Shag The Veep, Save The World - An Earth Day Al-Gore-Y - Cover

Shag The Veep, Save The World - An Earth Day Al-Gore-Y

Copyright© 2008 by Marsh Alien

Chapter 1

Like any good girl, Jennifer had very properly declined to entertain any thoughts of a sexual nature until her eighteenth birthday. Since, then, however, two months ago this coming Tuesday, she had thought of little else. Possessing considerable advantages — lustrous long blonde hair, an ample chest, a brilliant smile, a pair of lithe, tanned legs, and a rented cheerleading uniform — she had managed, in the six weeks remaining before her high school graduation, to earn the nickname "Many Men Jen."

It had taken two of those men, in fact — the chairman of the English Department and Jennifer's history teacher — to ensure that her graduation took place at all. Fortunately, both had agreed with Claire Jackson's suggestion that it was much better that her daughter be allowed to go away to college than that her dalliances become public knowledge.

For that matter, Claire would have preferred not to have known any more herself. Other than that one intervention, Claire chose to deal with her daughter's new-found concupiscence by ignoring it. Getting Jennifer her own phone was simple enough, and failing to hear the girl's repeated late night returns to the house was just a matter of not kicking her husband when he snored, thereby silencing sound that could block out the trumpets on Judgment Day. But when Claire's sister-in-law indignantly reported finding a half-naked Jennifer in bed with her son — who at age seventeen naturally had no idea whatsoever of the meaning of his cousin's suggestions — Claire realized that she had to act.

"Like, oh my God, what the fuck is going on?" Jennifer exclaimed as she looked around the sparsely furnished room, lit only by candles, that served as the office of the abbess.

"Ma cherie," the graying woman behind the desk said before continuing in heavily accented English, "I must ask you to restrain your language while you are among us. At the request of your mother, you will be here for the summer. In August you will return to America to attend your college and" — she briefly considered how to rephrase Claire's exasperated "fuck whoever the hell she wants" — "resume your normal life."

"You mean I'm like your prisoner?" Jennifer asked with a squeak.

"I prefer to think of you as a guest," the woman said. "I am Marie-Elaine, the abbess."

"But like you don't even have air-conditioning," Jennifer whined.

"Nor any electricity," the abbess added softly. "We live a simple life here, in service of Our Lady, trusting that the Lord will provide. Deus mihi providebit."

"Without television?" Jennifer's high-pitched squeal appeared to be bordering on hysteria, and the woman at the desk smiled and touched a bell in front of her.

"Mother Marie-Elaine?" The young woman who pushed open the door enough to poke her head through had her brunette hair cut, although chopped might be a more accurate word, in a simple pageboy. As the older woman waved her in, Jennifer saw that her outfit was even simpler, a long white shift with a strand of white rope knotted about her waist.

"Marie-Renee, come in. I should like you to meet Jennifer Jackson. Marie-Renee is our youngest member, Jennifer, the closest in age to yourself and our best speaker of English. She will show you to your room and answer any questions you have."

"I am delightful," Marie-Renee said to the horrified teen. "Shall you accompany me?"

"Whatever." Jennifer blew out a long exhalation and with one final glare at the abbess left with the newcomer.

"You know that I'm outta here first chance I have, right?" she said as the two walked down the corridor outside the office side by side. Marie-Renee stopped at a window at one end and gestured outside. Rolling her eyes, Jennifer stepped to the window and looked out. And then, when that brought nothing into view, she looked down. Far below them was a village. Jennifer took a quick step backward.

"Sorry. I hate heights."

"Then you may wish to ask Mother Marie-Elaine for an interior room," Marie-Renee said with a small chuckle. "The abbey is built on a plateau high above the river. Only the front door gives access to the pathway down, and only Mother Marie-Elaine has the key."

"You mean, like, I really am a prisoner here?" Jennifer's shrieks echoed throughout the deserted stone hallway.

Marie-Renee shrugged. "You will not leave without her consent, non."

"So what, uh, village is that?" Jennifer asked with as much nonchalance as she could muster.

"I am forbidden to say," Marie-Renee said with a sad shake of her head.

"But it's France, right? You can tell me that much."

"It is," the girl smiled. "Now, shall you be shown your room?"

It was even starker than the abbess's office, with only a twin wooden bed, a dresser, and a candle.

"You will find additional clothing in the dresser," the French girl said. "I will return for you before matins."

"Say what?"

"Evening prayer," she explained.

"Wait a frickin' minute. You mean like this place is full of a bunch of nuns?

Marie-Renee laughed, a delightful giggle that echoed throughout the stone-walled room.

"I have only taken temporary vows myself," she explained. "I came here when I was sixteen, and spent two years as a novice. I intend to petition for my permanent profession this fall, on my twenty-third birthday."

"You've been here for... ," Jennifer's face clouded as she struggled with the math, "like six years?"

Marie-Renee inclined her head, and left the room with a wave. Jennifer stomped over to the dresser and yanked open the drawer.

"You must be fucking kidding me," she said, staring at the novice's robes that filled it. "I'll just keep these on, thanks a lot. Speaking of which, though,..."

She sat down on the bed and pulled off her tennis shoes. For the last two months, she had made a practice of keeping absolutely nothing in the pockets of her skin-tight jeans that would have interfered with the silhouette of her curvy hips and slender waist. Not that she needed anything other than a credit card, which she kept in her right shoe, and a razor-thin cell phone, which went in the left. To her relief, both were still there. To her delight, her cell phone was getting an exceptionally strong signal, and she quickly depressed the "one" key to dial her best friend forever and demand that she drop everything she was doing to get Jennifer out of this predicament.

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