Chapter 2

I survived until bedtime by spending as much time as I could with the rest of the family. Sarah pouted and glowered a bit because of that, but the alternative was too bewildering to contemplate. Whenever I felt her eyes seeking mine, I trembled involuntarily.

The spare room had a big double bed. In times past, on first nights and sometimes more, Sarah would join me, and we'd have long cousinly chats, cuddling up to each other and giggling as we discussed our lives and friends. Last year there had been a tiny hint of what was to come, not anything solid - when I had woken up next to Sarah all hot and bothered a couple of time without understanding why - there had never been anything remotely sexual between us, but now, as I twisted restlessly under the single sheet - the night was too warm for blankets - I dreaded her arrival for the effect it would surely have upon me. It was nearly dawn before I dared to go to sleep.

I had just dropped off when I heard a soft knock upon the door. My heart flipped, thinking it was Sarah, but it was only Auntie Susan.

"We're leaving soon dear," she said, popping her head into the darkened room.

I breathed sigh of relief and got up straight away feeling tired and out of sorts, but I put a brave face on it as the family whirled around me. Terry, 7, and Louis, 9, were over-excited, and had to be reined in with firm words. At last they were all packed into the car, and with happy waves, they departed. Sarah and I stood on the pavement and waved back.

"Have a wonderful time! Don't forget to lock up properly when you go out!" called uncle Eric.

We were alone in the house at last. I felt as if it was my own Mum and Dad who had left me behind in a world of grave uncertainty.

"Shall I make us some toast?" Offered Sarah, squeezing my hand. "Are you all right? You look a bit worried..."

"I'm fine ... just tired ... I didn't sleep very well." I replied.

We had planned to go out shopping for clothes, which normally I love doing, but I was nervous and brittle all morning, and I could feel Sarah's disappointment. Thankfully, she didn't pester or pout as I expected. At lunchtime, we walked into town, and as we sat over coffee and beefburgers at the Wimpy Bar, she looked at me, dark eyes full of concern.

"Are you angry with me because I jumped on you yesterday? Did I really hurt you?" She asked.

I shook my head. If only I could tell her, I thought sadly. Now that I knew I was in some strange but undeniable way, deeply attracted to her, beyond desire, well into the realms I knew as love, it seemed as if I had no future at all. It could never be. That one joyous burst of ecstasy would be a brand that scarred me until the day I died of a broken heart, of that I was now sure! She reached across the table for my clasped hands. My burger lay half-eaten. I had very little appetite. My shaking head began to move up and down instead. Admitting that the fight had affected me. I couldn't help it. Just to be so close to her, to feel her tenderness was too much. I felt my self-control breaking down, and caught a sob in my throat.

"I knew it ... I'm really sorry Jill, I didn't mean to be so rough, I was just so effing happy to see you again. I've been looking forward to ever since Mum told me. I can't believe it's been a whole year since you were here! And I don't think much of your letters lately! And I've changed so much ... and so have you."

She spoke in a rush, thoughts tumbling unfiltered from her lovely mouth. I just wanted to kiss her and listen to her all at once. I felt tears welling up, and reached into my bag for a hankie.

"Oh Jill!! What have I done!" the poor thing was getting upset too.

"It's not your fault Sarah ... it's me ... it's all down to me."

"You've got to tell me ... I've never seen you like this ... I don't want you to be like this." She was trying to keep her voice down because a couple of middle-aged women in silly hats were beginning to look our way. I had to buy myself some time.

"Let's go home, we ... we'll talk about it there, I promise." I crossed my fingers, hoping I could think up something plausible on the way.

As we walked quickly back to Florian Avenue, the full and awful revelation hit me. It really was love, utter and genuine, but I could never be with the her, for more reasons than I could even begin to analyse! I found a sad solution, the lie I would tell her to excuse myself. If I was in love with a man, and not a girl called Sarah, and I told her that ... that I was in deeply love with Ed, my boyfriend, and found it terribly hard to be apart from him ... lovelorn was logical, she'd accept that. It would do for now.

We half closed the sitting room curtains to cut out the bright summer sunshine, and huddled up together on the sofa. Now I had found a convincing fib, I was able be close to her again. She nestled into me as we lay side by side, and I told her how I felt. I laid it on just right, crying a little bit when necessary, letting her cuddle and comfort me without becoming aroused. Well, only a tiny bit.

"So that's it. That's the whole story?" Asked Sarah when I sighed melodramatically to a halt. There was something in her tone that wasn't quite right.

"Yes, absolutely, that's it." I said, nodding firmly.

"Ack'shly Jill ... actually I don't think I believe a word of it. I think you're lying to me."

I was flabbergasted, unable to think of a reply.

"And I think I'm going to have to make you tell the truth!" She growled dangerously.

I felt her muscles tense, and my heart beat ten times faster. She jumped me, just like yesterday, and I was instantly lost again. I only fought back because to my shame I didn't want it to be over too quickly.

Sarah overpowered me. She seized my wrists, pinning me to the sofa with her thigh between mine. The pressure on my sex was electrifying. Now that my body knew how to respond, my mind had no chance of stopping it. As her boobs bore down on me, I breathed in the slight tang of her sweat, masked by sweet Miners perfume from Woolies. It was now the most arousing scent on earth. She began to tickle me ... I squealed helplessly.

"No! Stop it! I can't tell you... !" I cried, but my voice was well muffled by her breasts.

She seemed to focus her attacks with uncanny serendipity, just where they would arouse me the most. Her thigh was rubbing hard on my clitoris, and it genuinely took me a few seconds to realise that the rough friction was changing, and striving to be rhythmic. In the blurred flurry of movement I felt the firm, springy mound of her pubis pressing itself tightly on my thigh too ... and then the pretence began to drop away. I thrust back, unable to stop myself matching her rhythm. Suddenly, we were making love. She cupped my breast, squeezing the nipple through my blouse. She arched back, and my eyes, suddenly exposed, opened and looked up. I saw an expression on her face that seared itself into my soul. Her lips were parted, face rapt, eyes hooded with desire, and staring straight down into mine.

It was all instinct and huge relief as I felt incredible hot shudders through my whole body. Our limbs arranged themselves into a new shape, and Sarah rode hard against me as I pushed up against her. I felt a delicious spiralling pleasure deep inside, and let it rise like champagne bubbles. Sarah gasped into my mouth; she felt it too. I heard her moans, and my voice harmonised with them. Faster ... harder ... she became stronger, more powerful than I could have possibly imagined, and I submitted to her in inconceivable bliss. When orgasm swept us away, time and space ceased to matter. Just the heaven of coming with the one you love, abandoned, perfect!

"Now tell me the truth," she whispered into my ear as we clung to each other in the hushed aftermath.

"The truth is ... it's you ... I love you, Sarah." I had said it. The words jumped out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Oh Jill, I knew it, I just knew it! And I love you too ... so how do you feel about that?"

I answered her with our first proper lover's kiss, and suddenly the fearful consequences of adoring my cousin Sarah seemed to evaporate. It was like I'd never kissed anyone before. Her lips were so alive, her tongue like a shy, then confident creature meeting and mating with mine as our hearts sped and synchronised in a swooping crescendo.

All I knew now was that I would be in paradise for the next two weeks. Part of me already dreaded the end of it, but Sarah's hugging arms squished the breath out of me, and I forgot about everything else.

"I wasn't really sure about you until yesterday, I really and truly had no idea you'd have an orgasm when we wrestled. But I suppose I did expect it today." She gasped as we broke apart, the words tumbling from a mouth that I couldn't stop noticing was the sexiest thing I'd ever kissed.

I gazed at her I wonder. How was it that she had taken the lead, that she'd been the one to seduce? Sarah climbed off me, stood, and taking my hand, she pulled me to my feet. I felt deliciously helpless. Without a word needed, she led me slowly upstairs to my bedroom, our bedroom now.

"You've done it before, haven't you? With a girl I mean," I said, as we undressed each other.

I felt stoned, as if I had just smoked strong dope. All my senses were heightened. I saw her smooth creamy skin, her un-tanned torso, her wonderful breasts, so high and firm, her big, puffy, pale pink nipples that contrasted with my sharper darker coral points. She had a sparse bush of dark silky hair, and the lips of her sex peeked naughtily out as she lifted one leg while stepping out of her knickers. My bush was blonde, though darker than my head hair, and much thicker than hers.

"Yes, I have ... but when we did it, it was like what I felt was all rolled up with you, and we sort of squared each other!" She was amazingly perceptive.

"How can you do this ... so easily?" I asked, catching my breath as she bent and almost casually kissed a nipple.

"Maybe it's because I'm younger than you ... P'raps I'm just too young to be confused ... I can't remember a time when I didn't know I was different. It seemed like I'd never find out what I actually was, what I know I am, now. But, not before the last time I saw you, that's when I did it the first time It felt, I don't know, so completely right. It's hard to explain ... prob'ly 'cos I'm so young." She giggled, and we watched my hand sliding down her tummy, fingers combing her silky pubes.

"I've never done it at home though," Sarah added, and pushed me back gently until I had to sit down, then she knelt on the floor between my parted legs, and cupped my sex softly. My head rolled back, and I moaned.