot of bad times together."

"You can say that again," Denise said. She thought about all of the little incidents like that which had happened to them while growing up. They were nicknamed the fat twins by some of the kids at school.

"In hindsight, a lot of those insults were pretty stupid. I mean, that comment about cave men — what kind of stupid remark is that?" Susan said.

"It wasn't the remark that hurt. It was the intent behind it," Denise said.

Susan looked at Denise and said, "The day when I came to peace with Dale's cock was the last time he covered me while having sex. He said that was the day that I stopped being a fat woman. I had no idea what he was talking about. The fact was that I was still twenty pounds overweight. I looked in the mirror and still saw a woman who was fat. It took me almost a month to figure it out."

"So what was the difference?" Denise asked.

Susan smiled at the question and said, "I can't tell you. You have to discover that for yourself."

"You're not helping me to understand what is going on," Denise said feeling a little frustrated.

"I'm sorry. I'm doing the best that I can, but there are some things that you have to discover for yourself. I can't tell you," Susan said.

"Would you like some ice cream?" Denise said falling back on her habit of turning to comfort foods when feeling bad.

"No. Do you know what I'd really like?" Susan asked.

"What?"

Susan smiled and said, "I'd like a manicure."

"A manicure?"

"Yes. I'd like to be pampered a bit and there's nothing like a manicure for that," Susan said.

Denise thought about it and then said, "No. I think that I'll stay here for a bit."

"Okay," Susan said. She got up and went to the door. Looking back at her friend, she said, "Will you trust me for a little longer?"

"Yeah," Denise said nodding her head.

"Good. I'll see you back at the house," Susan said. She slipped out the door.

After a few minutes, she went into the bathroom and stood on the scale. Normally she undressed trying to get the scale to report a lower weight. Even dressed, it showed that she had lost some weight. Shaking her head, she said, "I have no idea how I lost that weight."

It was several hours later when Denise returned to the house. Dale was already there so she assumed that Susan had taken care of his needs. She arrived just in time for dinner. She took off her clothes and carried them down to her room resigned to being Dale's masturbatory toy that he kept in the basement. She took comfort in the fact that she was losing weight although she had no idea how it was happening.

Taking a seat at the dinner table, she looked at the spread of food. She couldn't believe that they were having steak for dinner. It wasn't a huge piece of meat, but it was good sized. The sides were a simple boiled cauliflower and corn on the cob. There were fresh rolls that smelled wonderful. Rather than iced tea, there were glasses with red wine.