I’ve been divorced for over a decade. Left my annoying as fuck wife, moved to southern Oregon, and immersed myself into the local culture; a little redneck, a little hippie, a little woo-woo, a little folks-with-money-who-don’t-flaunt-it. Most of my friends fell into the first three categories, and some of those ladies satisfied my sexual urges without any hope of anything beyond that. I also made a few friends, all happily married couples, in the latter set. It’s a particular one of those couples that this story is about.

Rob & Patty are great people. Truly kind, somewhat generous, and willing to help a friend in need. They are at the cusp of their 60s, Rob’s just over, Patty’s just under. They are both children of the ‘60s, not flower children, but born and raised in California during that time. The past couple of years, Rob has been having problems with his back, but I didn’t understand the extent until recently. Patty is petite and still quite fine considering she has two grown boys.

Part of my upcoming retirement plan is to buy a travel trailer, get rid of everything that won’t fit it, and hit the road, ostensibly for the rest of my life. Rob and Patty have already done that lifestyle (Patty tired of it quickly), and now have a travel trailer strictly for camping trips with their friends. Since learning of my plans, they have repeatedly invited me over to look at theirs, Patty especially. I finally had a weekend free, so I took them up on their offer. I texted Patty and she said to come on over.

When I arrived, I noticed their SUV wasn’t there. Rob was off doing something. Patty gave me a quick “hello friend” hug and headed to the trailer. It was set up just as it would be if they were at a campsite, so I could see it as it’s used. I looked around at everything, Patty opening cupboard doors and drawers to show it all off. The shower was way too small, which is a deal-killer for me, but it was great to see the things they’d learned about that lifestyle, “tricks of the trade” so to speak.

When we moved back to the bedroom, I noted how tight everything was, like most travel trailers are. Patty replied to my comment with, “At least the mattress is comfy. Try it.” I did. It was. As I was sprawled out on my back. Patty laid down beside me, noting how well it accommodated two people for those nights I got lucky. Geez! That was totally unexpected.

“Rob’s back problems make it uncomfortable, even painful, for him to do much in bed. Most nights he sleeps in his recliner. There are no positions we can be in that he can maintain for more than a few minutes and when it becomes painful...,” and her finger made a drooping gesture. Before I could respond, she continued, “Rob and I have talked a lot about this, and we’ve come to the conclusion that what we need, what I need, is a surrogate husband. Of all our friends, we’ve decided you are probably the best choice. We believe you’ll be discreet, I find you attractive, and Joanne has hinted that she’s been satisfied the times you two have been together.” Hmmm, so girls DO talk.